How To Stubbornly Refuse To Make Yourself Miserable About Anything-yes, Anything!

by Albert Ellis

  11. It appears reasonably clear that certain irrational ideas stem from personal, nonlearned (or even anti-learned) experiences, and that we inventively, though crazily, invent them in a highly creative manner. Suppose, for instance, you fall in love with someone and you intensely feel, “know,” and state, “I know I’ll love you forever!” You certainly didn’t learn that knowledge—since you not only read about Romeo and Juliet but also read lots of other information, such as divorce statistics, which show that people rarely romantically adore each other forever. You consequently choose your “knowledge” out of several other realms of data you could have chosen to “know.” And you most probably did so because romantic love among humans frequently carries with it the intrinsic illusion that “Because my feeling for you has such authenticity and intensity, I know it will last forever.” You, at least for the most part, autistically create the false and irrational “knowledge” that goes with your genuine (and most probably temporary) feelings.

  Again, you may have been reared as a Jew or a Muslim, then convert yourself to Christianity and conclude, “I feel Jesus as my Savior, and I feel certain that He exists as the Son of God.” Did your experience or your environmental upbringing lead to this feeling and belief? Or did you, for various reasons, invent it? The natural tendency of individuals seems to consist of frequent dogmatic beliefs that their profound feelings prove something objectively exists in the universe, and this largely appears an innately based process of illusion.

  12. If we look closely at some of the most popular irrational forms of thinking, it appears that humans figure them out. They start with a sensible or realistic observation and end up with a non sequitur type of conclusion. Thus, you start with, “It would feel enjoyable and I would have advantages if Jane loved me.” You then falsely conclude, “Therefore she has to love me, and I find it awful if she doesn’t.” If you begin with the even stronger observation, “It would be exceptionally and uniquely enjoyable if Jane loved me,” you have even more of a tendency to conclude, “Therefore she must!” But no matter how true the first part of your proposition proves, the second part remains a non sequitur, making no sense whatever.

  Similarly, you tend to irrationally conclude, “Because I find order desirable, I need certainty.” “Because I find failure most undesirable, (a) I must not fail, (b) I did not cause myself to fail—he made me do it, and (c) maybe I didn’t really fail at all.” “Because it would prove very hard for me to give up smoking, I find it too hard, and I can’t do it.” All these non sequiturs stem from autistic, grandiose thinking—you simply command that what you desire must exist and what you find obnoxious must not. This kind of autistic thinking largely appears innate.

  13. Many types of irrational thinking largely consist of arrant overgeneralizations, and as Alfred Korzybski and his followers have shown, overgeneralizations seem a normal (though foolish) part of the human condition. Thus, you easily begin with a sensible observation, again: “I failed at that test,” and then you overgeneralize to, “I will always fail; I have no ability to succeed at it.” Or you start with, “They sometimes treat me unjustly,” and you overgeneralize to, “They always treat me unjustly, and I can’t stand their continual unfair treatment!” Again: this seems the way that normal individuals naturally think. Children, as J. Piaget has shown, lack good judgment until the age of seven or eight. Adults frequently lack it forever!

  14. Human thinking not only significantly varies in relation to people’s intelligence levels, but some forms of thinking stem largely from left-brain or right-brain functioning. Both intelligence and left-brain and right-brain functioning have a significant hereditary element and do not arise merely out of learned experiences.

  15. Some forms of irrationality, such as low frustration tolerance or the seeking of the specious rewards of immediate rather than long-term gratification, exist in many lower animals as well as in humans. G. Ainslie reviews the literature on specious reward and shows how a decline in the effectiveness of rewards occurs in both animals and humans as the rewards get delayed from the time of choice. Again, a fairly clear-cut physiological and hereditary element seems obvious here.

  16. Some evidence exists that people often find it much easier to learn self-defeating than nondefeating behavior. Thus, they very easily overeat but have great trouble sticking to a sensible diet. They can learn, usually from their foolish peers, to smoke cigarettes, but if other peers or elders try to teach them to give up smoking or to act with more self-discipline in other ways, they resist this teaching to a fare-thee-well! They fairly easily pick up prejudices against blacks, Jews, Catholics, and Asians, but they rarely heed the teachings of thoroughly tolerant leaders. They quickly condition themselves to feel anxious, depressed, hating, and self-downing, but they take an enormous amount of time and effort getting rid of these disturbed feelings. They don’t seem exactly doomed to a lifetime of stupid, foolish, asinine behavior. But pretty nearly!

  Conclusion

  If we define irrationality as thought, emotion, or behavior that leads to self-defeating or self-destructive consequences or that significantly interferes with the survival and happiness of the organism, we find that literally hundreds of major irrationalities exist in all societies and in virtually all humans in those societies. These irrationalities persist despite peoples’ conscious determination to change: (a) Many of them oppose almost all the teachings of the individuals who follow them; they persist among highly intelligent, educated, and relatively little disturbed persons. (b) When people give them up, they usually replace them with other, sometimes just as extreme—though opposite—irrationalities. (c) People who strongly oppose them in principle nonetheless perpetuate them in practice; sharp insight into them or their origins hardly removes them. (d) Many of them appear to stem from autistic invention; they often seem to flow from deepseated and almost ineradicable human tendencies toward fallibility, overgeneralization, wishful thinking, gullibility, prejudice, and short-range hedonism. (e) They appear at least in part tied up with physiological, hereditary, and constitutional processes.

  Although we can as yet make no certain or unqualified claim for the biological basis of human irrationality, such a claim now has enough evidence behind it to merit serious consideration. People naturally and easily act rationally and self-fulfillingly. Else they probably would not survive. But they also naturally and easily act against their own best interests. To some degree, their early and later environments encourage them to learn self-destructive behaviors. But how can we not conclude that they have powerful innate tendencies to listen to and agree with antihuman and inhumane teachings and—more important—to continue devoutly to believe in and idiotically carry on many of these obviously foolish, scientifically untenable teachings?

  Selected References

  Following are some of the main references I used in writing this book—together with some additional materials on Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) for readers who wish to use them for self-help purposes. Considerable other materials on REBT, including lectures and workshops for the public and for the mental health profession, are included in the free catalog of the Albert Ellis Institute, which is updated every six months. To receive a copy, send your mailing address to Albert Ellis Institute, 45 East 65th Street, New York, NY 10021; phone: (212) 535-0822; E-mail: info@rebt.org.

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  Dryden, W. (1990). Dealing with anger problems: Rational-emotive therapeutic interventions. Sarasota, FL: Professional Resource Exchange.

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  ———, DiGiuseppe, R., & Neenan, M. (2003). A primer on rational emotive behavior therapy. Lafayette, IL: Research Press.

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  ———. (1999). How to make yourself happy and remarkably less disturbable. Atascadero, CA: Impact Publishers.

  ———. (2000a). Feeling better, getting better, and staying better. Atascadero, CA: Impact Publishers.

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  ———. (2003b). Ask Albert Ellis. Atascadero, CA: Impact Publishers.

  ———. (2003c) General semantics and rational emotive behavior therapy. In I. Caro & C. S. Read (Eds.), General semantics in psychotherapy (pp. 297–323). Brooklyn, NY: Institute for General Semantics.

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  About the Author

  Albert Ellis, Ph.D., born in Pittsburgh and raised in New York City, holds M.A. and Ph.D. degrees in clinical psychology from Columbia University. He has held many important psychological positions, including chief psychologist of the State of New Jersey and adjunct professorships at Rutgers and other universities. He is currently president of the Albert Ellis Institute in New York City; has practiced psychotherapy, marriage and family counseling, and sex therapy for over sixty years; and continues this practice at the Psychological Center of the Institute in New York. He is the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), the first of the now popular Cognitive Behavior Therapies (CBT).

  Dr. Ellis has served as president of the Division of Consulting Psychology of the American Psychologi
cal Association and of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality; he has also served as officer of several professional societies including the American Association of Marital and Family Therapy, the American Academy of Psychotherapists, and the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He is a diplomat in clinical psychology of the American Board of Professional Psychology and of several other professional boards.

  Professional societies that have given Dr. Ellis their highest professional and clinical awards include the American Psychological Association, the Association for the Advancement of Behavior Therapy, the American Counseling Association, and the American Psychopathological Association. He was ranked as one of the “Most Influential Psychologists” by both American and Canadian psychologists and counselors. Dr. Ellis has served as consulting or associate editor of many scientific journals, and he has published more than eight hundred scientific papers and more than two hundred audio and video cassettes. He has authored or edited over seventy-five books and monographs, including a number of best-selling popular and professional volumes. Some of his best-known books include How to Live with a “Neurotic”; The Art and Science of Love; A Guide to Rational Living; Reason and Emotion in Psychotherapy; How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable About Anything—Yes, Anything!; Overcoming Procrastination; Overcoming Resistance; The Practice of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy; How to Make Yourself Happy and Remarkably Less Disturbable; Feeling Better, Getting Better, Staying Better; Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors; Anger: How to Live With It and Without It; Ask Albert Ellis; Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy: It Works for Me—It Can Work for You; and The Road to Tolerance: The Philosophy of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.

  With a New Foreword by Raymond A. DiGiuseppe, Ph.D.