Someday

by David Levithan

  Millions of people adding to the harmony, imagining the world at peace.

  “It is pretty inspiring,” Rhiannon says.

  I tell her my theory about the balance between right and wrong, and how we’re adding our weight to the right side.

  “I like that,” she says. Then, for the final verse, we both sing along.

  When it’s over, there’s more cheering.

  “Let’s go in there. We’ll find a quiet spot.”

  We head inside the American history museum, and find an alcove where there’s a display of adding machines that isn’t getting much foot traffic. When Rhiannon says she has to run to the restroom, I ask if I can use her phone. She doesn’t ask me why, just unlocks it and hands it over. I call the hotel where Rudy’s family is staying and leave a message for his parents, saying everything’s fine, and that I’ll be back by dinnertime.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to patch you through to the room?” the hotel operator asks.

  “Nooooo,” I tell her. “This is fine.” Then I hang up.

  The phone buzzes almost immediately—I’m expecting it’s hotel security, tracking me down for my parents. But instead it’s a text from Alexander: Hope you’re feeling better. We want to come and find you.

  When Rhiannon returns, I hand over the phone and tell her why I needed it.

  “You also got a text,” I say.

  She reads it, looks back up at me.

  “I texted them that the crowds were getting to me and that I needed to separate myself and sit down. But I do have to meet up with them again. I don’t want to miss it entirely. I mean, I want to be in some of their stories, you know. But I was thinking—you could come with me.”

  “You think so?”

  “Sure—why not? We can say we met in the museum, both taking a break. What’s your name?”

  “Rudy.”

  “And where are you from, Rudy?”

  “Manila.”

  “As in—?”

  “The Philippines.”

  “I hope you’re not flying back tonight.”

  “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

  She looks at me strangely. “How many people have you been talking to?”

  “Two. But we’re two for two now, as far as that comment’s concerned.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.”

  “You didn’t notice me following you, because I was never really that close. So I couldn’t really hear what you were saying. But in that last room, the one with all of the Rothko paintings, something happened. What was it?”

  “I saw them, and I also saw myself. X—Poole—asked me to find someone in a photo or a painting who looked like me. What I imagine me to be. But nothing clicked until I saw those paintings. I know it sounds weird….”

  “No, it doesn’t sound weird at all.”

  “It doesn’t?”

  “No. I feel the same way. That’s my favorite room in the whole museum. We have this whole landscape that’s our physical self, and other artists paint that. But when it comes to our inner landscape, our thoughts and our emotions—I think that’s where we get Rothko and Picasso and even O’Keeffe, who can paint a flower and make you feel like it’s the one that’s blooming in your rib cage. So I guess what I’m trying to say is: When you feel that way about the Rothkos, don’t think it’s because you’re different. It’s something we all can feel.”

  “Okay,” I say. “That’s good to know.”

  “Guess he’s not the only one who can teach you something today.”

  I smile. “No, he’s not.”

  She kisses me. “Alrighty, then. Should we find my friends?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?”

  “Correct.”

  “Why don’t you know?”

  “Because I’m not sure I can treat you like a stranger I just met. Your friends will see through that. I’ll slip. And you’re going to be on guard, too, if I’m there. Completely on guard. Especially with Alexander there. You’re not going to be comfortable with me, and I’m not going to be comfortable with you. I get it—I know if there’s ever going to be a good opportunity to hang out with you and your friends, it’s an event like this, where everyone is mixing together so naturally. I love that you think we’re ready for that. But I’m not sure we’re ready for that.”

  “I guess it seemed like a good idea when it was just in my head,” Rhiannon concedes. “I just have to get back to them, but I want to be with you, too. Especially since we haven’t really talked about all the implications of you being so friendly with someone who could easily be dangerous—did you call him X?”

  “It’s short for Xenon.”

  “Was he named after his home planet?”

  “That’s not nice.”

  Rhiannon sighs. “No. I don’t suppose it is.”

  “I probably shouldn’t have told you in the first place. Him telling me was a really big deal. I’m the first person he’s ever told. Just like you were the first person I ever told.”

  “Just like.”

  “You know I’m not saying it’s the same.”

  “Okay. I do. I’m just worried by how well you’re saying you got along. I wish you’d seen Nathan all banged up.”

  “I know. We’ll see how it plays out. I said I’ll ask him tomorrow.”

  “When are you seeing him tomorrow? Is he going to call Nathan to set it up? If so, I better let him know.”

  “No. I gave him an email address. We’ll figure it out directly.”

  “Great.”

  “It’s an email address, not a tracking device.”

  “I want you to see him during the day. Then I want to see you after, for dinner. I can drive back.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “Okay, then.”

  “Wait,” I say. “One more thing.”

  “What?”

  I kiss her. Once. Twice. Three times.

  “Oh, that,” she says.

  “Yeah, that.”

  Her phone buzzes again. “I better go find them.”

  “Good luck. There are a few people out there.”

  “If I run into Rudy’s parents, should I let them know where you are?”

  “Very funny. Only…not.” I quickly translate something inside Rudy’s mind, and say, “Tayo nagkakaintindihan sa ganito eh.”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “ ‘We understand each other so well.’ ”

  We say goodbye about a dozen more times. Then finally she leaves me to the adding machines.

  I am sad to see her go. But glad I only have to wait until tomorrow to see her again.

  I check Rudy’s phone and see that there is indeed wifi available.

  I don’t even have to check to know that X has emailed me. I could be in contact right now. I could spend the rest of the day continuing the conversation.

  But no. I remember Rudy. I remember his parents.

  I start to head back to the hotel.

  I know I’m doing the right thing, facing the consequences of Rudy’s departure myself. But I can’t help but think that, in some way, X was right: This day has meant more to me than a day in DC would ever mean to Rudy. Even if his parents were worried, even if he gets into some trouble…it will still have been worth it, just for today.

  NATHAN

  I feel bad about missing the protest, because of the whole can’t-really-walk-much-in-this-brace thing. Jaiden suggests she come over and cheer at the television with me. I say that sounds great, except I’d have to come to her. At my house, if we cheered at the television, my parents would jeer back.

  My knee is feeling okay enough to get in the car—whatever it takes to get out of my house.

&nb
sp; Jaiden doesn’t exactly warn me that her family has four dogs and what feels like sixteen cats—maneuvering is a task, but Jaiden swoops in to help me out, giving us plenty of excuses for excessive physical contact. We watch the march on TV, cheering along as promised, eating far too many nachos, and then switching over to make ourselves a marathon of this show about the British royal family acting Very Important and Very Messed Up.

  It isn’t until Jaiden is in the kitchen, making us more nachos, that I think about Rhiannon and A. I text her, How did it go?

  They talked, she texts back.

  And did A figure out how to destroy him?

  Not quite.

  What do you mean, not quite?

  I think it was friendlier than that.

  I can’t believe I’m seeing this. I call out to Jaiden that I’m hobbling to the bathroom, then call Rhiannon from there.

  “Not acceptable!” I say. “Totally not acceptable!”

  “They need to talk more. It means a lot to A, to find someone in the same situation.”

  “It’s not the same situation. A is nice! Poole is NOT.”

  “I know that. You know that. And A needs to learn it. Which A will.”

  “I don’t like this.”

  “I know. Neither do I.”

  “So they’re meeting again. Is Poole sending me the when and where?”

  “No. They’re in direct contact now.”

  “Shit, Rhiannon. I mean it. Shit.”

  “Don’t worry—”

  “What about Wyatt? Doesn’t he get a say in this?”

  “I genuinely don’t know what to tell you.”

  “Sorry. I know it’s not you.” I hear what sounds like an ocean of voices behind her. “Are you still there?”

  “Yeah. We’re going for some Thai food in Dupont before heading back. It’s too crowded now. It’s going to be a late night.”

  “Okay. Keep me posted.”

  “I will.”

  “Have fun.”

  “You too. Are you home?”

  “I’m at Jaiden’s. The girl from the library.”

  “Well, then definitely have fun.”

  I feel myself blushing. “Okay, yeah, whatever.”

  “Bye, Nathan.”

  “Bye, Rhiannon.”

  I return, and Jaiden and I eat more nachos and suck up more of the queen’s problems. It’s fun. Totally fun. I don’t want to go, but I’m tired and my leg is starting to feel sore. I’m about to tell her this, but then she says I have nacho cheese on the corner of my lip, and somehow her wiping it away becomes our first kiss, and I don’t think of my leg or anything else for a while.

  * * *

  —

  I plan on driving right home. But then something pulls at me, and I find myself punching Wyatt’s address into my phone and heading there.

  I don’t know what I’m expecting to see. Police cars, maybe? Detectives scouring the lawn for clues about his disappearance?

  Instead, there’s a guy shooting hoops in the driveway. In the darkness, I can’t make out his features. Is it Wyatt? Has he come home? I step out of the car to get a closer look. I figure I’ll just pretend I’m out for a rehabilitative walk. But I must be a pretty bad actor, because the guy stops shooting the ball, looks at me, and says, “Can I help you?”

  It’s not Wyatt. It’s someone younger than him, a little younger than me. His brother, who I feel I know from his Instagram photos.

  “I’m looking for Wyatt,” I find myself saying.

  “We’re all looking for Wyatt,” he replies.

  “I guess I knew that.”

  He looks me over. “Did he do that to you?”

  “No, he didn’t,” I say. Because it’s true. “Does this seem like the kind of thing he’d do?”

  “Nah. It’s just, he was so weird this week. Didn’t go to school. Totally not himself, you know. And then—poof. This is a guy who’d text to say he was moving from one room to another, just in case we were looking for him. So I’ll believe anything at this point.”

  For a second, I think about telling him the truth. But then I think: What would he do with it? I also can imagine him asking my name, then going back inside and putting it in a search engine and finding all of my history. I guess at least I’d be consistent. But not in a way I can expect him to believe.

  So all I say is, “I wish I could help.”

  “What did you want him for?”

  “I’m just his bio partner at school. We have this project? And since he hasn’t been answering my texts, I figured I’d just drop by.”

  “Well, I’ll tell him you stopped by. If, you know, he ever comes back.”

  Another chance to tell him the truth. But instead I say thanks and walk back to my car.

  It doesn’t feel good to be driving away.

  X

  I can feel Wyatt pushing against me. I can feel him wanting life.

  I tamp him down. Shut him out.

  This means too much to me now.

  I have felt power before, but it has always been the power of one. Now I am grasping something beyond that, understanding what can happen when the power of one grows to include others like you. I know my own force. But with A, I can at least understand that force more, if not increase it.

  Because, deep down, I think A wants the same thing.

  It is not enough to live in isolation.

  If you want true power, you must unite with your kind and undermine the rest.

  A

  Day 6140

  I wake up in the same hotel, until I realize it’s a different hotel. I don’t remember the room enough to see the difference. But when I look into Andy’s memories to see where I am, I’m three blocks over from where I was before. I also have two roommates, Shane and Vaughn. I guess at first we’re here for the protest, but it ends up that we’re actually here for a Junior State convention, and came down a night early for the march.

  I am relieved we’re not checking out at eleven.

  I am up before Shane and Vaughn. There’s a third bed in the room, a foldout, but Shane and Vaughn are snuggled into one another on the bed that’s a twin to my own. That tells me just about all I need to know.

  I tiptoe to the bathroom and bring Andy’s laptop with me. The first thing I see when I open it is an hour-by-hour schedule he’s made for the whole convention. Today he has debate prep with Shane and Vaughn until noon. Then there’s the opening ceremony and the first day’s worth of panels and events. Andy has marked his choices, but none of them are mandatory. Their team doesn’t compete until tomorrow.

  Next I check my email and find X’s contact info. I tell him I’ll meet him at 12:30 in his lobby. We can go from there.

  I also message Rhiannon and tell her I can meet her at six, and ask her to pick a place.

  I hear some stirring from the bedroom and call out a loud “Good morning!” so the stirring doesn’t escalate too far. Then I close the laptop, hop in the shower, and try to get ready for the day. My mind is crowded with all the things X and I could talk about. But I have to give myself a little space to lead Andy’s life for a couple of hours before that.

  You don’t have to do anything, I imagine X telling me.

  When I emerge from the bathroom, Shane and Vaughn both smile sleepily at me. Vaughn pulls himself out of bed and takes the next shower. Shane continues to smile, stretching out on the bed.

  “I am awash in contentment,” he says.

  On the other side of his bed, three posters lean against the wall, one for each of us. I AM INTERSEX AND EQUAL. I AM ACE AND EQUAL. I AM QUEER AND EQUAL. Accessing memories of yesterday, I discover the first poster is Shane’s, the second is mine, and the third is Vaughn’s.

  After Shane takes his shower, we go down for breakfast, then retreat back to our room
to fine-tune our debate. The topic is that water is humanity’s most important resource, and it is the government’s duty to provide it freely to all. We are meant to argue that this is the case, and the three of us have spent months researching the history of governments and water supply. In this particular prep, I am far behind my partners—but I’m not the one who’s actually going to be debating tomorrow, so I can be a temporarily weak link.

  Shane can tell I’m distracted. “Still buzzing from yesterday?” he asks me.

  I tell him yes, and it’s not a lie.

  When it’s time to head to the opening ceremony, I tell Shane and Vaughn that I want to skip out and explore the city some more. I ask them to cover for me, and point out that I’ll be away from the room for at least the next few hours. I tell them I’ll text updates. They call me a slacker, a rebel, an offense to all things Junior and Statesmanlike. But when I leave, they give no indication that they will vacate the room in the near future.

  I am a few minutes early getting to X’s hotel, but he’s already waiting, his leg bobbing up and down with either excitement or impatience. He doesn’t know what I look like today, but when he sees me coming, he springs up and smiles.

  “A, I presume?” he says when I get close.

  “At your service.”

  He asks me if I’m up for lunch, and I willingly follow as he takes us to a Capital Grille around the corner. Along the way, he asks me about the rest of my day yesterday, as if there aren’t so many other things to talk about. I tell him about the trouble I got into when I returned to the hotel, and how Rudy’s parents threatened to take away his trip to Disney World.

  X laughs. “They have tickets to Orlando. They’ll go to Disney World. And if his punishment is that he only gets to Wizarding World, then he actually comes out ahead.”

  “Have you been?”

  “Yes.”

  “Have you been all over?”

  “More than most people, I would guess.” He looks at me and shakes his head. “You really have no idea how much freedom you have, do you?”