Push & Pull

by Allie York

  “I don’t, but her sister’s a friend. Her name is Meredith… Meredith Wallace, that’s all I know. I was running and-” I stopped short when he rolled her sleeve up to reveal bruises all up her arms. Huge hand prints and bruises in various stages of healing lined up to her elbow, “I saw her throwing up and stopped to help. She told me who her sister was and then passed out. She gonna be okay?”

  The EMT looked at me and huffed, “I can’t tell you anything.” My out of character behavior got worse when I reached out and took her hand, holding it the rest of the ride to the hospital. Needles and the hospital were less than a mile apart, but we hit every red light and traffic sucked. It took too long to get there, and neither man in the ambulance would tell me what the hell was wrong with her. When we pulled into the emergency bay, I tried to follow them in, but they drew the line there. I was stashed in a waiting room to wait while they rolled Meredith and all the monitors down a hall, vanishing through some doors. I stared until they clicked closed. I couldn’t sit, so I paced, trying to figure out whether or not I should stay. I finally just sat and drummed my fingers on the arm of the chair. I would need to fill in Cori and Griffin, so I couldn’t leave, no matter how bad I wanted a drink.

  Cori ran in a few minutes later, looking panicked as all hell and shoved people to get to the desk, ignoring me completely. Griffin spotted me and came toward me, letting Cori freak out on some poor nurse. I was barely on my feet when he grabbed my shirt and I hit the wall, “What the fuck did you do, Beck? The fuck did you do?”

  I shoved him back, hard, but he didn’t get far. “I fucking helped, asshole! Jesus!” Griffin took another step forward, balling his fist, but I didn’t back down. Griffin had a good forty pounds of solid muscle on me, but I was too stupid to be scared. Anytime he and I went toe-to-toe, I was too dumb to back off, but the guy never beat my ass. At least not yet, “She was at Needles puking her guts up, and I stopped my run to check on her. She told me Cori was her sister before she passed out in my fucking lap. I didn’t do a damn thing. Fuck.” The people near us murmured for us to keep it down, but neither of us blinked.

  Griffin took a sobered step back, “Sorry,” He grumbled, “No one has seen Meredith in two years. I just thought…”

  “Thought wrong. She’s sick. Like can’t even weigh a hundred pounds and looks like someone kicked the shit out of her, but I didn’t fucking touch her.” I glared at Griffin until he threw his hands up. Cori sniffled and threw herself at me. I hugged her back awkwardly, not wanting anymore of Griffin’s anger. He wasn’t fond of men touching, or even looking at his woman. Last thing we need is to get arrested for a brawl in a hospital.

  “Fucking Zeke. Right out of high school, Meredith followed Zeke to Boulder. We told her he was an ass, cheating on her, he’d already hit her once that we knew about, and we begged her not to go. Mere left and we haven’t heard from her since. I still text her once a week, so I guess she got the texts.” Cori burrowed into Griffin, tears falling down her face.

  “Thanks,” Griffin petted Cori’s hair.

  I nodded, pushing up from the chair, and clapped his shoulder, “Let me know how she is.” I glanced back, trying to figure out what the fuck I’d done, and headed for the revolving door. I didn’t give a shit about people, ever. Even my family wasn’t high on my priority list, but I stopped for some girl I didn’t know. Not that I didn’t love my family, but I’ll be the first to admit my selfishness. I looked out for Beck and only Beck.

  I was almost home free, but I kept pushing the door to circle back in. I planted my ass next to Griffin, “You not leaving?” With Cori curled in his lap, he had to crane his neck to see me shake my head. He grunted and went back to petting a crying Cori. The longer I waited, the worse it got. When I couldn’t take the happily ever after next to me anymore, I started pacing.

  I should have gone home, should have not given a shit, but I paced until I heard Griffin say my name and turned to see a heavy-set nurse coming toward me, “Did you call the ambulance for Miss Wallace?” I nodded, “Come with me, please.” I sighed and went after her. Just the night before I had been wrapped up in some nameless women, high as fuck and doing God knows what, but it was fun. It was fun. I left the hotel that morning, chugged some water and went for a run. I had passed plenty of derelicts on my runs, people passed out, on sidewalks, but I stopped for her. I’ve lost my fucking mind. I followed the nurse to the back, expecting to be questioned by the doctors or the police. Instead, I was pushed into a room and the door closed behind me.

  “Hi,” Meredith wassitting in a bed, hooked to a ton of wires, and looking much better than she had on the steps of Needles. Her hair was a mess, and she had a hospital gown hanging from her shoulders, but the color was back in her face. Her cheeks were pink, and her eyes were brighter. Meredith Wallace was fucking beautiful.

  “Hey, Doll,” I tucked my hands awkwardly in my pockets, “You look better. Gonna be fine then?”

  “I have diabetes, but had no idea. My blood sugar was all crazy, like coma levels. Thank you,” I waited for more, not sure about what I should say, “You know my sister?” I nodded once, “Is Cori pissed? Cori’s probably pissed,” She laughed and wiped a tear. I took a stupid step forward.

  “No, Cori is worried sick, but not pissed. I’m Beck by the way.” The words just fell out of my damn mouth, like this girl cared who the hell I was. She was sick and had way too much going on to give a crap about my name.

  “Meredith. Anyway, I just wanted to thank my knight in shining armor,” I nodded, desperate to get out of the room. Seeing her like that killed me, causing this weird ache deep down in my gut. Shit. “Why did you say you aren’t an upstanding guy?”

  My turn to laugh, “I’m just not. Your sister and Griff can tell you about it, and I’m sure they will. I’m just not a good guy. You feel better, Meredith.” I turned to leave, trying not to run from the room.

  “You saved my life. Two lives. You’re a great guy, Beck. I won’t believe otherwise.” I stared at her for a little too long, wishing I could see what she saw.

  “I wish I was, Doll, but I’m not.” I pushed through the door to get home and shower the day off before I started thinking too much more about Meredith and my fucked up day.

  Chapter Three

  Meredith

  I didn’t even have time to process how hot my knight in shining armor was before my sister barged in. I mean something out of a rom-com, sexy. Beck was fit, tall, and possibly too sexy for words. The door behind Beck had barely closed when it opened again, and Cori appeared. A gasp pulled me out of my psychotic daydream featuring Beck. Cori’s face was already red, so she’d been crying. Then I started crying. We just stared for a minute, crying like idiots across the room from each other. Then she moved, running across the room, and climbed on the bed next to me. My sister pulled me to her chest, hugged me, and started sobbing. My tears joined hers, and I jerked the IV bags closer to hug her back. Relief slammed into me. Cori forgave me and I hadn’t even apologized yet. The door opened again, but neither of us let go. Cori stroked my hair, crying into the top of my head, and I snuggled closer to her. My hand found her belly and I rested it on the tiny bump, then I started crying harder.

  “I’m pregnant,” I whispered it into her neck and Cori squeezed me a little tighter, “I don’t know what to do.”

  “We’ll figure it out, Mere. You’re home and you’re safe. We’ll figure it out,” Cori backed off to look down at me and then I noticed the giant man leaning against the door frame. He had to be a good foot taller than me and had tattoos on every available surface. With his arms crossed over his chest, the muscles in his arms looked bigger than my whole body. I would have been scared if it weren’t for the smile and the kindness in his light blue eyes. He was not what I expected for a brother-in-law at all. Especially not after her first husband.

  “You Griffin?” The man gave me a single nod.

  “Unless you’ve had a better offer, you can come home with us. Why didn’
t you call, Meredith? I would have come to get you or we could have met you or something. Where is all your stuff?” Cori pressed my head to her chest again.

  “I wasn’t even sure you would answer if I called, and I don’t have any stuff. Just my wallet and my phone,” I pointed to my things piled on the chair next to the bed, “I took a test and left. I couldn’t stay there pregnant. I don’t know if I can have a baby, or want a baby, or if it’s even okay, but I couldn’t stay with him anymore.” I started crying again and Cori shushed me, rubbing my arm. It felt so good letting it all go. It felt so good to be touched.

  A knock on the door made us all look up, and Griffin moved from his spot to let the doctor in, “Miss Wallace?” She spoke softly. I nodded, “I wanted to go over some stuff with you, do you want to be alone or can your sister stay?”

  “No, they can stay,” I didn’t want Cori to move, and if Griffin kept looking like he would murder anyone coming through the door, he could stay too.

  “I know you gave me a very brief history of what happened, and not all the tests are back, but you are diabetic. Your blood glucose levels were startling, causing the headaches and fainting. It’s more stable now, but still too high. You are going to need to follow up with a regular doctor and find a high-risk specialist for your pregnancy. I can refer you to both if you need, but you will need to see them both very soon. I want to do an ultrasound while you’re here to check on the pregnancy and give you an estimate as to how far along you are,” I nodded numbly, still trying to figure out if I could handle a baby, and being pregnant, “It’s going to be complicated, a very strict diet, but I don’t see why you can’t have a fairly normal pregnancy and delivery if that’s what you choose.” The doctor told me she would order the ultrasound and once my blood glucose was more stable, I could go home. I promised to set up an appointment with the doctors she recommended before leaving and she vanished through the door.

  “Having an ultrasound doesn’t mean you have to do this, Mere,” Two years and three months didn’t mean anything, Cori could still read my mind, “Just don’t feel pressure to make one decision or another, and whatever you do, we’re here.” I nodded and nuzzled back into her neck, “I missed you so much.”

  “I missed you too,” It had been so long since anyone touched me without some intent that I could have lived in Cori’s hug. While we waited, Griffin rested against the wall, and Cori whispered to me. I got to hear all about my nieces and the new one on the way, the two dogs at her house and her mother-in-law. She told me about my nephews, promising that Ari would be so glad to see me. I started dozing off listening to all the amazing possibilities I came home to. Cori told me the guest room was all mine and that I could wear her clothes until we went shopping, but as much weight as I had lost, I doubted anything would fit. I was ashamed to say I was down to a hundred pounds, ninety-eight to be exact. Part of it was the vomiting, the other part was the diabetes. Either way, I needed to put on a lot of weight. At least thirty pounds before the baby was taken into account. The doctor even asked if I had an eating disorder. It took a lot to convince him that I wasn’t throwing up on purpose.

  I must have dozed off completely, but woke up to a nurse moving around the room, getting ready to put me in a wheelchair, “You ready to go, dear?”

  “Can my sister go?” I grabbed Cori’s hand. There was no way I could handle it alone.

  “Of course, are you dizzy now?” The nurse reached her hand out for me and frowned at the bruises on my arms. The hospital gown didn’t hide the marks like my clothes did. I shook my head, bypassing her offered hand, and slid off the bed into the chair. If she was going to judge me, I certainly didn’t need her help getting up. Griffin stayed behind in the room, and Cori pushed my IV cart along beside me. A dread settled into my core, twisting my gut, and making me nauseated all over again. Questions in my mind just made my downward spiral worse. By the time we got to the dark room for the ultrasound, my hands were trembling, and my breathing was shallow. I held my breath, letting it out slowly to keep from passing out.

  “What if something’s wrong? With the baby. What if me being sick hurt it? I don’t think I can do this, Cori.” I looked up at Cori, and the nurse put a hand on my shoulder.

  “We won’t know if we don’t check. Now, hop up here on the table and the tech will be in shortly.” The nurse spoke softly, easing my nerves.

  “She’s right.” Cori shrugged. I climbed up from the chair and slid back on to the table, resting my head on the paper covered pillow. Cori took the seat next to me and held my hand, offering me silent support. I never wanted kids, ever, and especially not with Zeke. Really, I had never even thought of having a family, or getting married, or anything beyond surviving. I wanted to look next to me and yearn for my husband to be there, but the only image I came up with made me sick. Or sicker. I never wanted Zeke next to me for any reason ever again. Especially when another life was involved. As far as I was concerned, the baby had no father, whether I kept it or not.

  A younger woman in a lab coat came in and turned the screen toward her, “Okay, this gel is cold, but only for a second. Let’s check out this baby!” She pushed the hospital gown up, smiling at me, and covered my lower half with a sheet. She must have missed the memo on this not being an ideal situation. The gel made me jump, and my sister squeezed my fingers. The wand hit the gel on my bare stomach, spreading it out, and I craned my neck to see the screen. The grainy image was just out of my range, so I sat back and waited with my heart throwing itself against my ribs. I kept licking my dry lips with my dryer tongue, carefully taking steady breaths. I’m not even sure what I wanted to see, but I needed to see something. I needed answers. After an eternity of clicking buttons and moving the wand around my stomach, the lady spun the screen and Cori gasped. I stared blankly at the screen for a second, trying to process what I was seeing. In the center of a black circle was a little bean with tiny moving parts. A little round belly and a large head with little moving arms. The steady whooshing sound of the heart beat filled the room.

  “Oh my God,” I whispered, reaching to touch the screen. The burn of tears stung my eyes and nose. I stroked a shaky finger down the black and white image, tears streaking my cheeks.

  “You’re measuring about ten weeks and the heart rate is nice and strong. One-forty-five is a good heart rate. I’ll print off a few pictures if you want, and we can send your files to your obstetrician as soon as you fill out some forms,” The technician beamed at me. I nodded numbly, eyes fixed on the screen until she pulled the wand away and the screen went black, “You can clean off with the towel, and we’ll get you back to your room.” I stared at the blank screen willing the image to come back. It was a baby, an actually baby with moving parts. It was MY baby.

  Cori handed me the towel and I wiped a tear from my face. I still had no idea how I was going to do it, but I knew Zeke would never touch my baby, and I would do whatever I needed to work it out. Cori watched me clean the goo from my stomach and cover back up with the gown before sitting in the wheelchair. Cori must have spoken to me, but I just kept looking at the black computer screen.

  “Mere?” Cori said it louder and I glanced at her before looking back at the screen. “That’s six weeks behind me. What are you thinking?” She crouched in front of me to make me look at her, “No matter what, I’m here, okay? You have a safe place to stay and support. Just don’t think you need to leave, ever again.”

  “I’m having a baby. I don’t have a job, or a car, or anything. I don’t have a skill, or money, I flunked out of every class. What am I going to tell Mom and Dad? Ari’s going to call me a whore. I can’t take care of myself, Cori, and I’m having a baby.” Then the tears started again and she hugged me, letting me sob into her shoulder. She petted my tangled hair, shushing me.

  “You tell Mom and Dad the truth, Ari is a bitch no matter what, so screw her. If you want to keep the baby, we’ll figure it all out. If not, we can figure that out too. You just tell me what you need, Griff
and I will help you, and you have time to think. You can get a job, you can go to school. Whatever you want.” The nurse appeared and Cori wiped my tears before standing again and rolling my IV stand back to the room with us. My brain switched from despair to hope and back so many times on the way back to the room that I couldn’t keep up. It had been a long twenty-four hours, and a good nap was in order. A nap in a bed without a strung-out drug addict and without strangers coming in and out sounded like the best thing ever. I was finally safe enough to get some real sleep.

  Griffin was still stoic by the door when we came back, and the nurse helped me to the bed before leaving us to wait for the doctor and for me to maybe get discharged, “Well?” He finally couldn’t stand our silence and rubbed his hand down his beard.

  “Everything seems fine,” Cori smiled up at him like I had never seen her look at a man, not even Rich, “We can talk more after a long nap and some food.” Griffin seemed satisfied with the answer and went back to his post by the door. Cori sat next to me, detangling my hair with her fingers, waiting.

  I had plenty on my mind, much more pressing things than the question that fell out of my mouth, but I couldn’t stop it, “Why did Beck say he’s not an upstanding guy? He could have ignored me puking my guts out, but stopped to help me.” Cori and Griffin shared a look, but neither spoke, “I’m grown, you can tell me. I’m sure I’ve seen worse.”

  Griffin did the beard rubbing thing again, “Beck is kind of a dick. Or really a dick. Always has been. He has a twin, Briggs, who married Cori’s best friend, but before they got married, Beck was all over Harriet. It was kind of a mess. He’s a womanizer, and just not a nice guy. Well, not usually. I don’t fucking know why he helped you, but he did, and I’m glad. Beck is arrogant, and an alcoholic. Harriet seems to think he's into some drugs, but I don’t know.”

  I nodded slowly, my brain was forming its own version of what Griffin said, “Maybe helping me was a one-time thing, but maybe he wants to change. People can change.” I have no clue why it bothered me, but something about what Griffin said made me want to defend my white knight.