Push & Pull

by Allie York

  “Munchkins, go out back with Ben and Max, okay?” Cori ushered the girls outside. Ari finally let me go only to take my hand and drag me up to the kitchen.

  “Mere, you look… sick,” Mom covered her mouth with one hand and touched my face with the other, “Are you sick?” Dad lit his pipe behind her and I nearly cried at the familiar scent, “You’re thin and pale. Why is your hair black? How long have you been home?” I did look sick, I’d lost a good thirty pounds.

  I leaned back against the counter, “I’m diabetic, but didn’t know until a few days ago. So, yes, I’m sick.” Cori smiled for me to go on, “I’ve been home for three days. I passed out, ended up at the hospital, and got my diagnosis. I’ve seen a specialist and am on medication and a diet. So, the diabetes is going to be okay. I’m trying to make it okay.” The next part took a little more time to force out, “I’m pregnant.” I stared at Cori, using her strength to not break down again.

  “Oh, baby girl,” Dad hugged me again.

  “I found out and knew I couldn’t stay, so I came home. Things got pretty bad.” I opened my eyes and waited for the tongue lashing. I braced for being told they were right, I was wrong, but no one spoke.

  “So, are you keeping the baby? How are you feeling about this?” Mom took a step forward, leaning into Dad’s other side.

  “Overwhelmed. I’m keeping the baby, and already saw an obstetrician. The baby looks fine, even though I’m sick. I’m staying in Cori’s guest room, and I got a job. I know I screwed up, but I’m picking up the pieces. I’ll fix this. I’m glad to be home.” Then the questions started. How far along? Boy or girl? Where am I working? Have I thought about names? Again, I was forgiven without an actual apology. I wanted to call Beck and thank him for his little pep talk, but knew better than to even try that. His admission about sleeping with Briggs’ fiancé couldn’t have been easy, but knowing he could come back from that helped me walk up the steps to see my parents. Yet again, the guy was proving everyone wrong, even himself.

  I got to cook with Mom, getting my psyche evaluated the entire time. I knew it would happen and it was very welcome. I needed all the help I could get, and maybe my mother could help with my ‘fix asshole guys’ complex. Deep down, I knew Beck and Zeke weren’t the same, but Cori was right. I had to focus on me and the baby, not my knight in shining armor. My sister was nice enough to not mention Beck to my mom, so that was nice. I knew she didn’t believe me when I told her Beck and I were talking about Murphy, but Cori didn’t fight with me. The evening went better than I expected. We ate dinner, talked about the new babies in the family and tried to force my new niece’s name out of Cori. I let my mother braid my hair while we watched TV and Dad smoked his pipe, reading the newspaper. Arianna was so nice. She painted mine and Cori’s toenails, talking with us like we used to. It was like I never left.

  Cori dropped me off at The Dog House the next morning and Harriet greeted me on her way out, telling me a list of people to call back was on the counter. Erica hopped out of her truck with a little poodle on her heels, Jovie pulled in right behind her and I settled at the desk to start calling back the people on the list. Jovie came in, ranting about something Amelia, her sister-in-law, had done, with Erica telling her that teens only got worse. I couldn’t even think that far into the future. I’d barely accepted being pregnant.

  I was finishing my third call back when the bell rang, and Beck strolled in, smiling, and dressed for a run. I hung up quickly and took the cup he shoved at me, “High protein smoothie. It’s good for you.” He sat back on the bench and took a drink of his coffee, “How did it go last night? You’re here, so no acts of violence?” Beck kicked his toned legs out in front of him, looking like he always had coffee on the bench in The Dog House.

  I took a sip of the green stuff in the cup, “It went really well. They started pitching baby names and fighting over who I should live with. Overall, I’d call it a success.” I looked at him, trying to be sure it was actually him. “This is really good.” I shook the cup at him.

  “I’m glad. On both accounts. I just thought you could use a celebratory smoothie, but I’ll leave you alone,” Beck pushed off the bench and started for the door, “Finish that, Doll.” He nodded at my cup and I took a quick drink.

  “Did you pick today because you know Cori isn’t here?” I asked, biting my lip so I didn’t smile. A very sexy smirk crossed Beck’s mouth.

  “Will you hold it against me if I say yes?” I nodded, “Then yes. I knew Cori wouldn’t be here, so I stopped by.” With that, Beck winked and strolled out the door and down the sidewalk. The flutters of something stirred in my stomach, and I took another long drink of my smoothie, prepared to finish it, exactly like he asked.

  The rest of the day went just like the first. I answered the phone, made appointments, and greeted clients while Erica and Jovie worked. Half-way through the day, Arianna stopped by on her way to pick up her boys from school and dropped off a stack of baby books ranging from what to expect through the teen years to baby names. She sat on the bench, talking to me about having the boys. She gushed about how wonderful Lee was with them as newborns. Sometimes Ari meant to be a bitch, but this wasn’t one of those times. Her husband was a wonderful father, and I loved my brother-in-law. The conversation didn’t sit well with me. My baby wouldn’t have a dad. Ax and Celia didn’t for years, and were turning out to be awesome as hell, because she had Griff. He loved Ax like his own and made sure everyone knew it. I wasn’t lucky enough to get a Griffin. By the time my oldest sister left, we had made a shopping date for basic baby things and she was planning a baby shower. In a few weeks, I could find out if I was bringing home a son or daughter, then the planning could really start. Mom called me three times, and by the time Cori got in to pick me up, I needed a nap and some quiet time. Working with dogs was great, but the barking got tiring fast. That paired with the constant phone calls from clients and my mother meant I was ready to be alone in a bed.

  I climbed in the jeep, and Cori glanced sideways at me, “You have dinner with Mom tonight. I tried to get you out of it, told her you needed rest, but it was impossible.” I raked my hair back and sighed. As tired as I was, going to dinner with Mom wasn’t too bad. I needed her more than ever and had a lot of ass kissing to do. If dinner meant forgiveness, I’d have a thousand dinners with her.

  BECK

  I watched Harriet and Briggs stroll down the block toward Broadway, hand in hand. They were cute as hell. As soon as I couldn’t see them, I tore up the flight of stairs to their room and eased the door open. Murphy hopped off the bed to greet me, but the cat didn’t move. Morticia hated me, but just flicked her tail at my intrusion. Murphy headed down the stairs, obviously not caring about my snooping. I grabbed Harriet’s phone from the desk. When they went on their dates, phones weren’t allowed, so it was too easy. I put Meredith’s number in my phone and put my sister-in-law’s phone back where it belonged, then backed out of the room. I never got into their’ stuff, but I had to have the number.

  Ma met me at the bottom of the stairs and gave me a look, but didn’t say a word about me jumping when I saw her. We both knew I was guilty of something. I could have asked Meredith for her number, but it seemed weird and immature. I didn’t even plan to call her, but having the number made me feel better. Like I was closer to her somehow and could check in if I needed. I pushed my crazy aside and followed Ma to the kitchen, “How about we go out tonight?” Ma closed the fridge and looked me over, “We don’t have to, but you and I haven’t been out in a while. My treat.”

  “Did you and Briggs switch on me? You haven’t done it since you were kids, but now that I’m old, you may try it again,” I laughed and Ma stared at me like she really wasn’t sure which son she was looking at.

  “It’s me, Ma.” I grumbled at her.

  “I’d love a date with my oldest son. Let’s go.” I whistled for Murphy to go out, left a note for Briggs and Harriet, then helped Ma to the car.

  Archer’s had t
he best burgers and fries. They also had the best beer selection, but that wasn’t an option, not anymore. Instead, I asked for water and watched Ma look over the menu. Big sports murals were painted on the walls, all the servers had matching football lapel pins, and upbeat music played. It was the first time I’d been in and not gone straight to the bar. I’d never paid any attention to the atmosphere, but it was a nice place.

  Ma read the menu, her hands trembling slightly. She wasn’t getting worse, but not better either. We, or Briggs, took her to appointments, her medications were doing the best they could, but her Parkinson’s would never get better. The menu shook harder in her hands until she laid it on the table to read it. When she caught me watching her, she smiled, and I had to swallow the lump in my throat to smile back. I didn’t have unlimited time left with her, and had been a horrible son. Ma did so much for us, took on so much shit to give us opportunities as kids. I repaid her by being a first-class asshole.

  “What’s on your mind, son?” Ma took a sip of sweet tea.

  “We should do this more. That’s all.” I closed my menu. She could have reminded me that I’d been invited for months, that I had cancelled on her more times than I could count, instead, she patted my hand and started talking about the burger she was getting. I listened to Ma, stared at the traffic outside the window and did that introspective bullshit. I knew better than to think too much, but I did it anyway and it wasn’t pretty.

  “Hey, stranger,” A soft voice near my ear made me jump and shake off the shitstorm of self-loathing I was falling in. Meredith stared down at me with that huge smile and no overbearing sister by her side.

  “Hey, Doll,” I stood up and finally hugged her to me like I’d wanted to for days. Meredith hugged me back, and I felt her relax. My shoulders dropped with hers. Like we’d both been waiting for the embrace. The woman next to her cleared her throat. If I didn’t know better I’d swear Harriet dressed Meredith’s mother. Flowing skirt, bright top, and a long braid. Once Meredith let me go she took a step back, but kept a gentle hand on my arm.

  “Mom, this is Beck. He’s my knight in shining armor,” Meredith’s cheeks turned pink and I shook her mother’s hand. I’d indirectly met her before, at Axel’s party, but never officially.

  “Beck Layton. Nice to meet you. This is my mother, Faye.” Ma nodded at the pair and I pulled up two chairs to add to our table and motioned for the waitress to see we added two more.

  “Margo Wallace. I’ve seen you around.” Her mother gave me a look. The two ladies sat when I gestured. I watched as Meredith dropped gracefully into the chair next to me, but her mom quickly grabbed my attention, “I guess I need to thank you for stopping your run the other day. Who knows what may have happened if you hadn’t.”

  Meredith shifted uncomfortably next to me, and Ma folded her hands to stop the shaking, “What happened?”

  I started to tell Ma we could talk about it later, but Meredith jumped in, “I was pretty sick when I got back into town, and Beck came to my rescue. He’s a great guy, Mrs. Layton.” The pep came back to her when she spoke to my mother, and I felt my face get hot. Did I just fucking blush?

  “I tend to agree, but I’m a little partial. So, where have you been? I don’t think Cori mentioned having a little sister, but you look just like her.” Poor Meredith squirmed again, but told the story about being stupid enough to follow a boy out of state and away from home, leaving out the pregnancy and the abuse. Margo chimed in a few times about missing her baby girl, and I discreetly slid my hand under the table to rest it on Meredith’s bouncing knee. The movement stopped when I touched her. My light touch relaxed her, so I left my hand on her knee, hoping Meredith calmed down even more. Food was delivered, and we ate in relative silence. Margo kept looking at me like she expected me to do something crazy, but I only smiled when she looked my way.

  “So, Beck, besides saving damsels in distress, what do you do?” Margo folded her napkin on the table and waited for my answer. If she ever talked to her daughter, then I knew Cori’s hatred of me had been discussed. Normally, I didn’t give a fuck, but I suddenly wanted to impress the woman. I needed Margo to like me.

  “Meredith is hardly a damsel in distress, but I’m an architect. I work for a firm with my brother and between the two of us, we can get you a building designed in its entirety.” I sipped my water and smiled at Margo. Cori got her spunk from somewhere and my guess was maternal influence.

  “That’s a noble profession. Now, let me ask you another question. Why does Cori hate you so much? You look put together and have a decent career, but my daughter hasn’t been shy about her distaste for you.”

  Ma opened her mouth, but I got to it first, “Cori and I met at a bad time in my life. I was working through some issues, and had some less than desirable habits. I tend to be a little cocky and a lot unapologetic. We all have our ugly sides, but I’m working on it.” Margo nodded once and gave Meredith a look that clearly said she shared Cori’s feelings. I was caring less and less about the opinions of others where Meredith was concerned. I knew I didn’t deserve her, but they all treated me like a serial killer. I kept my asshole side in check for the sake of enjoying lunch and not making an ass of myself in front of Meredith.

  Once Ma and Margo started talking, Meredith rested her hand on my knee and smiled at me. I had no idea if I could actually change or not. I hadn’t had a drink or anything else in a few days, and I already felt so much better, but old habits die hard. My morning runs were better, my nights at the gym were better. I slept better, ate better. Even the dark thoughts I was hiding from weren’t as bad as I imagined. I never wanted to change until Meredith looked at me and thanked me, but it was very clear that I didn’t save Meredith, she did the saving, and it was making me fucking crazy. Every time I ran into her, I needed her that much more, like tiny hits of a drug without being able to indulge.

  The meal went on rather awkwardly for us, but not for our mothers. They chatted like old friends and it didn’t take me long to realize what Margo Wallace did for a living. I’d been around my fair share of shrinks to know the questions and body language. I kept my answers short and sweet, but Ma volunteered everything. Meredith got to hear all about my jackass father and our lousy childhood, but maybe she already knew. Living with Griffin meant Meredith had access to it all. I’d known the guy for ages. He’d seen my father at his worst and me at mine.

  “Does Murphy smell better?” Meredith picked at her burger, taking tiny bites, but not really eating.

  “Much. You feeling better?”

  She shrugged, “Maybe. Some days I’m good, others I puke all day. It’s better than it was though. My doctor recommended an insulin pump, but I’m not sure. Maybe after things settle down a little.”

  “If it would help take something off your plate, it might be a good idea. You should eat that burger.” I knew nothing about insulin pumps or diabetes, but I was making a point to find out as soon as I got home and opened my laptop. I did know the girl was far too thin and needed to eat the damn burger. Meredith shrugged, and Ma pulled us from our conversation to ask Meredith about what she was studying before coming home. I zoned out and just watched her talk. I wanted to see her take a huge bite of the burger on her plate, but she just picked off tiny bites and nibbled on it. I hoped it would just take time for her appetite to come back, because the girl needed at least twenty pounds added to her tiny frame. With the baby factored in, even more. The longer I watched her talk to Ma, the more things I noticed about her. Her long slender fingers, the tiny dimple in her right cheek when she smiled.

  Knock you on your ass. I tried to ignore it, but the warmth in my gut couldn’t be ignored. It had always been so simple. If I saw a hot woman, I fucked her and moved the hell on, but Meredith wasn’t hot. She was beautiful and I had to have her, but she was untouchable. Not just because Cori was protective, but because I didn’t want to taint Meredith with my stench. She’d had enough of that. I needed to get better, be better, before I could possib
ly think of trying to offer her anything. Even if I was better, it would never be enough.

  Chapter Five

  Meredith

  Dinner with my mother bordered on torture. I knew she would want to discuss Zeke, the fading bruises, and my life over the last two years. Her psychoanalyzing Beck was so much worse. The poor man looked like he would rather be waterboarded than answer any more questions by the time we got done with our meal. He tried to stay quiet, but Faye just kept talking, answering questions for him, and obviously humiliating the man. Beck insisted on paying for everyone, then wrapped my burger up in a bag to make me take it home for later. The more we ran into each other, the less I understood his ‘I’m a bad person’ bullshit. Growing up as Beck and Briggs had been horrible, but he made sure to take his mother to dinner and worried about how much I ate.

  Outside the restaurant, Beck had his arm looped through Faye’s, but reached his free hand for mine and pulled me close enough to hug him, “It was good to see you, Doll. Keep getting better.” My heart fluttered. Not that a man with his life together would want a mess like me, but I could still have a crush. A really big crush. Things with Zeke had ended well before I actually left. Within a month of getting to Boulder, all the shiny and new was tarnished and ugly. After six months, our relationship became nothing more than sex when he wanted it, and volatile mood swings. It had been so long since a guy cared about me, maybe this was the first time, but Beck seemed to.

  “Thanks for lunch. It was nice to meet you, Faye.” She nodded at me, pulling me from staring into Beck’s light brown eyes. I took a step back, not wanting to let Beck’s hand go, and finally turned to follow Mom back to her car.

  I didn’t even have my seatbelt buckled before Mom started, “Why didn’t you tell me you were already seeing someone? I don’t think it’s a good idea, Meredith Kate. You have too much going on. You need to get back in school, start getting things ready for a baby. Being a single parent is not a game or a joke. Does he even know you’re pregnant? If he’s an addict, you better not even think about it. How old is he anyway?”