Push & Pull

by Allie York

  “Cori loves flea markets. Poor Griffin just tags along and pays for things the girls want to eat. It’s cute. I’m off today, so instead of sitting at home moping, I decided to get some sun and maybe find some fun treasures,” I got jerked to a stop in front of an antique piano and Meredith ran her fingers over the worn wood of the piano to the keys. Her arm left mine and she pulled out the bench, “Ma’am,” She waved at the woman manning the booth, “Can I?” When the woman nodded, Meredith dropped down, shaking her hands. Her delicate fingers grazed the keys then sunk in, making the sound reverberate through me. Her hands moved fluidly across the keys, playing a song she’d obviously memorized. I was completely floored. Her head swayed while she played with her eyes closed. I got bumped from behind, pulling me from my trance, and turned to see a crowd had formed to listen to her play. That crowd included my mother and Cori. I shook off Cori’s glare to go back to watching Meredith from my front row seat behind her. The song ended and the cheer made Meredith jump back into me, nearly falling off the bench. Her face turned a bright red when she realized how big her audience was and she immediately covered it, hiding the embarrassment.

  “You’re incredible,” I leaned close to her ear, “Don’t you dare be embarrassed right now,” I pulled her hand from her face and helped her up, “Take a bow, Doll.” Meredith stood, bending into a bow before falling into giggles and hiding in my chest.

  “Oh my God, this is embarrassing,” I could barely hear her over the crowd, but wrapped an arm around her shoulders and steered her out of the spotlight and away from her sister. It started innocent, but I knew Cori wouldn’t view it that way, and I didn’t want it that way. I wanted anything but innocent and didn’t give a fuck who knew. Once we were tucked in a breezeway between booths I let her go, but she stayed close. “Thank you. I can’t believe all those people were listening.”

  “I can’t blame them, that was incredible,” Meredith pulled her lower lip between her teeth, “You can come play at my house any time. We have a baby grand that’s Ma’s, but it hasn’t been used in years. Hell, I’ll buy you that one if it means I can hear you play again.” She swatted my chest, shaking her head.

  “Thank you. I feel like I say that to you a lot,” Meredith slipped her hand into mine, “Cori is going to hunt me down. I’ve been ordered to stay away from you. I’m pretty sure it’s punishable by death.”

  I took a step forward, falling into her eyes, “But?” God, let there be a but.

  “But I don’t think you’re a bad person. I think you’re misunderstood, hurt, and lonely. I think you have a hard time dealing with stuff you had no control over.” She laced her fingers with mine, “I also think I have enough on my plate without obsessing over you.”

  “I think you may be right,” I took a stupid step forward.

  “I think I have too much baggage for any sane person, or I will in a few months,” I blinked, but didn’t move away. I had almost forgotten about the baby. How could I forget that?

  “If anyone told you I’m sane, they lied, and very boldly,” I watched her swallow, staring up at me with her hand in mine. I was done. Knock you on your ass. Goner. Baby or not, I wanted Meredith. All of herto protect, to hold, to love. My free hand went to her face, threading into her hair and letting it spill into my hand. Her eyes closed and she leaned her face into my palm. The simple gesture had me more fucked up than any drug. I leaned in to kiss her, but stopped a breath short, watching her eyes flutter closed in anticipation.

  “You better break up this moment before my wife rounds that corner, or I won’t hold her back.” Griffin’s gruff voice had us both jumping backward, and Meredith hurried away without looking back, letting Griff drop his giant arm on her shoulder to steer her toward her sister. I adjusted my dick, letting out a deep breath, ruffled my hair, and strolled out in the opposite direction. Motherfucking goner. I glanced back to get a smirk from Griffin, and my nerves settled along with my want to rip his arm off for touching Meredith. It was stupid to want to kill Griffin for touching her. He viewed Meredith the way I saw Harriet. I had never wanted to kiss a girl so bad in my life. His nod of approval meant if I was lucky, maybe Cori would be next.

  My mother waved me to her, a huge smile on her face, as soon as she spotted me. I knew she was bursting to discuss me and Meredith, but I really couldn’t handle another disappointment. I shoved past a few people, being a total asshole, and finally made it to where Ma was standing.

  “Beck, that girl is positively wonderful. Why have you not brought her home yet? I knew you helped her that day, but I had no idea Meredith was the one you’re seeing. She plays the piano, too.” Ma didn’t get the memo that Cori wanted to murder me for even looking at Meredith. I hated the idea of Cori jumping down Meredith’s throat because of me, but I couldn’t find them in the crowd to check on her.

  “It’s complicated, Ma. You hungry?” I took her arm to lead her away, but got popped in the head. It had been her signature move since we were kids.

  “How is it complicated? Is she married?”

  “No, Meredith just got out an abusive relationship. She’s young and recently found out she has health issues,” I wasn’t sure if I was trying to talk myself out of it or Ma. Either way, it wasn’t working.

  “I still don’t see a problem.” Ma glared at me.

  “She’s pregnant. Meredith is pregnant.” Something in me didn’t want Ma thinking badly of Meredith, so I hadn’t mentioned the baby to her.

  “Is the father her abuser?” Ma finally started walking and I nodded, “So, he’s out of the picture?” Another nod, “What is complicated about this? I saw her with you. Take that pretty little girl out to dinner and show all these people that Beck Layton can be a good man.” We got to a taco stand and Ma popped me in the head again, harder than before. I guess she thought I wasn’t listening, but I was definitely listening, “I’m not a stupid woman, Son. I know what you’ve done, I know how you spend your time, but that doesn’t mean you go your whole life being punished. If that girl makes you a better person, let her, because if you don’t change, I’m going to be burying one of my boys and no mother should have to do that.” I wiped a tear from Ma’s face and kissed her head.

  “We’ll see, Ma, and I’m fine. I promise.” I ordered us some food from the stand and found a table to eat at. The sun heated up the market while we ate, and I could feel the burn coming up on my ears and face. Ma was hidden under a big brown hat covered in flowers, so she didn’t have to worry about the sun. I kept looking around for Meredith, hoping she was somewhere cool and not in the hot sun.

  Ma talked about the library and poker night, inviting me to play with them one night. With my weekend shenanigans being replaced with less seedy activities, I agreed. She didn’t seem to question that I could keep it up, not go back to drinking and drugs, but I didn’t quite have the faith Ma did.

  A stand behind Ma caught my eye mid conversation and I told her to stay put while I checked it out. It was under a tent and had fans going to keep everyone cool, but no fans could help in the heat we were facing. Cages stacked three high and four wide surrounded a gross looking couple. The closer I got the louder it got. Puppies barked and snarled in the cramped cages. It wasn’t the puppies I was after, it was the huge gray dog at the front. The dog looked a little thin and a lot scraggly. I dropped to a crouch and rubbed her ear, “That’s Mama.” The man stood, heaving out of his lawn chair to look me over, “She’s our retired breeder.” The poor dog looked like she needed to retire, “Needs a good home now that she’s not making puppies.” The scrawny dog was stretched out and tied to the table, looking pitiful. If I didn’t know better, I’d have said the man was eating all the poor dog’s food.

  “How old?” Mama lifted her head to press into my palm and thumped her tail in the packed dirt.

  “Four.”

  The guy flopped his fat ass back down in the chair, “How much?” Once the dog was on her feet, I saw just how big she was. Her head hit above my waist when I st
ood to pull my wallet out, letting a little of my impulsive side out. I said I wanted a dog, and Mama needed a human. What better way to impress a dog groomer than to get a dog.

  The woman sized me up, “A hundred,” I dropped five twenties on the table and untied the leash from the tent. Not like I had better things to spend money on anymore. Lately, the amount in my bank account was startling, in a good way. The amount of money I was spending on alcohol and drugs was disgusting.

  “Nice doing business with you,” I patted my leg and Mama followed me, not looking back at her previous owners for a second, “All right, Mama. First you need a new name. Next we need to fatten you up and get you to the vet.” Briggs was the dog person, not me, but I had to prove I could be responsible. I also needed to not talk to my new dog like she could answer me.

  Ma had turned to watch me walk back to her, “Beck, did you just buy that sad looking dog?” I snapped a picture of my new dog and did an image search to determine what she was.

  “She’s an Irish Wolfhound,” I took my seat and patted the dog’s head, “Apparently, they’re big dogs, but she seems kind of small.” Ma just stared at me. “Name ideas? I can’t call the dog Mama, I do have a reputation to uphold,” Ma shook her head, smiling, and reached to pet the dog with a shaking hand.

  “You’re crazy, Beck,” Ma scratched my dog’s back, “How about Sadie?” As soon as Ma said her name, Sadie spun to lick Ma’s face, hitting me repeatedly with her tail.

  “Looks like Sadie is a winner,” I slipped Sadie a tortilla chip and settled back in my chair. If nothing else, having a dog would prove my responsibility to myself, and give me an excuse to see Meredith at work. If I could keep a dog alive, I could stay sober. Maybe once Cori saw a change, I’d be able to talk Meredith into a date without death threats or her yelling at her sister. A date. Now there was something I’d never done. At thirty-two, I had never taken a woman on a legitimate date.

  “Holy shit, you weren’t joking!” Briggs and Harriet came from the crowd to see Sadie, “She’s huge.” Briggs got licked from chin to forehead when Sadie put her feet on his shoulders. On her back legs, the dog was nearly six-foot.

  “Congratulations,” Harriet winked at me and snatched Briggs’ hand before he had a chance to get possessive. They baby-talked my dog, petting her, and watching her get excited about the attention.

  I caught a glimpse of Cori and Meredith in the crowd and stood wordlessly, leaving my family at the table to show off my new dog. I weaved through the people, keeping Sadie close, until I stopped right behind them at the lemonade stand. Axel saw me first and ran into Sadie, arms wide. I panicked for a split second, realizing I had no idea how the dog might react to a kid running at her, but Sadie let the little girl hug her and licked Celia’s face over Axel’s shoulder. Score one for Sadie.

  “You got a dog?” Cori curled her nose at me.

  “It’s why I’m here.” I smiled. “She’s a former breeding dog who needed a home, so I picked her up. This is Sadie.” I only half lied. I was looking for a dog, but not that dog. Seeing Cori’s face soften just a little made me brave, and I turned to Meredith, “I mean it about the piano. Anytime, Doll. Griff has my number.” It was sad how much Cori scared the shit out of me. The woman wasn’t a big thing at all, but man was she terrifying.

  “Thanks, I’ll think about it.” Meredith blushed, biting her bottom lip, and it was the cutest thing I had ever seen. I patted both little girls on the head, and walked off, fighting not to look back. I didn’t want to leave, but I’d caused enough trouble for Meredith for one day. Sadie followed me like a champ, staying right by my side. She stopped when I did to help Ma back into my car, then got in the back seat to ride to her new home.

  Chapter Six

  Meredith

  I stared at where Beck was swallowed by the crowd when Cori turned on me, “What the hell is he talking about?” My situation got a little worse every time Beck showed up. My hands got sweaty, my chest got fluttery, and I fell a little further into his light brown eyes. My sister did not have the same reaction and Cori loved to take it out on me. It wasn’t my fault he was there, but I wasn’t complaining about seeing him again either. I forgot about Cori for a second, thinking about how close he’d come to kissing me, and how bad I wanted him to.

  “Meredith?” Cori snapped.

  “Their mom has a piano he said I could use,” I lifted Axel when she asked, and slid her to my back, “Please don’t start, Cori. It’s not like that.”

  “Don’t start? You cuddled up to him after that impromptu performance at the piano. You started this, Meredith. It’s like you’re begging history to repeat itself. You finally came back after all the months away, getting your ass beat and being controlled. Now you want to go right back. He’s not a good man, Mere.” Her tears started before mine and Griffin grabbed both our arms to pull us out of the lemonade line. It was then I noticed all the people in line staring because Cori was so loud.

  “I get it, both of you are emotional, and slightly crazy, but this needs to stop.” Cori opened her mouth to speak, but Griffin quickly kissed her, “Meredith is grown, Babe. I know you missed her, but she’s not leaving. If anyone knows people can change, it’s me.” Then Griffin looked at me, “That being said, don’t you dare go jumping in bed with Beck Layton. Get your shit together before you even think about it, Mere. You have a baby on the way. My niece or nephew comes before anything. Now, Cori, you talk first.” Cori picked up Celia and Griffin promptly took her.

  “I don’t trust him. Simple as that.” Cori crossed her arms defensively.

  “Him or me? I’m not dating Beck, but if I was, it wouldn’t be your business, Cori.” The words flew out before I could stop them, and I covered my mouth. It was very much her business.

  “Yeah, because your judgement is so great, look where you are Meredith! You’re almost twenty-one and going to be a single mom because of a drug dealer… Oh. My. God.” Cori covered her mouth, and I bit my tongue to keep from throwing her words back at her, “I… I’m so sorry Mere. This is about you, not me, and I’m sorry.” With Ax still on my back, I hugged my sister. The parallels couldn’t be ignored. At twenty-one, Cori was left to be a single parent because of a drug dealer. History repeating itself.

  “I’m not leaving, and I won’t put myself through anymore crap, I promise.” I grabbed Cori’s hand. Axel left my back with a squeal and Griffin tossed her on his back, holding Celia to his chest.

  “Great, now let’s go before they call the loony bin on you two,” Cori took my hand and we trailed behind Griffin in the wide berth he got when walking through crowds. I had no plans to hop in bed with anyone, but being attracted to Beck was undeniable, and he felt it too. Okay, so maybe jumping in bed was on my to-do list where Beck was concerned, but he wasn’t the person Cori knew. The look he gave me when we were alone, just before he leaned in to almost kiss me, said he wanted me too. Before I saw that look on his face, I could have blamed it on me dreaming things up because of my hormones. I only wondered if he would feel the same in a few months when I had a baby size bundle of baggage.

  I didn’t call Beck about the piano. I called Faye. She invited me over anytime, but we decided on a time when Beck and Briggs would be at work. I was off, and the twins weren’t there, so it was perfect. The Layton house was a lot like ours, but an extra story tall, and older, more nostalgic. The front yard was smaller and had rows of dogwood trees lining the path to the door. I knocked below the script L on the door and waited, taking in the beautiful neighborhood.

  Faye let me in, hugging me, “I’m so glad you came, sweetie. You play as long as you want.”

  “Thank you.” I hugged her back and she pointed me to the piano. Faye shuffled off to take a nap, letting me know to make myself at home and take anything I wanted from the fridge. I watched her close her door, and I slid the bench out from under the sleek black piano. Playing at the flea market was the first time I played in years. I hadn’t touched an instrument since moving. I sat
and rolled my shoulders, then brushed my fingers over the keys. The clack of dog nails made me glance back to see Murphy and Sadie settling on the couch across the room, one taking each end. I had a perfect view of the fenced in yard lined with boxed hedges and flower gardens. The sun hit everything just right, and poured in the glass doors in front of me, leaving a warm square on the floor. I pressed into the keys. The sound ricocheted through the room, vibrating off the high ceilings. Bringing me home. I ran through Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata with my eyes closed, letting the music take me. It moved smoothly into Clair de Lune, and I loosened more the longer I played. By the time I was five pieces in, I was lost. It was an empty room with music and a calmness settled over me. No fucked-up life, no impending parenthood, no fear of Zeke, just music. A steady flow of energy from my fingers to the instrument and then all over the room.

  I had just started my next piece when a dog barked, and I jumped, shoving my hands into the keys. I whipped around to see Beck standing across the room, “I’m sorry. I tried to not let her hear me.” He looked as startled as I was. Sadie was bouncing around him whimpering, leaping a foot off the ground into his face. Beck walked confidently across the room and pushed the French doors open to let the dogs out, “I came home to let her out. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Ma let you in?”

  I checked my phone, and nodded, “It’s your house, so don’t apologize for being here. I should go. I’ve been playing over an hour.” I slid the bench back and tucked my phone in my pocket, “Have a good day.”

  His hand on mine stopped me, “Want some lunch? I’m gonna eat before I let them back in and head back to work,” I looked him over, enjoying the business casual Beck. His slacks looked tailored and the button-down shirt was cuffed to show off his muscular forearms, “It’s just a sandwich, I don’t bite.” His wink won me over, and he laced his fingers with mine to pull me down the hall to a 50’s diner themed kitchen.