Push & Pull

by Allie York

  “Everyone seems to think I can’t handle Meredith being pregnant,” I panted out the words, “Like I’m too fucking stupid to understand what it means. I get it. I know what it means. I know what having a baby takes. I’m a fucking adult.” I kicked the incline up, trying to run out all my irritation before work, or I would get in trouble.

  “Can you handle it though? And before you lose your shit on me, hear me out,” Griffin slowed the treadmill, “I vouched for you last night when Meredith worried about the same thing. I love Axel like she’s mine, but it’s not easy. It took a while for me to not see Ax as a reminder of Cori with someone else. I was no saint, but you know how it is. Thinking of your woman with someone else pisses you off,” I slowed my treadmill, breathing heavy, “When there’s a kid, you’re either in or out. You can’t be flakey, but you already know all that because you’re a fucking adult.”

  I thought about the conversation with Meredith the night before and nodded, “Thanks.” Griffin and Cori had time. Ax and Celia were five when they met, they had all the time in the world to bond with each other’s kid. I had a few months to bond with Meredith before her attention fell elsewhere. I turned the treadmill up again and tried to figure out where I fell on the spectrum. I wasn’t in love, yet, but it was coming and fast. It scared the shit out of me.

  I ran until I couldn’t anymore and slowed my pace to a jog, then a walk, then turned it off. With fifteen straight minutes of torturous pace, my mind was clear, and I was at peace with my decision. The idea of my own kids scared the fuck out of me, so raising someone else’s wasn’t much better. I had no idea what to do with a child, but the thought of Meredith delivering a baby with no one by her side, going home to her sister’s house with another newborn in the house killed me. Her doing it all alone would never be okay with me. It all came down to me manning up even further and not just being the man she needed, but being ready to love a kid who wasn’t mine.

  Only one sports car was in the lot of The Dog House when I got there with lunch, but Jovie and Erica should have been there, but neither car was there. I looked down the side of the building for their cars, but nothing. I hopped the door and rushed in. The scene I walked into just iced the cake of my terrible fucking day.

  “Sir, I understand, but your dog isn’t here. You aren’t even in our system,” Meredith looked on the verge of tears, but was determined that the man wasn’t going to the back. Her little self had the gate blocked, staring the guy down.

  “I’m telling you, you’re wrong!” The man opened the gate, but Meredith closed it, “Do you even know who I am? You can’t keep me from my dog!” I waited, assessing the scene. I was itching for a good fight and the man looked like he was itching for an ass beating.

  “Your dog isn’t here, sir, no one with your last name is even in our computer. Maybe your wife dropped him off at The Ruff House, we get confused with them all the time. I can even call them for you,” The pep was still in her tone, but she looked pretty tired of the man’s shit, “I can’t let you back here though.”

  “The fuck you can’t. I’ll sue this place so fast,” The man went for the gate again and when Meredith moved to close it, he shoved her and the gate into the window. The gate hit her across the upper thighs, pinning her there. I grabbed the man’s shoulder before he made it through and jerked him back, “Mind your own business, asshole.”

  I snatched the collar of his cheap polo in both hands and slammed him into the opposite wall, “That’s my woman, so this is my business,” I glanced at Meredith, “You good, Doll?” She nodded, and I went back to the jackass, “Now, your dog isn’t here. Take your pansy ass out of here before I hand it to you, clear?” When the guy nodded, I shoved him for the door and watched him scramble to the car before turning to Meredith, “Where the fuck did everyone go? Why are you here alone?” I nearly yelled at her.

  Meredith shrank back at my tone, “Jovie had to run home for a second, Erica is sick, and Cori is off.”

  “I’m sorry, Doll,” I took two steps to her and wrapped my arms around her, “You okay? Are you hurt?” Meredith shook her head in my neck, “I didn’t mean to yell, it’s been a shitty day.”

  “Can I help?” I inhaled her hair and watched her tip her head up to see me, “Thanks for stopping by.”

  “You actually can help, and I’m at your service, Doll. Come home with me later and play for me. I’ll cook.” I just needed her in my house, I had to show Briggs he was wrong about me. The story of my life was proving something to my brother. It was a compulsion. The guilt where Briggs was concerned was no joke, and not numbing meant I had to deal with it head on, and try not to be a dick.

  “It’ll have to be after my appointment,” Meredith read my face and started explaining, “I’m high risk because of the diabetes, so I see the obstetrician more than a normal pregnancy.”

  Her eyes left mine and her face turned red, “I told you about looking all ashamed. Do you need a ride?” I’d have to work through lunch the next day, but leaving work early wasn’t really a problem.

  “Mom is taking me, but thank you. I don’t want you to feel responsible for me, Beck. I know what you said, but I got it this time.” Meredith smiled at me.

  “Okay, but I want to be responsible. It might be good for me to take on some responsibility for once,” I kissed her head and let her go back to her seat. I handed her the bag and watched her open her lunch, “Can I pick you up once you get back? We won’t be alone, but I’d shell out big bucks to hear you play again.”

  Her face turned red and she nodded, “I’ll call you. Thank you for lunch.” I kissed her forehead then made myself back off.

  “Anytime. Thank you for not hating me after last night.”

  “I could never hate you,” She talked around the bite in her mouth and giggled, “It was fun and the company was the best. I think your over-tired phone call was my favorite part though.” I had been tired, but I knew what I was saying. I meant every word. If getting married made her more comfortable, I’d volunteer in a heartbeat. It wasn’t the ideal way to settle down, but Briggs knew the second he saw Harriet, she was it, and he begged her to marry him after just a month. Maybe love at first sight ran in the family.

  Chapter Nine

  Meredith

  Briggs and Harriet cuddled on the couch behind me, Murphy at their feet, and Faye was leaned back in the oversized chair, hands in her lap and eyes closed. Sadie stretched out behind me, snoring over the music while I played. I closed my eyes, and just played, forgetting the audience. The piece ended, and I shook my hands, popping my neck in the process.

  “We had a deal, Doll, and dinner isn’t ready,” Beck’s voice rang out down the hall to my spot at the piano and I started my rotation over again. I really needed some sheet music and a refresher course. No one seemed to care that I only had six songs in my database. Beck picked me up from Cori’s as soon as I got back from my appointment and promised me the world’s best pasta dish in exchange for me playing while he cooked. I was happy to do it. Not that I didn’t love being with Cori, Griffin, and the girls, but space was nice sometimes and I got to play piano. I also got to have dinner with Beck, which meant I got to stare at Beck.

  I made it through another rotation of my songs before Beck yelled that dinner was ready, and I shook out of my music daze to help Faye out of her seat and into the kitchen. When Beck and I showed up at their house, Faye acted like I was supposed to be there, like I belonged. She hugged me and had me walk her to a chair next to the piano, so she could hear me play.

  Faye inhaled deeply, sniffing the air on the way to the kitchen. The smell made my mouth water. Who knew Beck Layton could cook? I helped Faye onto a stool, and she patted my hand before I let her hand go. We all sat around the island while Beck served our plates. He settled in next to me, kissing my head. Before I could take a bite, my stomach growled loudly, getting a laugh from everyone. Once I could finally keep food down, all I wanted to do was eat.

  “Tell me all about this
baby we’re expecting,” Faye dabbed her mouth with a napkin and I nearly dropped my fork taking my first bite, “Everything going okay?”

  I shoved the bite in my mouth, buying some time for an answer, “You had an appointment today, right Doll?” Beck watched my reaction carefully, ready to chastise me for any reaction that wasn’t positive. I knew he was only trying to help, but I wanted to slap him.

  I nodded, eagerly, “Yeah, I go more frequently because of the diabetes, but my non-stress test today looked good. My blood sugar was okay, finally.”

  “What are you having?” Briggs spoke up.

  “I have the option to find out at my next appointment. So, I guess we’ll see. I think knowing the gender may make things a little more real, ya know?” I wasn’t sure how real I wanted it to be yet, but I couldn’t put off preparations forever.

  “I’m sure you’re still adjusting,” Faye patted my hand, “And the father doesn’t know?”

  “Ma!” Beck warned.

  “Uh, no, he doesn’t, but it’s for the best. He wouldn’t want to be involved anyway, he made sure I knew that long before I found out I was pregnant. So, it’ll just be the two of us.” Faye gave me a sad smile, the look of pity I hated so much. I let my eyes move to Beck, giving him my best ‘See, I told you’ glare.

  “I’m sure the little one will have enough love to make up the gap. You have Cori and Griffin, your other family, and your parents.” Faye started eating again and I did the same, staring down at the plate. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but the idea of my baby having to deal with the same disapproving looks made my stomach churn.

  We ate a while in silence, occasionally someone would tell Beck what a good job he had done on the meal. It was delicious, and he even made a vegetarian version for Harriet. To say I was impressed was an understatement. Beck stacked the dishes once we were done and Faye went to lie down. Harriet and Briggs went up to their room, which left me alone in the kitchen with Beck. I went to help him load the dishwasher, but he quickly took the plates from me and kissed my cheek.

  “Thanks for dinner. It really did live up to the claims of awesomeness.” I leaned against the counter, watching Beck dry his hands. He took two long strides to me and pressed against me, running his hands up my arms.

  “Thanks for coming. Sorry Ma made you uncomfortable, but I see what you mean now,” I shook my head, “You need to let it go though,” I didn’t answer, “I don’t want you to do this alone, Doll,” I opened my mouth, but he put a finger over my lips, “Listen. I don’t want to hear anything about it not being my problem. I need this, I need you, and I know that means you’re a two-for-one deal.” One huge hand moved down to rest on my stomach, and I bit my lip to keep from crying. I fell for him when we first met, but what he was saying was a big leap from a crush. Beck’s long-term plans scared the shit out of me.

  “Beck, you don’t have to do this,” I took a shaky breath, “I can’t let you say things like that. It’s not fair to me.”

  He slid his hand under my shirt and stroked my belly, “What if I want to? Nothing in the world could do what you’ve done for me, Doll. I was in a bad place, about to end it, but you saved me. I need you.”

  “It’s not your baby, not your problem, Beck. You can’t keep trying to save me. I can’t ask that of you.” My stupid hormonal tears started, and Beck leaned his head against mine, smelling my hair.

  “This baby isn’t a problem, and you aren’t asking. I want to do this with you. I grew up with a shit excuse for a father. I know what it’s like. He was gone most of the time, but when he came back it was bad. I’m not sure which was worse, him being around or gone, but no kid deserves to grow up like that. I plan on keeping you, and the baby is part of that deal.” Beck’s eyes closed at some point during his speech and I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  “What now?” I whispered, trying to take the focus off the craziness he was spewing.

  “Now, we leave the kitchen and find something more entertaining to do,” his voice dropped an octave and I smiled. I hoped he and I were on the same wavelength. Stupid hormones. “You teased me this morning,” he moved to kiss down my neck, “And I think you mentioned a problem for me to take care of for you.” Definitely on the same page.

  Beck nipped at my ear and I nodded, forgetting the insane things he was saying a minute before. I really just wanted to focus on all the carnal reasons to be with Beck, “Only if you think you can handle it.”

  “Doll, I’m about to show you just how well I handle things,” He dragged me down the hall and we made it up one flight of stairs before he backed me into the wall, kissing me hard. I started undoing the buttons on his shirt and he stepped out of his shoes, pulling me off the wall and moving us up another flight of stairs. We made it to a door, and he groped for the handle, backing me in and shutting it behind us. I didn’t bother looking around, it didn’t really matter. I just needed Beck Layton very naked, very fast. He pulled my shirt over my head, going for my mouth again. His fingers dug into my hips, I slid his shirt off and started on his pants. Neither of us missed a beat, stripping our way back to the bed, not bothering to catch our breath.

  The back of my knees hit the bed and we went backward. He dragged my lip between his teeth and I moaned. His bare chest pressed gently into me while he hovered above me, kissing me, licking my neck and shoulder. I backed up to the pillows, and he let my mouth go to get my jeans off, throwing them over his shoulder. Beck started at my knee and I watched him kiss up my leg. Every flex of his shoulders had me fascinated. I took him in from top to bottom, shoulders, chest, abs, all the way to the apparent bulge in his plaid boxers. He kissed up my thigh to my pink lace panties and moved up my hip, over my stomach, and to my chest. I broke out in goosebumps when he licked between my breasts to my throat. His light brown eyes met mine and the feral look in them made me shudder.

  Beck slowly reached around me to my bra and popped the clasp, “Do you even know how fucking sexy you are?” My bra went somewhere near my jeans and he kissed back down to my chest, “Fucking beautiful.”

  His teeth gently met my nipple, and I fell back on the bed, “Oh god,” I didn’t even know my own voice. Beck slid a hand over my panties, grazing all the sensitive parts, then tore them from my hips, moving down the bed, “Can we do this?” In a moment of sanity, his test popped into my mind.

  “I’m not going to fuck you, Doll. Not yet. Just lie back and enjoy yourself.” I did as I was told, and his breath hit my inner thigh, making my eyes close. His hands ran up my thighs, forcing them further apart and digging in just a little.

  “Beck, I haven’t…” he shushed me, licking close enough to make me squirm, but not where I needed it. I should have cared about some dignity, been embarrassed about something new, but Beck expertly dragged his tongue over my sensitive clit, and all thoughts vanished, “Oh my god.”

  He chuckled, “Not God, just Beck,” I breathed a labored laugh and he licked me again, “You taste fucking amazing.” My hands went into his hair and my back arched into him shamelessly. I let him work his magic, grinding into his face, begging him for more. One hand joined in on the fun, and I was done. My back came off the bed, stars exploded behind my eyes, and ecstasy shot through me, rocking me to my core. I called out his name, and moaned, pulling his hair, riding out the most mind-numbing orgasm in history.

  I must have let go of his hair, because I felt him next to me, rolling me onto his chest, “Doll, you good?” Every touch sent an aftershock through me, making me shudder, and I finally opened my eyes to see a very proud Beck.

  Then the embarrassment hit me, “Yeah,” I burrowed into his shoulder, “You’re really good at that.” My heart thundered in my chest and my breathing was all over the place.

  “Keeping you around is good for my ego,” He tipped my face up and kissed me, “That was the sexiest fucking thing I have ever seen, Doll. You taste like heaven.” My face instantly heated up. He was good for my ego too.

  Beck pulled the blanket up over
us, and pressed against me, pulling my leg up over his hip. I was made fully aware of his erection pressing into my stomach, and inched my hand down to his boxers. He made a growling sound, and shifted for me to slide them off. He kicked the boxers off and I skimmed my hand over his ass and hip to his cock. I started at the base, barely able to fit my hand all the way around it, gripping it gently, and working up to the tip. I glanced up at his closed eyes and slid down his body, kissing a path across his chest to his hard stomach. Just before I got to the tip, he rolled to his back, out of my reach and I whined.

  “Not yet, Doll,” The look on his face was serious as hell, so I nodded and gripped him a little tighter, pumping my hand harder. One hand found my ass and squeezed, the other fisted the sheet, and his breathing picked up. Every hard, rippled muscle tensed, and he groaned, gripping my ass tighter. I picked up my pace just a little more, loving the control I had over him, and kissed his chest, nipping gently. Beck’s breathing came in erratic bursts, “Fucking hell.” He grit the words out and came all over my hand and his stomach. Beck snatched my wrist when I didn’t stop, panting, and shuddering under my grip.

  He relaxed his grip on my ass and pulled me on to his chest, kissing my hair, “Be right back.” I kissed his chest and went in search of a towel before we both ended up permanently sticky. The door across from the foot of the bed was a bathroom, and I grabbed a towel for him after washing my hands.

  He was sitting on the edge of the bed when I came back in and handed him the towel, “Thanks, Doll,” I found my panties and bra, gathering clothes off the floor. Beck stepped into his boxers, and came behind me, wrapping his arms around me before I had a chance to put any clothes on, “You’re staying with me tonight.”