Love With Me

by Kristen Proby

  Alec rolls his eyes.

  “You might have to call your lawyer,” I suggest. “I know it’s expensive and no one likes going that route, but you have the right to be with your kids.”

  “I’ve already made the call,” he says. “You know, I never would have thought we’d be here. We were as in love as anyone, with a happy family. A nice home. Good careers. And then, out of the blue, bam. She’s unhappy and wants out. Just like that. No explanation. Just wants out.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry. I’ve just taken up a good portion of your evening bitching about my ex-wife.”

  “Well, I wasn’t doing anything else, and you helped take my mind off of my own problems.”

  “What’s going on with you?”

  I sigh, wondering where to begin. I can’t tell him about the baby. I haven’t even told my family about that yet.

  Hell, I haven’t even told Jace.

  “Let’s just say that relationships are complicated.”

  “I hear you,” he says with a nod. “You know, we were just wrapping up dinner. I’d love to take you out for dessert.”

  Before I can reply, I hear, “She won’t be going anywhere with you.”

  My head whips around, and I find a very angry Jace standing behind me.

  “Looks like your friend is here,” Alec says and winks at me before nodding at Jace and respectfully walking away.

  Alec is a good guy. If I weren’t ridiculously in love with Jace, I’d consider dating him.

  “Hello,” I say as Jace takes his seat and glares at me from across the table. I open the check that I’ve already paid, put my card away, and sign the credit card slip, all without saying another word to the man sitting across from me.

  “That’s it?” he asks.

  “That’s it,” I confirm as I drink the last of my water.

  “Where is your engagement ring?” His lips are tight, his eyes shooting daggers, and I want to laugh. Maybe it’s hormones, but I don’t want to cry or rage at him. I don’t want to slap him as much as I did just minutes ago.

  No, I want to laugh my ass off from the sheer absurdity of it all.

  “It’s at home,” I reply, not taking my eyes off of his. I’m practically daring him to start something here in this restaurant.

  “Were you planning on breaking up with me tonight?” he asks, and all I can do is roll my eyes.

  Jesus, I don’t need this from him. I don’t need the jealousy, his insecurity.

  If anyone should be feeling insecure here, it’s me.

  So, I do the adult thing, and rather than start a big knock-down, drag-out here in my favorite restaurant, I grab my purse, stand, and walk out of the building.

  ~Joy~

  “You’ve lost your damn mind,” I mutter to myself as I march out of the building, my shoes clicking smartly on the sidewalk.

  “Joy,” Jace barks behind me. “Stop right now and tell me what the fuck is going on.”

  “No.” I stop and round on him, fire consuming me. “You don’t get to talk to me like that. You don’t get to be mad, Jace. You’re almost three goddamn hours late! What did you expect me to do?”

  “Well, I didn’t expect you to find a new date, I’ll tell you that right now.”

  “Jesus,” I mutter, turning away in disgust. “He’s a client from work who saw me there alone and stopped to chat.”

  “And invite you out to dessert,” he snarls, wrinkling his nose at dessert. “Would you rather go with him, Joy?”

  “No,” I reply honestly. “No, I’d rather my fiancé show up when he says he will. But I should want to go with him. I shouldn’t stand here and give you the chance to explain yourself. I haven’t seen you in a month. And no, sneaking into my bed in the middle of the night to get your rocks off doesn’t count.”

  He snarls, truly irate at me for the first time in the fifteen years I’ve known him.

  “You knew that I’d be swamped at work.”

  “Yep,” I reply with a nod. “I did. And I told you that. And then you swore to me that I wouldn’t feel less than your job. That you’d make me a priority. You’ve never broken a promise to me before this.”

  “Joy, I’m trying to get my feet under me.”

  “Yeah? Me, too!”

  “You—”

  “I’m pregnant,” I interrupt and watch his eyes go wide as we stand in silence staring at each other, our breaths coming fast in the cool night.

  “What did you say?”

  “I’m pregnant,” I repeat, softer this time.

  “How long have you known?”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “About six hours, Jace. But if I’d known for six days, you still wouldn’t know because you don’t return a fucking phone call.”

  “Can we get past the fact that I’m a fuck-up in the communication department and go back to the whole pregnancy thing?”

  “Sure.” I cross my arms over my chest. I don’t love that we’re having this conversation on the sidewalk, but I’ll be damned if I invite him back to my house. “The nausea, the swelling, aches? Not the flu. I’m knocked up.”

  “You said it wasn’t the right time to get pregnant.”

  I narrow my eyes at him again. Okay, now I want to slap him. “It wasn’t. Obviously, it’s not an exact science. You should know that, Dr. Crawford.”

  “All right.” He holds up his hands in surrender and shakes his head. “This is ridiculous. I’m not blaming you for anything, and this is a great thing.”

  “Is it?” I demand, cocking my head to the side. “Really? Because I’m not so sure.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m not sure about anything. I don’t know if I want to marry you, Jace. What kind of a father and husband will you be? The kind who’s never around? Who misses birthdays and holidays and soccer games because someone is dying somewhere and you’re the only doctor who can fix them? You’re not here.”

  It’s obvious he’s fuming, his hands curl into fists at his sides as he stands and silently listens to me rant.

  “Maybe this schedule was okay when you were my best friend, and I had my own life, and I was just so fucking proud of you. I still am!” I throw my hands in the air and pace around the sidewalk. “But it’s not okay now. We’re not just friends, and I’m too needy. We knew that sleeping together would change everything, and it did. I’m in love with you. I’m not willing to accept the scraps you throw me when the job has finished chewing you up and spitting you out.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “No.” I shrug, shaking my head. “No, it’s not fair at all. And yet, here we are. You’re so fucking stubborn, you think you can make it all fall into place and work out, but Jace, you can’t. You’re one man, and there are only twenty-four hours in a day.”

  “What do you want me to do?” he demands. “Do you want me to quit being a surgeon?”

  “No. You are a surgeon. It’s your lifeblood.” I want to go to him, to wrap my arms around him and assure us both that it’ll all be okay.

  But I’m not convinced that it will be.

  “I don’t want to lose you,” he says and swallows hard.

  “I don’t want that, either. I don’t know what the answer is, but I know what it isn’t. This past month has been hell for me, Jace. I completely lost you, and I will not do that to our child. We need you. So, I suggest you get it together and figure out how you’re going to be there for us because we deserve nothing less than that.”

  I lay my hand over my still-flat stomach, and his eyes follow the motion, softening with love.

  “I love you, Joy.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Tears threaten as I gaze at him, and then I can’t take it anymore. I turn away and march down the sidewalk to my car. Once inside, I fire the engine and drive away, desperate to put some miles between us. I don’t want him to see me fall apart.

  Not like this.

  And I can’t crumble in
the way I need to because I can’t endanger the baby. So, I point my car in the direction of Noel’s house.

  I need her.

  I’m ringing the bell incessantly when she finally comes to the door. Her eyes widen when she sees my face.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I just—” I shake my head, the tears coming freely now. “I just needed someone.”

  “Come on.” She wraps her arm around my shoulders and leads me into the house. “Are you hurt?”

  “Just my heart,” I blurt out as we sit on the couch. I curl up in the corner and let the floodgates open, crying like I never have before.

  “I’m going to kill him,” she says, her voice full of anger and righteousness. “I swear to God, he’s a dead man.”

  I shake my head and fall into her lap, letting her play with my hair as I sob all of the disappointment, fear, and worry away.

  It’s been a long day and an even longer month.

  When the tears slow, she passes me a fresh Kleenex, and I sit up, wiping my eyes and coming away with a black tissue.

  “Ruined my makeup,” I sniff.

  “And how,” she agrees. “Wanna talk about it?”

  “Yeah. I’m going to have a baby.”

  “Holy shit!” She pulls me to her, hugging me fiercely. “Is this why you’re upset? Oh my God, did Jace ditch you when he found out?”

  “No.” I laugh despite myself. “No, he wouldn’t do that. But I told him that he needs to get his shit together.”

  “Good advice,” she says with a thoughtful nod. “But you need to tell me everything. From the beginning.”

  I take a deep breath. “Well, they settled the lawsuit . . .”

  “Hand me that screwdriver,” Dad says, pointing to my left. I needed to come and talk to him. I went to bed late last night without even one word from Jace.

  “This one?”

  “Yeah.”

  I pass it over and sigh as Dad dives back under his truck, tinkering away. Nancy is sleeping on a blanket next to the front tire. She’s never far away from my dad, and it makes my heart happy.

  They love each other.

  “What brings you over? Not that I’m not happy to see you, I’m just surprised,” he says, and I bite my lip.

  Maybe telling him I’m knocked up when I can’t see his face is a good thing.

  Suck it up, buttercup.

  “Can you come out from under there?”

  He slides out, wiping his hands on a towel and stands, watching me with eyes the same color as mine.

  “What’s up? Are you okay?”

  “Oh, yeah.” I swallow and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to come by and tell you that you’re going to be a grandpa.”

  Dad’s eyes light up, and he wraps me in his arms, spinning me around the garage.

  “Well, this is great news. Where’s Jace?” He glances out the door toward my car, but I shake my head.

  “I’m not sure.”

  He frowns. “Well, is he excited?”

  “I don’t know that either,” I admit with a deep breath, taking in the musty smell of motor oil and garage. “We had a fight last night when I told him.”

  “A fight?” He frowns and leads me into the house, then puts the kettle on for some tea. “What on earth did you fight about?”

  “I haven’t seen him, Dad.” I sit at the kitchen table and rub my hands over my face. My eyes are still tender from crying on Noel last night. “Since he went back to work last month, I’ve barely seen him.”

  “And?”

  I uncover my face and stare at him as if he didn’t hear me.

  “We’re engaged, and I haven’t seen him,” I repeat, but he shrugs as he waits for the water to boil.

  “You’ve known that Jace works a lot of hours. He always has.”

  “I know.” I nod and trace the wood grain in the table. “But he promised that he’d make more time for me now that things have changed between us, and if anything, it’s worse.”

  “Because he’s been catching up from being gone from the hospital for a month, and he’s still getting used to a new position of authority.” He nods, thinking it over. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit selfish?”

  “Selfish?” I scowl, my hackles up. “Dad, I don’t think it’s selfish to want to spend time with my fiancé.”

  “Not at all,” he agrees. “That’s not the selfish part.”

  “What kind of a father is he going to be?” I blurt out, making him frown. “I know he’ll love us, but it’s his time we need. His fancy car, and house, and all the rest of it? I don’t care, Dad. We need him.”

  “So, you want him to show up as a father, but in the past month, have you shown up as a partner?”

  “Well, I’ve called and texted. I got no answer.”

  “Did you go up to that hospital and take him lunch? Stop by in the evening with a fresh pair of clothes and a hug to encourage him?”

  “He’s working.”

  “And I know Jace,” he interrupts. “He would take the fifteen minutes to see you and be grateful that you thought of him.”

  “No,” I say with a loud exhale, feeling defeated. “I didn’t do those things. I wallowed in self-pity.”

  “Relationships are all about compromise, Joy. It’s not all about you. You had a month with him when he had nothing else to do with his time but devote every minute of the day to you, but that’s not who he is.”

  “No,” I murmur, shame washing through me. “It’s not.”

  “And you can’t expect him to dive back into the deep end and not give him some slack to get it all under control. Any new job is going to take several months to figure out. Hell, I remember when you started your clinic, I didn’t see you for almost six months.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper.

  “I understood, darlin’,” he replies, pouring our tea and joining me at the table. He takes my hand in his and gives it a squeeze. “Now, you need to be the one to show up and give him support while he gets this all sorted out. I’m not saying he did everything right, but I don’t think you’ve taken a minute to walk in his shoes.”

  “No, I’ve been too busy missing him,” I admit. “It’s not easy to go from all of his attention to none of it.”

  “I know.” He smiles softly. “Why do you think I’ve been so angry at your mama?”

  “Oh, Dad.” I cover our hands with my free one and feel tears spring to my eyes. “But it wasn’t her fault.”

  “And I don’t think this is Jace’s fault either,” he says. “I’ve decided to start sorting through your mom’s things over the next few months. I’m going to have to take baby steps.”

  “We’ll help,” I promise him. “I’m proud of you, Dad.”

  “Your mom would have been so excited at the thought of being a grandma.” His lip quivers with unshed tears. “She would have spoiled this baby like crazy.”

  “I know it.” I nod and let my tears fall unchecked down my cheeks. “Seems I’ve been doing a lot of crying lately.”

  “Hormones,” he says with a laugh. “I think you owe Jace an apology, Joy.”

  “Yeah.” I swallow hard and pull away, leaning back in my seat. “I messed it all up.”

  “I’d say you both did a good job of that,” he says before taking a sip of his tea. “This still tastes like twigs to me.”

  “Then why did you brew it?”

  “Well, isn’t that what you do for pregnant ladies? Make them tea?”

  I dissolve into giggles, happy that I came home to see my dad. “I guess you do. I think it’s good, thank you.”

  “Are you going to go find him after this?”

  “No.”

  He scowls at me, and I shrug a shoulder. “I have a few things to do, but I’m going to text him and ask him to meet with me.”

  “That’s what’s wrong with you young people today,” he says, shaking his head. “Just go find him, fling yourself at him, and say you’re sorry.”

  “I don’
t see it unfolding that way.”

  “You always did have to make everything difficult,” he grumbles.

  “Thanks for the tough love.”

  “Keep me posted,” he responds. “Now, I have to go finish tinkering with my truck.”

  “Want some help?”

  He glances at me in surprise. “I could always use an extra pair of hands.”

  ~Jace~

  “You look like shit,” Levi says after opening the door.

  “I haven’t slept,” I admit, following him through his condo to the kitchen. “Did I wake you up?”

  “I just got home myself,” he replies. “Long night at work. Want some coffee?”

  “Yes, please.” I sit at his table, feeling hollow as I watch him move about the kitchen.

  “How’s the leg?”

  “Fine,” he says with a shrug, then watches me closely. “What’s wrong?” he asks as he hands me my cup and sits across from me, watching me with tired eyes.

  “Joy’s pregnant,” I begin and then laugh humorlessly. “Which I still haven’t wrapped my head around.”

  “Congratulations.”

  I nod and take a sip of coffee. “We had a pretty big fight last night. Or, she did. I stood there and took it on the sidewalk because she wanted to yell at me.”

  “What for?”

  “Not being around this past month. I told Joy I’d make her a priority, and work has been, well, insane.”

  “I see.”

  “To say she’s angry is a huge understatement. In all fairness, I did show up to dinner about three hours late last night.”

  “Jace,” he says in surprise, and I wince.

  “I know. It wasn’t cool. I just got caught up. I always get caught up, and it feels like a shit excuse, but it’s the truth. Maybe I should give up the chief position.”

  Levi exhales loudly but doesn’t say anything.

  “Go ahead. Just say it.”

  “You’ll resent her,” he replies. “If you give up the position you busted your ass off for, you’ll resent her. Maybe not today, but one day, you will. And that’s not fair to either of you.”

  “I agree, but I don’t see how to do this otherwise.” I rap my fingers on the table in frustration. “Sixteen to twenty-hour days aren’t conducive to a healthy relationship.”