"I started while we were still in bed," he said with a shrug, studying my eyes with some caution still. "...I asked if I could move your stuff, Allie...I asked, remember?"
"I remember," I said, still staring up at him. "So you were already making arrangements for us to move in together before we were even finished talking about it?"
He nodded again, hesitating at the incredulousness in my voice. Still studying my face, he kissed my temple, tugging me closer, so that my stomach lay against his.
"Is it okay, Allie?"
I didn't answer him at first. Staring at that lit button on the elevator panel, it occurred to me all at once that I was nervous. I'd wanted to live with Revik, sure. I'd even fantasized about what it might be like, living together, even as early as Seertown, in that period before he got back from Cairo. But the reality of it kind of crashed down on me now, making me wonder if maybe we were rushing things. There'd been that vacation-type cohabitation that Revik and I did at the rebel hideout. There was also that time on the cruise ship...and the weeks where we shared that cabin in the mountains. But this felt different.
I hadn't lived with any guy like this except Jaden.
Jaden, who'd still managed to cheat on me, even while we were living under the same roof.
Revik's arms tightened abruptly. "Allie. I'm not going to get 'bored' of you," he said, his voice suddenly hard. "I'm not human, okay...? We're not wired the same. Seeing you in the bathroom isn't going to make me want you any less."
I nodded, but couldn't help laughing a little in embarrassment.
"Sorry," I said. "Just had a minor panic attack."
"Is it too soon?" he pressed, watching my face. "Do you want to do the ceremony first?"
"Do you still want to do that?" I said, looking up at him.
He nodded. "Yes. I was hoping we could talk about that..." He hesitated. "...Actually, I'd been thinking we could discuss it on your birthday, Allie...since it's in a few days. I thought we could talk about the rest then, too...but also figure out a date for the ceremony while I wined and dined you..." Still holding me against him, he studied my face. "But now that we know the date of your real birthday, maybe you'd rather wait...? Celebrate it in December, I mean. We could still go on a date. I'd rather not wait two more months for that..."
I looked up at him, at a bit of a loss again.
And touched, enough that I felt my cheeks warm.
"I forgot all about my birthday," I said finally.
He shrugged, squeezing me against him again. "I figured that. But I was looking forward to taking you out. We've never really gotten to do the birthday thing together...the last one, I think you had me in a cell below those mountains. The one before that, you were hiding from me...and the one before that, I was with Terian..." Hesitating, he studied my face. "But if you'd rather wait...? We don't have to do it now, Allie..."
"No," I said, shaking my head. "It's been the only birthday I've known for thirty-plus years. Anyway, my mom picked that day, so I don't want to blow it off entirely."
"So we do two birthdays?" he smiled.
I laughed. "Sure. Or just one. I don't care." Thinking for a minute, I whistled then. "You're turning 132 this year...is that possible?"
He laughed. "Honestly, until I looked at that piece of paper, I wasn't even sure of the year, much less the day. I thought I was about 25 years younger when I still thought I was Dehgoies Revik...and after that, I could only really guess. Seers used a different calendar back then, and the conversions are really complicated..."
I found myself turning over his words as the elevator pinged a tone. Before I could finish gathering my thoughts, the doors started to open. We were already walking down the hall together, his fingers wrapped around mine, when I finally ventured to speak.
"Hey, Revik..." I said. "I've been meaning to ask you about that, actually..."
"About what?"
"Well," I said. "Honestly...your name. Your name isn't actually Dehgoies Revik. Do you even want me calling you Revik anymore?"
He hesitated, looking at me as he slowed his pace.
From the blank look on his face, I wondered if he'd ever considered asking me to call him by his real name. I could still see him thinking about it as he fished in his inner jacket pocket for a key card, still walking with me down the carpeted hall. Frowning, he came to a stop in front of one of the five or so doors dotting a corridor that downstairs had more like ten. I waited, still watching his face as he fumbled with the card to get it facing the right way in his fingers. He swiped it once he had, pushing open the door.
"I guess I'm used to you calling me Revik," he said, his voice thoughtful. "I don't mind Wreg and Balidor calling me Nenzi...partly because they are both old enough that the name is less dated to them. But I'd have to get used to hearing it from you." Glancing at me, he added, "Do you want to call me Nenzi?"
I shook my head. "I'll call you whatever you want..."
My voice trailed there at the end. Mostly because my eyes froze on the enormous picture windows that filled my view as soon as he finished opening the door. Lost in the panorama of the park and the city outside those organic panes, I looked around in disbelief at the size of the 'room' we'd just entered. It resembled more of a high-end, park-side apartment owned by a rich businessman with decent design sense than a hotel room, even a fancy one.
Following Revik deeper into the main living area and across the plush carpet, I took in the furnishings in a minor daze, feeling like I'd walked onto the set of some 'how the billionaires live' show on the feeds. The room really did look more like an apartment than a hotel room...with a full kitchen, a sunken living room type area with a couch and a fireplace, an office behind a wall partition with two corner desks, leather chairs, a small library with old-fashioned paper books and a state-of-the-art organic wall-monitor.
I glimpsed the view out the windows again, and the balcony outside the sliding doors, and couldn't help staring over the trees and lakes of the park and the tall, ornate buildings lining its edges like something in a comic book.
"Revik..." I breathed. "Are you sure we should stay here?"
"There are bigger ones," he said nonchalantly, the smile only visible in his eyes. "This one has only the one bedroom...I figured with the office alcove, that's all we needed..." he said, motioning vaguely towards the desk area.
"...Also," he added. "This one has sentimental value."
"Sentimental value?" I gave him a wary look. "Do I even want to know?"
He walked up to me, sliding an arm around my waist before he kissed me again on the neck. He pointed to the couch then, resting his arm on my shoulder, still holding me against him.
"We made out there once..." he said, his voice teasing. "It wasn't the first time we kissed. You grabbed me in a club before that, on the same night...but that was more to get back at Jaden. I brought you back here like a teenager, telling myself it was for work but all the while hoping for another chance to talk you into kissing me again..."
I stared at him, completely thrown.
Seeing my facial expression, he laughed.
"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked finally.
"I erased it," he explained, his voice slightly more serious. "I had to...orders. From the Council, I mean. That's the other way I managed to talk you into letting me grope you...by telling you that you wouldn't remember it."
At my stunned expression, he laughed again. I smacked him on the arm.
"You're lying," I accused. "You just totally made that up..."
His face took on that more serious cast. "I'm not, actually," he said.
"You and I kissed...here?" My voice grew even more skeptical. "We couldn't have. I never cheated on Jaden." Thinking about this, I hesitated before meeting his gaze. "I wouldn't have, Revik...not even with you. I really, really doubt it anyway..."
He made a 'more or less' gesture with one hand.
"You and Jaden were a bit iffy right then..." He flushed a little darker, averting
his gaze before muttering, "...Or so I told myself."
"What does that mean?"
"You caught him kissing someone...I had to erase that, too. It's complicated, Allie. I'll explain the whole story to you sometime, I promise. Just not right now."
"I can't believe you never told me this," I said, still staring at him. "Are you really not pulling my leg?"
He shrugged again, giving me that half-smile. "It wasn't one of my prouder moments. You were kidnapped, you'd been drugged, almost killed by a bunch of Myther fanatics...you'd been drunk before all that, and Jaden pulled that shit on you at the club...so you were upset. I got you out of that mess..." Hesitating, he shrugged again with the same hand. "Sort of...and then took advantage of the situation to cop a feel..." His skin darkened more. "Really. Not one of my prouder moments...but I had a huge crush on you. Clearly, I still had a few impulse-control issues then, too..."
I laughed again, smacking his arm. "Now I know you're lying...I remember how you treated me when you first pulled me out."
He shrugged again, not answering, but I saw his eyes narrow as he looked at my mouth. Before I could speak, he slid around to the front of me, looping an arm around my back. When he pulled me closer that time, he held me snug against his body. I couldn't help noticing he was hard...obviously so.
"You're really not mad at me about Raven?" he said, studying my eyes.
"Mad?" I looked up at him, feeling my face warm. "When did you date her...like a decade before I was born?"
He didn't take his eyes off my face. "About that, yeah." His mouth hardened. "I meant about Maygar, Allie. I mean about having a child with her..."
Avoiding his eyes, I shook my head. "Why would I be mad?" Seeing the scrutiny tighten in his expression, I clicked at him. "You already knew I was jealous of her. But that's not the same thing..." Fighting to control my reactions to his light and his body, I shrugged. "...Anyway, I thought we were trying to trust one another. Starting over. Doesn't that include me not obsessing on your old girlfriends? Even if you happened to have kids with them?"
He pulled me tighter against him, an added meaning in his light.
"So does that mean I can't ask you about the guy in the cell down there?" he said. He kept his voice light, but I felt a sharper edge there, somewhere.
I frowned. "Why would you even want to know?" Seeing his eyes harden, I clicked at him again, softer though. "Revik, it was nothing. We dated a little...if you could even call it that. Voi Pai separated us pretty quick, if you want the truth. I think she was worried he would be a distraction...and he wasn't technically working for the Lao Hu anymore. She seemed to want to keep my ties inside the City."
"But you liked him?" he said, his voice careful.
I shrugged. "I liked him okay." Seeing Revik's eyes turn skeptical, I sighed, letting more of an edge touch my voice. "Do you really need to hear about all of that? Seriously? About how I was distracting myself because I had to play hooker for a bunch of rich idiots for gods know how many months? How I was depressed because my husband asked for a divorce...again...and then immediately demanded I supply him with...what was it, again? Oh, yeah. Someone to fuck. Anyone but me...I think those were your words, weren't they?"
Revik winced. Looking away, he shook his head.
"No. I guess not."
When he didn't say any more, I caressed his face with one hand, pulling on him to look at me. He finally did, and I studied his eyes as intently as he'd studied mine, softening my voice.
"You can't possibly be worried about me. Not really."
His gaze didn't waver. "And if I am?"
Stepping deeper into his arms, I kissed his mouth lingeringly, watching his eyes close. After he opened them, he continued to study my face for a few seconds.
Then he nodded, his eyes clearing slightly.
"Yeah," he said, exhaling. "I know." His arms tightened on me again. "We'll have to do something about Maygar, Allie," he said. "I'll have to do something, I mean."
I nodded. "Yeah, I know. I mean, I figured that."
"Allie." He hesitated again, watching my eyes. "Do you really trust me now? I don't mean totally...but enough to trust me with this. With the Maygar thing?"
Hesitating again, I thought for a few seconds before I looked up at him.
"Yeah," I said. "I do." Shrugging, I added, "I think that's why I didn't freak as much as I might have. Also, I kind of knew, like I said." I hesitated, still watching his eyes. "What about you? Do you trust me? Was that just a one-off spasm about Surli, or is there more?"
His expression grew uncomfortable. I saw him hesitate, as if he'd been about to answer one thing, then changed his mind.
"I might need a little longer, Allie," he said finally.
"Because of the Lao Hu?" I said.
He nodded, then met my gaze reluctantly. "I'm grateful for being spared the imprints...I really am..." Holding me tighter, he exhaled in a near-sigh. "But I can still feel them in your light, Allie. Not the clients. The Lao Hu. I can tell they still see you as one of them. I can even feel some of them...the ones you were with. Individually, I mean."
I nodded, trying to keep the flinch off my face, or at least where he wouldn't see it.
"Yeah," I said neutrally. "I can see that."
"It's not only that, Allie." He hesitated again, as if making himself hold my gaze. After another forced-seeming pause, he added in a stiffer voice, "...I've never been trained in sex. Not by anyone. Certainly not by the Lao Hu."
Staring up at him for a few seconds, I burst out in a laugh. I seriously couldn't help it. It irritated him though, I felt that much immediately.
"What?" I said, still smiling. "You're kidding, right?"
Giving me a harder look, he gestured a no with his fingers. "Why would I be?"
"It's just..." At a loss, I grappled for words. Words that wouldn't escalate this into some kind of absurd argument. "...I saw your past, Revik. I mean, I saw it in technicolor detail, especially in this area. You were taught plenty. You've also had...what? Ninety-four years longer to practice? At least seventy of which you seemed to make pretty good use of..."
Shaking his head, he clicked under his breath, not answering at first. Irritation continued to emanate off his light, and other emotions too, although those were more muted. I just looked at him when he didn't speak, still at a loss. Once the pause grew uncomfortable, apparently for both of us, he turned to look at me again.
"What if you taught me," he said. "...Filled in the gaps."
"What gaps, Revik?" I said, laughing in incredulity again. "You're the one who didn't teach me a damned thing in that area. You should have seen Voi Pai laughing at me when I first got there...they treated me like a complete moron for weeks..."
Revik winced at that, too.
I could tell I was making him angry though. Or maybe embarrassing him...I honestly couldn't tell for sure. In any case, his light closed enough to startle me, more than it had in the months since we'd left China...but not before I felt a pulse of heat off him that wasn't particularly friendly.
"What on earth do you think I could teach you, Revik?" I said, subduing my voice. "Seriously. I have no idea what you're talking about..."
"You don't?" He turned on me, his eyes hard. "What about what you did to me the other day? The way you held my light? I can't do that, Allie...not like that. Not without shutting you down entirely. I don't know how to hold you like that...where you still feel everything..." Gesturing vaguely, he seemed at a loss for words. "You almost gave me a fucking coronary...I already have trouble with you, then you do that to me...jesus christ..."
I watched his face, skeptical. "You really don't know how to do that?"
"No!" he snapped. "Allie...gods. Have I ever done it to you?"
"No," I admitted after a pause, my voice more contrite. I stroked his arm, trying to reassure him again with my light. "No...and hey, I'm sorry. I'm not blowing you off, I'm really not. You've got to understand, from my point of view, I've always had a major dis
advantage in that area..."
"Well, not anymore," he said, his voice short. He still avoided my eyes.
Watching him stare out the penthouse windows, I slid my arms around him again, rubbing his back. I waited until I felt his light soften, at least enough that he seemed to be with me again. After another pause, he let out a short, sharp exhale, almost as if he'd been holding his breath somewhere high up in his chest. I kept working his muscles with my fingers, until I could feel him starting to react, enough that his eyes closed.
"I'll teach you anything you want," I told him. "Anything I know...I promise." Pausing, I added, "...On one condition."
His expression grew heavy again. "Allie...I'm trying to let it go. I swear to the gods, I am. Just give me a little time, please..."
"That's not my condition," I said, still massaging his back.
"Then what?" he said, closing his eyes again briefly, partly in response to my hands.
"You have to do the same," I said. "You have to be open with me about it, Revik...tell me what you want. Show me, if I don't get it..."
He looked uncomfortable again, but nodded. Making the more formal version of the affirmation signal, he added the words in Prexci.
"I vow it, Allie."
Normally I might have joked about the formality of his words, but this time, I just nodded.
"Thanks."
Even so, I found myself studying his face, wondering what it was about that idea that bugged him so much. He didn't even try to hide how reluctant he was to promise me that. I was still trying to decide if I should ask, when he spoke before I could...maybe because he guessed what my expression meant, or maybe because he heard me again.
"I just wanted to take my time with you," he said. "I didn't want to rush all of that...to make it important. It wasn't important, Allie. It still isn't to me. I thought we could get to all of that when we got to it...and I was kind of having fun, just playing with you...not having to worry about any of that shit..." He hesitated, closing his eyes again before his voice turned gruff. "...'Dori told me you didn't like the way I treated you at the rebel compound. He accused me of treating you like a prostitute. That's what I'd been trying to avoid, Allie...obviously I didn't do a very good job..."
Allie's War Season Three Page 32