Hesitating again, he added, "I asked her to let me do it, Jon. I asked her, and no one touched her, including Wreg. If you want to blame someone, blame me..."
Jon shook his head, sliding his fingers through his short hair.
Looking at Jon's mutilated hand from what Terian had done to him didn't exactly make Revik feel better, but it did remind him how much he'd been through with the other man. He wanted to try and comfort him some other way, but he was conscious of not touching him very much. He'd felt Wreg around him enough in fits and starts that he knew it would probably only make the problem worse.
Honestly, Revik had been surprised Jon let him in at all.
Exhaling in a short burst, Jon clicked to himself, still staring at the floor.
"What would make you feel better, Jon? Honestly?" Revik said. "Ending things with Wreg isn't a real answer. Not for this. Anyway," he added, his voice more uncomfortable. "...I'm not even sure you could at this point. Not without help, and we don't have Vash anymore. No one in the hotel has experience with that kind of thing. It's not exactly Tarsi's thing..."
Jon stared at him, his hazel eyes sharper in the half-light.
Revik waved off his own words, wondering suddenly why he'd tried to go there, exactly.
It struck him that this was the first time he'd done more talking than Jon, in any one of their previous conversations...even when he'd been locked in the tank and more prone to ranting.
"...Look, don't worry about that," Revik said, backpedaling somewhat. "My point is, what you’re experiencing is a perfectly normal reaction to finding out disturbing details about your partner's past sex life...especially being in the stage of connection where you and Wreg are now." Seeing Jon's jaw harden again, he said,
"...It doesn't last forever, Jon. It's temporary. Whether you guys go all the way and fully bond or if you don't, this thing you're feeling...it won't last. What you've seen with me and Allie...it's not normal. This is the third time we've gone through this bonding process. That has nothing to do with being a seer and everything to do with what the Dreng did to my light. You know this, Jon. Don't use me and your sister as a model for how this kind of thing normally happens with seers..."
"Normal," Jon muttered. "You seers throw that word around a lot."
"It is normal, Jon," Revik said, relaxing slightly now that he'd gotten the other man to answer him a few times. "And it's not 'you seers' anymore, as much as you'd like it to be. I know this is hard. I remember how hard it was for me, and I was a hell of a lot older than you when I met my wife. Being a seer isn’t always easy, Jon. You have to learn self-control...real self-control. At a level you've never been faced with before.”
“Self-control?” Jon snorted, giving him a hard look.
“Yes. It’s part of being a seer. It will get easier..."
"Easier?" Jon said, glaring at him. "You're seriously talking to me about self-control? You, Revik? Really?"
Revik felt his jaw harden, but made a conceding gesture with one hand. "Maybe I'm not the best person..." he muttered, but Jon cut him off.
"...And telling me it's going to 'get easier'?" Jon gave a humorless laugh. "I wanted to beat the hell out of my own sister today, Revik. Hell, I wanted to punch her in the face. And I know what she was doing at that base with you. I know all about why she would agree to something like that, and all I could do was feel hatred that Wreg wants her, and that there's no possible way I can give him the things he wants from her..."
Revik rolled his eyes, unable to stop himself.
"Jesus, Jon. You're joking, right? Is this about her being female?"
Jon averted his gaze, his expression turning back to stone. Revik clicked at him, leaning his arms on his own thighs and trying again to get the other man to look at him.
"Jon...listen to me. I've seen Wreg with as many males as females over the years. Probably more, since female seers were in pretty short supply in those early years...” Seeing Jon’s expression grow more stormy, Revik added, "...I know the only serious relationship I ever saw Wreg in was with another male. They were together for most of the war."
Jon clenched his jaw. "He married a female."
Revik sighed, flipping his hand sideways in a 'so what?' gesture.
"That was after my time with him,” Revik said flatly. “I don't know anything about that, Jon, or about their relationship, except that she was killed in the second world war. And again, what does that have to do with you?" he said. "Trust me when I tell you, Wreg would sooner gnaw off his own leg than be disloyal to someone he loves. Hell, I don't know anyone more loyal than that son of a bitch. So if that's your worry––"
"Yeah. Right," Jon said. "So he won’t act on it. He'll just be looking at other people and thinking about it."
Revik sighed, shaking his head. "You and Allie...you mix all the worst things from both species while totally missing the point of the differences between them..." Seeing Jon's jaw start to harden again, he cut him off before he could speak. "...I've told your sister this about a million times...it doesn't work that way with seers. We joke about sex. A lot sometimes, inappropriately, sure, and sometimes to rile one another up. But we don't have wandering eyes the way that humans do. We tend to crave and be attracted to a person's light, not some arbitrary or imposed list of 'ideal' body parts. To put it crudely, we want to fuck that light...as much, if not more, than the body itself. We also want to get as close to it as we can. It's why we go a little crazy in the first stages of a bond, but it's also why you'll never have to worry about your seer partner in that way again, not once that initial bond is completed..."
"I don't want this," Jon said, shaking his head, his expression still granite. "Seriously, man. I can't deal with this...I don't care how you package it."
Revik shrugged again, his voice and expression matter-of-fact. "Whether it's with Wreg or with someone else, you're stuck being a seer at this point, Jon. Unless you plan to be celibate for the next few hundred years, you're pretty much shit out of luck." Giving him a humorless smile, he made a vague gesture. "Try being celibate when you've got a half-light bond with someone...then tell me how shitty this thing is for you. Trust me, it could be a lot worse. At least it's requited lust...or love...or whatever the two of you are at this point. At least you’re not separated. Or worse..."
Jon stared at him, his eyes hard.
Revik might have found it ironic, in other circumstances, that he had never seen the other man look so seer.
"What are you talking about?" Jon said then. "A few hundred years?"
Revik felt his skin warm a bit.
Another thing he probably could have waited before dumping on Jon, but he hadn't really been thinking when he said it, other than to reassure the other man. Remembering Balidor's warning not to lay too much on Jon in the crossover, changing-race department until Jon had a chance to adjust on his own, Revik shrugged that off, too.
It was a little too late to play footsie with him on the details.
"Jon, you need to face reality," he said. "Whether you like it or not, you're becoming more and more seer...at least in terms of the dominant traits. By the day, really, if we can believe what Balidor and Tarsi and the med techs have been telling us. Your aging process has halted. In some respects, it's actually reversing. Your organs are starting to change position...which is why you've been getting those 'stomach pains' Wreg told me about..." Seeing the incredulity coming to Jon's eyes, Revik made another vague gesture, this one towards Jon's body. "Hell, Jon. Everyone can see it. You and your sister are the only two who seem to be willfully oblivious to the whole thing. Most of us can't remember you're human at all anymore..."
Jon frowned again at the mention of Allie, but in a different way that time.
"Does she know about this?" he said. "That I flipped out?"
Revik leaned over his own legs once more, resting his forearms on his thighs. Tilting his hand sideways in a form of apology, he turned it into a shrug.
"Why do you think it's me in
here, instead of her?" he said.
There was a silence.
Jon gave a low snort, shaking his head. "She was afraid to come? Jesus. That's great. Perfect."
"No," Revik warned, clicking at him more sharply. "She wanted to come. I was afraid. I asked her not to. Somewhat strongly, in fact. I pretty much insisted."
"So where is she now?" Jon said, his voice suddenly wary.
"Gaos di'lanlente, Jon," Revik said, fighting back his own irritation now. "She's not off fucking Wreg, okay? She's not even with Wreg. I left him at the bar, with Torek and Neela..."
"So where's Allie?" Jon said again.
"She's in our room."
Jon shook his head, once. "She's not. I just checked."
Revik felt his jaw harden for real. "You're checking up on my wife? If I didn't know you were an irrational, hormonal shit right now, I'd probably be offended, Jon..."
"I'm telling you, she's not in the room," Jon said, giving him a warning look. "I was looking for her to apologize, if you must know...and she wasn't there."
Revik stared at him for a moment, fighting back and forth in his head as to whether he should take the bait and try to confirm Jon's words. Would she really have gone down to the bar without him, when he specifically asked her to stay away from Wreg? Feeling his jaw tighten more, he sent out a quick scan, in spite of himself. Once he'd confirmed Jon's words, he sent out a light ping with a question mark at the end.
He didn't try to locate her, though, or get too close to her light.
After the barest pause, her presence rose to meet his. She felt out of breath, which immediately sent his aleimi into sharper, more alert spikes.
Hey, she sent. Are you done? Where's Jon? Is he listening to you?
Revik exhaled a little air. He's here. I think he's better. He hasn't kicked me out yet, anyway.
He let Jon hear the last part and the other rolled his eyes.
Hesitating again, Revik added more privately. ...Where are you?
I went downstairs, she said. He felt the thread of evasiveness in her light. Don't worry, she said, as if picking up on his reaction. I'm not with Wreg. I just needed to check on something. I’m almost done, then I’ll explain everything.
What? he sent, fighting back the impulse to try and read her for it. Allie? What's going on? What are you checking on?
It’s not a big deal, I would just rather wait and explain it to you in person. Feeling his dissatisfaction with her answer, she added, Hey, what about you? Why are you worrying about this? Was I confined to quarters or something and you forgot to tell me?
Revik turned over her question, then exhaled. No.
I promise, it’s not a big deal, she repeated, firmly that time. I’d just really rather tell you the details later. Is that okay? She paused until he sent her a pulse of acquiescence. He didn’t hide his reluctance, but she must have chosen to ignore it. Just let me know when it's okay to meet you at the bar. I’ll be done here in a few more minutes. Oli just promised to give me a tour of some of the changes they’ve made to the security area…
I thought you were checking on something?
I was. I’m almost finished with that part... She hesitated, then blew him another pulse of reassurance. Seriously, Revik, it’s okay. Just let me know when and where I can meet you and I'll come right up. I'll explain everything then, I promise…
He nodded, but a low pain hit his light anyway. He couldn't explain it, not even to himself, but he felt it tangibly enough to wince. In the back of his mind, something nagged at him, in the background of that pain, too, but he fought to let it go. Losing his cool on Allie after he just tried to convince Jon that things would get better around the whole sex and trust thing probably wouldn't help make his case. Sighing at the thought, he let her light go reluctantly when he felt her attention moving elsewhere.
When he glanced back at Jon, the other man raised an eyebrow at him, the hardness in his eyes showing he'd picked up on at least a flicker of his uneasiness.
Allie was right. They all had to get better about shielding around Jon.
"It's nothing," Revik lied, then added more honestly, "Something's up...unrelated, I mean. She didn't want to talk about it while I'm with you...but something about the way she’s acting is making me nervous." Seeing Jon's mouth tighten, Revik rolled his eyes. "Are you coming downstairs with me?" he said. "Wreg's not going to move from that bar until you do. And when I saw him last, he looked pretty dead on his feet."
Those ended up being the magic words.
A whisper of guilt flickered over Jon's light, even as he let out a sigh that sounded more genuine that time. Supporting his upper body on his hands, which were pressed down just above his knees, Jon shook his head, seemingly at nothing. Sighing again, he nodded, then rose to his feet. A flicker of Revik's previous nerves returned when he took in the harder, more determined look that rose to Jon’s face.
Hesitating again, Revik found himself watching the other man warily, scanning his aleimi for probably the tenth time since he'd been invited into the room. When he spoke, he tried to make his voice sound joking, but didn't quite succeed.
"Are you going to make my military commander cry again?" he said.
Jon gave him a hard look, then averted his gaze, not answering.
"Seriously, Jon," Revik said, dropping the bad attempt at humor. "If you're going to be hard on him, maybe you two should wait. See some kind of mediator. At least get some sleep. Maybe Tarsi..." he added. "...For the mediation, I mean. Wreg still listens to her."
Jon's jaw only hardened.
Shaking his head, he didn't slow in his movements towards the door.
Revik watched as Jon shoved his arm into a jacket he’d pulled off a chair by the hall table, tugging it around his back. For the first time, he noticed that Jon was still wearing the combat pants and boots they'd all worn in Argentina. Feeling his stare, Jon gave him another hard look before he motioned with his head and hand for Revik to lead the way.
A little nervous in spite of himself, Revik checked his side holster almost in rote for the Glock that rested there, more of a nervous tic than from having put any thought behind the gesture. After touching the handle with his fingertips, he tugged on the ends of his own jacket to close the front, right before he moved to lead Jon through the open door.
JON FOLLOWED REVIK to the elevators, still feeling like he'd been punched in the gut at least five or six times in a row, and maybe kicked with the same military boots he wore, just for good measure. He grew conscious of the fact that he also still wore the clothes he'd hiked in and sweated in for hours, even before he sat on a plane for however-long and finally passed out in the Humvee and then the crate.
Thinking about where his head had been at, even since before they left for Argentina, Jon scowled again. He'd already been pissed off at Allie for staring at Wreg more than once, even right in front of him. Wreg blew it off as nothing, of course, making a joke about how good he looked in a suit, but Jon hadn't really been able to laugh it off then, either.
The truth was, Wreg did look damned good in a suit, all of his bravado crap aside, and whether or not Revik cared about his wife's gawking, Jon sure as hell did.
More importantly than that, though, at least in Jon's mind, was the fact that he was thinking about any of this crap at all, given what was happening outside the boundaries of New York right now. The more he thought about where his mind had been all day, much less his priorities, the more his anger at himself grew. Even apart from Cass being with Shadow, human-killing viruses and the threat of nuclear holocaust, the base stupidity of his own thoughts made him angry enough that he couldn't think straight due to that alone.
He knew he didn’t have to worry about Allie.
It wasn’t just that he trusted her...which he did.
It was her.
Allie was crazy about Revik. Head-over-heels, would basically throw herself in front of a bullet or a moving car for the guy crazy about him. She'd already nearly died for him
more times than Jon could count. Her blatant disregard for her own well-being when it came to Revik had been one of the things about both of them that drove Jon completely nuts.
The idea of Allie hurting Revik to sleep with Wreg was absurd.
It was beyond absurd.
Anyway, she would never do that to him...meaning Jon himself.
Once the thought fully solidified in his mind, the second Jon really let it in, he felt his shoulders relax. He knew how true it was. It wasn't even a question.
Jon felt the man standing beside him in the elevator car relax in the same set of seconds, as if exhaling a held breath. Once he had, Revik leaned down, punching the 'L' button for the lobby at the bottom of the lit grid of round numbers.
Revik glanced at him then. Gratitude shone in his clear eyes.
"Thank you, brother," he murmured. "I needed to hear that right now."
"What's going on?" That time, Jon heard the concern in his own voice, and was relieved to note it sounded real. When the Elaerian's expression relaxed still more, Jon realized that he had heard the difference, too.
"I don't know," Revik confessed. He gave Jon another cautious look before he added, "She was acting strange when I left the room. And it really bothered her, that she hadn't noticed more of the changes in you, Jon. She didn't say much, but I could tell it worried her that she hadn't seen it, too. She thinks something's wrong."
"Wrong?" Jon snorted, shaking his head as the words sank in. "What's right, man? Half the planet's dead or dying. We have no idea where Shadow is, or even who he is...and each of our theories is more depressing than the next. The Lao Hu and most of the humans want us all dead. We've got a list of people to save, but no way of finding most of them. Her ex-boyfriend, his groupie girlfriend and her old friends all think she’s trying to kill every human on the planet. We're locked in a quarantine zone with a bunch of rich, heartless fucks who may have conspired to kill a good chunk of their own species. Oh..." he added. "...And her brother nearly went to her room and tried to beat her up today, just because he's having 'adjustment issues' with his new boyfriend. Why would anything be wrong with Allie, man?"
Allie's War Season Three Page 106