“Daddy!” Her tiny arms wrap around him and he kisses her.
“She just . . . !” I trail off as he smiles with his whole heart. We’ve been saying Daddy more and more to her in regards to Aaron. It warms me that he’s being such a great father to her. She’s lucky that she’ll know the love of two men.
“She did! Hi, my beautiful girl.” He lifts her into his arms and I hold my heart. Even with everything we’ve suffered, there’s a small measure of healing through Aara. She is the glue that holds us all together.
Aaron carries her over and sits next to me. “That was amazing.”
“Yeah,” I grin. “I’ve been working with her on Mommy too. I’m glad she said it with you here.”
“Me too. So, how are you?” Aaron asks and starts to play with Aara in the sand.
“I’m hanging in there. You?”
He looks at me and lifts his hand, but drops it before touching me. “I’m doing okay,” he admits.
“Good, I’m glad.” And I mean that. I don’t wish anything bad on him. Aaron has suffered enough in his life, and I know the man he was. He was happy, loving, and fun. I want him to find that again.
“I wanted to ask you if you thought we could have dinner this week? There’s some stuff I want to talk about and I owe it to you.”
My heart sputters and I’m not sure what to do. Aaron hasn’t done anything to make me wary, but I remember the last dinner we had.
“Is something wrong?”
“No, I just want to talk about going forward.”
“Okay, I can get a sitter for Aarabelle.”
“Great.”
We play with Aara for a while and talk about work stuff. Aaron has been working with Mark on a lead outside of the office on what’s been going on in Cole Security Forces. This will be the first time he’s back in the office for more than a day or two. They both have been steadfast in checking every clue as to who could be behind the issue that caused Aaron to go over there in the first place. Jackson is flying back this week and wants to have a staff meeting. It’s hard to believe anyone is intentionally messing with all of these guys, but it seems that way, and Mark is all too happy to work a little closer with Charlie in D.C.
After we discuss work, we transition into how he’s handling everything. Aaron’s been working hard in therapy and seems to be doing much better at opening up. His therapist has urged him to talk more about what he went through.
“Seeing Charlie this week was good I think,” he muses.
“Why is that?”
“She was able to fill in some of the gaps of time and how she was able to get me the hell out of there.”
Aaron looks off at the waves and I place my hand on his. “Can you tell me about the rescue?” I ask.
We start to pack Aarabelle’s toys and head to the house. It’s already getting dark and we’ve spent the afternoon talking and laughing. It was nice to spend time with him like two old friends. There wasn’t anything awkward or uncomfortable. We just enjoyed the day with our daughter.
“What do you want to know?”
“How did it all go down?” I really want to know how they knew where to find him and what happened.
Once we reach the deck, I can tell by the way Aaron stiffens and the way he keeps clenching his hands that this is difficult for him. I reach out and touch his arm. “You don’t have to tell me.” I offer him the out.
“No, it’s fine.”
“Do you want to stay for dinner? I have chicken in the crock pot.”
“Are you sure that’s okay, Lee? I’m not saying I don’t want to, but you need to be sure. I don’t know if I can really be friends with you like this. You chose him.”
My stomach clenches. “Aaron, I wasn’t trying . . .”
“I know. You asked me to leave. You asked me for a divorce. I don’t know how Liam or Brittany would feel.”
“You’re back with her? Even after all the shit you said to each other?” I ask.
“Do you hate it?” he asks and steps closer. “Do you wish I wasn’t?”
I shake my head. “No. If you were willing to ruin our marriage over her, I would hope you cared about her enough to try. You were planning to leave me.”
I thought we were making progress, but it seems not. I don’t know if he’s playing a game or what.
“I would’ve never done it.”
“You’ll never know that.”
“I do know.” He lifts Aarabelle in his arms. “I don’t want to fight with you. I came here to see if we could talk.”
My phone rings and it’s Liam’s number.
“I gotta answer,” I explain.
“Liam?”
“Hey, Lee.” He sounds exhausted and worn. “I only have a minute, but I needed to hear your voice.”
“What’s wrong?” Fear starts to course through me. This doesn’t sound like the man I know.
He huffs and something crumples behind him. “Everything. I’m ready to be out of this hellhole. It’s going to be a long deployment, and I’ve never been like this. I’m the guy who’s counting down the fucking days, Lee. I’m not this guy. I don’t do moody bullshit. The whole damn time I was away, all I did was worry about you. This isn’t normal. I don’t care about being away. It’s money and fun, yet here I sit all pissed off and ready to come the fuck home.”
“Lee, I need the keys,” Aaron says loudly and I know it is on purpose. I hand him the keys and give him the nastiest look. Asshole.
Liam goes silent and then his voice morphs to anger. “Aaron’s there?”
“Yes, he came to see Aarabelle.”
“But he needs the keys?”
“Don’t make this a fight because you’re looking for one. It wasn’t anything you need to worry about. Our divorce paperwork is submitted, but he’s going to be a part of our lives. You’re pissed off because you’re gone, and I get that, but there’s nothing here.”
“My mind goes crazy. I think about him being there when I’m not. I wonder if he’s telling you how easy it would be with him. I’m going out of my mind, Natalie.”
I wish I could take his worry away, but I know if it were me, I’d be the same. I don’t blame him for it. He’s away and my husband who I loved for more than half my life is here. One who made it abundantly clear he wasn’t going to give up.
I look back as Aaron and Aarabelle enter the house.
“Listen to me,” I say as I walk down by the beach. “You have my heart. You have my soul and you have my body. No one else. You have to trust me and know that I would never betray you. I love you, and you’re not getting rid of me so easily.”
“When I get home, I’m going to show you how much you mean to me. I’m going to marry you, Natalie. I’m going to give you everything I have. Just wait for me.”
“You already give me everything. Now, come home soon.”
Liam disconnects the call. I close my eyes and I rub my stomach. “You’ve given me more than you know.”
“You’re now sixteen weeks,” Dr. Contreras says as she smiles and grips my hand. I’ve been with her from the beginning of my very first failed pregnancy, and she knows more than anyone how I’ve been terrified. Each week, I start to gain a tiny flick of hope this might be okay. “You are still high risk, but right now you’re on track.”
“I keep waiting,” I say aloud.
“Don’t live like that. Everything looks great right now, and you’ve made it through the most trying time.” She walks over and gives my hand a squeeze. “Have faith, Natalie.”
I need to harness my faith that no matter what, I will be okay. I can’t be worried because the stress won’t be good for the baby either. “Can you give me any insight about how this happened? Years I went through hell, and now when I’m not even trying . . . it happens?”
“Sometimes after you have a baby, your body resets itself in a way. Kind of like ‘been there done that.’ Your cycle restarted after Aarabelle, and while you might not have been regular because PCOS doesn’
t go away, you were ovulating when you did happen to get pregnant. It’s a good sign.” Dr. Contreras smiles and writes some things in her chart. “I want to see you back in four weeks.”
“Are we doing this like we did with Aarabelle?”
During my pregnancy, I was considered high risk. My visits were more frequent and they monitored me very closely. I also was on a very light lifting ban. We were very careful, and I felt like I should’ve covered myself in bubble wrap.
“Most of it, yes. I don’t want you doing anything strenuous. If you can keep off your feet then do it. I know that’s hard with an eighteen-month-old, but try to take it easy. Do you have help from the father?”
I look away and shake my head, “Aaron has been helping a little with Aarabelle, but he doesn’t know. Liam is deployed, and I can’t tell him while he’s gone.”
She laughs, “I’m sure that’ll be a fun homecoming.”
“It’ll be interesting for sure.”
She pats my hand. “I’m sure you will get everything worked out. We’ll keep you monitored and next appointment will be an ultrasound. It’s all good things, Natalie.”
“I have so much stress right now, between Aaron and Liam, I’m not sure what the hell to do. I’m concerned all of this is going to affect the baby.” This is my worry I battle each day. I’ve been doing so well with keeping myself calm and in check so far though.
Aaron and I get along, but I’m sure that all could change very quickly. Liam will be home soon enough and then the dynamic shifts again. Plus, there will be an even bigger sense of betrayal. Liam was able to get his wife pregnant when he couldn’t.
“I know this is a difficult time for you, but I want you to focus on you for once. Not Aaron and all the issues in the situation, but really give yourself the best care possible. Can you do that?” Dr. Contreras asks.
“Yes, this baby means everything to me. No matter what happens, it’s a miracle and I’m happy.”
She smiles, “Good. Now, I’ll see you in a few weeks and then we can see your baby.”
I leave the office feeling buoyant and hopeful. I dreamt of having more children, but I never expected it to happen, and I sure as hell didn’t think it wouldn’t be without help. Liam and I have a tiny miracle growing inside of me. I don’t know how he’s going to handle it, but I can’t stop the joy that builds.
I’m going to have another baby.
Once I arrive back at the office, I float around in a daze. I was so sure by now I wouldn’t still be pregnant that I didn’t really allow myself a chance to process what it all means. Aaron will need to be told delicately and not until Liam knows. God, I hope I don’t show early.
“Earth to Lee.” Jackson smiles waving his hand in front of me.
“Hi! Sorry.” My cheeks flush as I realize I’ve been staring off into space.
Jackson laughs and leans back. “How are you?”
“Good. I’m good.”
He smiles knowingly and I wonder if Mark told him. I’ll kill him.
“Dempsey doing okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, Liam is out doing . . . well . . . you know,” I sigh. “It’ll be a few more days until he’s back in touch.”
Jackson nods and steeples his fingers. I forget sometimes how far he’s come. The man who used to play beer pong as a sport is now a company owner. He took all of the bad things that happened to him and used them for good. “How are you handling his deployment?” he asks.
There’s no judgment in his voice. He must know how difficult this is for me. I may do a good job of masking my fears, but they’re there. They lurk in every shadow, waiting to jump out at me. The fear that someone will come to tell me he’s died weighs heavy. It’s the reality of loving him, but he’s worth battling my demons.
“I have good days and bad days. When he’s in Germany, I’m fine. We talk more often and it feels like he’s just down the street, but he’s been out of touch for a while now.”
“It won’t be too much longer.”
“No, we’re half done. It’s that last month that’s always the most agonizing,” I laugh.
“For us too.” His warm smile and blue-green eyes light up.
“So, you didn’t come all this way to just talk about me . . . what’s up?”
Jackson sits forward and explains what’s been going on in their investigation. It affects my job because that was the initial issue. When Aaron went out to Afghanistan, it was to see why supplies were going missing. The issue seemed to die out after Jackson got shot, but when they started to delve deeper, they found something was amiss.
“Anything you need and I’ll help,” I offer.
“I was hoping with your journalism background, you’d be able to look into a few things, but I want you to be comfortable.”
“As long as I don’t have to travel, I can help. I don’t know how great my contacts are and what I can find out, but I still have some friends.”
Jackson nods, “Great. Thanks, Lee.” He looks around awkwardly and I can tell this isn’t the full reason he’s here.
“Is there something else?”
“Aaron will be in the office more. I know you guys are talking and both moving on with your lives, but I felt you should get a heads up. I don’t condone all the shit he did, but he’s been my friend and saved my ass. If you want to cut back here or work from home more, I’ll do what I can to make this as comfortable as possible.”
Aaron and I have found a way to cope through all of this. We’re civil and kind, but I’m not sure working together is the best idea. Especially with me being pregnant. But Aaron isn’t responsible for supporting me, and I don’t expect anything from him. I need to produce an income.
“Can I think about how to handle this?”
“Of course. I just want you to know I’m your friend too, and I won’t let you and Aarabelle suffer either.” Jackson gives me a pointed look. “I mean it, Lee.”
I grin and nod, “I know. Now, how’s wedding plans?”
Jackson and I talk about their upcoming nuptials and how happy he is. It’s nice to see him come full circle and with someone like Catherine. They may not have been each other’s first loves but they are truly made for each other. Which is how I feel about Liam.
It may not have been the plan I had, but he makes me impossibly happy. Liam sees into the parts of my heart I never knew were there. He’s the clarity in the darkness that brings peace to my soul.
My computer rings and I fluff my hair. I haven’t seen Liam in weeks and I want to look stunning.
“Hi!” I squeal as his face comes into view.
“God, I missed your eyes,” he says and smiles.
My eyes start to water as I look at him. His dark brown hair is longer than he usually wears it and the scruff I love so much is a full beard. He still takes my breath away.
“I missed every part of you.”
“You look beautiful. How are you?” he asks and leans back on his pillow.
“I’m good. I miss you,” I say again. I wish I could find better words because missing him doesn’t seem strong enough. I yearn for him in a way that’s probably not healthy.
He chuckles, “I miss you too, Lee. Where’s Aarabelle?”
“With Aaron.”
“Ah,” he says and his face falls slightly. “I got an email from Mark the other day.”
Panic starts to churn, but I try to mask it quickly. “Oh?”
“Yeah, wanted to check in and see how things were. Let me know you were being watched and were doing good.”
“Watched?” I say a little pissed.
“You didn’t think I wasn’t going to make sure you had someone looking out for you?” Liam smirks.
“I think you forget I’ve done this a time or two there, Dreamboat.” I missed our playfulness. It’s one of the things I love most. He makes the most serious of situations easier to tackle.
“Yeah, but I haven’t. I needed to make sure my girls were okay.” The way he includes Aarabelle makes my he
art explode with love. He’s going to be an amazing father to our baby.
I bite my lower lip and debate if I should tell him now. I decide to test the waters. “How did the last trip go?”
“Let’s not even talk about me and here. I swear I’ll never be happier to be stateside,” Liam huffs and then continues. “There’s been stupid fucking mistakes made over and over. I mean, you’d think I’m with a bunch of newbies this time. My frustration level is beyond high, and I’m going to have heads roll if there’s one more screw up. I thought someone would be coming home in a body bag this last one.”
Nope. Not going to tell him now.
“I’m sorry,” I shrug, partially disappointed. I want to tell him about our baby. Of course I wish it was in person versus over Skype or the phone. “The divorce should be final soon, by the way.”
“You okay with it?”
“I’m ready to start our lives with no more ghosts,” I reply earnestly.
Liam pauses and then his eyes get serious. He leans in and sincerity rings in his voice. “I’m going to make you happy, Natalie. I’m going to give you all the things you want, and I’ll never betray you. As long as we’re together, you and Aarabelle will be what I live for. I know she’s not mine, but I’ll love her like she is. I’m going to make sure you never know what it feels like to be second best.”
My heart soars and tears begin to fall. “You have no idea how happy you make me.”
“We’re just right, Lee. I’m not saying we won’t have ups and downs, but I’ll be by your side the entire time. Even when I have to be away from you, I’m with you.”
I shift forward and blow him a kiss. This man has shown me love when I never thought it would exist again. He gave me faith to open myself to him and that he’d protect me. Even when he pushed me away, it was to protect us. The love we share is once in a lifetime. It may have taken a tragedy to bring us together, but it’s true love that binds us.
“I love you, Liam Dempsey.”
“I’m thinking you should prove it,” he winks.
“Oh, and how do I do that?” I smile as his eyes begin to smolder.
“I want to see you, sweetheart.”
Conviction (Consolation Duet #2) Page 14