Wished Away: A Broken Fairy Tale

by S.P. Cervantes

  A hand grips my forearm, lifting me to me feet and leading me to a chair that’s placed next to Dave’s bed, but we do not speak to each other, and I don’t look up to see who it is…I don’t care. I reach for Dave’s hand, shocked by how cold it is, and sink deeper into despair.

  I lean over and begin kissing his knuckles begging for him to fight for me. I take in the clean mint scent that always covers Dave’s hand and smile. He’s such a fanatic about using a mint scented hand sanitizer all the time, and most of the time it drives me crazy. But now--now it’s the one thing that makes him seem alive to me.

  “We’ll be taking him back into surgery soon, but you can stay until they prep him. Can I bring you anything Mrs. Bosi?”

  I still don’t look up or speak, I just nod my head no, and continue praying. I rub the pendant that Dave had left for me hoping that the power of St. Michael will bring him back to me, back to Charlotte. The eerie sounds of the machines beeping and the ventilator swooshing sending air into my husband’s lungs are like nails on chalk board, reminding me of the grave situation the love of my life’s in. I still can’t make sense of what happened tonight, nor do I really care to know the details, all want is for someone to bring him back to me.

  I’m not sure how long I sit at Dave’s bedside before the deep raspy voice from before speaks again. “They’re going to need to prep your husband for surgery now Mrs. Bosi. Why don’t we go in the waiting room and I can inform you of what’s going to be happening, and have you sign some paperwork.”

  I close my eyes tightly, trying not to let the anger bubbling up inside me explode all over this person who just won’t seem to leave me alone. I stand next to Dave, and lean over his stiff, cold body, and place a kiss on his forehead, my tears spilling over his perfect face. Even with all of these tubes, and his pale skin, he’s still perfect. He’s still my Dave. “I’ll be waiting for you,” I whisper in his ear before kissing him one more time and walk out the door to talk with the doctor.

  The florescent lights in the hallway seem to make me feel even more like I’m trapped in some sort of nightmare. I look down the narrow hallway to see Dave’s parents huddled together with Cam and Holden and hastily turn and walk in the other direction. If I see them, if I talk with them, this will all be too real. I turn the corner, out of breath, trying to gain my composure, but I just can’t. I’m shaking violently and slide my back down the wall so that I’m sitting in a ball, with my head between my legs, taking deep breaths, trying to hold back the tears that just won’t stop.

  “Mrs. Bosi?” the same deep voice from Dave’s room is talking, and once again, I feel a firm grip around my arm. “Jess, please come sit in here. You need to drink this.”

  I look up and finally see who the voice belongs to. I recognize him, but can’t quite place him and don’t’ care to. “Are you Dave’s doctor?” I ask, my throat dry and scratchy from grief.

  “I’m Doctor Scott. I’m the surgeon who’ll be performing Dave’s surgery, and will have to get back to him shortly once they’re done prepping him.” His face is filled with anxiety. “I was…I’m a friend of your husband’s Mrs. Bosi. I’ll do everything I can to save him. I promise.”

  I look up at him with pleading eyes, “Please bring him back to me. Please.” I can hardly get out the words.

  Just when his eyes meet mine I realize who this doctor is. He’s the man at the restaurant the other night. The man who lost his wife in that accident. Someone who knows my grief all too well.

  “I can’t let everyone see me this way. I just can’t. I’m the strong one. Dave’s parents…they’ll fall apart if they see me like this.” I struggle to gain my composure and focus on what the doctor has to tell me.

  He nods his head and clears his throat, and begins telling me of the extent of my husband’s injuries as delicately as he can, but in a very clinical way, making most of what he’s saying right now blur into my desperate thoughts of Dave. From what I can tell, his head injury was not as bad as they first thought, and the bullet only grazed his head, so that gives me some hope that he’ll make it through this. The bad news is that his internal injuries are unknown, and he has lost a lot of blood. He suggested my family and friends start calling for blood donors, and told me that all of the men from the force are already donating their blood. A nurse suddenly pushes through the swinging doors and calls for Dr. Scott. He turns to me and looks at me regretfully, “There are some forms that you need to sign Mrs. Bosi. I’ll have the nurse come and get them from you shortly.”

  He places his hand on my shoulder in a reassuring gesture, and takes off down the hall towards the operating room, towards Dave. Before he pushes through the doors, Joey stops him and says something to him before tightly embracing him. I look down at the papers in my hands, unable to focus on anything through my tears. I begin to shuffle through my purse for a pen when Cam comes over and sits next to me, with Holden and Joey on the other side. Dave’s like a brother to her, and I know this is hitting them hard too. All four of us are only children, and we made each other our honorary siblings decades ago.

  Cam takes the papers from my hands, “The Bosi’s went to get everyone some coffee and will be back in a little bit. Let Holden go through the paperwork. He’ll tell you what you’re signing and where to sign.”

  She knows me so well. They all do. The words written on the paper are all just a blur of information I don’t want to think about right now. I lean into Cam while Holden asks me general questions about Dave’s medical history, insurance, nothing too heavy. That is until he gets to a DNR that Dave had filled out years ago.

  “Was this something that you both have discussed in the past Jess?” Holden looks at me with a heavy heart. This is hard for any of us to think about.

  “Yes,” the words tear at my dry throat as if I was trying not to let them escape my lips.

  I remember laying on the beach with Dave when we had this discussion. I was pregnant with Charlotte and he’d just started full time on the force. We both agreed, whole heartedly, that if we were ever in a position where we would only kept alive by a machine, and were not able to talk or communicate, or in a vegetative state, that we wouldn’t want to live that way. We wouldn’t want the other person left caring for someone who wasn’t really there. It was an easy conversation when we were lying carefree on the beach, with our whole lives ahead of us. But now, when it really matters, I don’t want to do anything to keep him from breathing another breath. I want to run in the room and tell Dr. Scott that I will tear him to shreds if he doesn’t resuscitate him. Dave’s smile pops in my head when I start to imagine all the things I would do to anyone who didn’t save my husband. He always smiles when I start to lose my cool. God, I have to see that smile again.

  “Jess, you don’t have to sign this now. You can talk with Missy and Tom, his parents may be able to help.” Holden reaches over and grabs my hand. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do right now, Jess.”

  I look up at my friends. “I have to sign it Holden. But I swear if they use that order, I can’t be responsible for what I do.” They all smile through their sadness. “Thanks for being here guys. I don’t…” my voice breaks, “I don’t know what I will do if he doesn’t make it.”

  “Dave is the strongest of us all Jess. He’ll fight with everything he’s got for you and Charlotte.” Joey pulls us all in closely and begins to pray. “He’s a fighter.”

  Dave

  “I’ll be waiting for you,” she says quietly, and then I feel her hand leave mine.

  I would do anything to let her know I’m not in pain, to know that I’m ok, but I can’t. I can’t speak or move my body, and know that it’s not a good sign. The ride to the hospital is a faint memory. All I can think of is Joey talking to me, telling me a story about Jess and the group of us back in college. He knows it’s always one my favorites to tell, especially after I’ve had a few.

  People are talking around me, but I can’t make any sense of what they’re say
ing. I feel something in my mouth, and know I have IV’s in my arms, but I can’t feel them at all. My head begins to feel hazy, and I realize I’m probably back in the operating room, and that there’s most likely some type of anesthesia being administered so that they can fix me up. I try and focus on Jess and Charlotte as I feel myself fading into a blissful slumber. The last thing I hear is someone whisper, “Fight for her. She needs you to fight,” before I dose into my dream.

  I was running down the beach at full speed towards Holden who had a football securely snuggled to his bare chest, making his judgment on which way to go. Holden and I became fast friends when he moved to Mantoloking. I remember Joey and I were so pumped that finally another dude moved to town. Mantoloking wasn’t a town filled with kids our age, and when he moved in, our street had become the best the town’s ever seen. Back then, we didn’t care about girls, and certainly not about Jess or Cam that way…yet. But that day on the beach when we were all together for the summer, running towards Holden, wanting nothing more than to rip his head off, was the first night Jess and I made love.

  All of us were home from college; the guys from Yale and Jess and Cam from NYU, and life seemed perfect. It was the day before the 4th, and we had a group of friends with us at Barnagate Beach, drinking beers and playing a testosterone filled game of football while the girls cheered us on. Holden was the star tight-end in high school, and could have played at any college he wanted, but that wasn’t Holden. He didn’t want to be tied down going to practice every holiday, he wanted to be with his friends, he wanted to party. I remember the huff my parents were in when they learned he turned down a scholarship to Penn State. My god, the dinner table that night had me teeming with envy, because if I ever had the opportunities Holden had, I would’ve eaten them up. I was a good athlete, always one of the best, but never the best like Holden.

  I lunged at Holden, perfectly clasping my hands around the ball in his hands. It was like a slow motion action movie when I remember the smirk on Holden’s face when he said, “Oh shit,” and I ripped the ball away, springing to my feet and running in the other direction while Joey made a few key blocks. Running in the sand is hard, but when I saw Jess, in her red string bikini with curves that should be illegal, screaming at the top of her lungs for me to score, nothing was going to stop me from getting to my prize. Jess had no idea how hot she was and that was always obvious. Jess always had a slew of guy friends, and was also completely oblivious to the fact that every single one of them would nail her if she ever gave them the green light…everyone but Holden. I had no doubt Joey would jump at the chance if given the opportunity; but that’s Joey. I have to say I can’t blame any of them. She’s tall, with legs that go on forever, and thinking of them wrapped around me with her naked body open, ready for me, shatters me every time I think of it. When I ran across the makeshift goal line, I threw the ball into the sand, and marched straight to Jess, without turning to receive the congratulations of my teammates. I only wanted one thing, Jess.

  “My hero,” she yelled with a smile that ruined me every time, and jumped into my arms.

  “God, I love you Jess. You’re so goddamned hot.” She ran her fingers through my hair and pulled me down into her mint flavored kiss. “We need to leave--Now,” I growled as the liquid heat building inside me sparked when her warm skin touched mine.

  She bit playfully at my bottom lip as I pressed her up against the wooden fence at the boardwalk. “I’ll go anywhere with you Dave Bosi.” The look in her eyes was filled with lust, and I was going crazy. We’ve never had sex with each other before, but I could think of nothing but feeling the warmth of her around me. Jess, the epitome of sex appeal, had made me wait over a year before succumbing to my advances, even though I know I wasn’t her first. But to Jess, we meant so much more than getting laid. She knew that if and when we did make love, that it would bind us in ways that we didn’t even know possible. And she was right. Joey always said he knew after that night I was whipped, and while I fell in love with Jess long before we made love, that day with her was one of the best in my life.

  Jess and I were never shy with our affection towards each other, but that day, in that moment, kissing Jess up against the prickly wood of the boardwalk, caused the others to holler and make cat calls for us to get a room. I remember pulling back from her slightly, breathing heavy, sweat forming on my brow, and being completely undone by the heat that was smoldering in her eyes. We both stood there, breathless, my hand splayed low on her back, thinking of nothing but how little fabric there was between us.

  I looked into her bright blue eyes that I loved so much. “I need you, Jess.” I didn’t wait for her answer, I knew it, it was unmistakable the way she licked her lips as if she too was about to devour me because of my words. I grabbed a towel off the sand, and took Jess’s hand, pulling her to Joey’s parent’s house on the beach. Joey’s parents were both big time movie producers and were absolutely loaded. They had a house on the beach, and another one two blocks away on our street. Joey had free reign over both houses, with only Helen, his housekeeper, to look after him most of the time. The house was a six bedroom beach oasis with a hot tub up on the top balcony overlooking the Atlantic. Joey has made good use out of every room in the mansion, and he certainly wouldn’t mind Jess and I taking advantage of one of the empty rooms. We didn’t speak when I opened the sliding glass door and took her to the upstairs guest room. When I shut the door behind us, I locked the door and had her pushed up against it with one swift movement, making her gasp when my lips met hers with desperate desire.

  I ran my hand up the curves o f her bare back taking the string in my fingertips. With one quick motion I had the string untied and her top flung up towards our faces. Without missing a beat, Jess reached up and pulled it off her head and pressed her full breasts against my chest. Her hard nipples against my chest was all I needed to make me feel like I was going to lose it right then.

  I broke our kiss and brushed her wild blonde hair from her face, forcing her gaze to meet mine. “I love you Jess, more than anything. If you’re not ready, stop me now, because I won’t be able to stop myself.”

  She smiled and my cock danced with excitement. “If you don’t take me right now Dave Bosi, I’ll kill you.”

  We both smiled and I carried her over to the bed, lying her down before me. “I’m going to make love to you first, Jess. I’m going to worship every part of you I’ve been dreaming about for every night since I was fifteen.”

  “I thought you said you fell in love with me when we were kids?” Jess said playfully nipping at my ear.

  “I didn’t think about fucking you back then Jess, hell. Not like I do now….” I kissed her softly. It was a kiss so full of meaning, a kiss letting her know that how much I love her, and she responded with equal emotion.

  She looked up at me and my heart skipped a beat. “Make love to me Dave. Do everything you’ve dreamed about to me right here. Right now.” Jess reached down and slowly untied my bathing suit, kissing up along my neck completely making me unravel. I reached down and slid my fingers under the hem of her ruffled red bathing suit bottom, making her shiver in excitement. “Oh God Jess, I want you. You are so beautiful.”

  “Promise me.” Her face was suddenly vulnerable and right then and there she could’ve asked for the world and I’d give it to her. Jess never showed vulnerability. That was one of the things that always kept things exciting between us, we were both fighters. We were both strong.

  I brushed my nose against hers before kissing her neck, as I slid the small piece of cloth covering what I wanted so badly and a guttural moan escaped me. “Anything,” I said breathless, opening her to me, making sure she was ready for me.

  “Don’t ever leave me,” she said panting as I slid into her.

  She was so tight, so wet, I nearly lost myself right then. But instead, I stilled for a moment, taking in every bit of heaven it was to be inside her this way. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to make that nig
ht one we would never forget. I leaned into her, pressing her lips to mine, pouring my soul into our kiss. The way her lips sent shocks through my entire body, almost had me coming apart again, it was so full of need.

  I pulled back and looked her in her eyes. “I promise Jess. I’ll never want to be anywhere but with you.” And that was the truth, in all these years, I’ve never wanted to be anywhere but with her.

  My dream becomes interrupted with the realization that someone is moving my body, and that people are around me, but I want to be back in my memory, back with Jess in that red bikini. But my euphoric dreams are interrupted by a sharp, sudden pain, and then darkness.

  Jess

  I just got off the phone with Charlotte who is still with Kat in Cherry Hill, letting her know that she’ll get to have three sleepovers in a row, and will be staying at Cam’s tonight. Right now, everyone is just keeping everything light and fun for her, but I know that she’s going to have to come here tomorrow and see her Dad. We can’t keep this from her much longer. I miss Charlotte and want to see my little girl, but I won’t leave Dave’s side until he gains consciousness. He came out of surgery a few hours ago, but they said the next twenty four hours were critical. Luckily Cam brought me some extra clothes this morning, and I was able to shower in Dave’s room, but other than that shower, I’ve not left his bedside. I want him to know I’m right here, fighting for him.

  Dave’s parents have gone home to get some rest after I promised to call them if there’s been any change, and I have to say I’m glad to have this quiet time alone with Dave. I appreciate that his parents and my gang stayed by my side during the surgery, but now that it’s just Dave and me, I feel like I don’t have to be strong. He knows me better than anyone. He knows that my outgoing, crazy personality is only one part of me. As confident as others may find me, I don’t know who I am without Dave. He gives me confidence and has always made me feel like I can do anything and succeed, that I could do anything and he’d still love me.