Born for Leaving (New England State of Mind Book 1)

by Mia Kerick

In and out…in and out. As his confidence grows, Bodie moves more steadily. “This is fucking amazing, baby.”

  “Fucking…is amazing,” I agree, smothering yet another smile.

  Bodie digs his fingertips into my sides as he pumps. Soon he holds back nothing. He grunts softly with each thrust. I grunt a little bit too. I haven’t been in bed with a man for eight long months, so it takes some getting used to. Not to say it isn’t good because it really is.

  “I want to stroke you, but if I let go of your hips, I might slip out.” He slows his movement so he can speak. “You mind touching yourself?”

  “No, I don’t mind.” I wrap my fingers around my dick but remain still.

  “Cool.” His avid thrusting resumes; I match my strokes to his movement. “And thanks.”

  Thanks? I’ve been thanked three times already. This is indeed an unusual approach to lovemaking, but still, he feels so perfect. No condom, just Bodie inside me.

  And there’s unfettered joy in his lovemaking. It’s kind of magnificent.

  Once I start to stroke myself, my climax builds rapidly. I try to hold it back. Bodie’s the virgin—I should have at least as much control as him.

  “Ollie, can I come now? I’m…trying to wait…for you, but this…oh!” He stiffens inside me and leans down to cover my back with his chest, and he lavishes kisses on the heated skin of my neck.

  With all of the sensation—his dick throbbing in my ass, a furry chest pressed to my back, the tiny kisses beneath my hair, my hand on myself—I let go on the sheets.

  And it’s awesome.

  “I’m never gonna be the same.” Bodie is stretched out in the middle of the bed, arms flung wide. His grin can only be described as self-congratulatory. I’m clinging to him for two reasons: first, it’s part of the rosy afterglow of sex, and second, it’s required by my steadfast refusal to tumble off the bed to the floor. And he’s letting me hold on to him. He even seems to be enjoying it.

  “I sincerely hope you mean in a good way,” I tease, sliding closer to him and thus farther from the edge of the bed.

  “Ah, yes. It was well worth the twenty-eight-year wait.” He leans over and kisses me. A chaste kiss, all things considered.

  “You thanked me three times while we made love.”

  “And here’s number four: thanks for the fireworks. Did you see them too?”

  “The most spectacular fireworks I’ve ever seen.”

  “Ever?” He smiles.

  “That’s what I said.”

  A chuckle rumbles deep in his chest. “Never thought taking a job as a doorman at a beach bar would get me all of this.”

  “A sparsely furnished room in a tiny cottage, a snarky housemate, and walking rights to an old yellow lab?”

  Bodie slides to the side of the bed, sits up with his legs extended, and pulls me onto his lap. I’m too lanky a man to fit on anyone’s lap comfortably, but I go with it. He wraps his arms around me and says, his voice strangely hoarse, “I think of ‘all this’ as a roommate who’s my friend and lover, a sweet cottage by the beach with a pretty shell driveway for my bike, and the best dog on the island.”

  “You’re very generous with your compliments.” I turn to absorb his earnest expression.

  “Nah. Just stating truth, is all.” Bodie isn’t having trouble looking into my eyes tonight. It’s a marked change for him, to study me so directly. And it’s a hurdle I’ve seemed to have successfully leaped as well.

  I’ve turned into a people-person, at least when it comes to this man. “I, uh…all I hope is that you like it here, and you’ll stay awhile.” I’m actually open enough to verbalize my greatest concern.

  He still doesn’t shift his eyes away. “If you’ll have me.”

  I nod. “I’ll have to check with Hugo. He has a say in this too, you know.” More of Bodie’s laughter rumbles against my back. “But I think he’ll vote to let you stay.”

  “So maybe I’m not getting thrown off the island?”

  “This isn’t the game of Survivor, Bodie.”

  “My life kinda has been, ’til now.”

  “Well, it’s not anymore.”

  “You awake?” My head rolls off Bodie’s shoulder as he lifts himself up on one arm.

  “Bodie?” I glance at the alarm clock. “It’s five in the morning.”

  “Yeah. I know…You up?”

  I yawn and rub my eyes. “I am now.”

  “Great.”

  Awkward silence. I thought we were finished with those. “So…uh, what’s on your mind?”

  He shrugs like a guilty kid caught sneaking cookies from the jar. “Just wondering…”

  “Wondering what?” I’m not exactly irritated that he woke me up, but I am curious as to why.

  He clears his throat. “As you know, I waited twenty-eight years to have sex.”

  “Yes. You told me.”

  “And it was worth the wait.”

  “You also mentioned that.”

  “Anyhow, I’d like to make up for lost time, if you don’t mind.”

  “You want to make love again?”

  “Real bad.”

  I pull him down into a kiss. “Are you gonna put on another fireworks display for me?”

  “I’d sure like to give it a shot.”

  “Well, let’s see what you can do.”

  “Thanks, Ollie.” He falls on top of me, burying his mouth in the hollow of my neck.

  I push him off, just enough to look into his eyes.

  “What’s the matter?” he asks.

  I don’t even hesitate. “No more thanking me for sex.”

  “Oh.”

  “Making love is how we show we care for each other. And want each other. There’s no need to say thank you.”

  Bodie nods. “I’m just real appreciative.”

  “Show me, then. Don’t thank me in words, okay?”

  “’Kay. Got it.”

  “Then let’s get back to the matter at hand.”

  He dips his head to my neck but freezes before his lips touch my skin. “I was just about to say thanks again. Caught myself in time.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “It’s not a crime, Bodie. If you feel the need to thank me, it honestly does no harm.”

  “Nah, I like the idea of showing you much better. Got a few ideas.”

  He closes his eyes and dives back in.

  Chapter 17

  Bodie and I are still in bed when my cell phone rings. “I should get that,” I utter with no actual intention of answering.

  “Could be important,” Bodie says. “You answer your phone, I’ll let Hugo out and feed him.”

  “That sounds like a fair deal.” Unless it’s my mother. Then it’s a total crap deal. But I glance at the phone and see that it’s Sam. “Hey, Sam. Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Sorry I had to call out of work last night.”

  “I figured you had a good reason.”

  “Family shit.”

  “Then no worries.”

  “I actually have to ask for a favor.” He sounds more upset than nervous.

  “Sure. You need another night off?”

  “That’s not it. I need to take my mother to the doctor. She’s having some weird shoulder pains. We’re afraid it’s her heart.” I see what has gotten him so worked up.

  “Oh, shit, Sam. How can I help?”

  “Would you watch LeeLee today, while I’m at the doctor’s office with Mom?”

  “Of course. But I’m not exactly a pro with kids.” I’ve actually never been alone with a child since I was one.

  “All you need to do is keep your eye on her. She’s pretty well behaved.”

  “Then bring her over. Bodie and I are here with Hugo, my dog. Maybe pack her swimsuit. We can take her to the beach.”

  “She’ll love that.”

  “We’ll make it a fun day.”

  “Thanks a million, Top Dog.”

  “Hi, Lolly-ver.”

  Sam holds LeeLee’s hand as he leads her
onto the deck where Bodie, Hugo, and I wait.

  “Hi puppy.” She rubs Hugo’s nose. Then she glances at Bodie. “Why’s Lolly got a cowboy here, Daddy?”

  Sam squats to look into his daughter’s eyes. “The cowboy is named Bodie. He lives here with Oliver and works at Surf’s Up with me.”

  “Is he a nice cowboy? Like Woody on Toy Story?”

  “He’s the nicest. Bodie, this is my daughter, LeeLee.”

  Bodie tips his hat and smiles. A rather dubious smile. “Pleasure to meet you, LeeLee.”

  Sam kisses her hand and stands. “I won’t be gone long, sweetie. Just have to take Grammy to see her doctor, and then I’ll come pick you up.”

  “Okay,” she says and again examines Bodie. This time more cautiously. “Do you like Play-Doh?”

  Bodie studies the little girl with equally wary eyes. “Been some time since I played with the stuff, but from what I remember, it’s cool.”

  “I can make a Play-Doh hot dog. You can eat it, but you got to only pretend ’cause it’s not real food. Daddy says it’ll give you a tummy ache if you eat it for real.”

  Bodie nods. “Looks like I got to pretend, then.”

  “I brought my lunchbox from preschool, Dodie. Getting a new one soon ’cause I’m going to kindergarten. I’m gonna get a Paw Patrol lunchbox. Not a princess one.”

  “That’s, uh…sure something.” Bodie is struggling more with this tiny five-year-old girl with huge dark eyes and corn rows and a Frozen lunch box than he does with a half dozen drunk college guys giving him attitude. I have to bite my lip not to smile.

  “Filled it up with my Disney Princess necklace set and four colors of Play-Doh. Wanna see?”

  “I suppose so.” LeeLee joins Bodie at the picnic table where she dumps out her lunch box, scattering toys onto Bodie’s lap. He scoops them up before she can.

  “I’m gonna make you a pretty necklace now.”

  “Need some help?” he asks.

  “No, thanks, Dodie. You just supposed to watch me.”

  I turn away from them to talk to Sam. “I think she’s gonna be fine with us today.”

  “I just hope ‘Dodie’ will survive.” Sam grins. “Here’s her backpack. I put her bathing suit in, like you said.”

  “And can LeeLee eat anything she wants? Does she have any food allergies?”

  “No. She’ll let you know what she likes.” Another smile. “And what she doesn’t.”

  “I hope everything is fine with your mother,” I offer.

  “Me too. I should be back in the early afternoon.”

  “If we’re not here when you get back, check the beach.”

  “Will do. Huge thanks, Lolly.”

  “You’re a riot, Sam.”

  “It suits you,” I say to Bodie when LeeLee hooks the necklace around his rugged neck. It fits him like a choker.

  He drops his hat onto his head again when she steps back to examine her work. “Dodie, I gave you two princess charms ’cause your eyes look sad.”

  People say the truth often comes from the mouths of babes. What does LeeLee see that I’m missing?

  “I’m not sad, LeeLee,” Bodie replies simply.

  She changes her mind. “Okay. Maybe you’re just scared.”

  He shrugs. “This pretty necklace makes me feel much better.”

  “I know.” When she throws her chubby arms around his neck, he doesn’t flinch at all. In fact, Bodie places his palm gently on her back and holds her. He likely senses that she poses no threat to him. “I gotta go potty now, Dodie.”

  Bodie drops his hand from LeeLee’s back, his lips twisting to the side. “Um, Oliver…”

  I lead her inside the cottage to the bathroom. “We’ll be waiting for you out on the deck when you’re done.”

  When I return to the deck, Bodie’s sitting on the steps with Hugo, staring across the street at the water. “Kids are supposed to be looked out for. Like how Sam looks out for LeeLee.”

  “He’s a good father,” I agree.

  “And it shows in her. In how she acts toward us.”

  “LeeLee is pretty confident here with two grown men she barely knows.”

  Bodie’s lips draw back and turn down in the corners. I’d bet my life he’s thinking about his own upbringing, and how he wasn’t cared for or protected.

  “If you ever want to tell me about what happened to you, I’m always here to listen,” I offer.

  Bodie turns toward me, his pale eyes wide and bright. “I don’t know if I can talk about it.” He again faces the street.

  I squat behind him. “Can I touch you now?”

  He nods. Just once, and only very slightly.

  I place my hands on his shoulders and squeeze his tight muscles until he moans.

  “Feels good.”

  “Because you know you’re safe with me.” He’s going to need frequent reminders.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “And because you know I’ll take things at your pace.”

  “Uh-huh. That too.”

  “And I get that you won’t pry into every corner of my mind.”

  “You’ll fill me in on what you want me to know, when you’re ready,” he agrees.

  “So this is a new beginning for both of us.”

  He stands, takes me into his arms, and holds me as gently as he held LeeLee. “Tough to believe it’s real—that you’re real,” he says.

  “I’m real too, Dodie. But Daddy says ghosts aren’t real.”

  We spin around to find LeeLee standing in the kitchen behind the screen door, watching us as intently as she’s listening. “He’s right. There are definitely no ghosts,” I concur.

  Bodie leans in close to my ear and whispers, “It’s time for us to give up our ghosts, ain’t it?”

  I nod at the exact moment LeeLee announces, “No secrets, Lolly and Dodie. Keeping secrets is not nice. My daddy said.”

  “Okay, then. How about we go swimming at the beach?” I ask, changing the subject.

  LeeLee studies Bodie and I skeptically. “Can we make Dodie’s necklace princesses a castle in the sand?”

  “That’s my specialty,” Bodie says.

  “Mine too!” she squeals. “I gotta put my bikini on.”

  We’re the only people on the beach, which is surprising on such a perfect late July day. Bodie and LeeLee have constructed quite an impressive sandcastle, finishing it off with shells and leaves and stones that LeeLee collected from the along shore. Currently, the princess charms from Bodie’s necklace are sunbathing in tiny seashells, while we eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and drink solo cups of my special strawberry-mango lemonade on a fleece Red Sox blanket.

  “After lunch it’s time for me to go swimming with puppy,” LeeLee announces.

  “Can we come too?” Bodie asks.

  LeeLee lets loose peals of boisterous laughter. “Of course, you can, silly. I’m not allowed to go swimming without a grownup!”

  “And are you gonna eat your crusts, LeeLee?” he asks her with a wink. “’Cause if you aren’t, I’ll take them.”

  LeeLee picks up the crusts from her paper towel and squeezes them in her sandy fist so they stick together. “They taste better all squeezed up.”

  She passes the little ball to Bodie who gulps it down, making piggy snorts.

  “Dodie’s so funny. Isn’t he, Lolly-ver?” She wipes her fingers on the blanket.

  “He’s a laugh a minute.” I send him a smile before he scoops LeeLee into his arms and flies her like an airplane to the water.

  LeeLee is a decent swimmer for a five-year-old.

  “You swim like a little fish,” I tell her.

  “Nope. I swim like The Little Mermaid.”

  “How did you ever learn to swim so well?” I ask.

  “Daddy taught me so I wouldn’t never drown,” she explains.

  Bodie’s eyes go wide at her blunt reply. “That was good thinking.”

  “Daddy’s smart.” She splashes her way from me to Bodie.
r />   “That’s a darn good dog paddle,” he tells her. “You think you could show me how?”

  “You’re gonna have to listen to me real close.”

  “I will. I swear it.”

  “No swearin’, Dodie.”

  The two splash in the waves with Hugo darting between them for the next forty-five minutes. When LeeLee yawns, Bodie lifts her in his arms and carries her like a baby up the beach to our blanket. I follow along—the classic third wheel. But a happy third wheel.

  “Want me to wrap you up in your towel like a taco?” he asks.

  “Yes! Please, make me a taco.”

  “What kind of taco are you?” Bodie is on fire in the child-entertainment department. He rolls her in her beach towel.

  “Chicken!”

  “And you smell good enough for a princess to eat,” Bodie adds.

  Her giggles carry all the way up the beach to her father, who is tugging off his sandals.

  “Hey, LeeLee!” He jogs toward us. “How was your day?”

  “I’m a chicken taco, Daddy,” she states in a sober tone.

  “And I’m gonna take a big bite of you,” Sam growls playfully.

  Bodie drops to the sand and watches Sam interact with his daughter, his eyes now somber.

  And when LeeLee unwraps herself from the towel, she takes the few steps to Bodie, stands in front of him, and places a cherubic hand on his scruffy chin. “I love you, Dodie.”

  Sam and I exchange raised-eyebrow glances, and Bodie’s jaw drops as he gawks at the little girl.

  “You’re my best friend,” she adds. Before he has a chance to reply, LeeLee rushes to Hugo and gives him a hug. “You’re a very good puppy.” And then she looks at me. “Thanks for the yummy sandwich and the weird lemonade.”

  I sigh. This little girl is charming, even if her taste in lemonade is questionable.

  “She melted you guys too, I see.” Sam wears the classic proud-father face.

  “She sure did,” Bodie admits. “Maybe you’ll come play with us again sometime, LeeLee.”

  “Can I, Daddy? I never got to make Dodie a Play-Doh hotdog.”

  “Of course you can. But now Grammy is waiting for us in the car. She wants to hug her little LeeLee.”