In 1965

by Albert Robida

  One day, as I am about to give those messieurs their French lesson, my friend Kapalouia hands me a scroll of paper.

  “Here,” he says, “read this, if you can; it’s this morning’s newspaper, and there’s mention of you...”

  I’ve forgotten to tell you that the centaurs, like us, have newspapers of a sort, not daily, but appearing once a week or every ten days, occupied with literature and serious news, not political chatter.

  I’m almost beginning to know how to read; with patience and attention I arrive at understanding.

  “Look, there in that column,” Kapalouia tells me, in order that I won’t waste my time searching the paper.

  Indeed, it does concern me. It’s a kind of report to a scientific academy by Messieurs Bibouf and Galibou, my two pupils and enemies.

  And this is what I read:

  To the learned and illustrious Academy of Sciences of Zinor, greetings and reverence!

  Bibouf and Galibou, humble disciples, are sending the present communication with regard to an extremely interesting and curious individual recently fished up on the beach of Birka, on to which the waves of the sea had cast it, after a big storm.

  Thanks to the kindness of Monsieur Kapalouia, who has received him in his house, we have had every facility to study the aforementioned extraordinary animal, and to enable us to render a full account of its real physical nature, its intelligence and its mores. After two months of serious study, examinations and comparisons with other species in the animal kingdom, we believe that we are sufficiently enlightened on the subject today to determine its zoological classification.

  Description of the individual:

  (I have a strong desire to pass over the description; my two enemies Bibouf and Galibou do not find me very handsome, but I can pay them back immediately, when I’ve told you that Bibouf had a flat face, a snub nose, not much hair, a long and ill-combed beard, while Galibou, by contrast, projected ten centimeters in front of a face like a blade a nose like the prow of an ironclad ship, mounted by two large round spectacles, masking slightly squinting eyes. Thus they are photographed; I shall say no more in order not to be suspected of animosity...)

  Description of the individual, etc. etc. Five feet four inches, oval face, dolichocephalic head of mediocre cranial capacity, low forehead, prominent cheekbones, nose strongly aquiline, slanting eyes, green irises of cunning expression…, etc.

  Facial angle too distant from the line characteristic of the centauran race for the individual to be related to us, although also rather distant from the facial angle of the great apes.

  A vague resemblance to the centauran race can be observed in the conformation of the torso, the breast and shoulders, but that resemblance, which might seem striking to a superficial observer, cannot stand up to an attentive examination.

  Torso short, arms thin and long, hands long and fingers loose, indicating a certain dexterity... Legs short and heavy, devoid of elegance and more similar to arms than true legs...

  Instead of feet designed to receive iron shoes, the individual’s legs are terminated by veritable hands, with articulated and gripping fingers, which is the most marked characteristic of the simian race, and would be sufficient to determine its relationship with the great apes even if there were not other indications to lead us to that conclusion.

  In spite of all our invitations, even promising recompenses that ought to flatter its gluttony, the creature in question has always refused to climb trees, although its conformation would lend itself to that admirably. Its penchant for dissimulation as always retained it at the moment of allowing us to see its aptitudes.

  Paleontology has discovered in the strata of the age immediately preceding the appearance of centaurs on earth skulls and fragments of the skeletons of great apes that must have been very similar to the individual we are studying. It would be very interesting to be able to compare its skeleton with those of some of the great apes in question reconstituted in the Museum in the capital.

  We hope, in the interests of science, that circumstances will one day permit that comparison, and that it will be given to us to see, thanks to the munificence of Monsieur Kapalouia, the individual in question carefully naturalized in a glass case alongside those ancient counterparts.

  I choked with anger on reading those lines, which Monsieur Kapalouia so obligingly placed before my eyes, striving to explain the difficult words and turns of phrase.

  They had certainly classified me, those two fake scientists, pretentious individuals, complete asses rather than centaurs! Not content with making me a monkey, they were proposing quite simply to have me stuffed, like a curious ad rare animal, and putting me in a glass case in the Museum with a nice label. And for that they were making an appeal to the munificence of the good Kapalouia, to whom I belonged as a domestic animal!

  Kapalouia saw my fury, which he mistook for dread.

  “Don’t worry, my dear little fellow, I won’t give you to the Museum. Bibouf and Galibou are two schemers, who would be charmed to make a name in science by causing you grave displeasures, but I won’t lend myself to their whim.

  “Thank you, excellent Kapalouia, my benefactor; I can see that you’re very sincerely my friend. You won’t have me stuffed, even richly!”

  “Never! When I think that they dare to propose such things, when you’ve been so obliging toward them…”

  “Let’s see the rest,” I said picking up the newspaper again.

  In spite of the feeble capacity of its cranial cavity, the individual we are studying appears to be capable of assembling a few simple ideas and expressing them in articulated sounds, in a voice fairly similar to the centauran voice.

  It has a language of which, after a few months of patient study, we have succeeded in constituting the commencement of a dictionary and a sketch of the grammar, which she shall submit to the Academy imminently. That faculty of speech is, above all, what differentiates it from the apes that we know, but other animal species also have a sort of language; parrots and other birds talk, and give the impression while chattering at one another of expressing ideas...

  How do we know whether the apes of the prehistoric era might not also have possessed speech? How can we be sure that they were not also capable of coordinating and expressing ideas?

  In conclusion, we have no hesitation in placing the individual in question in the class of the superior great apes. It is a vertebrate mammal of the order of Quadrumanes, of an unknown family...

  It originates from some tiny island lost in the immensity of the ocean that surrounds us. That little island is not a sterile rock, it is fertile ground; plants and trees fairly similar to our own are encountered here, doubtless by courtesy of seeds transported the wind and rots cast up there by the waves.

  It has told us that it answers to the name of Zephyrin, difficult of orthography in our language.

  The members of Zephyrin’s species live in troops in fairly large villages, of which the principal one is named Bordo or Pary, for Zephyrin sometimes gives it one of those two names and sometimes the other. They know a few arts and métiers and even possess a few embryonic sciences. They are able to weave garments, cook their aliments and build huts.

  Their confirmation and their four gripping hands, like those of apes, indicate sufficiently that they are essentially climbers, which must establish their dwellings in the branches at the top of trees, for their security. That must, in fact, be the sole means for them to shelter themselves from the enterprises of ferocious beasts, since the weakness of their forearms prohibits them from fighting, just as their inaptitude in running prevents them from finding their salvation in flight in case of attack…etc.

  Doubtless the search for the island where these quadrumanes live would present a scientific interest, especially from the viewpoint of natural history, but success appears to us to be so uncertain, and the result would offer such poor compensation for the risks, the enormous dangers and the immense expense, that we would not dare propose such an e
xpedition. In that matter, as in all others on all others, it is to the luminaries of the Academy that the undersigned respectfully defer.

  Bibouf. Galibou.

  That took up six columns in the newspaper, plus a column and a half of notes. I had had enough; I shrugged my shoulders, laughing, determined to conceal the anger whipped up in me by all that ignominious rubbish.

  “You aren’t holding it against them,” Kapalouia said to me. “I’m delighted by that; it proves that your nature is better than they suppose. I knew it!”

  “No, I don’t hold it against them, but I intend to show them that they’re grossly mistaken, that they’re floundering and splashing around, plunged neck-deep in error, all the way up to their spectacles.”

  Patience, patience! The plan was ripening that was to get me away from Centaur Island, a pleasant and charming land, I recognized, inhabited by worthy people like my friend Kapalouia—but where scientists dare to propose to have me stuffed for the Museum in the capital,

  I shall not be stuffed; I shall not ornament their Museum. On the contrary; I shall find a means of returning to my homeland and I shall disembark gloriously in Bordeaux, with my two insulters, the centaurs Bibouf and Galibou, in a good solid cage.

  IX. In which Captain Zephyrin begins his preparations for escape with the complication of abduction,

  in order to bring back a few souvenirs of the land

  Following my plan, I showed myself increasingly gracious with my two enemies, Bibouf and Galibou. I continued to teach them French and English, and even Basque. They continued taking notes in my regard, probably as malevolent as the earlier ones.

  In addition to languages, still following my plan, I informed them on the subject of the sciences, and I spoke to them above all about everything relating to navigation.

  Sailing is not the centaurs’ forte, as I have already said, nature not having shaped for traveling the sea in boats, where they would be very cumbersome. It is for that reason that in all their travels over the oceans, humans, before me, had never found themselves face to face with those improbable and fabulous beings, considered by us to be a mythological chimera. It is for that reason, too, that they thought the universe limited to their island.

  The centaurs did however, have boats for coastal fishing. We often directed our excursions toward the little port, and I examined those boats attentively. Not bad at all, those boats, large and rounded, and strongly-built. Although poor mariners, the centaurs are good carpenters, ingenious with rigging.

  I rubbed my hands. On one of those boats, which held solidly at sea, I would dare to launch myself toward the distant horizon, in a north-easterly direction, the route to know lands, to Europe and the fatherland. Alone, since there was no means of doing otherwise, I would confront all the dangers of the hostile regions.

  But I don’t want to go back alone; I want to return to Bordeaux with the two centaur scientists, my enemies. The difficulties are unimportant, great as they might be; I shall do it! I need a complete triumph, or nothing at all! A triumphant return to Bordeaux, or Bibouf and Galibou can have me stuffed for the Museum, if they so wish!

  In the port, therefore, I talked about sailing with Bibouf and Galibou, who continued to study me covertly and make mental notes concerning me.

  “Look at that large boat, then, illustrious Bibouf,” I said to him. “Not built for racing, it would be beaten hollow at the regattas of Arcachon. You don’t know Arcachon?”

  “Is that one of your brothers?” asked Bibouf.

  “No, I’ll explain…later, when we reach Bordeaux. Look at that boat: it’s solid, it travels well over the waves…I’d like to make an excursion on it.”

  “I understand an excursion at sea,” said Galibou, “but for fishing, for science, to study curious fish...”

  “Well, I said, “why not go to spend an hour or two off the coast of one of those islets out there?”

  “It’s just that I get sea-sick as soon as I set foot on a boat, and Bibouf too. In sum, though, for science, one might risk a little sickness—not so, my dear Bibouf?”

  Bibouf nodded his head.

  I also talked about it to Kapalouia, and everything was arranged in accordance with my desires. A few excursions were organized. A large boat with a deck was put at our disposal, containing a large room in its bulbous hull for the three centaurs who ordinarily manned it.

  It could be steered from a sort of elevated poop, where the tiller commanding the rudder was located, quite simple and ingeniously organized. Usually, two centaur sailors fished while the captain, nonchalantly lying down, maneuvered his vessel without difficulty or fatigue.

  After a few courses of study, the maneuvering would go perfectly. We’ve seen better than that in races at Arcachon in a strong breeze.

  Splendid weather favored the first excursion with the Kapalouia family. How pleasant it was on that blue sea, before that sunlit coast, with those worthy centaurs! My heart dilated in my breast. It would not have taken much for my resolution to weaken, and I would have renounced flight, resigning myself to live on that truly delightful island, if the humiliating idea had not returned to me that, among the good centaurs, agile and galloping, with my short and feeble legs, I was nothing but a kind of cripple, almost nailed to the ground.

  And for Bibouf and Galibou, my enemies, I was even less! Nothing but a quadrumane, a baboon, an orangutan endowed with speech, not even a superior ape but an ape of lower status, since I did not climb trees!

  Oh, it was necessary to get away! And for the remainder of the excursion, indifferent henceforth to the charms of the landscape and the delicacies of my friends, I no longer thought about anything but escape.

  The captain yielded the helm to me for the return, and the boat traveled briskly, gliding under my hand without any hitch or difficulty.

  How joyful the little centaurins were during that nautical excursion. They pranced and danced so much on the deck that they became inconvenient. They admired me, those children, amazed by the surety with which I launched the boat over he waves. They would have accompanied me out to sea with tranquility, without making any objection, all the way to Bordeaux!

  No, my children, I won’t abuse your confidence, I won’t take you away from your charming island, your homeland. As for Bibouf and Galibou, that’s another matter; we’re at war!

  I’m delighted! Everything is going well; I have the boat, the instrument of my escape. Let’s prepare the continuation.

  With Bibouf and Galibou, therefore, I undertook a few fishing trips at sea; sometimes we had the crew of the boat with us, sometimes the three of us went out alone. Amusing fishing trips, for the sea around the rocks was swarming with curious fish, strange beasts with vivid colors, bristling with horns and spikes on the head and he back, cleaving through the waves with long bizarre fins on every side.

  I would certainly have been greatly amused if I had not had all the details of my flight to mull over. As for Bibouf and Galibou, they were sea-sick. So much the better; reduced to the state of parcels, they would give me less trouble.

  So many things to prepare, so many difficulties to overcome. First of all, food supplies are necessary for a long crossing. By dint of calculation, of studying the stars and redrawing for the education of the little Kapalouias the map of the globe, I ended up determining the location of Centaur Island almost exactly.

  It is far away, far away in the southern hemisphere, and...but no, allow me not to tell you either the longitude or the latitude. Later, when I’ve returned there, I’ll make revelations; I’ll tell all—but not before then, in order that no one cuts the grass from under my feet. It’s necessary to be patient until then; I don’t want any Amerigo Vespucci; I intended to remain the sole Christopher Columbus of Centaur Island. For the moment, know that it’s a very long way away!

  I had to count on three weeks of navigation, at least, in the most favorable circumstances, before perceiving land. Once there, I was saved. The French consulate, a telegram to Bordeaux
announcing the extraordinary discovery to the stupefied world, embarkation on a large steamer with my boat and my two centaurs!

  I need month’s food supplies and a month’s water for three of us. And God knows, centaurs have a demanding appetite! That’s a major difficulty. I shall overcome it. Furthermore, as I can only count on myself for handling the boat, and I’ll therefore have to confront enormous fatigues. I’ll need to be in very good condition before departing. I must look after my health with particular care, and store up my strength. Let’s do honor to friend Kapalouia’s cuisine, then!

  For food supplies, what can I do? I scarcely have the means to buy them, as my natural probity demands. I only have three sous in my pocket, and I don’t believe they’re current in the land. I had a hundred-franc banknote, but Kapalouia has taken possession of it and has put it in a place of honor in his drawing room.

  Too bad—it will be necessary to be ingenious.

  X. The eve of the great day!

  A little musical soirée for

  Madame Azuli Kapalouia’s birthday

  Nonchalantly sprawling in the garden of the Kapalouia villa, I am amusing myself watching the children play. They are running along the pathways, leaping over bushes like escaped colts and even trying to leap over the water jet of the fountain with a single bound without getting wet.

  “Do the same, Zephyrin!” cries Karafalo.

  “Little brat, you know full well that I don’t have four feet and hocks of steel, like you.”

  I’m joyful; I have my good pipe in my mouth, with no tobacco inside, but the taste has remained, and gives me the illusion regardless. I’m joyful because everything is going well and I’m going shortly to make arrangements with Bibouf and Galibou for a sea trip—a real one, the Escape, finally!