Approaching Night: Book I of Seluna

by Ilana Waters

  My heart began beating a little faster, but I tried not to take deep breaths. Remember, Seluna, everyone in the recovery room thinks you’re still asleep.

  In my drugged state, had I accidentally told them something about my reanimation abilities? I don’t know why, but it felt important to keep it a secret, at least from the staff. Even though it was a harmless trick, I didn’t trust them with it. They might misconstrue anything out of the ordinary as a form of madness.

  But it was doubtful I’d divulged anything. Catron said my answers had been vague. Saying one could make things come to life was pretty specific. Still, it was a disturbing thought. Did the people here have the power to make me reveal information whenever they liked?

  “Don’t be too ’ard on yourself, Doctor.” Nurse Cutter’s voice yanked me back to the conversation. “You can’t win them all.”

  “True,” Dr. Catron agreed. “At least I got a lot farther with the Wexler girl. A few more treatments and she’ll have this artist nonsense out of her head. Her father will be very pleased. But I doubt she’s the one. Too young. Still, it does help to take in extra patients, if only to pay the bills.

  More talk of ‘the one’ again. Who on earth could they be looking for?

  “Quite right, Doctor. Quite right,” said Nurse Cutter. “In the meantime, what do you want us to do with Seluna?” From her tone, one would have thought she was asking what to do with leftover fishing worms.

  Catron didn’t answer for a few seconds, and it took all I had just to keep my breathing even. “For now, I just want to . . . observe her. If she is the one, then in time, she may reveal herself without us having to do anything.”

  “Always the optimist, Dr. Catron.” I could tell by Cutter’s voice she was smiling.

  “Yes, well, if one doesn’t have optimism, what else is left?” I could tell he was smiling, too. “Now, about those other patients we were discussing . . .” I heard their footsteps grow fainter as they walked away. Later, I learned that not only were most girls drugged upon admission to the asylum, but some were subjected to it more than once.

  One would think that after such horror, the mind-numbing routine at Silver Hill would be a welcome respite. But even though I’d been here only a week, I was already tired of it. After an inedible breakfast, we performed a sort of catechism, though this one had nothing to do with religion.

  “All right, ladies, pay attention, now,” a nurse called out. This one was male; short, scrawny, and giving off a sort of intellectual dimness. But he was one of the only other professional men at Silver Hill besides Dr. Catron, so he got a lot of attention from the female nurses. Apparently, they thought the orderlies—most of whom were men—beneath them. Never so much as gave them the time of day.

  We were in the solarium, whose barred windows hardly let in any light. We sat on hard, uncomfortable chairs like the ones in Catron’s office. As always, the nurse asked silly questions, which we were expected to answer.

  “Who is our doctor?”

  “Dr. Catron,” we chorused. Laura, who was sitting on my left, sighed.

  “What does he know?”

  “He knows how to help us.” Rose, on my right, rolled her eyes.

  “And what does he do?”

  “He does what’s best.”

  It usually went on like this for an hour, during which time I was sure I’d go hoarse. Then we had writing exercises (two hours), where we copied over and over from a textbook describing the “perfect” female. Apparently, this was one who did whatever she was told without question. I failed to see how writing the description till our hands cramped would ever make it true.

  Afterwards, we had lunch, and two hours of exercising. Exercising consisted of walking in circles around the main entrance of Silver Hill. It was by far the largest space except for the cafeteria, which wasn’t suitable for walking due to the tables and chairs. Of course, I hardly thought the main entrance was an appropriate gymnasium either, owing to its state of disrepair. It was a wonder more girls didn’t trip over the cracked floors, or get brained by the occasional piece of falling plaster.

  The only thing that relieved the tedium, at least for me, was the occasional glance at the stained glass window. And even though I didn’t believe her legend, sometimes, I’d pretend that the goddess Selene was following me with her eyes. That she was my friend, watching over me. At least until I was caught.

  “You!” a nurse would bellow, though sometimes, they had an orderly watch us, if the nurses were too busy. “Eyes on the girl in front of you!” And the tedium would continue. I sincerely believed the only reason for this so-called exercise was to exhaust us. That way, we’d have no energy left to do anything remotely subversive.

  I couldn’t even practice my animation abilities because we were in constant motion. Typically, I needed to be stationary and concentrating pretty hard to make anything move. And even then, I wasn’t able to do it all the time. I always thought it would be amusing to raise a nurse’s skirt a few feet. When the nurse realized everyone could see her knickers, it surely would’ve been good for a laugh. And it might have gotten us out of going around in circles for five minutes.

  I don’t remember exactly when I told Rose and Laura I could animate. It must have been in the first few days after I was admitted. I just felt like I had to tell someone. My family already knew, of course. Was that part of the reason they sent me here? I didn’t see how that could be. What difference did my ability make? It was charming, to be sure, but that was all. A parlor trick, something to break out at Winter Solstice fetes for the guests’ amusement. Nothing more.

  After our exercise, we were tutored in womanly arts for the rest of the afternoon. This involved helping in the kitchen and laundry room. Though I didn’t really see why one had to be female in order to peel potatoes and scrub shirts. After dinner, we returned to the solarium for fifteen minutes of supervised socialization. Just fifty or so girls milling around awkwardly, unsure of what to say to one another. Occasionally, we were allowed unsupervised socialization in our rooms. However, I suspected this had more to do with the staff’s desire to sneak a cigarette or tryst than concern over our mental welfare.

  Although I’d met a few other patients, I spent time mostly with Rose and Laura. We were enjoying a particularly long session of socializing today in the solarium, courtesy of a pipe that burst in the hallway of the girls’ dormitories. Patients were unable to return until staff finished mopping up all the water. I hoped it would take at least half an hour. I saw Geraldine a few yards away, sitting by herself. Her shoulders were slumped, and she stared dejectedly at the floor. I considered going over and introducing myself, but then, Rose said something alarming.

  “These treatments are getting worse and worse.” Rose scrunched and un-scrunched the curls on the side of her head with one hand. We were standing by a set of windows overlooking the moors. There wasn’t much to see; the overcast March skies put the gray hills in a state of perpetual mourning. “Tell Seluna what Dr. Catron did to you the other day, Laura.” Laura looked down at the cracked floors and said nothing. “Tell her,” Rose urged.

  “He asked who some famous people were that I admired,” Laura finally said. “I told him, Daisy Cartigad, the explorer, and Pearl Luxembourg, the animal rights activist. And then he shocked me!”

  “Shocked you?” I asked.

  “She means electrocuted,” Rose explained. “Catron had her hooked up to this crazy machine, with plugs and wires all over. Every time she said something he didn’t like, he gave her a shock.”

  “And that hurts?” Electricity was a new and exciting area of science, but I’d never heard of it being used this way before.

  “Of course it hurts! It feels like . . . I don’t know.” Rose blew a curl away from her forehead. “Sort of like being burned, but worse.”

  My eyes widened. “You’ve had it, too?”

  “No, I heard about it from a few other girls. But I’m definitely due.”
Rose swallowed. “Apparently, my ‘condition’ is even worse than Laura’s. I’m sure that’s the next step in my treatment.”

  I closed my eyes for a moment. Then it’s only a matter of time till they start electrocuting me. Although I had a decent pain tolerance, how did I know they wouldn’t accidentally turn up the voltage too high and kill me?

  “Oh, Rose, I hope not!” Laura’s voice grew higher, and she started to cry. “It’s positively horrid. He—Dr. Catron—asked what kind of man I wanted to marry. I said, ‘Before Papa told me I had to get married, I hadn’t really thought about it.’ So he shocked me again! He said the only people I should admire are those my father approves of, and that’s the kind of man I should want to marry, too. Oh, how I wish Aunt Mae were here!” Her cries threatened to turn into wails. Rose put her arm around Laura, partially to comfort her, and partially to calm her crying so she didn’t draw attention to us.

  I frowned. “Aunt Mae?”

  “My mother’s sister.” Laura ran a sleeve across her eyes. “She divorced her husband the first time he hit her. She’d understand why I don’t want to marry the man Papa picked out.”

  I wasn’t surprised that one of Catron’s favorite pastimes was to convince us our ideas were crazy. But his most recent method left me flabbergasted. You may not have a family you can run to, Seluna, but that doesn’t mean others have to suffer. I’d come to a decision.

  “This is unacceptable,” I said. “Laura, I’ve got an idea. This aunt of yours, is she nearby?”

  Laura shook her head, and tears ran off her face. “No. She lives in Suxby.”

  “Where in Suxby?”

  Laura squeezed her eyes shut, trying to remember. “Twenty-Two Harrow Way. Why?”

  “Does she know your parents sent you to the asylum?”

  Laura sniffed. “I don’t think so. She and Mum aren’t that close. But she sends me Solstice cards, and packages. She always said I could come to her for help with anything.”

  There was little hope of writing Aunt Mae a letter, or getting one from her in return. No patient communication with the outside world was allowed at Silver Hill. No visitors either, not that I ever heard of family members who wanted to visit. I grimaced at the very thought of it. As if my family would want to see how I was, or send me anything. I might as well be dead to them. But perhaps Laura’s aunt was different.

  “Maybe we can get a telegram to her,” I said.

  “But where would we find a telegraph machine in here?” Rose stopped holding Laura and put her arms out to either side, but kept her voice low.

  I thought of the intercom in Catron’s office. I bet if he had an intercom, there was a telegraph machine in there somewhere. There had to be, if only to order supplies for the asylum.

  “I’m almost sure Dr. Catron has one in his office,” I said. “I figure we have at least twenty more minutes until they finish mopping the hallway by the dorms. One of us can sneak into the office and send Laura’s aunt a message.” Maybe, if we’re lucky, she can help Rose and me get out of here, too. But I didn’t want to get Rose’s hopes up by saying that.

  “I’ll go,” said Rose.

  “No, I will.” My reply was firm. “The halls aren’t well lit and I can . . . I can see better in the dark than most people.”

  “You can?” the girls said in unison.

  I rubbed my temples. I still wasn’t sure how much of my strangeness I wanted to reveal, but there seemed no way to avoid it. Doing anything else at the moment might put Rose and Laura in danger. “Yes. It’ll be easier for me to get around, so don’t even think about arguing.” Rose opened her mouth to protest, then closed it.

  I glanced at the corner of the room opposite the door, where a female nurse was flirting with Scrawny Male Nurse. The rest of the girls were facing the windows. This was my golden opportunity. I leaned in closer to my friends.

  “Okay, I’m going to sneak away. Just act natural. Hopefully, I’ll be gone and back so fast that no one will notice I’m missing.”

  “Good luck!” Laura’s voice was trembling.

  “Ugh. This is so nerve-racking!” Rose ran her fingers through her bangs. “I’d kill for a cig.”

  “Do not try to sneak a cigarette.” I pointed at her. With one last look over my shoulder at the nurses, I was still pointing as I backed away towards the exit.

  The heavy door creaked loudly. I cringed, wondering what excuse I could invent to explain why I was opening it. But just at that moment, Scrawny Male Nurse must have said something funny, because Flirty Nurse laughed so loudly she snorted. The sound covered the door’s creaking. I slipped out, silently thanking the gods for whatever passed as wit from the mouth of that dull, skinny man.

  It felt so good to walk the dark halls with no one watching, no prying eyes. It was almost as good as going outdoors, which we weren’t allowed to do either. Too “stimulating,” even if weather permitted. Though it was still cold and windy, I had the unbearable urge to run across the moors. But all the doors were locked, and only nurses had keys.

  And I didn’t just want to be outdoors because it would let me run away from Silver Hill.

  I think it was because being indoors all the time was driving me mad, if I wasn’t already. I wanted to run across fields and rivers and through forests until my heart burst, maybe with a dog or two by my side. I had fairly good stamina for a teenage girl. Funny, but I often thought there was no way I could ever run enough. Sometimes, it seemed I could go on forever.

  Though the asylum was labyrinthine, I remembered the route to Dr. Catron’s office from the day Nurse Cutter took me there. And even if I hadn’t been able to see well, I could feel things in the darkness. I rarely bumped into objects or tripped, even when I was at home. The walls, the furniture . . . they seemed to speak to me somehow. It was as if they told me where they were.

  But these hallways were dark even by my standards, and the few gas lamps set on low cast lengthy shadows on the walls and floors. I almost thought I saw things moving in them. I could have sworn one shadow was in the shape of a tall man.

  I whirled my head around, my hair spinning over my shoulder. There was no man. Nothing was there except a long hall that ended in a pool of black. But it would be easy for a person to flatten themselves against the wall and disappear into the darkness. I knew that was what I planned to do if I met any staff on this little quest. I waited several seconds and listened hard, just in case someone was following me. But I didn’t want to take too much time; if I did, Nurses Flirty and Scrawny were sure to notice my absence. I walked on.

  Catron certainly has a lot of strange artifacts in his hallways, I thought as I looked around. In addition to the typical solemn portraits lining the walls, there was a lot of Viking and medieval weaponry. I wondered if it wasn’t Catron’s at all, but left by the previous owners of the asylum. After all, the building had stood for centuries. I passed an armored knight that was at least a thousand years old. He stood next to one of the few windows in the hall, his shield and breastplate gleaming.

  And then he moved. Out of the corner of my eye, I distinctly saw the knight bend his arm down an inch and swivel his head towards me. I nearly jumped out of my skin, then covered my mouth, laughing. I made him move, I realized. Pretty keen. Don’t think I’ve ever animated anything that large before. Though I knew I had to hurry, I wanted to see if I could move him again. A ray of moonlight from the window passed over the knight, and I made him bow and salute me before returning to his previous position.

  Hmmm. Reflecting light makes moving things easier. Don’t know why I never realized that before. I picked up my skirts and walked faster down the hall. Now, I really had to make up for lost time. Soon, I saw the wooden bench that I’d been instructed to sit on by Nurse Cutter. There was no light coming from underneath Catron’s door, so that meant he wasn’t there. I wondered if the door was locked. I cursed myself for not thinking to steal a hairpin.

  The floorboards—did I just he
ar them creak behind me? I turned around and squinted, but saw nothing. I reached out to put my hand on the clear-glass doorknob when someone’s strong fingers clamped down on my wrist.

  I gasped, and looked up to find myself staring into the face of Dr. Catron.

  Chapter 4

  “Seluna! How unusual to see you here.” He brought my wrist up to the level of his chest, then slowly lowered and released it. “Is there something I can help you with, that you are so eager to enter my office?”

  I blinked rapidly. Hellfire. How did he manage to sneak up on me like that? Then again, the signs had been there all along. I’d simply chosen to ignore them. I had to think fast.

  “Oh, is this your office?” I asked innocently. “I thought this was the utility closet. Nurse Sommers sent me to get some more mops for the dormitory hall. It seems they’re having a pretty rough time getting those floors dry.”

  “Really.” It was a statement, not a question. “I find that hard to believe for two reasons. One, my name is on the door.”

  I looked up, and sure enough, “Office of Dr. Catron DeKay” was carved into a gilded plate fastened to the wood.

  “Oh, well, it’s awfully dark around here, you know. Hard to see which door is which—”

  “And two, the excess water in the dormitory hall was mopped up ten minutes ago.”

  Perdition. I was caught. Utterly and completely caught. Catron looked at me with eyes that seemed to want to pierce my soul.

  “I think it’s time we faced the facts of the matter, Se-lu-na. You’re deteriorating, and quite rapidly. I think more . . . drastic measures are called for.”

  “Drastic?” I swallowed. “What do you mean by ‘drastic’?”

  #

  I pounded on the inside door of my room, though my wrists and arms hurt from where orderlies had dragged me. “Hey! When are you going to let me out?”