Middle-School Cool

by Maiya Williams

  Margo surveyed the classroom. Chairs were flying. People were screaming, shouting, poking each other in the chest, or just curled up crying and blubbering, their feelings so bruised they couldn’t function. “Somebody could get hurt in all this,” Margo said. “I mean, it’s awful!”

  “I think it’s kind of funny.”

  Margo shook her head. “No, it’s not. You do realize Jory is out on the ledge again. Besides, think of it as a challenge. I bet you’re smart enough to figure out a way to stop it. It is just chemistry, after all.”

  Victoria knew she was being manipulated. Margo was appealing to her inflated ego, but the fact that she recognized the ploy didn’t mean it wasn’t effective. She went for it. “Take me to the kitchen,” she ordered.

  When the two girls entered the cafeteria, Lunch Lady Kim was getting ready to leave and was putting on her coat, while Lunch Lady Abby stood behind the cash register. Even though few students came in after lunch, it was the cafeteria’s policy that the doors remained open until school let out, just in case a teacher or other school employee wanted to purchase something during his or her break. Lunch Lady Abby stifled a yawn, trying to keep her eyes open. It looked like she had put in a long day.

  “You going to buy something?” Lunch Lady Abby said dully as the two girls approached the counter.

  “No, thank you,” Margo and Victoria said. Lunch Lady Abby shrugged and closed her eyes to let them rest, just for a minute.

  Through the window in the kitchen door, the girls could see Lunch Lady Lois talking with Manny. After a few minutes Manny came out. He looked at Margo as if to say, “I don’t know why you’re here, but don’t get me fired.” Margo returned the look with one of her own, which assured him that she wouldn’t. As Manny went about his business, Margo craned her neck to catch a glimpse through the still-swinging door.

  “Look!” Margo whispered. “The spice box is open!”

  “You’ve got to get Lunch Lady Lois out of the kitchen,” Victoria said. “Then leave the rest to me.”

  “Me? How am I supposed to do that without messing it up?” Margo said.

  “Margo, as much as it pains me to say this, you’re not actually stupid, you’re just impulsive. Think of a solution to the problem. Then, before you do it, think of what’s wrong with it. Come up with a second idea, then think of what’s wrong with that one. Then, if you light upon a third idea, hopefully that one will work.”

  Margo couldn’t believe her ears. Was Victoria actually offering some encouraging remarks? Impossible. “Are you sure you didn’t eat one of those cookies?” Margo probed.

  “Of course not. I already told you.…” Victoria’s eyes widened. “You know, when I was passing the plate, a couple of crumbs fell on my book. I believe I did pick them up and pop them into my mouth.”

  “That explains why you’re helping me.” Margo nodded. “And why you just gave me some good advice, without a sneer or any hint of sarcasm. You’re a tiny bit sensitive to my predicament.”

  “What have you done to me?” Victoria cried, clutching her throat. “You’ve ruined me!”

  “I’m really sorry. I’m sure it will wear off,” Margo said. Meanwhile, she had already come up with her first idea: to set off the fire alarm. She thought about the drawbacks. True, it would get Lunch Lady Lois out of the kitchen, but everyone would have to vacate the building, including Victoria and her. Then they wouldn’t be able to sneak in through the back door because somebody would be stationed there—it was part of the fire-safety procedures. So that wouldn’t work. Instantly, she thought of a second idea. She would go into the kitchen and juggle some pots, then “accidentally” bonk Lunch Lady Lois on the head with a saucepan, knocking her out cold. Well, there were numerous things wrong with that idea, which she ticked off in her head:

  1. Could cause serious injury.

  2. No good reason why I would be juggling pots.

  3. Can’t juggle pots.

  This wasn’t good; the second idea was worse than the first. At this rate … But then a notion came to her. She thought about it. She thought about it again. She took the idea apart bit by bit. No matter how she rolled it over in her mind, it seemed sound. She turned to Victoria, who was worriedly scraping her tongue with her fingernails.

  “I’ve got it. Follow me.” Victoria stopped scraping and followed Margo into the kitchen, passing the snoozing Lunch Lady Abby.

  The two girls approached Lunch Lady Lois as she came out of the freezer. Margo cleared her throat and Lunch Lady Lois turned around, surprised and slightly irritated. “Hello, Margo,” she said. “You do realize you’re not allowed back here? Besides, I thought you dropped that news story.”

  “Yes, I did, but I need to tell you something important.”

  “It’ll have to wait. I’m very busy.”

  “I know, but—”

  “Go on, get out. Come back tomorrow.”

  “But Lunch Lady Lois! There’s a black cat stuck on the roof!”

  Victoria rolled her eyes. Obviously, Margo should’ve come up with a fourth idea. But then Victoria saw Lunch Lady Lois’s irritated scowl soften, quickly melting to an expression of great concern.

  “A black cat? Stuck on the roof? Why didn’t you say so?”

  “I tried! I heard him mewing, and then when I went to investigate, I saw that it was just a little black kitten. He looked so scared. I couldn’t find the janitor, but—”

  “We’re wasting time,” Lunch Lady Lois interrupted. “Poor thing! Where did you say he was?”

  “Waaaay over on the auditorium roof,” Margo said.

  Lunch Lady Lois grabbed her broom and raced out the back door. Victoria turned to Margo, confused.

  “She’s a witch,” Margo explained. “She has a soft spot for black cats. Quick, let’s look at the spices.”

  The girls raced over to the special spice rack, which was still open. Victoria peered at the various labels.

  “Let me see, what would be the best antidote for sensitivity? I assume there isn’t a powder in here labeled ‘insensitivity.’ That would be too easy.”

  “I believe the spice rack contains only spices with positive attributes,” Margo said. “Manny called them the spices of life.”

  Victoria continued to peruse the bags and jars. “Okay, maybe a jolt of confidence, mixed with some patience, some poise … This is hard. I really don’t know if this will work.”

  “You can do it. I’ve got faith in you.”

  Victoria took the three powders and mixed them together in a small plastic bag, shaking it up and down. She peered at the mixture, which was a dull graphite gray. “Well? What do you think? Will it make people sick?”

  “I don’t know,” Margo said hesitantly. “Something about it doesn’t look right.”

  Victoria knew there was something wrong. She wasn’t sure what it should look like, but this looked bad, like ashes. It smelled bad too, and her eyes started to sting. She could feel tears welling up. Rats! There was no place to run to, she thought, wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

  “Are you okay?” Margo asked.

  “Yeah. It’s just hot in here. My eyes are sweating. Look, I have real reservations about giving this to anybody. I’m positive I screwed it up … I failed.…” At this point her voice caught in her throat and she wasn’t able to continue.

  Margo couldn’t believe it. Those weren’t sweat drops trickling from Victoria’s eyes; they were tears! She hesitated, and then put her hand on Victoria’s shaking shoulder. “Hey, Victoria! It’s okay! It’s okay to get something wrong once in a while, it won’t kill you. If it did, I’d be dead a million times over. It just makes you human.”

  “No. I’m better than that.”

  “Better than human?”

  “You don’t understand.” Victoria sighed. “I have to be right. Always. I have really high standards, and I always meet them. If I fall short, if I turn out ordinary like everyone else … I just … I’ll disappoint everyone. I’ll never forgive myself. No
w listen to me. I’m going to eat this. I’m going to be the guinea pig.”

  “But what if it’s poison?”

  “That’s fine. Then I won’t have to live down my failure. By the way, if I die, don’t give it to anyone else.”

  “I could have probably figured that out, but thanks for the heads-up.”

  After opening the bag, Victoria closed her eyes. As she did, Margo spotted a small vial on the far side of the rack. She had an idea. She thought about it, tried to come up with a second and third idea, but this first idea was a pretty good one. She opened the vial and shook some of its contents into the bag.

  “Okay, go ahead,” Margo said.

  Victoria licked her fingertip, stuck it in the bag, and then delicately licked the mixture of powders off her finger. “Mmm.” She opened her eyes, smiling. “Mmm! This is delicious!” She stuck her finger in the bag a second time, whirling it around to collect as much powder as possible, then popping it into her mouth and sucking her finger clean.

  “It tastes like really sweet raspberry lemonade!”

  “Yay!” Margo cried, clapping her hands. Victoria had her finger back in the bag. “Victoria, don’t eat it all!” Margo chided. “We need to save it for the crazy, out-of-control mob!”

  “Yeah, you’re right. How are we going to get them to eat it?”

  Margo came up with an idea. Then she got a second idea, and then a third idea. None of them were good. But her fourth idea … Her mouth spread into a wide grin. “Victoria, what’s the one thing everyone at this school loves to eat? It’s always got the longest line in the cafeteria.”

  “I’m with you.” Victoria grinned back. “We are about to make some amazing smoothies!”

  After the girls poured the spice mix into the smoothie machine, they were able to squeeze out thirty smoothies. They woke up Lunch Lady Abby and paid for them, then placed them on a cafeteria cart and wheeled them across the courtyard, where they passed Lunch Lady Lois coming back from her search, cradling a small black kitten. Both girls shot each other a confused look but then shrugged. There were so many black cats roaming around, there were probably several on every roof of the school.

  Once in the academic building, they could see that the mayhem had poured out of the science room and into the hall. Other teachers and students had joined in, trying to get things back to order, but nobody was listening.

  “PEOPLE!” Victoria roared. “ATTENTION! PEOPLE!” Her voice rose above the racket. “WE HAVE FREE SMOOTHIES! COME AND GET ’EM!”

  That did the trick. Though several people complained that by offering the smoothies for free, Victoria was implying that they couldn’t afford them, and others complained that she was insinuating that they needed to eat more healthily, every person lined up to receive the treat, even the teachers and the students who hadn’t eaten the chocolate chip cookies. Soon the arguing and fighting and crying were replaced by the happy slurping of people sucking smoothies through straws. Margo and Victoria stood, hands on hips, surveying their success.

  “Come on,” Victoria said. “We’d better return this cart.”

  As the girls headed back to the cafeteria, Margo glanced at Victoria out of the corner of her eye. She looked relaxed and easygoing, and much prettier too. “Hey, so you succeeded after all,” she said. “Thanks.”

  Victoria shook her head with a crooked smile. “No, I didn’t.”

  “Of course you did.”

  “That mixture wasn’t all mine. I heard you shake something into it at the last second. What was it?”

  “Um, well, it was forgiveness.”

  “Ah. Makes perfect sense. So that once it was over, everyone would forgive you. Good thinking.”

  “Actually, I put it in there for you.” Victoria slowed her stroll, turning to Margo questioningly. “So that if your mixture didn’t work, you would forgive yourself,” Margo explained.

  Victoria stopped pushing the cart, folding her arms over her chest. “Why?”

  “What do you mean, ‘why’?”

  “Why did you want to help me when I’ve only been mean to you? You could’ve blackmailed me, humiliated me … that’s what I would’ve done.”

  Margo opened her mouth to respond, then stopped to think. “I don’t know. One more thing I screwed up, I guess. Anyway, don’t worry. It will probably wear off.”

  “I hope not,” said Victoria, smiling, as she started to push the cart again. “You’re pretty smart, you know that?”

  Now it was Margo’s turn to smile.

  • • •

  After Margo and Victoria returned the cart and began making their way back to the academic building, they saw Edie coming out of the administrative building. She looked unsettled.

  “Hey,” Margo called out, waving her down. “Where have you been? You won’t believe what you just missed.…”

  “I’ve got some bad news,” Edie said glumly. “Very bad.”

  “What is it?” Victoria pressed, but Edie shook her head.

  “I’ll tell you in journalism class, along with everybody else. I don’t want to have to tell the story more than once.”

  FIELD TRIP

  Fortunately, Margo and Victoria did not have long to wait; journalism was their next class. The students entered the room joking about all that had transpired that morning. Most of them would’ve thought it was some kind of dream had they not seen the janitor cleaning up the mess that had been created. Several students offered to help him, but he waved them off, telling them he’d been aware of the challenges of the job when he took it. Margo gave her classmates a quick explanation for what had happened, and Jory urged her to write up the story as quickly as possible.

  Everyone’s attention then turned to Edie, who had been silent the entire time, her expression grim.

  “What’s gotten into you?” Jory said. “Did you hit a brick wall with Dr. Kaboom?” As editor in chief, Jory felt it was his responsibility to take charge of things in Mr. Mister’s absence. The chinless teacher hadn’t been heard from since he’d bolted after his mock interview with Edie.

  “It’s not really about that,” Edie said. “It’s more about us.” She took a deep breath, exhaled, then relayed her adventure. “It began with me trying to get an appointment to see Dr. Kaboom, but I was being given the runaround by his secretary, Mrs. Marblecook, who is a real cuckoo bird. I could go on and on about her, but it would take too much time, so just take my word for it. I figured out a way to get by her and into Dr. Kaboom’s office. The problem was, he wasn’t there. In fact, it didn’t look like anybody has ever used that office for anything except maybe changing clothes. There were two full outfits in the closet, but not much else. No personal touches, no decorations or toys or pictures or papers that would give you any idea of who this guy is.”

  “It sounds like you searched his office,” Leo said.

  “Well, of course I searched his office. He wasn’t there! What else was I supposed to do?”

  “Wow, that’s really an invasion of privacy.…”

  “Don’t you think I know that? Did you miss my campaign speech, Leo? This is who I am. I can’t help myself. It’s like a sickness. Now do you want to hear the story or not?” The others shouted Leo down, urging Edie to continue. She pulled her legs up so that she was sitting cross-legged in the chair.

  “So that’s one issue. I have no clue who Dr. Kaboom is. When you do a search for him on the Internet, nothing comes up. His credentials are suspect as well. Anyway, I happened to open a door that led to the school file room. It has files on everybody here. Don’t get mad, but I looked at all of them.”

  “You looked in all of our files?” Aliya gasped.

  “How could you do that?” Taliya chimed in. Both girls knew that in no time, the secret would be out that they’d grown up as conjoined twins—that is, freaks.

  “That was really low,” Ruben said. His extracurricular ballet activities would definitely be listed in that file. Good-bye, tough-guy reputation; hello, teasing.


  “You’re such a horrible snoop,” Jory accused. Did he want people to know he had a psychiatrist on speed dial? No, he did not.

  “I hate you,” Victoria spat. Her excessive crying would be public knowledge in no time.

  “That’s going to put you on my naughty list, young lady,” Santa Claus Sam said, wagging his finger sternly. “Ho ho ho.”

  “Oh, I suppose it’s okay for me to snoop around in Dr. Kaboom’s stuff, but not yours,” Edie pointed out. “You guys are such hypocrites.”

  “I didn’t say it was okay to snoop around in Dr. Kaboom’s stuff—” Leo reminded her, but she interrupted him before he could finish.

  “Let me assure you all that although in the past I would definitely have exploited this information, I have no intention of doing so now. I can also assure you that every one of us, including me, every single person at this school, has something in his or her file that makes him or her uniquely suited for Kaboom Academy.”

  “What do you mean?” Jory asked as the others exchanged confused glances.

  “This is what I mean: we all thought we were in this school because our parents wanted an alternative to Horsemouth Middle School. That is not the case. We are at this school because we have to be. All of us were deemed incorrigible, unteachable, and basically undesirable. For whatever reason, we were too much of a challenge for that school, and so at the end of last year, we were all expelled.”

  Ruben was on his feet. “They can’t do that! Not unless we broke some rule …”

  “Well, that’s where they have us. Many of us, me included, did break rules, including treating people badly, jumping off buildings, being disruptive, et cetera. Others were simply too annoying to teach—Margo, Leo, Aliya, and Taliya fall into that category. They sent each of our parents a letter. I made a copy.”

  Edie reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper that she handed to Jory. He read it aloud.

  “ ‘Dear Mr. and Mrs. Bickel …’ Who is Bickel?”

  “I got this from Ronny Bickel’s file; he’s in sixth grade,” Edie explained.