Pooka in My Pantry

by R. L. Naquin

  My stomach knotted up at the threat, and I considered popping him one. I glared at him instead. “Get out.”

  They left, shaking their heads and mumbling to each other. As they went through the door, Sara came in. They even held the door open for her. Apparently even leprechaun thugs learned a few manners.

  “Amway salesmen?” she asked after the door slid shut.

  “Shriners,” I said between clenched teeth.

  She hung up her jacket. “Did they get you to write a check?”

  I shook my head hard. “There’s no way I’m giving those guys money.”

  “Don’t they help kids or something?”

  “I think it’s the ‘or something.’”

  I had a lot of work to get done. It was hours before the Leprechaun Mafia crossed my mind again. When they finally did, it was impossible to think about anything else.

  One minute I was bent over paperwork, the next there was a crash so loud, it shook the whole town. We were used to earthquakes in Northern California, but this didn’t come from under the ground. Sara and I were on the street before I remembered moving. People stood everywhere, their faces panicked and curious. The sound came from nearby, a few streets over.

  Most stood around, looking up at the sky. I ran. Andrew’s shop was in that direction, and my head was filled with leprechauns and threats to my friend.

  Andrew was standing on the sidewalk, looking farther down the street, shock and disbelief frozen on his face.

  I was out of breath and had to take a minute before I could talk.

  “What was it?” I asked.

  “Oh, my God, Zoey.”

  “What?”

  He ran his fingers through his hair and it stuck up in fiery-red spikes. “I was putting something in my car and it came streaking down from the sky.”

  “What, an airplane?”

  “I don’t know. A meteorite, maybe. Whatever it was, it was huge.”

  “Did it hit anybody? Is everybody all right?”

  Andrew shook his head. “I have no idea. But it was big. And loud. Let’s go.”

  He poked his head into the shop and told Milo to be good, then locked the door.

  We jogged farther down Caledonia and made a left on Litho, where all the sirens were going. When we got around the corner, we knew we were in the right place. Emergency vehicles lined the street, and the majority of their drivers circled around a crater where the Endless Moon Spiritual Bookstore had been.

  I stopped running, and the blood drained from my face. Andrew’s eyes locked on the hole where Jason’s store had been the day before.

  He grabbed my hand without looking. “They can’t have been in there when it happened. It’s okay. Tell me it’s okay, Zoey.”

  We squeezed each other’s hands, knuckles going white.

  We spotted Lola, crying. She was a good ten feet away from us, but I could still feel her devastation pouring in through my filter and filling my nose and mouth with an acrid, smoky taste. Andrew pulled me with him to her side.

  “Lola, what happened?”

  She wiped her nose on her sleeve and looked up at us, her eyes glassy. “They said something bad would happen. I told him to listen, but he wouldn’t.” Tears spilled over and she sobbed in a wet hiccup. “I told Jason to pay them, but he refused to do it. He said luck is what you make of it, and he wouldn’t be bullied.”

  Andrew and I exchanged panicked looks. “Leprechauns?” I asked.

  Lola nodded and wiped her nose again.

  I reached out and touched her sleeve, my voice gentle. “Was he in there when it happened?”

  She nodded again. “I...I think so.” Lola buried her face in Andrew’s shirt.

  He put his arms around her and held her while she cried, making soothing sounds and rubbing her back. He was good at that.

  I left them for a minute and tried to get a better look at the shop.

  “Miss, you can’t come any closer.” A tall, skinny cop whose acne made him look a little young for the force held up his hand to stop me.

  “Is everybody okay?” I asked. “What happened?”

  “Debris from a satellite. I guess it had to come down somewhere.” He shook his head, and I could feel his nervousness. This was beyond traffic tickets and domestic disputes. Mind you, the most seasoned pro probably hadn’t handled space garbage demolishing a building.

  “Was anybody hurt?” My eyes were already picking out the ambulances from the other rescue vehicles, hoping to spot Riley. I didn’t see him.

  “The shopkeeper was inside. We’re still trying to find him. I don’t think anybody could make it through that, though.” He took off his hat and pinched the top of his nose with his fingers. His hat had left a line around his brown hair like Caesar’s crown of leaves. “I probably shouldn’t have said that. You’re not with the press, are you? You need to wait for an official statement.”

  I put my hand over the one he was using to hold his hat. “It’s ok.” I gave his hand a reassuring pat. “I’m a wedding planner.”

  He looked relieved, though my explanation didn’t make a lot of sense. “Thanks.” He gave me a weak smile and put his hat on. He looked past me. “Ma’am, I’m sorry, you need to step away from there, please.” Then he was off chasing away an older woman in a floral dress as she attempted to step over a pile of shattered bricks. I took another look for Riley. When I didn’t see him, I returned to Andrew and Lola. Andrew looked pale—paler than usual. His thick freckles stood out in contrast.

  He’d lost a close friend. His grief sifted through my filters and settled around me like a heavy cloak. It joined my own sadness. I’d only met Jason once, and I’d already grown to like him very much. It’s hard to lose a friend. Losing someone you know was going to be a good friend is difficult, too. My stomach clenched at the loss of something I never had the chance to have. The lost connection to my mother added another dimension to the pain.

  A dark-haired girl, about Lola’s age, hurried over. “Oh, my God, Lola, are you all right?”

  Lola disengaged from Andrew and turned to her friend, her face wet and puffy. She shook her head and tried to speak. Nothing but a wet burble came out. Her friend hugged her, and Lola shook in her arms.

  Andrew ran his palm over Lola’s hair. “We have to go, sweetie,” he said. “If you need anything at all, let me know.”

  She sniffled and nodded.

  Andrew walked with me down the street in silence until we were a block away.

  “Guess who paid Jason a visit on Friday morning?”

  “A couple of short guys in snazzy suits and green shirts?”

  “And guess who came back today to collect.” Andrew looked grim.

  “And Jason refused to pay.”

  “Yeah. Lola said they showed up with a huge burlap bag. When he wouldn’t pay, they brought in a mirror, grabbed Jason’s arm and forced him to break the mirror with his bare fist. He was cut up some, but figured that was the end of it after they left.”

  “A broken mirror. Sounds kind of lame.”

  “That’s what Jason thought. Lola bandaged his hand, and he sent her up the street for coffee. She was on her way back when she saw a huge chunk of metal come hurtling from the sky and hit the store.”

  “That’s ridiculous. People break mirrors all the time. One couldn’t have caused the other.”

  “People spill salt all the time, too. They don’t usually trip over a cat toy and fly through a plate-glass window.”

  I shrugged my shoulders and spread my hands at my sides. “It could still be coincidence. A self-fulfilling prophesy in the case of Emilia.”

  Andrew nodded. “No way could those thugs cause a space toilet or whatever it was to land in that exact spot. And Emilia was probably superstitious enough to be freaked out,
so she was clumsy.”

  “Maybe.” Neither of us believed it was coincidence. We were rationalizing, but the truth was a smoking crater two hundred yards away. “What are you going to do? My offer still stands. I can loan you the money. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “I’m not going to get hurt. I don’t like thugs. And these guys are taking advantage of people. There has to be another answer. They’re not getting anything from me.”

  We walked in silence for a few minutes, each wrestling with grief while weighing the danger of leprechauns.

  Andrew broke the silence. “You’re not going to pay them either, are you?” He looked concerned. I couldn’t tell if he was afraid for me or just concerned in general. As an aura reader, Andrew knew how to keep himself blocked off. I couldn’t read his emotions like I could everyone else.

  “Of course not.” I flapped the invisible mark on my hand at him. “This thing really threw them, though. They whispered a lot after I showed it to them, called headquarters, then decided I wasn’t off the hook.” I smiled, though the expression didn’t feel sincere. “In fact, I’m special. They want twice as much from me.”

  Andrew put his arm over my shoulder as we walked. “They’re right. You are special, sweetheart.” He hugged me with one arm. “You still up for a visit to my grandparents this afternoon?”

  I checked my phone for the time. “I am if you are. This was a pretty crappy day, especially for you. Are you sure you’re all right?”

  He shrugged. “I think it’ll hit me pretty hard later. Seeing my grandparents will help.”

  I slipped my arm around his waist. “Let me stop of at the office and tell Sara what’s going on first. I’m surprised she hasn’t called to check on me. I took off and left her there.”

  * * *

  Sara sat at her desk, looking unconcerned. She had a book of fabric samples spread open, and she was flipping through a section of blue linens.

  She looked up when I came in. “Come here a sec. I need your opinion.” She held up a scrap of blue satin. “This is from the bridesmaid’s dresses. Which goes better for the table dressings, do you think? The cornflower or the dauphine?” She moved the satin against the linen samples.

  “Isn’t there a contrasting color to go with it? That’s a lot of blue.”

  “She wants blue and white. Nothing else.”

  “Go with the dauphine, with crimson peeking out underneath. The contrast will be nice, since there won’t be anything else to break it up.”

  “I think I’ll go with the cornflower.”

  I knew she’d say that. Sara asked my opinion whenever she wasn’t sure her choice was right. Whatever I said, she tended to go with her original choice. I loved making things up that didn’t make much sense, since she wouldn’t listen anyway. I would have gone with the cornflower, too. But then she would have second-guessed herself.

  I shoved a few things over and sat on the edge of her desk. “Aren’t you interested in what happened?”

  “Satellite debris they’ve been warning us about for days finally hit. It destroyed that New Age bookstore on Litho. The owner was inside, but nobody else was hurt.”

  “I had to go all the way over there to find out. How do you know already?”

  “Yeah. I like the cornflower. I think that’s the best way to go. I’ll show her when she comes in on Thursday.”

  “Sara.”

  “What? Oh. Your boyfriend came by. Told me to tell you he was sorry he missed you. What’s with the guy with the ‘70s leisure suit and notebook?”

  I frowned. No wonder I couldn’t find Riley at the crash site. He was over here. My timing was awful. “That’s Art, Riley’s boss. And the bane of my existence.” I slid off her desk. “I’ve got an appointment, then I’m heading home.”

  Sara glanced up as I opened the door. “Zoey, please be careful.”

  “It’s just a consult at a retirement home.”

  “I mean with Riley. I can’t put my finger on what it is about him. He’s cute as hell, he’s sweet, polite, and he’s obviously crazy about you. But something’s weird. I can feel it. And that Art guy creeps me out.”

  “I’m being as careful as I can.” If I hadn’t been filtering, her worry would have smothered me. We’d been friends for a long time, and Sara knew better than anybody how poor my choices in men usually were. “Riley’s pretty wonderful. And Art creeps me out, too.” I started to leave, then turned. “Sara? Thanks for looking out for me.”

  She nodded and looked down at her samples, mumbling. “Somebody has to.”

  Andrew was waiting for me. We took his car to Mill Valley and parked in a visitor spot at The Raintree Retirement Home.

  We didn’t make it through the front door before a gremlin spotted us and hurried over to yank on my skirt. “Missus must come quick! Please!”

  He tugged me toward an outbuilding across the lawn, and Andrew followed.

  “Andrew, I think we might be late to see your grandparents.”

  Chapter Twelve

  I don’t know what I expected to find in the little shed, but this wasn’t it. Two more knee-high, stringy little guys squealed like piglets and hurled gardening tools at each other. I’d been studying some of Mom’s books, but I didn’t think any of it had stuck with me. The fact that I’d recognized the insistent, tiny creature as a gremlin didn’t register until later that afternoon. At least I was learning something on my own, finally.

  It was hard to focus on what I was seeing. All three of them had a weird, almost invisible quality. Whatever they stood in front of was the color they took on. It was amazing camouflage. It also made it easier not to see their nakedness, though the two fighting were darting around so fast, their color changes were a second behind their movements, and their dangly bits were too visible for comfort.

  “Is mine!” The one on the left threw a glove at the other. “I taked. I keep!”

  The other tossed a handful of fertilizer in the first one’s face. “Taked from me! Give back now! Make you sorry!”

  I squinted, trying to follow the action. A rake went flying, and I had to take a step back. When the pruning shears came out, I knew I needed to call a halt.

  “Stop it, right now!” I put as much authority into my voice as I could. A hand trowel veered off course toward my head, missing me by inches. “Enough! Knock it off!”

  Tools clattered to the concrete floor and three sets of eyes stared up at me, two of them in surprise.

  The gremlin on the left sucked in his breath. “Bink bringed the lady.” His eyes grew wide, as if amazed. He moved forward, shy and slow, and stroked the hem of my skirt with two fingers before dashing to his spot.

  He gave his companion a smug look and crossed his arms. “Touched the lady. Now I keep shiny.”

  This offended his rival, who marched forward, looked up at me for a second of hesitation, patted me on the calf, and ran back. Now he was the smug one. “Touched skin. Shiny mine.”

  There were a few seconds of calm, then a fist fight broke out.

  The colors of the two of them blended together as they rolled around on the dusty floor, exchanging blows. It was difficult to associate individual body parts with the correct body. The blows sounded painful. I winced in sympathy.

  Bink plucked at my skirt and stared up at me with huge, brown eyes. “Missus?”

  I sighed and waded into the fray. Unable to aim for a specific gremlin or corresponding body part, I plunged my hands in and grabbed whatever I could get. When I held my arms apart, one gremlin dangled by the elbow in my right hand, and the other by an ankle in my left. At least I got one of each.

  They protested in little squeals, flapping around ineffectively and trying to slap at each other.

  “Stop it right now,” I said. “You’re acting like a couple of—” I paus
ed, wondering what to compare them to, “—human children.” They stopped squirming and became still.

  “Missus should not say such things,” one said. “Glob is 402 years old.”

  The one hanging upside down nodded vigorously. “Yes. And Bump is 406!”

  “Then act like it,” I said. “If I put you down, will you behave?”

  They both bobbed their heads up and down with enthusiasm. I released them and waited for the snarling to start up again, but they sat next to each other on the dusty floor with crossed legs and folded hands. It was a little disconcerting.

  Andrew stepped up behind me to whisper in my ear, and I jumped. I’d forgotten he was there. “Every trip out with you is an adventure,” he said.

  I put my hand up to the side of my mouth and whispered, “I have no idea what I’m doing here.”

  “Just go with it. You’re doing fine.” He stepped away from the shed and folded his arms across his chest to wait.

  “Thanks for the backup,” I said, shooting him a death stare.

  He shrugged, grinning, and tipped his chin at the doorway. “Proceed. Go do what you do.”

  He was right. I’d been so startled by the unexpected creatures and their actions, I hadn’t checked inside myself to see what was really going on. What I found seeping through my screen was not animosity, jealousy, or greed. It was simple sibling rivalry, and it felt almost good-natured, rather than serious. It tickled my nose, and I sneezed.

  All three gremlins looked alarmed, and Bink retreated a step.

  “Is Missus sick?” he asked.

  I smiled. “I’m not sick. Just a sneeze.”

  He gave me a serious once-over. “Sneezes are for sick people.”

  “Sometimes sneezes are only sneezes. It’s okay.”

  He took a reluctant step toward me and reached up to hold my hand. Clearly he was worried about me. “Missus needs to take better care.”

  “I’m fine. Really.” I stooped down to address the miscreants. I couldn’t get as low as eye level with them, but this was closer. “Now. Tell me about the shiny, guys. What’s the fighting about?”