Gypsy

by Carole Mortimer

  The last night she shared with him had been primitive and savage, when she had wanted to hurt him as he hurt her, only succeeding in arousing them both to fever pitch. But mixed in with the savagery had been the knowledge that she would never see Lyon again after that night, her responses all the deeper because of it. But when Lyon had expected her to continue with their relationship as if nothing had happened, she hadn’t been able to stop herself from being physically sick.

  After her visit to her grandfather in Ireland, Shay felt London to be hostile and alien. But the baby was her problem, she couldn’t burden her grandfather with it. So she had moved from her flat to a small bedsit, leaving Falconers without having another job to go to, finally managing to find work in a department store which was taking people on for the summer.

  It hadn’t mattered then that she was so alone, cherishing the baby even as she hated its father. That baby should have been a Christmas baby too, but she was only into her fourteenth week when the cramping pains began in the base of her spine, moving round to her stomach as the day progressed, making her scream with agony by the time she got home from work, her face grey, her brow damp from the effort of not being sick with the pain.

  She had climbed into bed, too weak to make the effort to try and telephone a doctor. And some time during the evening the pain had stopped, and then there was only the warm stickiness between her legs, a warmth that didn’t stop, until finally she fell into a fevered unconsciousness.

  She had fought against the hands that tried to wake her, murmured protestingly at the strangulated cry as the bedclothes were ripped back. But Ricky wouldn’t let her die as she so wanted to do, was with her when she came round at the hospital, sitting with her through the night when the doctors tried to stop the haemorrhaging.

  When the bleeding finally stopped she had lost so much blood the doctors feared for her life. And still Ricky had stayed with her, hour after hour as they pumped the blood back into her—and then day after day as she slowly regained her strength.

  But she had lost Lyon’s baby.

  Once she had strength enough, she begged Ricky never to tell Lyon about the baby, had told him how Lyon wanted no part of her. Ricky had promised.

  He had been the one to take her home from the hospital, to look after her until her strength was fully recovered, to help her find another job, the summer over now, to help her move into a new apartment once she was earning more money, refusing his offer to help with the rent before that.

  He had been the first guest she had invited to dinner at her new apartment, the man to share her celebration as she quickly gained promotion in the small advertising company she worked for. He was also the person who sat with her and held her hand during the long dark depressions that had gripped her since the miscarriage. To Shay, that had been the most devastating experience of her life. She had wanted the baby, hadn’t cared about the complications it was sure to cause in her life, and when she lost it she felt as if it had rejected her too.

  Ricky’s anger towards Lyon for what he had done to her was enough to make him move out of the home he had always shared with his three brothers. Shay had been dismayed when she learnt that, hadn’t wanted to be the cause of a rift between the two men. But Ricky had been adamant, and with his permanent move up to London, the two of them had seen even more of each other.

  Rarely a day went by during the next year when they didn’t see each other at least once. And somewhere during that time Shay learnt to love the man who was responsible for her being alive, found in him a reason for cherishing that life. His proposal of marriage and her acceptance came as naturally as day follows night. She loved him, and he loved her, so what other conclusion could there be than for them to become husband and wife.

  Their wedding had been the first time she had seen Lyon in almost a year. He had looked the same, and for once he and Marilyn had attended a social function together, sitting next to each other in the church. Shay had looked at him as if he were a stranger, remembering that if it hadn’t been for him their child would probably still be alive, the doctors having told her too much stress and strain had caused her miscarriage.

  She had hated Lyon then, and she continued to hate him even when she suggested to Ricky that there was no earthly reason why they shouldn’t move back to his family home as she knew he now wanted to do. There was no earthly reason why they shouldn’t because all of them belonged to the hell she wanted to send Lyon to!

  For the two years she and Ricky had lived at Falconer House, she and Lyon had acted like strangers, never speaking unless they absolutely had to, Shay always leaving a room if Lyon should happen to join her in it while she was alone.

  But her relationship with Ricky flourished in spite of the tension she felt about Lyon. Or at least she had thought it had. Now she wasn’t so sure. She had believed Ricky knew how much she loved him, that their marriage, in spite of the unhappy beginning to their relationship, was a good one.

  She could think of no other reason than insecurity in her feelings for him for Ricky to take her away to Los Angeles once Lyon had told him of his sterility. Did he think she would have left him, gone to Lyon and told him she had carried his child? He couldn’t have thought that! Could he …?

  ‘Shay, love, please don’t do this to yourself,’ Matthew encouraged softly.

  She rolled over reluctantly to look at him. ‘I loved Ricky,’ she choked.

  ‘I know you did,’ he soothed gently. ‘And so did Ricky love you. But he also knew it wasn’t the sort of love you had once had for Lyon.’

  ‘I—’

  ‘Listen to me, Shay,’ he instructed firmly. ‘I want to tell you a story.’

  ‘Matthew, I don’t—’

  ‘About four brothers,’ he continued determinedly, holding her attention this time. ‘The oldest brother was invincible, strong, and women found him deeply attractive. Then came the cynic,’ he said derisively. ‘Then the kind one, and finally the baby of the family. A pleasant enough boy, if a bit overshadowed by his older brothers. Everyone liked him, but it wasn’t enough for him, he wanted to be like the eldest brother—’

  ‘No, you’re wrong,’ she protested. ‘Ricky was gentle, he wasn’t—’

  ‘This is my story, Shay,’ he softly reprimanded. ‘If you don’t like the way I’m telling it you can change it at the end. The baby of the family wanted what the eldest brother had, his power, his attraction to women. And then one day the eldest brother brought a gypsy into their midst, a beautiful black-haired, purple-eyed vixen. Of course, like all the other women, the gypsy loved the powerful older brother. But the youngest brother wanted her too, at first just because she belonged to the older brother—’

  ‘No!’ she protested again.

  ‘I said at first, Shay,’ he sighed. ‘That want soon turned to a possessive love, but still the gypsy belonged to the older brother. Then one day she just disappeared from their lives. The eldest brother was like a wounded lion—forgive the pun!’ Matthew mocked. ‘But the youngest brother was determined to find the gypsy and make her his own. Within a year he had married his gypsy and brought her to his home. They should have lived happily ever after—’

  ‘We were happy!’

  ‘I know that,’ Matthew nodded. ‘And maybe in a way it was a more rewarding happiness than you had known with Lyon; it was certainly more comfortable! But Ricky was never able to forget you had once loved Lyon, although he knew Lyon had no intention at that time of renewing the relationship. But when you suggested it, he couldn’t resist the idea of the two of you living here right under Lyon’s nose—’

  ‘Ricky wasn’t a vindictive person!’ she defended forcefully.

  ‘He didn’t intend to be vindictive. He did it to prove to Lyon that you no longer wanted him, that you belonged to him now. Then, I believe, he finally discovered the reason Lyon had let you go, and he panicked,’ Matthew frowned.

  ‘What do you mean?’ she gasped.

  ‘Well, as I know Lyon still loves you,
believe he has never stopped loving you, I can only come to the conclusion that by giving you up the way he did he believed he was being noble—’ He broke off as Shay gave a scornful snort. ‘Shay,’ he chided, ‘no matter what you think, Lyon does love you. He had to have a reason for giving you up the way he did without a fight.’

  ‘He did—his wife!’ she derided hardly.

  Matthew shook his head. ‘I haven’t spoken to Lyon about this, so I can’t be sure, but I believe I finally have the answer to the puzzle of why Lyon stayed with Marilyn and let you go. I think it was because he knew he couldn’t give you children.’

  ‘When we were together I only wanted him,’ she protested. ‘Nothing else mattered.’

  ‘And when you realised you were expecting his child, how did you feel then?’ he prompted gently.

  Her eyes became moist as she once again relived the sheer ecstasy of knowing Lyon’s child was nestling in her body. She had been overwhelmed, enthralled, and so very proud—until he destroyed that pride by making a mockery of her love.

  ‘No, don’t think of that part,’ Matthew dismissed impatiently, as bitterness controlled her. ‘Just think how it felt to carry Lyon’s child.’

  Serenity once again lit her deep purple eyes. ‘It was beautiful. But—’

  ‘No buts, Shay,’ he said gently. ‘Tell me, do you think Marilyn was always the brittle bitch that she is now?’

  She gave him a startled look. ‘Marilyn? But—’

  ‘I said no buts, Shay,’ he smiled encouragingly. ‘When they were first married Marilyn was vivacious and fun to be with, and deeply in love with Lyon. I think he was a bit bowled over by her at first, had always had to be the responsible one of the family, and suddenly this glowingly lovely lady took over his life and made him have fun too.’

  It caused an ache in her chest she didn’t want to acknowledge to think of Marilyn and Lyon happily married.

  ‘Inevitably they decided the next step was to have children. At first it was just another game, but as time went on and nothing happened you could see the tension growing between them. Lyon blamed everything, from their demanding careers to their busy social life. Marilyn, quite rightly, refused to give up her career because of it, and that caused a lot of friction between them. Eventually they went to a specialist. Lyon was found to be the one responsible for Marilyn’s not conceiving. He changed after that, he and Marilyn drifted apart, and finally there were other people for both of them.’

  ‘They could have adopted.’

  ‘Lyon wouldn’t hear of it.’ Matthew shook his head. ‘He wanted his own child, conceived naturally, or none at all.’

  ‘It could have saved his marriage,’ Shay protested.

  ‘By that time I don’t think anything could have saved it,’ Matthew dismissed. ‘There were two people living separate lives while still remaining married. And then Lyon met you,’ he sighed. ‘The first time I saw you I thought you were too young for him, that you wouldn’t last the month most of his women did. You lasted six, and from Lyon’s behaviour after the break-up it was obvious you had been the one to end it.’

  ‘It was a mutual decision.’

  ‘It was not, Shay,’ he gently rebuked.

  ‘I was eighteen, pregnant by a man who had made it clear he intended remaining with his wife,’ she defended. ‘I had to go.’

  ‘And do you know how different things would have turned out if you had just told Lyon about the baby?’ Matthew groaned for all the wasted years.

  ‘He didn’t love me.’ She shook her head. ‘He told me he didn’t.’

  ‘And that’s why your marriage to Ricky almost killed him?’ Matthew scorned.

  ‘Matthew, since I’ve known that Lyon believes himself to be sterile I’ve thought about what would have happened if I had told him about the baby six years ago,’ she said softly. ‘And maybe he would have married me just so that he could have his child. But do you know what that sort of marriage would have done to me? He can be told the truth now,’ she said harshly. ‘And then maybe he’ll find someone else to marry and have children with. He may even decide to try again with Marilyn.’

  ‘And what if he still wants you?’

  She gave Matthew a startled look. ‘You can’t be serious?’

  He gave a short laugh. ‘I’d bet the rest of my life on his still wanting you, no matter what.’

  She swallowed hard. ‘Because of Richard.’

  ‘Shay, you have just admitted he could have children of his own. He loves you.’

  ‘No—’

  ‘And you love him, you always have.’

  ‘That isn’t true!’ Her eyes flashed.

  ‘Ricky knew it,’ he told her softly.

  ‘No!’

  ‘Yes, Shay,’ he insisted firmly. ‘He told me himself that he knew he only had you “on loan”, but that he loved you too much to care. I didn’t understand what he meant at the time, but now I do. He was frightened of your knowing about Lyon because he thought you might return to him.’

  As that was what she had already decided herself she couldn’t refute that claim, knew it had to be true. ‘I never would have done, you know,’ she said sadly.

  ‘I do know,’ he nodded. ‘I think it was just Ricky’s insecurity over Lyon surfacing again.’

  ‘It was so unnecessary.’

  ‘Was it? You may have stayed with Ricky, but if what I think about the reason Lyon couldn’t make a commitment to you is true, it may have been Lyon you loved.’

  What if it were true? Could it possibly be that Lyon had seen his sterility—or what he thought was his sterility—destroy one marriage, and that he daren’t take the risk on another one?

  But it was all supposition on Matthew’s part, her own version of what happened could be the correct one!

  ‘Shay—’ He broke off as a knock sounded on the door before her grandfather walked in.

  ‘Sorry to interrupt,’ he grimaced, ‘but Marilyn is downstairs, and Neil doesn’t know how to cope with her. He sent me up for reinforcements.’

  Matthew’s mouth twisted. ‘What does she want? And where’s Lyon? I thought he was in London with her.’

  ‘He was,’ Shay’s grandfather nodded. ‘Apparently he’s sent her down here for a few days.’

  ‘Great,’ Matthew groaned. ‘She’s alone, I take it?’

  ‘Lyon still has business in town,’ Patrick confirmed dryly.

  ‘I’ll bet he has,’ Matthew muttered. ‘Thanks, Patrick, I’d better go and deal with her. Think about what I’ve said, Shay,’ he advised softly.

  Shay looked uncertainly at her grandfather once they were alone. His disgust with her earlier had been all too obvious.

  ‘Darlin’, don’t look at me like that,’ he gently chided. ‘You know you’ve done wrong; I’m not about to start berating you.’

  ‘Oh, Grandy.’ She flew into his arms. ‘I’m sorry. So sorry!’

  ‘I think you’re saying that to the wrong man, Shay-me-love,’ he soothed.

  ‘Lyon?’ Her voice was muffled against his chest.

  ‘What do you think?’

  ‘I’ve hated him so much, Grandy.’ She shook her head, not seeming to realise she had used the past tense. But the man holding her did, his eyes very gentle. ‘And when his baby didn’t seem to want me either—Grandy, you never thought that I’d … well, when I suddenly wasn’t pregnant any more, you didn’t think I’d got rid of the baby?’ She looked at him anxiously.

  ‘Never,’ he assured her without hesitation.

  ‘Then—’

  ‘Ricky called me after your miscarriage,’ he explained. ‘But he said you were in such an emotional state that he thought your realising I knew would make you worse. It was hard to do, but I stayed away. As you’ve never talked about it, neither have I.’

  ‘Until now.’

  ‘Shay, I couldn’t stay silent when I realised what it must have done to Lyon over the years to believe he couldn’t have children.’

  ‘I know,’ sh
e accepted tearfully. ‘I think I would have told him eventually—’

  ‘Flung it at him, you mean,’ Grandy derided ruefully. ‘Once you had finished punishing him by letting him think there might eventually be a place for him in your and Richard’s lives.’

  ‘It—it sounds so awful when you put it like that,’ she choked.

  He nodded slowly. ‘I’m not going to pretend otherwise; it was awful.’

  ‘But I felt—so used once I realised what Lyon really wanted from me,’ she defended.

  ‘And how do you think Lyon’s felt all these years? There now, and I said I wouldn’t berate you,’ he grimaced. ‘There’s just one more thing I want to say, and then I won’t mention the subject again.’

  She tensed. ‘Yes?’

  ‘Do you still believe that Lyon only wanted you because he also wanted Richard, and you came in a package?’ he probed softly.

  ‘Yes,’ she murmured.

  ‘And what would you say if you were told that the night Richard was born your doctor told Lyon that both you and the baby could die, that it might even come to a choice between you?’ Her grandfather watched intently for her reaction.

  She paled. ‘The breech birth …?’ Shay gasped.

  He nodded. ‘Peter Dunbar told me Lyon didn’t even hesitate.’

  She couldn’t breathe, felt hot and cold at one and the same time. ‘Didn’t hesitate to what?’ she prompted desperately, her eyes feverish.

  ‘In telling him to save you at all costs, to take the baby from you now before it got to that point, even though it probably meant death for the baby,’ her grandfather related simply.

  She still couldn’t breathe, her eyes black pools in her white face.

  ‘Now, tell me, does that sound like the action of a man interested only in the baby you carried?’ he asked softly.

  It had to be true, she knew her grandfather wouldn’t lie to her. It wasn’t Richard Lyon wanted at all, he did love her!