His Frozen Heart

by Georgia Le Carre

  As I crouched down to lace my boots, some movement in the trees caught my attention. It was a beautiful doe. She was sniffing around for food but not finding much. She even lifted her front legs onto a tree trunk to reach for some evergreen. Poor thing. She was probably desperate for something to eat. It was late in the winter, but there was still no sign of spring anytime soon.

  Without making any jerky moves, I slowly stood, and watched her. I had never seen a deer up so close before. I studied her pretty face, her big eyes, delicate features, and her thin, graceful, but strong limbs. I wished I had thought about bringing my cell phone. I would have loved to have taken some pictures of her.

  I admired her.

  She made surviving the harshness of life look beautiful, simple, as though it didn’t scare her. Life scared me. I was scared all of the time that this big, bad world would swallow me under, starve me out, or just take my sister away. I felt the doe’s desperation, but I couldn’t even begin to imagine exhibiting such grace. No, I haven’t been a very good person. But I guess I did what I had to do.

  The wind changed course and she startled away in the opposite direction from me. She may have caught my scent and been scared off, or more likely she had caught the scent of something bigger, with teeth more ripping than mine behind me. Instinctively, I turned around, but all was quiet.

  I decided not to stick around and find out what frightened her. Now was probably a good time to get back to the cabin and see what I could rummage from Cade’s freezer for dinner. I wished her luck and set off the way I had come.

  Cade

  The winter sun was low, so I called it a day. Not that the work I’d done warranted finishing, I just couldn’t take how distracted my thoughts were anymore. All day my mind had been bombarded with thoughts of Katrina. Images I’d caught of her flashed into my brain, an exposed shoulder, her tousled hair falling down her back, the slight parting on that full mouth.

  My hands were covered in little nicks and tiny cuts where my concentration had dropped to Katrina. Mostly to a naked Katrina.

  The damn devil sat on my shoulder all morning and tried to tempt me to go into the cabin and chase her giggling up the ladder to my bed. In my head that’s how she’d react. In reality, she’d probably turn on some of that sassy, princess spunkiness and make me work hard every inch of the way.

  “What the fuck, man? You’ve got to get this woman out of your place. She’s messing with your head.”

  I thought about taking her to Beau’s cabin. He was too old to do anything about his erections, and he’d be grateful for the eye candy. He lived further down the valley, and it was only a couple of hours on foot, but it will probably take half-a-day for a city gal. Maybe tomorrow.

  As I approached the cabin I saw the soft glow of firelight coming from inside, and when I opened the door, a wash of wonderful smells engulfed me.

  “What the hell is that?” I said from the doorway.

  A flash of annoyance crossed her face, but she plastered a smile on her. “Hi,” she replied brightly, “I took the liberty of cooking us some dinner. I found some meat in the freezer and a bunch of vegetables, so I just threw them all together, and added some spices and oil too. Hope you like it.”

  It smelled delicious, and I can’t remember anticipating eating a meal that much before. I wanted to say thank you, but I couldn’t. It looked like she’d cleaned and tidied up the cabin too. She’d been here less than a day and already she’d made the place a more enjoyable, comforting place to live than I had in two years. In a way I loved it, and on the other hand it brought back a memory, a feeling of connection that ripped at me.

  She frowned at my expression. “Sorry, but I just couldn’t stand to eat a can of soup for dinner for the second night in a row. I like to eat, and I like to eat good food!”

  “Cooking fancy for one is not high on my list of priorities, and no, I don’t mind.”

  “Good.” She turned to the wood-burning stove and I thought I saw the glimmer of a small smile of satisfaction curve her lips, as she turned to take out two tin foil wrapped parcels. That’s when I noticed a familiar check print flannel shirt.

  “I am, however wondering why you’re wearing my clothes?”

  “Oh, yeah!” She laughed her deep, rocky laugh, which was so sexy and self-assured it made my stomach clench. “Sorry about that. My clothes got soaking wet, so when I got back to the cabin today I just put on some of yours while mine are drying.” She waved at the clothesline.

  “They look good on you,” I said and immediately regretted making the comment.

  She didn’t say thank you, but those big green eyes lit up. A sign she was reading far too much into the compliment. I scowled. It didn’t matter what she thought, it would be Beau’s problem by tomorrow.

  “Well. They’ll probably be dry in a little while. I can change out of your clothes if it’s weird.”

  “I’d rather you change out of them as soon as yours are dry.”

  “Oh. OK.” She looked crushed, like a kicked puppy.

  “Let’s just eat,” I said curtly.

  “Ok, yeah, I don’t want this to get cold.”

  I grunted.

  “Well, I hope this dinner is good.” She opened up the two tinfoil parcels. Inside were juicy looking pieces of meat with onions, squash and tomatoes sprinkled with rosemary. She spooned rice over them, which soaked up the juices from the meat and vegetables. She put a corncob next to that, and gave me the parcel with a kitchen towel underneath to protect my hands from the heat. I grabbed a fork while she took the same for herself and sat down on the floor.

  We ate quietly. After a long day of work the food was surprisingly delicious and totally kept my attention until we were almost done. Then, something she’d said earlier struck me as odd.

  “What did you mean, ‘when I got back to the cabin?’ Where did you go?”

  She wiped her mouth and grinned happily. “I just went for a walk today. There was nothing else to do all by myself, so I just took off on a little exploring expedition, and I ended up finding one of those hot spring pools people are always searching for up here. I saw some tourists buying maps for them at the store in the valley, but I’d never come across one. It was amazing. I guess you must go up there all the time. You’ve got your own personal hot tub up there. I did wonder if that’s where you go to take a bath.”

  I put the fork down and stared at her. “You went all the way to the hot spring?”

  Cade

  “Well, it wasn’t that far. I mean, it was a good ways walk, but it felt good.”

  “Do you know what could have happened to you out there by yourself?”

  “Well, yeah I guess. But still, you’ve got to just keep your wits about you and still get out in the world. Experience life, not just stay cooped up in a little cabin away from it all. Don’t you think? Or maybe I’m asking the wrong person about that.”

  “I don’t know who you’d ask about whatever you’re getting at. What I’m talking about is I don’t want to have to tell the Sherriff there’s a girl out here that’s been killed by a bear, or ripped to shreds by a mountain lion. You are enough trouble just being out here, you’d be even more trouble to me if you’re dead.”

  “I see. Well, that’s very considerate of you to bring it to my attention. I hope you enjoyed your dinner.” She wadded up her empty tin foil into a ball and tossed it to the kitchen trash can. “I’ll get out of your clothes for you right now.” She threw a quilt over the washing line and started undressing behind it. Okay, that was her definitely pissed.

  “Damn.” She let out an irritated sigh. “Would you kindly pass my clothes to me, please? They’re hanging up under the balcony.”

  They were dry and warm. I took my time unpinning them from the line just so I could hold her things; smell them, run them between my fingers. It also gave me time to think through what to say to make up for my blunder. Talk about saying the exact opposite of what you were thinking. Here I was being driven out of my
mind with desire for the woman and I was talking about how inconvenient it would be for me if she were dead. I had come across like a little boy on a playground pulling at a girl’s ponytail.

  “I was just worried about you out in the wild by yourself,” I said gruffly, laying her sweater across the line to her. The idea of her naked, only a few inches away on the other side of a patchwork quilt, made me almost jittery with hunger for a taste of her.

  “If I’d known you were out roaming around I would have come along, brought some protection.”

  I laid her leggings and t-shirt over the line.

  “I need the rest of it,” she said abruptly.

  I hung her bra and panties. “I’m sorry … I’m not the most … well, I don’t always know … I’m sorry for being an asshole.” From my side of the quilt I listened to her put on her clothes and something that sounded suspicious like a muffled sniff escape her. Shit. “If we’re still snowed in tomorrow I’ll go with you if you need to take a walk. OK?” Where the fuck did that come from? I was supposed to take her to Beau’s. I exhaled. Maybe she can stay one more night to make up for me being such a jerk.

  “Sure,” she agreed, but there was a slight tremor to her voice making me feel like I still had more ground to make up in the way of an apology.

  “You made dinner, I’ll make us some drinks.”

  I walked to the cupboard and pulled out a bottle of red wine, a drink I stashed away for the moments when I needed a taste of my old city life. Then, I drank wines that cost over $2000.00 a bottle. This bottle was from the local store. Almost undrinkable. I poured it into a pan. There wasn’t much left, a half of a bottle between us. I put the pan on to the stove and dropped in a bag of spices. Putting it on a low heat setting I left it to slowly warm the wine.

  “I’ll be right back,” I called and went outside.

  Putting some kindling on the fire pit I got a campfire going. It would be nice to have our wine around the fire and look at the moonlit scenery. Also, that would be a lot easier than sitting inside the cabin stewing in her scent. That would be more than I could stand. I needed to cool off physically and figuratively.

  I took a couple of dry logs from inside my workshop. The ones stacked outside were too damp to start a fire easily. I thought about the fire between Katrina and I. It wanted to burn. Maybe the fire is only from my side. Maybe I’ve just been out here too long for my own damn good and the sight of a gorgeous woman is making me feel the warmth of flickering flames. But maybe she doesn’t feel that.

  “Hey,” she said from the open door of the cabin. “Whatever you got cooking on the stove smells really good, but it’s about to boil.”

  I blew underneath the flame to agitate the kindling and light the logs well and stepped back to the cabin. She stood in the doorway looking at the fire, forcing me to work around her in close contact. I came through the doorway and her chest brushed against my abs. I paused against her and saw the reflection of flames in her eyes and I felt such a burning heat inside no amount of freezing wind and snow could cool me.

  She turned to me and I slipped into the cabin shaking with desire. The power she had over me was astounding.

  “Yeah, let me take that off the heat. It’s not supposed to boil. We don’t want to burn off the alcohol,” I said as coolly as I could.

  “So, what is it? Surely hemlock doesn’t smell that wonderful.”

  I ignored the jibe. “Mulled wine. Ever had it before?”

  “No, never even heard of it.”

  “It’s perfect for a snowy night like this. I thought we could have a glass or two around the fire outside. Can you handle the cold?”

  “Well, I think so. As long as I’m near the fire I’ll be fine.”

  “Here.”

  “Huh, a real wine glass. And you have two of them! Now, this is special! Where did you get two wine glasses from?”

  I didn’t answer her question and blatantly ignored her sarcasm. I poured myself a glass of the warm, spicy wine and went out to tend to the fire.

  “Oh, bring the stool,” I said.

  “Um, sure.”

  She expected me to carry it for her. The problem was I fucking wanted to. But being openly nice and charming will only get me into trouble. It was hard enough keeping her at an arms distance when all I really want is to wrap them around her for the rest of this night and several after. I can’t imagine ever getting my fill of the taste of her. I went to the back of the cabin and found an old stool to sit on. It was a bit shaky, but it would do.

  “This is nice,” she said when we were seated and sipping. “I feel privileged to be out here having this experience in the wild. I mean this is truly wild, off the grid living.”

  “If that’s your opinion, does that mean you’ll eat trout tomorrow?”

  She laughed.

  That got me. Her laugh is truly the most enticing laugh I’ve ever heard. It made me want to drop down in front of her, part her thighs, and just look at her sweet cunt. I wanted to press it warm, fleshy, and wet against my naked skin while I sucked her tongue. I wanted her to arch her back and lift her breasts to the sky so that I could lick them and listen to the sounds that escaped from her.

  “Yeah, I’ll eat trout if that gives me an authentic experience of living in the wild. Not that I knew I was looking for that this week, but hey, I’m here. Let’s go with it.”

  My pants already felt tight. I pulled my crazy thoughts back to the easy conversation. “So, whatever I catch tomorrow that’s what we eat.”

  She grinned. “Ok, it’s a deal. You have some steaks in the freezer if I don’t like it though, right?”

  “You eat what you’re given, city chick. But, yes, I have deer steak in the freezer.”

  “Did you just smile?” she asked. “Well, that’s a first. Never seen a smile from you before. You should do it more often. It looks good on you.”

  I didn’t answer. True, I had smiled at her. A real smile hadn’t crossed my face in the last two years. I was struck by the fact. How did she make me do that? For so long I felt as if I wasn’t even allowed to smile anymore. A blister of guilt popped inside me. I threw the rest of the spiced wine down me and went in for the rest of it in the pan.

  “So, deer steak …”

  She filled the silence I’d let drop like a lead balloon. Once my glass was full to the brim I refilled hers too and tossed the pan in the snow still pissed off at myself for the smile.

  “You know, I saw a deer when I was out hiking today, after I swam in the hot spring. You really have to come swim with me. It was glorious. I did think about you while I was up there. You know that you shouldn’t miss out on what’s so close to your cabin. That’s all.”

  “You saw a deer?”

  “Yeah, a doe. She spooked at something behind me, so that’s when I came back down to the cabin.”

  “Do you know what it was?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. I didn’t see anything and I didn’t want to wait around until it showed itself. I just took that as my cue to get the hell out of there. If it’s not good enough for Bambi, then I want no part of it either.”

  “The saying is that if there are deer around, a mountain lion is close behind. There was probably a mountain lion tracking that doe. You must have put yourself between them.”

  She smiled happily. “Oh well, I got out of there. That doe and I will live to see another day. No harm done.”

  “That’s a hell of an attitude to have out here. One that will get you killed for sure. Do me a favor and don’t go anywhere by yourself again. My house, my rules.”

  “Alright, fine.” She sipped her warm wine. “How many more days do you think we’ll be snowed in?”

  This would be a good time to tell her she won’t be staying with me, but Beau. “No telling. Snow’s coming again tonight. We’ll wake up to fresh lay in the morning.”

  “Will my car be buried?” she asked with a frown.

  “Oh, I can dig it out. That’s the least of our worries. It�
�s the mountain that will be unforgiving. The mountain says when we can travel here. Her house. Her rules. I just follow them.”

  She grins again. A big genuine smile that would melt any man’s heart. “Ok, I get it. I won’t go off by myself again. It’ll be more fun if you go with me anyway.”

  Fun? It’s been a long time since I heard or used that word. I just don’t know if I’m ready for fun yet. Especially with her.

  Katrina

  I woke up in the morning feeling like I was made of lead from a terrible night’s sleep. The cabin was empty. Cade must have gone fishing to catch our trout breakfast. It can’t taste that bad, can it? I put my clothes back on.

  Before going to bed, all by myself, I had undressed with faint hope I would have a visitor to my pallet on the floor. But somewhere in the night, my hope of a real man’s moving body on mine died, and turned to my usual habit of running through my list of worries and adding a few extra ones I never knew I had.

  I put the coffee on and looked out of the window.

  Outside were the stark reminders of our evening together. What had seemed like a romantic interlude in the night looked very different in the cold light of day. The pan Cade had tossed aside was covered by fresh inches of snow so only the handle jutted out, the stools sat too wide apart for coziness, the extinguished embers by a pile of wet snow gave the scene a look of desolation rather than romance.

  I didn’t know where it all went wrong last night. Things were going well, or so I thought. He got intense for a while, then he went into his own mind, and climbed up to his bed never saying a word.

  Not that it stopped me from hoping and waiting. I think I was restless and unable to sleep from being near him. I couldn’t stop thinking about how his hardness had brushed against my breasts. The way my nipples had instantly become hard. God, I wanted him so much.