His Frozen Heart

by Georgia Le Carre

  She patted my hand. “Yes, of course. It’s my way of apologizing.”

  “Are you alright with this, Katrina?” I said.

  She smiled weakly. “Oh, yeah. That’s fine. Of course. Yeah, go and get your mother her medication. I’ll keep her company.”

  “There that’s settled then. Now, hurry back before it gets dark. It makes me nervous to think of you driving these terrible roads.” She hands me her car keys. “The prescription is in the glovebox. You might as well take my car and leave that wreck of yours here.”

  My mother’s sincerity was difficult for me to read and near impossible for anyone new to her acquaintance. She was not all bad though. Her good to bad ratio was just in constant fluctuation. And often when it looked like she was doing something out of meanness it turned out to be coming from a good place. Unfortunately, the opposite was also true. In that moment all I could do was cross my fingers and hope she was not up to something bad.

  I prepared to leave and Katrina caught my arm. She looked deep into my eyes and said, “Please hurry.” Under her breath, she said, “I had a great time with you today. The best.”

  I frowned. “I’ll be back in less than two hours.”

  She looked like she was blinking back tears.

  “Do you want to come with me?” I asked.

  She turned to look at my mother then back to me. “She doesn’t like me,” she whispered.

  I turned to my mother. “Maybe I should take Katrina with me.”

  “You will absolutely not leave me out here by myself. Katrina and I will stay. Go on now, Cade, it’s not like I’m going to carve her up into little bits and pieces! We girls will be fine, now go on!”

  Katrina smiled. “Of course, she’s right. I’ll be fine.”

  “She’s a bit of a dragon, but she won’t harm you.” I kissed Katrina’s cheek and whispered to her, “I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

  “I’ll miss you,” she said. It didn’t seem like a joke. I think she really meant that she’d miss me while I was gone. It was the craziest thing, but hell, I would miss her too.

  Katrina

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvvAYd3X5kA

  As soon as the door closed on Cade, Lynn stopped holding her temples and craned her neck to look out of the window. She waited until she saw Cade get into her car and drive away before she spoke. I guess she didn’t want to chance him coming back in and overhearing our chat.

  “Why are you here?” I asked. “I thought I was supposed to let you know when the job was finished.”

  She stood and examined the ends of her luxurious coat. “Isn’t the job done?”

  I bit my lip. “Not really.”

  She looked up, a mocking smile on her face. “That’s not what I heard. I heard my son was kissing you on the street yesterday. And if your little naked drive in the mountains is anything to go by, I think your job is done. In fact, you might have even gone too far. You’ll miss him? That’s laying it on a little thick. No wonder my son thinks you’re his girlfriend!”

  “Well, I am his girlfriend. It’s not an act!”

  Her eyes glittered. “That is not the deal we had, young lady. I hired you to bring him back to us. Would you like to look over your contract again to refresh your memory? I just happen to have a copy right here,” she said, pulling an envelope from inside her voluminous coat that looked very familiar, but I felt as if it was signed in another lifetime.

  “God, no! I don’t need to look at it again. I remember what it says.”

  “Oh really? Then why are you talking about being his girlfriend. I cannot believe how royally you’ve messed up. I told you to bring him back. You’ve done the opposite and tried to move into this shack with him. And you’ve got his mind turned around and warped out of all recognition. You have totally screwed this up.”

  “I’m really sorry. I don’t know how this happened. When I agreed to do this, it was just … different to how I imagined it would be. I mean, it was a job, I definitely didn’t expect to fall for him, but I have.”

  Her eyes narrowed and for an instant it reminded me of Cade. “Is it more money you’re looking for?”

  “No, absolutely not,” I cried.

  “Because it sounds very much as if you’re fishing for more.” Her voice was cold.

  “No, Lynn, listen to me. Keep your money for all I care. I only did it to help my sister anyway.”

  “Oh, spare me the sob story. This is an absolute disgrace, but I’m going to pay you in full because I always keep my end of the bargain and I expect you to do the same.”

  “Listen, I just want out of this now. Forget the money. I don’t want Cade to ever know that I agreed to do this!”

  “Well, I’m afraid it’s not that simple.”

  Lynn went back to look out the window. She held our contract and thumbed through it. I felt disgusted at myself to think of what I had signed up to do.

  The ‘job’, if one can even call it that now was enough money to pay for my sister’s surgery and care. I’ve been working two jobs, teaching and dancing in the club for two years now just to keep my sister in the facility she’s in. They take care of her, but she needs the surgeries to remove the lesions on her spine, and secondary surgeries to address the muscle injuries caused by her paraplegia. I would have done anything to give her that.

  So, when Lynn’s agent presented me with the proposal to help get her son back among the civilized in exchange for enough money for me to help my sister and give up lap dancing, I couldn’t believe my luck, let alone pass the opportunity up. It seemed perfect at the time. I wouldn’t be harming anyone. In fact, I’d be helping a man who was lost to his family and the world.

  “We don’t have much time. My driver is on the way,” Lynn said.

  “What?”

  “I need you to go back to where you came from. Next week the sum we agreed will be transferred into your account.”

  “I can’t just go like that. What about Cade?”

  “Cade is no longer your business. You have completely ruined everything and gotten him even further entrenched in this nonsensical idea of living in the mountains. When he comes I’ll tell him that you just couldn’t take another minute in this awful place with no Internet connection to post your little pouty pictures, or selfies, whatever you call them on social media. If you agree to go now, even with your colossal screw up of our contractual agreement, your payment will still stand.”

  “Lynn, I don’t think you understand what I’ve been saying to you.” I crossed the room to face her by the window. For once, I felt confident in myself. My feelings for Cade overrode the feeling of intimidation I felt from women I perceived to be my betters. Like the mountain lion did to me, I looked right into her eyes so she could see my power. “Whether you like it or not I am Cade’s girlfriend. We’ve fallen for each other. Cade wants to be with me and I want to be with him.”

  Katrina

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FkdleIkFyo

  “You might be able to trick my son, but not me. I saw you coming a mile off. You’re just after the money. Do you think I did not have you fully investigated? I looked into your family. You don’t have anything. Or anybody! You’re nothing.”

  “Tricking him? It’s you who is tricking him. Using me to bait him out of the mountains. Did you ever take a moment to think of what he wanted? How can you do that to your own son?”

  Her chin rose haughtily. “I did it because I love my son. Is this a life for a man of his talent, capability, and wealth? He is rotting away here. He has a family who loves him, beautiful homes, great wealth, important work, friends who care for him. His whole life was put on hold after the accident. It’s time he came back to where he belongs.”

  I looked at her speechlessly, at how sure she was that she was making the right decision for her son.

  “Have you even thought about what you’re doing? Were you planning to live out here with Cade, all alone in this tiny cabin, no jobs, no friends, not ever seei
ng your poor, sick sister?”

  I hadn’t thought about how long we would be here. It did worry me to be so far away from my sister. Up here, we were too far away to make regular visits. I lifted my chin defiantly. “Cade and I haven’t exactly figured all the details out yet. We’re just at the beginning of our relationship.”

  “Or is your plan, which is much more likely, to milk as much money out of this entanglement with my son as you can? Waving your tits and ass around for money just like you did with all these other men?” From that coat of dead animals Lynn brought out a stack of photos. She didn’t give them to me. Deliberately, she threw them all over the floor.

  Pictures of me dancing in the club with folded up dollars tucked around my thong and stockings were everywhere on the floor of the cabin. Taken in secret, the pictures were dark and dingy, but unmistakably me. There were pictures of me giving lap dances, and the worst were the ones where the men who paid extra so that I would touch them. She even had pictures of me working with another girl at the club. We were in the middle of a special room in the back, up on a platform with several men in chairs around us. A bachelor party. We do a lot of those.

  My friend, who I worked with on these gigs, and I split the money, and it was enough to pay rent for the month in just a half-hour. We kiss and pretend to writhe around together on the spinning platform so the guys get a good view of everything.

  They just want to see us feel each other and get off on it. It’s all a show. We were performing an act, and just thinking of the money. Whenever I had to do those gigs I went into my own world in my mind and kind of even forgot the guys were there.

  Except now, I was looking at these pictures and I could see the faces of the men watching. There were so many faces in those pictures. All watching me writhe for them.

  All with the same look in their eyes. I was only there to satiate a need in them. I had no other use to them. I had no life outside their hard on. I was there for no other purpose than for them to cum over.

  Suddenly, I was on my knees trying to pick up these degrading, disgusting pictures that were scattered across the backdrop of where my love for Cade began. I felt like dirt. Tears started to roll down my cheeks as I scrambled around picking the horrible photos up.

  “There now, don’t cry. Come on, let’s get you out of here before Cade comes back and sees you like this.”

  “But, I love him.”

  Lynn laughed. “Hush now, darling. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “But it’s true. I really love him,” I insisted.

  “Look at this picture.” Lynn crouched down by me and held a picture up in front of my face. It was of me giving a lap dance to an enormous man in every sense of the word. He was over a foot taller than me, and a big eater. He wore gold rings on almost every finger and a fedora hat over his bald head. He was secretly wanking himself behind me. “Does this look like a picture Cade would like to see? If I show this to him, do you think you’ll still be his girlfriend?”

  Hot tears ran down my cheeks onto the photographs. Shame rose up in my belly. Every cell in my body cringed. What have I done to myself? I could never bear to let Cade see me like that. I couldn’t see the light die from his eyes.

  “My son needed time and space. He’s had that. It’s time for him to come home now. And, my dear, even if you follow him back to his life, you just won’t fit into the world we live in. Everyone in our circle is educated, wealthy, and exhibit more than class than you appear to have. All Cade’s friends belong to our set. You’ll know you’re different. They’ll know you’re different. You’ll feel that the others in Cade’s circle don’t like you. They’ll always whisper about you. You’ll feel embarrassed, which is understandable, but then Cade will start to feel ashamed of you, and that’s what will hurt you the worst.”

  “But what if we stay out here in Colorado?” I said through a wash of tears.

  “No, this is not his life. He has a life. A business. He just fell apart and needed to be alone for a while. That is over now, partly thanks to you.”

  “I love him.”

  She blinked. I could see she was losing patience with me. “Cade has responsibilities in New York. He’s coming back with me, and if you try to stand in his way then …” She rifled through some of the photographs still on the floor until she found the one she was looking for. “Ah, this is one of my favorites.” She held it up and talked about it like it was a picture she was really proud of. “Cade will be shown this photo and all the rest of them.”

  I refused to look at the photograph. “And what will he think of his own mother when you reveal all? Maybe I should just stay right here until Cade comes back and we’ll see how he reacts to what we’ve both done.”

  She stepped closer, amusement glittered in her eyes. “You imagine he would choose you over me? A whore who opened her legs for money.”

  “Can’t you understand that I love him?”

  I saw it in her eyes. How she changed tack. “Honey, you’re young and beautiful. You have your whole life ahead of you. Take this money, which is probably more than you’ve ever seen at one time in your life, and likely never will again. Help your sister. That’s very noble of you and then start over. Just start over. Go wherever you want, and do whatever you want. There’s more to life than you’ve known so far, which is why you’ve fallen for Cade. You’ve never known someone with decency and class before so even a sullen hermit living alone in the wilderness is like a chink of light coming through to illuminate how terrible your existence has been up until now. I promise you, you’ll thank me one day.” Lynn patted me on the back like we’d just played a game of tennis together, “There’s a lot of other fish in the sea. Cade’s just a little bit out of your reach right now.”

  I was heartbroken to hear what she said. Somewhere after I crashed my car I totally lost sight of what I was supposed to be doing, lost sight of my place in the world, and romance clouded my mind. I felt like such a fool.

  “Come on.” Lynn helped me to stand up, picked up my tacky bag and held it out in front of her like she was afraid of what germs might be on it. As if by divine knowing a car drove up at that moment. “There, your ride is here now.” She guided me towards the car.

  As we passed the fire pit outside, I stopped. There was a little tiny piece of carving lying near the pit that Cade had been messing around with the other night. I wasn’t paying much attention at the time. I picked it up and ran my finger over it. It was the mountain lion. He’d carved the majestic face of the lion we’d encountered on the mountain together.

  “Tell him I’m going to write him a letter and explain everything. Will you please tell him that?”

  “Katrina, darling, you’re embarrassing yourself now. You signed an NDA. You cannot tell anyone anything or you’ll end up behind bars. Now, be a good girl and get in the car.”

  “You won’t show him the pictures, will you? Please?”

  She shook her head. “As long as you keep to your side of the bargain. I won’t.”

  “I’ll keep to my side of the bargain.”

  “Then he will never see them.” She smiled at me then. A polite, cold smile. “Goodbye, Katrina.”

  Cade

  I drove the Mercedes fast on the winding road. It would be dark in a couple of hours and I didn’t even want to think of my mother on these dangerous roads once it got dark, but I was desperate to get back for another reason too.

  Something felt wrong. I felt it in my gut. Something about Katrina felt off. Ever since my mother arrived I felt the change. Almost as if she had become suddenly opaque to me. Maybe I was overthinking and she was just embarrassed to be caught naked by my mother, but I really wished my mother had never turned up.

  Why she came now after two years was a mystery.

  I switched off the engine and headlights, grabbed her medication from the passenger seat, and jumped out of the car. Quickly, I strode over the snow towards the cabin.

  Even then I knew.
>
  I knew before I opened the door that Katrina was not in the cabin. I don’t know how I knew, I just did. The place was already empty of her warm, beautiful presence. I pushed the door and my mother was sitting on the stool waiting for me.

  “Hello, darling,” she said softly.

  “Where is Katrina?” I demanded from the doorway.

  She shrugged. “She had to leave.”

  “She had to leave?” I repeated incredulously. “On foot?”

  My mother laughed, but it was a forced, artificial sound. “Don’t be silly. Of course not. Robert came and picked her up.”

  I scowled at her, my mind running in circles. “Robert, your driver?”

  “Yes.”

  My face turned to stone and for a second neither of us spoke. We stared at each other. Then she spoke.

  “I’m your mother. I miss you terribly, Cade darling. Is that so bad? Does that make me a monster? Of course, it doesn’t.”

  She was not suffering from migraine. I had been sent on a wild goose chase. I closed the door and stepped into the room. “Mother, you better tell me everything. Start at the beginning and don’t miss a single detail.”

  My voice was so cold, I saw her shiver.

  Lynn

  I looked at my son. This was the child I carried in my own body. My boy. My favorite child. All my life I’d subtly manipulated my whole family, made them do the things I wanted. I had my migraines, I had my tears, I had my position as the real power behind the throne.

  But now something had changed.

  He had changed.

  I had miscalculated.

  She had made him change. Impossible to imagine, but he had fallen for that two-bit stripper. But the feeling was new and the ropes she had tied around his heart were still green and tender. I could damage them. I could rip them off. I just had to play my cards right. I just needed to move cautiously.