His Frozen Heart

by Georgia Le Carre

  I fucking lift her skirt.

  She moans.

  She’s not wearing underwear.

  I fucking spread her legs wide.

  Yes, yes, she groans as my dick plunges into her wet pussy over and over again.

  “Harder, Kit. Harder,” she begs.

  Oh, fuck it. What the hell? I wasn’t going to walk around all day with this damn hard on. I found myself bounding upstairs to the bedroom. I sat on the bed, pulled my jeans down to my knees, and freed my cock. It sprung up like a Jack-in-the-Box. I lay back, closed my eyes, and visualized Lara naked. Not a stitch on that beautiful body. She spread her legs and showed me her little cunt, decorated with soft blonde curls. It was so pretty I wanted to eat it.

  “Let me suck you,” she said, and opened her mouth.

  I spat on my palm, gripped my shaft firmly, and began to stroke my hard cock.

  I fed my cock to her hot, wet mouth. She took it greedily and moaned.

  “Take me deeper,” I ordered. Immediately, she deep-throated me, taking me all the way down her throat. I was twisting and excitedly fucking her mouth. Jesus, it felt so fucking awesome. I'd almost forgotten what a warm, soft, and eager mouth could do to a fully loaded cock in need of satisfaction.

  I stroked the entire length of my shaft faster and faster. Pre-cum dripped from my engorged cock.

  I leaned forward so I could suck on her deliciously rosy nipples.

  “Are you going to fuck my tight pussy?” she asked.

  “Oh, yes, sweet pea, I sure am”

  I pulled out of her mouth and lay her face down on the bed. Her ass was in the air and her pussy peeked through. All pink and wet and begging for it. I plunged my bare cock into all that pinkness.

  “Oh! fuck, Lara,” I groaned, as my legs stiffened.

  The build-up felt like flood water bursting through a dam. Nothing could contain it. Nothing. I exploded, shooting my hot load like a fountain into the air and covering my hands in a sticky mess. It had been so long since I'd cum like that.

  My heart was hammering away, and my cock was still hard for her. I just lay and knew: This woman was going to be the death of me.

  Lara

  My favorite book lay open in front of me, and my fingers moved steadily over the raised dots, but I read nothing. I checked my watch face for the fifth time. He still had five minutes before our appointed time to meet arrived.

  I was sitting on a seat very close to the large windows facing west because it didn’t manage to filter out all the sounds from the car park. I sighed and returned my fingers to the dots.

  Two minutes later I heard the engine of an old truck stop outside. My heart started pounding. I placed my hands on my lap and listened carefully.

  Old vehicles have an interesting sound, unhampered by computers or gadgets. An ancient vehicle that has been very well-maintained has an even more unique sound, somewhere between a roar and a purr. There is a solidness to it that fulfills the old saying: ‘They don’t make ‘em like they used to.’

  Kit’s truck had that sound.

  It was obviously very old, but lovingly cared for. A fact that didn’t surprise me in the least. An old truck with a well-maintained engine seemed a perfect fit for what I knew about him so far.

  What did surprise me was how different he was than during our first meeting.

  “Hello, Lara,” he said formally from a few feet away.

  “Howdy doody to you too, Mr. Carson,” I said with a grin.

  “Shall we go?” I think I threw him some, but his voice was softer and friendly.

  “Absolutely,” I said, closing my book with a snap and standing up. “I’m always glad when I get to stop pretending to read.”

  He chuckled, the sound coming from deep within his chest.

  The air around me moved as he turned.

  “Do you say everything that comes into your head?” he asked as we walked towards the front door.

  Our steps echoed in the empty space. “Mostly. Why?”

  “Most people filter out the things that they think might embarrass themselves or others.”

  “Oh, I do too. You have no idea what I really thought when I first met you.”

  “See what I mean?”

  “No, that doesn’t count,” I argued. “It would have if I’d actually told you what I was thinking.”

  He laughed again and held open the door.

  “Good day, Hannah,” I called out as we walked out into the freezing cold.

  “Have a good night, Lara,” her voice rang out as the door closed behind us.

  I followed him to his truck. I sort of already knew where it was, but thought it best to let him lead. It wouldn’t do to let him know I was literally stalking him by the window. He opened the door, and after feeling the height of the seat, I hopped in, as nimble as a goat. Well, that’s what my Ma used to call me.

  A stubborn, nimble goat.

  The truck was toasty warm. The seats were wide and comfortable, and covered with butter-soft leather. I ran my palm over it as he got in beside me and closed the door. His arrival changed the air in the truck. Suddenly it was bristling with electricity. I wondered if he sensed it.

  “I love old vehicles,” I said, to quell the thousand butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

  He paused. “How do you know it’s old?”

  “The sound of the engine.” I grinned at him. “Don’t tell me you can’t hear all that gorgeousness purring away under the hood.”

  “Yes ma’am.” His voice took on a note of pride. “I put a lot of time into this old girl.”

  “Well, Sir. It shows.” I don’t know what it was about him, but he actually made me want to pretend I was cold and snuggle up to him. Even the small talk we exchanged about his vehicle had undercurrents of something dangerous swirling underneath. It was weird and exciting … and scary.

  As he drove out of the library parking lot and onto the street, he said, “I got your tea.”

  “Thank you! I’m looking forward to it.”

  Obviously not a man of many words and he subsided into a deep silence after that. Though I tried to start a conversation from time to time, he had reverted back to his hard and tough exterior and all I got were a few grunts and almost unintelligible mutters. He was turning into quite the psychological experiment. Still, I wasn’t unhappy with the silence. I sat perfectly still in the seat, listening to the sound of the engine and the world rushing by outside the window.

  The drive out to the house didn’t take as long as it did when I was with Elaine; perhaps the knot of nervousness in my stomach was not there this time. The winding curves told me he was taking back roads.

  He didn’t say another word until we pulled into the drive. Then it was simply, “stay right there” as he got out of his side and came around to mine.

  By the time he got there, I was standing outside the truck.

  “I told you to wait,” he said, an edge to his voice.

  “If you want me to wait next time, ask politely,” I told him.

  “And only if you are opening the door because you are a gentleman. Not because I’m blind.”

  There was a moment of silence. He was obviously taken aback, but his response was very measured. “I have no doubt you are quite capable of getting out of the car yourself. I wasn’t opening the door for you because you’re blind, but because the ground right now is slick as warm owl shit, and I damn near busted my ass twice this morning.”

  “Warm owl shit?” I laughed so hard it hurt.

  He took my hand as I was still howling and began to lead me to the steps. My feet suddenly went out from under me, and I stopped laughing pretty quick then.

  “See?” he said.

  Neither of us spoke again until we were in the house. It was way too treacherous to do anything but try to stay upright.

  Lara

  Once in the house, Kit seemed to be entirely out of his element again. Awkward and oddly shy. “There’s no fire. Shall I light one for you?”
/>   I shook my head. “Not on my account.”

  “There’s a wood stove in the kitchen. It’ll be warmer. Do you want to sit there?”

  “Okay,” I agreed easily.

  “Follow me then.”

  “It’s lovely and warm in here,” I said as we entered his kitchen. It smelled of bacon and beans.

  He grunted and pulled out a chair. I went and sat on it. He bustled around the kitchen. I heard the tap running to the left, the sound of a kettle filling. He took three steps, which would be my four steps to the right and I heard him put the kettle on and light the stove. He turned around to face me.

  “I’ve got the water boiling for your tea.”

  “Thank you.” I smiled at him.

  His voice was again that gruff, leave-me-alone tone. That was fine. After all, we weren’t here to share our deepest and darkest secrets. I was there to read to him, and he was supposed to listen quietly.

  I waited as he went back over to the stove, banged a few pots and pans, cursed, set down a piece of silverware in front of me, something else thudded next to it, before he came over and sat a steaming cup or mug on the table.

  “Thank you,” I said, and reached out for it.

  It was a cup with no saucer. I wasn’t surprised. There was nothing genteel or any false sophistication about the man. He didn’t play the games others did. He set his own rules. The silverware was a teaspoon, and the other thing he put down was a bowl of sugar. Its lip was chipped.

  “Milk,” he said, and put it next to my cup.

  By the full sound of the thud, I guessed the milk was still in its carton. My fingers moved towards it. He had already unscrewed the top for me. I poured what I needed into my tea and followed it with two spoons of sugar.

  I stirred my tea and took a sip. “Ahhh … it’s perfect,” I sighed, and pushing it to one side, said, “Shall we start?”

  Kit placed a book on the table in front of me and I slid my hands across the cover, reading it eagerly. “Money,” I said. “By Martin Amis.” I tasted the name on my tongue again. “Martin Amis. I’ve never read anything from this author before.”

  The chair across from me creaked as he sat down in it. Was he going to sit there and watch me as I read? Or was he going to close his eyes and lose himself in the words? I took some time to orient myself to the book, feeling every inch of it. I felt the thrill that always came with a brand-new book, a little happy dance in my heart. Books were fascinating.

  “Do you know anything about him?”

  He sounded puzzled. “Why?”

  “Usually the more I know about the author, the more sense a book makes to me. It’s almost as though an author has a certain signature, one that adds a tone to the book that is unique to that author. No matter who they are, they always leave a trace of themselves in their creations.”

  “Huh … well, he’s British and he’s known for having a gift for satire. Black humor. He seems bitter to me. Like an ignored child.” His voice was strange, almost challenging me to ask further questions.

  “Bitter? Is he, now?” I said, thinking that I had probably just learned more about Kit than about the author.

  I opened the book and read the cover pages.

  “Money … a Suicide Note?” I tilted my head. How curious.

  He chuckled under his breath.

  I took a sip of my tea and turned through the first pages. I skimmed over the title pages and got right to the fun part. My fingers found the first words:

  This is a suicide note. By the time you lay it aside (and you should always read these things slowly, on the lookout for clues or giveaways), John Self will no longer exist.

  Oh, this was going to be interesting indeed!

  I read clearly but normally, as if I was just reading to myself. About halfway through the first page I heard a strange sound from Kit. If appreciation could take the form of a snort, that’s what I heard.

  I stopped.

  “You read well,” he said gruffly, and there was a reluctant touch of admiration in his voice. He followed that sentence with silence, and I took that as my cue to continue.

  I started reading again. It was a book I would never have picked up, not in a million years. To start out, it had all kinds of Britishisms and slang terms that were totally foreign to me, and it was sophisticated in the way I was not.

  The narrator was a thirty-five-year old half-British, half-American, jaded film director called John Self who quickly turned out to be a self-loathing, chain smoking, hard drinking, pleasure seeking, pornography loving, sexist pig!

  He actually reminded me of the first time a snake was put into my hands. I knew I should be repulsed. I knew it was a cold-blooded poisonous, unfeeling reptile. I was told to expect its skin to be scaly and horrible. Somehow I even got the impression that it would be slimy like an earthworm.

  But when I touched the snake, its body was warm and dry, and the scales were a pretty diamond pattern. It made a whispery sound as it swayed along my arm, and there was something quite wonderful about the way its strong muscles ripped underneath its skin. Then its thin tongue came out and flicked at my skin. Ticklish.

  John Self was the snake moving up my arm! I was totally fascinated by him. The man was on the fast lane to Disasterville.

  By the first few paragraphs he had got himself kicked out of a cab on Ninety-Ninth street on a rainy night because he called a racist New York cab driver a scumbag. Next, he hit a topless bar on Forty-Fourth, drank too much, watched a girl dance like a vicious wet dream, and for his troubles, got kicked out of that joint too.

  After the first chapter, I stopped to take a long sip of my tea.

  “What do you think of the book?” Kit asked.

  “I’m not sure yet,” I said with a smile, and returning my fingers to the raised bumps, continued reading.

  Very shortly after that I started feeling sorry for John Self. The man was such a hot mess. With every page his situation got worse and worse.

  “Jesus, I never meant me any harm. All I wanted was a good time,” he cried, in his self-absorbed, baffled way, after he had overindulged in junk food, alcohol, and a stack of dirty mags. He had an English girlfriend, Selena Street, whom he referred to as a “hot bitch”, who wore “top dollar underwear”, and was “fucking someone else. A lot—all the time.”

  “I’d better give you the lowdown on Selina—and quick,” he confided to the reader, before cheerfully admitting to lecturing her about the intimate connections between rape and her summer wardrobe!

  I stopped reading and attuned my senses towards Kit. “Are you a misogynist?”

  Lara

  “What?” he seemed genuinely shocked. “I … uh, no. No, I’m not. I respect women.”

  “Hmm …”

  “Are you seriously trying to equate me with a fictional character?” His tone was not offended, rather it was curious, probing.

  “Not really, but it is interesting that you chose this particular book.”

  “Is the subject matter too unpalatable for you?” he countered softly.

  I could feel him staring at me intensely. I felt as if there was much riding on that question. That he would have been disappointed if I had said yes. His gaze was like a physical caress on my skin and it made my fingers itch. I was dying to map his face so I could know exactly who I was dealing with.

  “The subject matter doesn’t bother me,” I said finally, taking another sip of tea. It had gone cold.

  “Would you like fresh tea?” he asked.

  “Why, thank you,” I said, surprised that he had noticed.

  I heard him stand and go to the kettle. “So what’s the problem?”

  While he was opening the container with the tea bags in it, I tapped my fingertips restlessly against the table. “It’s just that you obviously knew what this book was about, and I am willing to bet you’ve already read it at least once. And yet you wanted me to read it aloud. What’s that about?”

  He fidgeted with something that was lyin
g on the counter near where the kettle was boiling.

  “I just wondered what it would be like to hear someone else read it.”

  I knew instinctively that he was not telling the whole truth. “Not someone else,” I guessed slowly. “A woman. A female voice reading a book about a man who celebrates being prejudiced against women.”

  There was more shifting. He seemed uncomfortable that he had gotten to a point of such scrutiny. “It’s not like that,” he denied.

  “What is it like then?” I pressed.

  “I am not prejudiced against women,” he shot back. “One of my best battle buddies was a woman. She served with me in the sandbox and damned if she wasn’t the best of the best. She could take heat from anybody and give it right back. I was impressed with her, always will be.”

  “You were in the military with her?” I didn’t know why, but I held my breath. Maybe I would always hold my breath when people talked about the military.

  “We were in Mosul together.”

  A spear pierced my heart, right where the grief had resided for years. Just waiting to remind me of my terrible loss. I could still feel their faces, the warmth of their skin. I turned away from them angrily. It was useless to dwell on the past. They were gone forever, like a river running away from me. No matter how much I wanted them to come back they never would.

  I took a deep breath. My voice when it came out was accusing and unnecessarily combative, and I regretted it even before I finished speaking. “Why would someone who claims a woman was one of his best battle buddies enjoy a story about a man who has no use for women as anything but sex objects?”

  For a few seconds he didn’t reply. I knew he was surprised by the venom in my voice. I nearly apologized.

  “To see how the other half lives,” he said lightly.

  I laughed out loud, relieved that he had deliberately not responded to my rudeness. He didn’t join me in my mirth and something told me that I’d gone and hung my saddle on the wrong horse. He was not a misogynist. There was something far more important than John Self’s degradation of women that was at play here. My laughter died suddenly and I got serious.