by S S Bazinet
By the time Carol got to the elevator, she was reeling from the guilt and rejection that Kevin had thrown at her. She was still shaking when she got to her car. But as she buckled up, she made herself calm down. She had to stay strong and clear-headed. It was a tactic that she’d learned to use after her running away fiasco, one that served her well in times of crises.
I will not be one of those women who let themselves become an emotional wreck over a guy. I’ll get to the bottom of this whole thing like I promised.
As she wavered between anger and weeping, she realized she might be kidding herself about the emotional wreck part. At least she hoped that she could put that part on hold until the Arel situation was sorted out. When she got home, she wasted no time. Going directly to her computer, she accessed her email program. Her fingers were trembling, but she persevered.
“Dear Arel, I need to talk to you.”
When she finished her message, she typed in his address and hit the send button.
Great, I did it!
There was an immediate sense of relief, followed by a vision of Kevin looming over her. What a fool she’d been to have trusted him so completely. Again, she pushed his image away. She got up and went to her bedroom. She knew she’d be more comfortable getting out of her work clothes, but she sat down on the bed frowning. She couldn’t care about comfort. She couldn’t care about anything. If she did, she’d start crying.
Then cry and get it over with. You’re entitled.
She waited for the tears, but nothing happened. She sat dismally, then angrily, staring into space. What had she done wrong? What did Arel have to do with Peggy? None of it made any sense. Glancing at the clock, she wondered if she’d hear from Arel. She’d given him her phone number. She wasn’t paranoid like Kevin. Arel could be trusted. She was sure of it, wasn’t she?
Ironically, one week ago I met a wonderful man. Now he hates me. And then there’s Arel, the liar, but he was kind and sweet when we met. But what if I am stupid? What if he is bad news?
She got up and snatched her bear from his observation post. “Oh Charlie, I hope Kevin’s wrong. But if he’s right, and I’m responsible for Peggy’s condition, I’ll never forgive myself.”
Thirty-Four
AREL WOKE UP slowly, his nerves smooth and relaxed. It was a nice change. Normally he came awake like a soldier in a foxhole, ready to check on battle conditions. Stretching and enjoying the easiness in his body, he surprised himself with a smile. He couldn’t know that while he slept, Michael had helped him again. The angel had succeeded in strengthening Arel’s more lighthearted vibes. It was having a wonderful effect on Arel’s mood.
I took care of my responsibilities to Peggy, and now I’m not only rested, I’m free!
As he pushed away the bed covers and stood up, he remembered waking up in the car and going directly to bed afterwards. He hadn’t even bothered to change out of his clothes. He was still wearing the ones that he’d worn to the hospital. They were thoroughly wrinkled, but he didn’t care. To wake up feeling decent was a triumph, and he wouldn’t squander it on having to be neat. Instead, he strolled to his office. Once seated in his desk chair, he even did a couple of bounces, enjoying its cushiness just for fun.
“Let’s see if my books have shipped.” He went directly to his email account. He’d ordered a number of old editions from a favorite online bookstore two weeks before, but he hadn’t received a confirmation on their shipping date. When his email came up, there was only one new message waiting for him. It was the second one of the day from Carol. He frowned, but he quickly realized that she probably wanted to thank him for visiting Peggy. He opened it with a fast click, anxious to clear his inbox.
“Dear Arel, I need to talk to you. Thanks, Carol.”
She had also included her phone number.
Why does she have to thank me personally? An email would have been enough.
He felt his blood pressure rise a few points, but he took care of it with a couple of deep breaths. Snapping up the phone, his fingers tapped out her number effortlessly. His shakiness was gone, at least for the moment. He sat back, expecting to wait for Carol to pick up, but she answered after only half a ring.
* * * * *
Carol hadn’t moved from her spot on her bed since she’d sent Arel the email. With her phone by her side, she held Charlie in a fierce bear hug as she waited. She wanted to let out all the hurt she felt about Kevin’s harshness and accusations, but her emotions wouldn’t cooperate. They remained bottled up, making her body miserable. Her stomach was in knots, and she had a tension headache, but nothing would distract her from her vigil. Time was lost as she stared into space.
The phone brought her out of her stoic daze, making her jump with anticipation and hope. That’s when she understood what she hoped for. She needed redemption in that moment, someone to tell her that she hadn’t screwed up again.
She read ‘Unknown’ on the caller ID. “Oh, please let it be Arel, and please let him be the wonderful person I think he is.”
When she heard Arel’s voice, it was soft and caring, just as she’d needed it to be. It was a key that unlocked all the pain that she was holding back. She started crying at once, sobbing almost hysterically, hoping that he’d understand how sorry she was for all the sorrow her life had caused. She became a teenager wanting forgiveness from her parents, a friend wanting forgiveness from Peggy.
* * * * *
Arel did his best to help Carol, but his best didn’t seem to be enough. “Please don’t cry. It’s okay. Carol, now listen to me.” He was using every word of advice, every angel trick that Michael often used on him. Of course, what did angels know? In his mind, he was also screaming out for help.
Michael, emergency, emergency! I need you.
Then it was back to Carol. “Please, I know it can’t be that bad. Please calm down so we can talk about this.”
His words prompted an eternity of Carol reciting her woes and weeping simultaneously. All the while he gripped the phone, trying not to hold it too close, trying not to take in too much of Carol’s sad tale. Finally, two things happened. Carol’s sobs started to trail off into sniffles, and Michael showed up in Arel’s office. At first, he was so relieved to see Michael that he simply held out the phone. His eyes were pleading with the angel.
Take it, please!
Michael looked back with compassion, but he shrugged his shoulders.
You’re her friend. She needs you.
Arel shook the phone at him.
I’m drowning here . . . in her tears.
“You’re doing very well,” Michael whispered as he sat down on the couch.
He shook his fist at Michael.
You’re supposed to be here for me!
“Arel, are you still there?” Carol’s voice called from the phone.
With a final ‘dagger to the heart’ look at Michael, he cleared his throat. “Yes, yes, I’m here. Do you feel any better?”
His words sent Carol into another loud round of inarticulate sobs. He put the phone on the desk for a moment, taking more deep breaths. He used the length of her crying spell as an oasis in time. It was a small space that he used to calm his nerves. When he put the phone back to his ear, he made a mental note not to ask distraught women any questions. Bad move.
* * * * *
After saying goodbye to Carol at least ten times and not succeeding in getting her to hang up, Arel finally put the phone back in its cradle.
“Holy mother of all that’s merciful!” he cried as he got up. He dragged himself to the living area and barely made it to the center of the room. Carol’s voice was still chattering away in his mind as he fell to his knees. For a moment, he wanted to lift his hands in prayer as if he’d finally found church sanctuary. But he didn’t maintain his pious position for long. He crumpled to the rug in a heap and finally rolled over spread eagle.
Michael smiled down at him. “That’s a new pose.”
“Never ask a woman to share with you. Once
Carol started, I couldn’t stop her. I know the story of her life. I think she even slipped in her shoe size at some point.”
“I think you handled the situation very well. I listened to what you said, and you were very caring.”
“What else could I do? I was on my own.”
“Carol needed you. You made her feel safe. She was able to express her feelings because she knows you and trusts you. She wouldn’t have felt that way with me.”
“Really? You’re not just saying that?”
“Of course not.”
Arel’s eyes brightened. “I do feel rather proud of myself. And she thanked me numerous times. Carol is different than Peggy. Somehow she doesn’t make me feel all weirded out.”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. You do have purpose. You’re very helpful and very understanding.”
Arel closed his eyes and sighed. “I guess after all that I’ve been through, I know how Carol feels. Poor woman, she’s had quite a bad time of it.”
“Is that why she called?”
“That’s one reason, but she wanted something else too.” Arel blinked back and moaned. “Oh god, I can’t believe that I did what I did.”
“What?”
Arel stared at Michael, suddenly white-faced, suddenly aware of the commitment he’d made. “I’ve agreed to meet Carol at the hospital tonight.” When he’d said yes to Carol’s teary request, he’d been under some kind of spell, her crying spell. Now, he was coming to his senses. His eyes blinked awake. He was in the foxhole. He began to mutter to himself as he slowly righted himself and stood up. He thought about what he had to do. “Bloody hell, I’m doomed, doomed.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know, but I have this sinking feeling.”
“Maybe you’re projecting.”
Arel started for his bedroom in weary resignation. “Who knows? After that conversation with Carol, I can’t think straight.” With the sound of Carol’s sobs still fresh in his ears, he couldn’t back out. He went to his closet and slid back the door with a forceful shove. “I can’t believe that I’m returning to that horrid place.” He looked at his wardrobe with resentful eyes. “Why me? I never get a break.”
In a sudden need to express how trapped he felt, he attacked his clothes. Immaculate shirts that were carefully hung and evenly spaced, were yanked off their hangers and thrown on the floor. Within a few minutes, the rug was littered with garments that failed to make him feel better. As each item was added to the heap, he became more agitated.
Michael stood back, quietly observing his wild display. “I thought you liked to keep your clothes in order.”
“Order!” The word filled the room with a seething vehemence as Arel felt something snap inside. The peaceful feeling he’d had when he woke up was long gone. “What order? I’ve given up on order!” he yelled as he practically ripped off the wrinkled shirt he was wearing. “My life is a roller coaster of chaos!”
“I see,” Michael said as he walked over to the shirts and retrieved a pale green button-down from the pile. “Can I help in some way?”
Arel snatched the shirt from Michael and dusted off a piece of lint. “I’m beyond help. I’ve gone from being a hermit, to having people coming out of my ears.” He paused, staring fearfully into space. “My god, in one day, I’ve become involved with Peggy, Mrs. Hayes from the elevator, Carol, Tim, and Kevin.”
“Did you say Tim and Kevin?”
“Yes, I have to meet Peggy’s fiancé and her brother, along with Carol at the hospital cafeteria in—” He looked at his watch. “In forty five minutes.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“What am I supposed to do? Carol begged me.”
“Remember, whether you feel it or not, I’ll be there.”
“That’s not good enough. I need the proverbial band of angels! I have a very bad feeling about what’s coming.”
“What’s coming?”
“I see blood, Michael. I’m serious. Check it out,” Arel demanded as he opened his mind to Michael. “Tell me what you see?”
“You’re right. I see blood, your blood.” Michael put his hands on Arel’s shoulders. “You don’t have to go.”
A glimpse of a brave knight flashed through Arel’s mind. It was the knight from his daydreams. “Yes, I do. Carol gave me a chance even after I deceived her. Now, she’s so desperate. I have to help her. It’s only right.”
“Carol wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”
Arel went back to the closet and took out a pair of Italian loafers. As he put them on, his jaw tightened. “I’m tired of being a coward. I have no choice if I want to retain any self-respect.”
“Believe me, you’re not a coward,” Michael said with a calm steadiness to his voice.
Arel grabbed his car keys and started for the door. “I guess we’ll find out if that’s true tonight.”
* * * * *
When Carol got off of the phone, she was cried out. She didn’t know where the deluge of tears came from, but she was grateful for the person who helped her get through them. Arel may have lied about being a suicide hotline volunteer, but he had certainly been there for her when she needed a guiding hand.
“He’s a good person, Charlie,” she said as she put the bear back on her pillow. She glanced up and saw her sweater close by. She was sure that Kevin’s scent still clung to its fibers. “Forget you, Kevin Bailey.” She took the sweater to the closet and deposited it in the clothes hamper.
Arel helped her to see things clearly. Now, she realized how wrong it was of Peggy’s brother to blame her so readily. She hadn’t been negligent the night before. She met Arel in a public diner, and she didn’t exchange any personal information with him. In fact, she noted that Arel tried to walk away from the diner with the intention of having no further contact with her or Peggy.
“Then he gets my email, saying he has to go to the hospital and see Peggy, who is almost a total stranger. Talk about an unreasonable request. Why should he have to go to see her?” She leveled her eyes on Charlie’s black, plastic ones. “But now, he’s agreed to meet with Kevin and Tim.” She didn’t feel so alone anymore. She had a champion.
Thirty-Five
AT NINE IN the evening, the Medical Center’s cafeteria was almost deserted. Only a few visitors, nurses, and aids on break were scattered around the large dining expanse when Carol walked in. She did a quick head check and scowled. Tim and Kevin were sitting at one of the tables in a corner of the room. As she walked over to join them, both of the men stood up.
“Hi.” Her tone was flat, but she knew it didn’t hide her anger completely. Still, she disliked confrontation and would try to maintain a layer of civility.
Kevin eyed her with a drawn, apologetic stare as he pulled out a chair for her. “It wasn’t right to put all of this on you. After you left, Peggy woke up and told us the same story that you did.”
She avoided his eyes and ignored his offering, taking another seat instead. “Whatever, I shouldn’t have dragged Peggy into my business. Anyway, I feel it’s my duty to make sure that you know that Arel isn’t the bad guy you think he is. That’s why I’ve asked him here.”
“Thanks for arranging the meeting,” Tim replied quietly.
Kevin nodded. “We just want to ask him a few questions. Peggy still seems concerned and upset about him for some reason. Maybe he can tell us why.”
Carol’s glaring eyes finally met Kevin’s, letting him know that his conciliatory tone didn’t inspire any forgiveness in her bruised heart.
Kevin avoided her gaze, looking down at his hands. They were clasped tightly on the table. “Look Carol, Tim and I are so damned tired. The last twenty four hours have been a nightmare. Again, I apologize for any unreasonable behavior on my part.”
She noticed that when he glanced up briefly, his grey blue eyes seemed to be searching for absolution. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
All three waited silently after that, but she kept
glancing at the wide entrance to the room. Where was her friend, the man who’d been so sweet and kind on the phone? She needed his physical presence to assure her that she wasn’t alone, that she was right about Kevin and what a jerk he was.
“Oh look, there’s Arel now!” Her face broke into a wide smile when she saw a slender man enter the cafeteria. She waved at him as he walked towards their table.
* * * * *
Arel arrived at the hospital cafeteria, paused, and did a quick scan to locate his party. When he saw the threesome at a table, his breath stopped in mid inhalation. “You have got to be kidding,” he gasped.
Carol was sitting across from guys who could have been linebackers for the Chicago Bears. Tall, broad and virile, with not an ounce of fat on them, they were excellent examples of what a man was supposed to be. While he, on the other hand, was an excellent example of the words ‘slight of build.’ Either of the men made two of him.
He knew he should think ‘vampire strength,’ use it to bolster his confidence, but he was pretty sure that whatever strength he’d once had was corrupted by the process Michael had started in him. He felt about as strong as Mrs. Hayes looked.
By the time he’d traveled half the distance across the dining area, his knees started to shake. It was a reaction that he couldn’t control. His body seemed to understand the situation perfectly and knew it was no match for what he was up against. He was facing a lot of testosterone, and he didn’t like the feel of it, never had.
Carol stood up and started walking over to him as he approached the table.
“Thank you for coming,” she said in a happy, bubbly tone. “Kevin and Tim are eager to meet you.”
“How nice.” He hoped that he didn’t sound as jumpy as he felt. Carol on the other hand was totally animated. She latched on to his arm as if he was a trophy she’d won and was anxious to show off.
Both men stood up when they arrived at the table, each ready to extend his hand in greeting.
Oh, hell, here we go.
Yielding to social etiquette and knowing that he was destined to be touched by everyone he met, Arel had no choice but to reach out to the men. He tried to meet each man’s grip with as much brawn as possible, but he’d been told that his were the refined hands of a pianist. He knew it was true. His hand disappeared into Kevin’s big mitt. The guy’s grip was a bone crusher too, as was Tim’s. They both seemed oblivious to the pain that they inflicted. Taking a seat, he tried to flex his hand back to normal, relieved that the male bonding ritual was over. After a moment, he glanced up at Kevin and Tim. Their eyes were riveted on him. It was obvious that they were waiting for him to speak.