by S S Bazinet
Her thoughts drifted to the night before. She recalled the brief time she was sitting in her car, waiting for the ambulance. A sweet lady had stayed with her.
What did she say to me? Something about not being alone.
The woman’s voice was so kind and reassuring. Just thinking about her soothing tone helped to put Peggy in a dreamy state. Glimpses of her childhood faded in and out, not the scary parts, but parts when she’d been a happy child. She loved summer and running around with the other kids in the neighborhood, hanging out with her brother and Tim. She loved sitting on the cool, green lawn under the big oak tree in the back yard. Sometimes she found a four leaf clover there, or she made daisy chains out of the clover flowers.
Those are such sweet memories.
They were so sweet that she slipped into a dream as she pondered them.
* * * * *
Peggy sat under her childhood maple tree, but she wasn’t a child. She was her grown up self. Everything was just like she remembered, the house she grew up in, the flower beds along the fence, and the bare spots in the lawn where Kevin and his friends played ball.
There was one thing that was different. A tall, pretty lady was coming towards her, carrying a puppy.
“Hello,” the woman said. “My name is Glory.”
Peggy gave the lady a welcoming smile, but her real interest was in the dog that the woman was holding. She got up and approached her visitor. “Where’d you find him?”
“I’m afraid he was abandoned.”
Peggy stared at the skinny puppy in Glory’s arms. It was a white terrier with black spots around its eyes. When she reached out to pet the puppy, it pulled back. Its body shook with fear.
Glory held it gently but firmly. “You have to be patient. He’s a very unhappy, little guy.”
“I see, but he’s such a sweet baby,” Peggy said, hoping not to startle the timid animal again. “Do you think I could take him?”
“He needs a friend. That’s why I thought of you when I found him.”
Peggy reached out for the struggling pup. Once she had her hands around his thin, bony body, it wasn’t easy to hold on to him. He was small, but he was determined to fight his captors, and anyone he didn’t know, fit the description.
“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you,” she said quietly. “You’ve got a home with me now.”
Glory smiled. “You have to take things slow. Please don’t rush.”
“Sure, I know.” The puppy continued to fight Peggy’s efforts, but she was determined to help it to know that she was its friend.
The feeling remained when she awoke from the dream. In fact, she smiled broadly for the first time since the accident. She had a plan.
Thirty-Eight
AREL LOOKED IN the mirror and grimaced. He was due at the hospital in an hour. He’d held on to a glimmer of hope that he’d heal up fast. When he was in his vampire prime, his body bounced back quickly. Now, he could thank Michael for another change for the worse. The bruising on his face was darker and more purple-black than the night before. The swelling had barely gone down at all. There was one consolation that Michael pointed out. Carol and her friends would expect him to look injured.
Maybe they’ll take pity on me and leave me alone.
Partially appeased, he still scowled. He’d neglected his body in the past, but he’d never looked like he belonged in a circus. Brushing back his hair and smoothing out his shirt, he hoped to look presentable. Maybe something about his appearance could compensate for his face.
Who am I kidding? I’m a wreck.
He did come up with a partial solution. A pair of wrap around glasses hid most of the area around his eyes, but his nose was an affront to his dignity.
Oh well, do you really care what they think?
Sadly, he did, at least in a small way. When he remembered Kevin and Tim, they looked at him with genuine concern. They really seemed to care.
Oh hell, I bet they’ll want to shake hands again.
He stood up straighter, searching for courage, working his hand, preparing for what was to come. At least he didn’t have any more hunches about his blood being spilled. On his way out, he gave the mirror a final sneer. He was determined to put in a quick and final appearance at the hospital.
I’ll show up, give my regards, and leave.
When he got upstairs, there was a pleasant surprise waiting for him. Abrigail and Michael stood in the foyer, smiling, offering him a gift.
“These are for Peggy,” Abrigail said, handing him an exquisite bouquet from Michael’s garden.
He smiled back. The bouquet was large, so large that it would surely give him some visual protection if he kept it out in front of him. The fragrant flowers would also help him ignore the hospital disinfectants. “Thank you, it’s perfect.”
Thirty-Nine
CAROL DELIBERATELY ARRIVED at Peggy’s hospital room only minutes before Arel’s scheduled visit. She wasn’t going to get stuck having to make small talk with Kevin. His attempt at being apologetic the night before hadn’t changed her opinion of him. Underneath his easy going exterior, he could be very judgmental and a real cad.
And a few nice words aren’t going to change that fact.
After cursory greetings all around, she took a seat by the window. She’d barely settled in when Arel knocked on the door. The bouquet that he carried, a beautiful mass of long stemmed white roses, hid his face, but as usual his dress was impeccable and made a handsome backdrop to the flowers.
But it wasn’t Arel’s exterior graces that made Carol smile. His presence was comforting. He didn’t have Kevin’s impressive body, but what there was of him was kindhearted. Their phone conversation replayed over and over. He’d been so patient with all her crying and complaining. She’d never met someone who listened so compassionately, and with so much need to calm her shattered sense of self. When he showed up at the cafeteria, he was so modest and mild, even embarrassed when she bragged about him.
You are unlike anyone I’ve ever known, you sweet, gentle man.
Now, seeing Arel in the doorway, her heart did a little leap of joy again. She rushed over to him before he even got in the room. Her gallant knight had arrived. “Oh, how gorgeous,” she said, admiring the bouquet that he held.
Peeking out from behind the flowers, Arel gave her a weak smile. “I hope Peggy likes them.”
Carol gasped as soon as she saw his face. “Poor you! Are you in much pain?”
Arel shrugged, avoiding her eyes. “My ego is hurting, but my body will survive.”
“That was quite a fall last night, but at least you’re here now. I’m so thrilled to see you.” She paused, reminding herself that he wasn’t there for her. “Peggy will be happy that you were able to make it.”
She forced herself to move aside and let him get on with the real reason for his visit.
Forty
AREL WAS GIVEN a warm welcome by Carol. She was turning into his official greeter, complete with a sunny smile and effervescent voice. But his gut wasn’t fooled. There was emotional turmoil below the surface of her cheerful display. After they exchanged pleasantries, he found himself wondering about her welfare. As she moved aside so that he could visit with Peggy, he inquired about her feelings.
“Are you okay?” As soon as he asked the question, he clamped his mouth shut. Hadn’t he promised himself not to ask her anything like that?
“I’m fine.” Her tone was curt as she glanced back at Kevin. “Because you’re here.”
“That’s good.” Arel was doing his best to make a fresh start, to let down his guard a bit, to see the people waiting for him as something other than the ‘enemy.’ But it was clear that Carol had not moved on from yesterday’s complaints.
Kevin and Tim made sure that he didn’t have time to worry about Carol. Both men came over to greet him too. Carol backed away immediately. He was left alone with the two man as they crowded in on either side of him.
Oh hell, give me some space, guys!
His resolve to relax was gone in an instant. A memory about old friends was one thing. The idea of two hulking men towering over him was another. He tried to calm himself with some deep breathing, but his nose was almost swollen shut. He was forced to gulp at the air like a dying fish.
Kevin and Tim didn’t seem to notice his problem. Both stared down at him openly. He never felt so small or frail. He was accustomed to his slender physique. And being around Michael didn’t bring out the same feeling of inadequacy. But these guys were huge. He realized how far he fell short in comparison.
As he gauged his shortcomings, Carol intruded long enough to take away his one, small shield.
“Give your bouquet to me. I’ll get a vase,” she said. With Kevin nearby, she was suddenly all order and stiffness. She relieved him of the flowers with a quick, fluid motion.
As he watched her move away, he felt totally exposed.
Tim moved in even closer and extended a hand. “Thank you for coming.”
Arel winced at the thought of Tim’s offering. Raising his own hand reluctantly, there was no way to avoid the young man’s tight grip and repeated pumping action. Kevin reached out too, but he went for Arel’s face. Being somewhat careful, he took off Arel’s dark glasses.
“Wow, those are some impressive shiners,” he said as he leaned in and took a closer look. “That’s some schnoz you have there too. Glad it’s not me for a change.”
As Arel was examined by the men, he did surprise himself. He wasn’t comfortable, but it wasn’t like the diner. Peggy’s touch had practically sent him into paralysis.
Maybe these guys aren’t so bad. I simply have to get used to them.
He’d barely had the thought when a voice shattered his shaky grasp on composure.
“Hey, you guys, Arel is here to see me,” Peggy called out from the bed.
Peggy’s tone had a shrill quality that made Arel's body stiffen. When he glanced over in her direction, she was raising the bed into a sitting position. As she came slowly into view, he cringed. She stared at him with eager eyes and a face that was bright with determination. She’d changed since the day before. The penitent waif was gone. She seemed much more like the dogged person he’d met in the diner, only more frightening.
“Well, look at that,” Tim said with a broad grin. “My sweetie is coming back from the depths, even though she said she didn’t feel well enough to sit up.”
“I can’t be a bad hostess,” Peggy said as she cautiously steadied her head and neck. She shifted her gaze to Arel. “Hello again. I’m sorry about your accident, but I’m so happy you’re here. Please, come over and let me see you.”
How could a few words wreck a person’s confidence so completely? Arel didn’t know the answer, but he was instantly at Peggy’s mercy.
* * * * *
Peggy welcomed Arel over, but when she got a good look at him, she couldn’t believe how nervous he seemed. He reminded her of her dream and the puppy with the two, black eyes. She reminded herself to stay positive. She smiled. “Heavens, you do look a bit worse for wear, but I’m used to Kevin looking banged up. He was always getting hurt when he was younger.”
As she made small talk, she noted that Arel’s blackened eyes were furtive. He didn’t want to be there. He wanted to leave, just like when they’d met in the diner. But she had a responsibility to him. She had to help him. She had to help herself too if either of them was going to put the past to rest. Her courage faltered when she turned her neck a little too far and a fresh spasm of pain punished her.
What am I doing? Arel and I shared a life that ended so badly. I don’t want to go back to all that misery and my part in what happened.
Her entire childhood had been about learning to face bullies, those who hurt the helpless and the innocent. It was her inner strength that turned a skinny girl into a force that battled for what was true and good. Now she had to face something more frightening, her fear and guilt.
She gritted her teeth. In her recall of the past, Arel had tried to be there for her. Could she deny him the help he needed now? Again, she thought about her dream. She thought about how she reached out to the pup and held it when it struggled. It made the situation at hand seem less scary and brought her into the moment. She and Arel were in a hospital room with friends. There were no people around trying to hurt either of them. She made a decision. She had to take charge of the situation. “Arel, please, come closer,” she said, patting the bed rail.
* * * * *
Arel felt like a helpless child again when he glanced at Peggy’s insistent eyes. He began to raise his hand to the steel rail and pulled it back. Child or not, every time he got close to Peggy, some loud, warning alarm went off in his psyche.
“I’m not going to bite,” she persisted.
His face reddened. Was he being paranoid? Were all his scary projections simply his fears going unchecked? He looked back at Carol to gauge his reaction. She smiled at him reassuringly, as if to say, “You’re being so silly. The woman in the bed is my wonderful friend.”
Maybe she’s right, and I’m just crazy.
He gulped in more air and looked at Peggy again. “Sorry.” He slowly raised his hand and rested it on the steel bar.
Peggy smiled broadly. “Good!”
As soon as he saw her eyes flash in triumph, he knew it wasn’t paranoia. He could feel Peggy’s energy expand, drawing him into her web of desire. He started to withdraw again, but he wasn’t fast enough.
“Please, Arel, it’s fine!” With a daring move, Peggy repeated her diner act, grabbing his hand again, making it clear that she was the one in control.
No! Stop!
The words couldn’t be voiced because he was powerless again. How many times had his rights been violated? How many times had he felt like others could take what they wanted? In that instant, any sympathy that he felt for Peggy vanished. He hated that she thought she could have her way with him. He tried to retreat, but her grip was amazingly strong for such a small person.
“Just listen,” she ordered. “I know you might think this is strange, but here goes. I want you to be part of our family.”
Arel had been worried as hell about some dark covenant, some old bond that held them together. Now, Peggy switched gears and fooled him completely.
Family? I know what that means.
Family wasn’t about an old bond. Family was fresh and raw in all the nightmares that he’d been having. Family was about his mother wishing he’d never been born. Family was his father’s raging dialogue, his words screamed out in a drunken rage, words that were crueler than his cane. “Why didn’t God take you? Why have I been left with a worthless bastard for a son?”
Family meant hiding in his closet, trying to be so small that no one could find him. But his father always did. Now it was Peggy’s turn. Her hand was holding him captive, but it was her offer that was a steel trap poised and ready to snap on him, to hold him forever in its steely jaws.
No, I’ll never be part of a family again!
He tried to say the words, but his voice was useless. His protest was as mute now as it was when he was seven. How can you protest when the breath is being thrashed out of your lungs? As soon as he had the thought, he was a boy again. His father was shrieking out obscenities as he beat him like he beat a worthless hunting dog that went after the chickens.
But I’m not that child anymore.
He was losing track of reality and tried to pull himself back to the moment, but that meant facing Peggy.
Michael! Help me! Please!
As he mentally begged for help, he suddenly realized what reality really meant. In the end, no one was there in a way that really helped. That thought sparked a very dark memory that only surfaced for a split second. A part of him remembered crying out in pain many lifetimes before. The angels had no power to intervene, and he knew they didn’t have any power now.
Do angels even exist?
His fears widened in scope, taking in more of his
life and the way that he experienced it. Was he ever a vampire? Or did he fabricate that idea too, so he had an excuse for his failings? His eyes stared ahead blankly as he wondered about his sanity again. Maybe he’d created the vampire and angelic worlds as places to hide, just like the closet.
“Arel, do you hear me?” Peggy cut in, her tone unrelenting, dogging him with her desire, her need to drag him into her world.
But he was able to silence her demand for a moment of revelation. All these years, he had been tweaking reality to suit his needs. It was a trick of his demented mind. Angels, holy blood?
I’m insane! I’ve created a whole world of insanity!
He felt so old and tired. Even if his body looked young, he was failing. His hold on reality was being overrun by the stories in his feeble mind.
“Arel? What’s going on?” Peggy demanded, squeezing his hand even tighter.
This time her voice found him, took hold of him, and spun him around so quickly that he was thrown into his past again.
Please, let go of me!
His father’s hands were dragging him out to the center of the room, cursing him, wanting to beat him until he was dead. He was like a captured animal, one that knows when its life has been snatched away. It knows the feel of fate. It knows when it’s having a last fleeting moment in the world. Yet even that last moment was filled with terror. Life and punishment merged with each other.
Michael, be real for me one last time.
It was his last plea. It was a last insane prayer as he felt a dark pit of despair swallowing him whole. His body couldn’t maintain its balance. There was too much stress, too much fear for its breakable state. He began to fall.
* * * * *
Michael witnessed the hospital scene in his angelic form. He understood what was happening. Arel’s fainting spells originated in childhood. His mind and body learned to retreat into unconsciousness when the outer world became unbearable. On the other hand, Michael had to stand by and watch Arel slip away from him, from his care. Arel was right. Michael was powerless to intervene even though he wanted to help.