Tempt Me: A First Class Romance Collection

by Jessica Hawkins

  I could feel the flinch of his fingers he held against the side of my head. “It got worse as I got older. Much worse. I found out she’d been stealing, and maybe it was stupid, but I was actually worried about her.” Regretfully, I looked at him. “So I told her mom.”

  My head shook. “She was so angry. So angry. I should have known when she warned me I was going to pay for it that she meant it. But I was naïve that way. I never suspected cruelty because it was so far out of the realm of anything I’d ever wish against someone.”

  “What happened?” His voice was a low rumble, and I could feel his unease. I could feel anger sifting through him, shaking out and taking hold.

  I eased down onto his chest and laid my ear against the soothing thrum of his heart. I wasn’t sure I could look him in the eyes when I made this confession. Distractedly, I traced over the tattoo on his arm and shoulder, whispering the words into the dense air.

  “I’d had a crush on this boy for as long as I could remember . . . middle school at least.” It was almost sorrow that formed on my mouth, though it was brittle with hurt. “I never thought he’d look my way, then one day . . . one day he asked me out.”

  “You want to grab a bite Friday night?”

  I stood behind the long counter at my gramma’s diner, looking behind me, around me. Was Aaron really talking to me? Every one of the butterflies in my stomach held their breath. My heart shook so hard I was sure everyone in the diner could hear it.

  “Rynna?” he prodded.

  Mouth dropping open, I stared blankly at him, my tongue not cooperating. “You . . . you want to go out with . . . me?” I finally managed to stutter around the shock.

  “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?” He shrugged a muscular shoulder, and my wide-eyed gaze got transfixed on the motion. This had to be a dream, right?

  “So what do you think?” He angled his face down to capture my attention. “Don’t break my heart, Rynna.”

  Don’t break his heart? Oh God. Oh God. This was really happening. “Um . . . yeah . . . yes. Definitely. I definitely want to go out with you.” I nodded frantically.

  He grinned and those butterflies scattered, a frenzy in my belly. He smacked the counter before pointing at me. “Pick you up at seven.”

  I tried to keep the tears out of my voice while I let the story bleed free. “God, I was so excited, Rex, that this boy actually liked me.”

  A growl stalked his throat. I could feel it, hear it all the way to my soul. He tightened his hold on me. As if he didn’t want to hear it but needed to, the same way I needed to tell him.

  “I was on cloud nine. He picked me up and took me out. He kissed me right across the street in front of my gramma’s door. It went on like that for three weeks. The two of us together. Kissing and touching and me feeling like I finally was important.” A sob threatened at the base of my throat, words hitching as I forced the last out. “That I wasn’t invisible.”

  “Rynna.” It was a shaky breath that blew between Rex’s lips.

  I angled up so I could look down at his face. “I was so tired of being invisible, Rex. Of feeling stupid and unattractive and unlovable. So tired of being alone. But I should have known. God, I should have seen it coming a mile away.”

  I stood at my full-length mirror, twisting this way and that, looking at myself from every angle, trying to convince myself that the dress I wore looked good. That my rolls didn’t show. That Aaron liked what I looked like, and it didn’t matter if they showed, anyway.

  It was my birthday.

  My eighteenth birthday, and I was so finished being scared. Finished with all the doubts and insecurities that threatened to explode and send me cowering under the covers of my bed. I was going to live this life, and live it to its fullest.

  That was what Gramma had always taught me to do.

  It was time to start embracing it.

  Hurrying out of my room and downstairs, I bounced into the kitchen.

  Gramma turned away from the new recipe she was testing by the stove. “My, my, look at you, child. All grown up.”

  In the center of the old kitchen, I spun around in my dress. “Thank you for buying it for me, Gramma.”

  “Of course. Every girl needs a dress to celebrate their eighteenth birthday. You’re a woman now, and as gorgeous as ever, if I say so myself.”

  I felt the blush climb to my cheeks. Because after tonight, I really would be a woman. In every sense of the word. “Thank you, Gramma, so much.”

  She looked at me softly, and I gazed back. Love spun through me with the intensity of the sun. “I hope you know everything you mean to me, Gramma. I hope you know I appreciate every single thing you’ve done for me. Everything you sacrificed. That you raised me. That you’ve loved me the way you have. I know you always worried it wasn’t enough, but I could never ask for anything more than you.”

  Moisture shined in her grayed eyes, and she smiled. Smiled a smile that encompassed the meaning of both of our worlds. She reached out a weathered hand and twisted one of the curls I’d ironed into my hair. “We’ve made quite the team, haven’t we?”

  “The best team,” I said, reaching out to wrap my arms around her. “Thank you, Gramma. Thank you so much,” I murmured at her ear, inhaling the sweet scent of vanilla and sugar that somewhere along the way had become a permanent part of her.

  She hugged me tight, so thin and frail yet so incredibly strong. “I love you more than you’ll ever know, Corinne Paisley. You have been the greatest light of my life. It has been the greatest honor raising you into the woman you are.”

  Tears slipped free, and I sniffled.

  She pulled back and wiped them away. “Stop that, now, or you’re gonna mess up that makeup you spent the last two hours perfecting.” She nudged me toward the door. “Go on, have fun.”

  I stepped back and squeezed both her hands in mine. “Thank you. I love you so much.”

  Sight bleary with tears, I swallowed around the knot of hurt wedged at the base of my throat. “I left the house so happy that night.”

  “Fuck, Rynna. I can’t . . .” Rex itched beneath me, muscles straining, as if he had to stop himself from jumping up and going back to that day to stop it from happening. But that was the thing about the past. It was over. All except for the scars it left behind.

  “He picked me up at the end of the street. I hopped in his truck. I can still remember how he squeezed my hand, told me that tonight was just him and me.” Agony wheezed from my throat. “And for a moment, I felt beautiful.”

  “Fuck, Rynna.” It was grit from Rex’s mouth. Hate bound with the protectiveness he so clearly felt for me.

  “He took me to the lake. I was nervous and excited. There was this . . .” My brow pinched at the memory of it. “Old shack. Barely standing. So secluded I don’t know how he ever found it. There was a fire already burning in a pit near the shore. He said he’d come out and set it up for me. It was the first time I felt uneasy about everything. Something about it felt off. I should have listened to that flicker of intuition.”

  I turned my stare down to Rex, who was grinding his teeth, hands tightening, holding on to me.

  “I should have listened.” It left me a on a grated rasp.

  Aaron led me into the shack. Immediately, his mouth covered mine. I kissed him back, fighting the quiver of fear that slicked beneath the surface of my skin.

  I liked him.

  I liked him so much.

  I was just nervous. It was my first time. Everyone was nervous when they left themselves vulnerable to someone else. When you gave them this kind of trust.

  I’d been enamored with him for all of forever. I finally had this chance, and I’d be an absolute fool if I let anxiety and insecurity get in the way.

  Not again.

  I’d been doing it for too long.

  But when he led me to the small cot backed against the far wall and started to undress me, I couldn’t stop shaking. Shaking and shaking and shaking. Nerves skittered free and fast. Nake
d, my stomach tightened, and I couldn’t relax. I pressed my knees together, suddenly wanting to cover myself. It didn’t let up when Aaron undressed in the muted darkness.

  I should have been watching his muscular body in the shadows. Instead, I squeezed my eyes closed and fought tears.

  “Shh,” was all he said when he climbed over me and wedged between my thighs. My legs shook. I squeezed them against him, because something about this felt all wrong. My fingers dug into his shoulders and a whimper escaped my lips.

  A sharp pain stole my breath when he thrust into me. I tried to hold it back, but a small cry escaped.

  And those cries—they wouldn’t stop coming, though, I bit them back, keeping them subdued as he kept driving into me, his head shifted to the side, away, never looking at my face

  Tears flowed, almost silent as I stared at the ceiling, wondering how his kisses had felt so good when this felt so . . . wrong.

  I knew it.

  My gut told me.

  Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

  Something was so unbearably wrong.

  I just didn’t know the extent of it until he groaned and pulsed before he quickly pushed off me and climbed to his feet. His naked body was lit up in oranges and reds against the lapping flames reflected in from outside.

  Then Aaron, he smirked.

  I blinked down at this amazing man who lay completely still, listening, knowing he wouldn’t judge me. But that didn’t mean my voice didn’t quiver with shame and agony. “He gave me this look before he ducked down and grabbed my clothes from the floor. He balled them against his chest and just . . . walked out with them. I couldn’t stop crying, Rex. Couldn’t stop crying. I kept calling for him. Screaming for him to come back. Not to leave me. Never in my life had I felt more alone than the moment when he walked out on me after he’d taken my innocence. After I thought I meant something to him.”

  “That piece of shit.” His words barely made it between his clenched teeth.

  My tongue darted out to wet my lips. “I stayed in there for so long. It was horrible. It was dark, and I was naked and alone. Finally . . . finally, I stumbled out to find him, trying to cover myself when I did.”

  Grief clamped down on my heart. “I stumbled out and . . . there was . . . there was a bunch of kids from school,” I finally managed. Every word was filled with the disgrace I’d felt that day. “They were waiting for me to come out. They all just started laughing, like my standing there naked . . . hurt . . . terrified . . . was the funniest thing they’d ever seen.”

  The group of about eight laughed. Laughed as I stumbled on my feet. My body sore. The trickle of something foreign ran down my leg.

  My head dropped, not wanting to meet their eyes.

  Oh God.

  Help.

  I twisted awkwardly, bending over and pressing my thighs and knees together, my arms crossed over my chest.

  As if it might shield me.

  Shield me from the insults.

  From the jeers.

  From the laughter.

  I barely peeked up, gasping when I saw Janel at the center of it. With Aaron. One of his arms was wrapped around her waist, her body plastered to his side, her hands on his chest. He’d pulled on underwear and was casually draining a beer as if he hadn’t just degraded me in the worst way.

  Oh God. No. My head spun with dizziness. Nausea churned in my stomach. I was going to be sick.

  I stumbled a step backward, trying to quiet the cries that were tearing from my aching throat. Raking from me like broken glass. “Aaron,” I mumbled the plea.

  “Oh, Rynna.” Janel took a step toward me, her blonde hair lit up like a ring of flames from the fire behind her. “You poor, pathetic thing. Did you really think he’d actually go out with you? Did you actually think he wanted you?”

  “Oh my God . . . look at all that fat. Dude, did you really just put your dick in that? Not sure how you stomached it.” I didn’t want to acknowledge it, but I couldn’t help but look at Remi, Aaron’s best friend, who was laughing hysterically where he stood by the bonfire.

  Aaron looked at him with a grin before he planted a kiss on Janel’s temple. “Like I wouldn’t do anything for my girl. And it was dark.” He hefted a shoulder. “Didn’t make it all that bad.”

  Janel smirked at me.

  Horror.

  It spun around me in whipping, rending lights. The world canting.

  Oh God.

  Oh God.

  “Ah, poor, Rynna Dayne, always such a good girl. But look at her now, nothing but a filthy, fat slut.”

  Another string of lights. Flashes from a camera.

  Picture after picture.

  “Janel,” I begged.

  No.

  I tried to cover myself, wrenched over as I sobbed.

  Janel just sneered. “You should have known better than to fuck with me.”

  Then it hit me. A pie. Splattering. Blueberries in my hair, streaking down my chest, dripping on my belly.

  Howls of laughter.

  “Happy birthday, Rynna,” Janel mocked. She tossed me my dress.

  I gasped out in relief, scrambling to gather the fabric that landed two feet in front of me and hugged it against my body.

  Jeers and abuse struck me from all sides, and I clutched the material to my chest, as if it might stand the chance to shield me from the torment.

  Take it away.

  Hide me.

  The confession tumbled from me on a downpour of tears. Rex clung to me, horror in his posture as he held me as close as he possibly could.

  “I ran home. Mortified. Knowing those pictures were going to be plastered all over the school the next day. Knowing my gramma would see them and know what I’d done. So I ran. I ran and ran and ran and I never stopped running, Rex. Not until I came back here.”

  Not until I’d collided with this mesmerizing man.

  “Rynna, what’s going on?” The sleepy voice filled with concern hit me from behind.

  Torment lashed like the crack of a whip. My eyes slammed closed, and the words trembled from my mouth. “I’m so sorry, Gramma, but I’ve got to go.”

  The floor creaked with my grandmother’s footsteps. She sucked in a breath when she rounded me, shocked by my battered appearance. “Oh my lord, what happened to you?” Her voice quivered. “Who hurt you? Tell me, Rynna. Who hurt you? I won’t stand for it.”

  Vigorously, I shook my head, finding the lie. “No one. I just . . . I can’t stay in this stupid town for a second more. I’m going to find Mama.”

  I hated it. The way the mention of my mother contorted my gramma’s face in agony.

  “What are you sayin’?”

  “I’m saying, I’m leaving.”

  A weathered hand reached out to grip my forearm. “But graduation is just next month. You’ve got to do your speech. Walk across the stage in your cap and gown. Never seen anyone so excited about somethin’ in all my life. Now you’re just gonna up and leave? If you can’t trust me, then you can’t trust anyone. Tell me what happened tonight. You left here just as happy as a bug in a rug, and now you aren’t doing anything but runnin’ scared.”

  Tears streaking down my dirty cheeks, I forced myself to look at the woman who meant everything to me. “You’re the only person I can trust, Gramma. That’s why I’ve got to go. Let’s leave it at that.”

  Anguish creased my grandmother’s aged face. “Rynna, I won’t let you just walk out like this.”

  She reached out and brushed a tear from under my eye. Softly, she tilted her head to the side, that same tender smile she had watched me with at least a million times hinting at the corner of her mouth. “Don’t you ever forget, if you aren’t laughing, you’re crying. Now, which would you rather be doin’?” She paused, and I couldn’t bring myself to answer. “Wipe those tears, and let’s figure something out. Just like we always do.”

  Sadness swelled like its own being in the tiny room. Loss. Regret. Like an echo of every breath of encouragement my grandmother had
ever whispered in my ear. “I can’t stay here, Gramma. Please don’t ask me to.”

  With the plea, my grandmother winced. Quickly, I dipped down to place a lingering kiss to her cheek, breathing in the ever-present scent of vanilla and sugar, committing it to memory.

  Then I tugged my suitcase from the bed and started for the door.

  Gramma reached for me, fingertips brushing my arm, begging, “Rynna, don’t go. Please, don’t leave me like this. There’s nothing that’s so bad that I won’t understand. That we can’t fix.”

  I didn’t slow. Didn’t answer.

  I ran.

  And I didn’t look back.

  “I just . . .” The words whispered from me on a regretful plea. “I just wish I would have come back sooner. I just wish I would have realized it didn’t matter what they’d done to me. My gramma would have never looked at me differently. She loved me, no matter what, and I let them steal eleven years of that.”

  Fingers sank into my flesh, rage barely contained. “I want to hunt that little fucker down and kill him, Rynna. Who the fuck would do that to you? And that bitch? Fuck. I can’t even fathom it.”

  Aaron’s name threatened on my tongue, the fact that I’d seen him on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant a couple weeks before. But there was no use in saying names. On laying blame. I just wanted to let Rex in, let him see me, understand me, the same way as he’d allowed me to understand him.

  “It was a long time ago, Rex.”

  “But it doesn’t take away what they did.”

  “No.” My head shook, a tweak of hope lifting the corner of my trembling lip. “And you’re right. I spent a long time being terrified of them. Just the idea of ever seeing them again had kept me chained to San Francisco. But maybe they regret it now. Maybe the years passed, and they recognized the depravity of what they had done. Maybe they look back, and they’re struck with shame and remorse and would take it all back if they could.”

  Rex touched the side of my face. “You are nothin’ but grace and good, Rynna Dayne. Forgiving them that way.”