“Something like that.” Saying it that way sounded noble and that definitely wasn’t her. She was a hurting mess. Dozens of times she’d picked up the phone and almost dialed his number because apparently she was a glutton for punishment.
“Oh, honey.” Maggie looked at her with nothing but compassion in her green eyes. “What happened to the old Vera? The one who always got what she wanted?”
“She fell in love for the first time in her life. And more than anything else, I want him to be happy.”
“But what if you’re what he needs to be happy?”
Seven days of punishing workouts were not cutting it, but there was always today. Ryan ran a mile in five minutes and thirty seconds. Bench pressed his own weight, and hit the punching bag for thirty minutes. Nothing worked. He was still as angry as he’d ever been. And he still couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Worse, as he prepared for his shift at the station, he knew he would get a lecture from Jack. He’d been a little over zealous yesterday with the teenage wanna-be hoodlums who liked to tag the huge fence that bordered the bookstore and faced Main Street—a blank canvas as far as they were concerned.
Sure enough, Jack waited for him, a grim expression on his face.
Ryan had to remind himself that Jack was his best friend, because right now he felt ready to box. “What’s up?”
“You tell me. Something’s going on with you, and I want to know what it is.”
He ran a hand through his short cropped hair. “You don’t want to know.”
“Sure I do. I want to hear it from you.”
He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against his desk. “I don’t make enough money for a certain woman.”
“Is that right?” From behind his desk, Jack steepled his fingertips together.
“Yeah.” He didn’t exactly want to pour his heart out to Jack. The anger was easier, and comfortable, like an old sweater.
“That never bothered you before.”
“No one was ever quite so direct. And what burns me up the most is that I did everything right this time.” He’d been the perfect gentleman. They were friends, and he’d fallen in love, hard, for the first time in his life.
“I would have to agree, but somewhere you lost your way.”
“Come again?”
“You know I don’t like repeating myself.”
“What did you have in mind? Want me to quit and get a better job? Maybe as a banker? You know that’ll never happen.” Although for the first time in some time, he’d actually considered a return to competitive skiing. He’d have to travel, but he’d make a lot more money. Still, his pride got the best of him. He loved being a cop and too bad if it wasn’t good enough for her.
“I think it’s time to use deductive reasoning skills. I know we don’t have many mysteries to solve in Harte’s Peak, but here’s one for you. Why would a woman turn you down because you don’t make enough money and then give up almost everything she owns to start over again?”
“Vera was supposed to get help from the foundation. You mean she—”
“She turned it down and let Mrs. Jones have it all.”
He’d been out of touch, keeping to himself and licking his wounds. He figured Vera would deal with the foundation without him. Now he hit his desk with a fist. This was too much. Her stubbornness knew no bounds. “After all that effort.”
“Did it ever occur to you that she realized that house was not what she wanted? She’s been attending church, or haven’t you noticed? And she is giving away most of her furnishings to the foundation for the auction.”
This sounded like the Vera he thought he knew. The woman he’d fallen in love with, not the one who had dumped him due to his second-rate salary. He was completely confounded by women.
Jack rose from his desk, walked towards Ryan and clasped his shoulder with a firm hand. “I think you were outsmarted by Vera.”
“I’m still confused.”
Jack sighed. “She’s got some crazy idea she’s doing you a favor.”
“By attacking my livelihood?”
“By letting you go. She’s convinced herself that you deserve someone better. Someone without a past.”
A light bulb flickered in his mind. He thought of Vera’s miscarriage, her reluctance to hold baby John, and her insistence that some people weren’t meant to have children. He’d told her in no uncertain terms that was what he wanted. Could that be what this was all about? “What does that mean? Doesn’t she realize I have a past, too? And why not tell me the truth?”
“I don’t know. I live with two women and I still can’t give you the answer to that one. I think you’ll have to come out and ask her,” Jack said.
A new thought, almost too impossible to believe began to crowd his thoughts. Could it be that Vera loved him so much she would give him up? The crazy idea sounded like her way of thinking. “Jack—”
“Got you covered. I’ll work some over time tonight. Maggie is at Vera’s new apartment helping her get settled in. Here’s the address.” He handed a piece of paper to Ryan. “Don’t be gone too long.”
A girl’s night was just what she needed, and Vera was happy that Maggie hadn’t let her down. After Amy and Annie left, they sat on the couch surrounded by boxes, eating dark chocolate and painting their nails.
Maggie kept glancing at the clock.
“You don’t have to stay much longer. I realize you’re still nursing John.” Vera didn’t want Maggie to feel too sorry for her. The compassionate and sad glances in her direction were becoming too much. She felt sorry enough for herself and she didn’t need anyone to reflect what she felt on the inside. It was easier to paste on a smile than to dwell in a constant state of tears.
“Lexi is giving him a bottle tonight for the first time. She’s excited to do it, so don’t worry. I can stay.” Still, she kept her eye on the time as she blew on her fingernails.
Vera had unpacked the kitchen first and had cooked a homemade pizza for the two of them, a far cry from the one they’d ordered earlier.
“This is the best pizza I’ve ever had.” Maggie bit into a second piece with gusto, exaggerating so obviously that Vera had to laugh. It was good to have friends.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Do what?” Maggie widened her eyes.
“Try to constantly make me feel better: ‘Why, Vera, this is the cutest dress I’ve ever seen. This is the best pizza I’ve ever tasted. Stin is the best behaved dog I’ve ever known.’” Vera smirked. “I’ll be all right, you know.”
“I know that.” She put the slice down. “OK, sorry if I’m overdoing it.”
“Just a tad,” Vera said and rolled her eyes.
“So the truth is that Stin needs to get a handle on her hatred of all birds. What does she have against them?”
“There’s a trick to it. Don’t let her go outside every time she sees a bird. Distraction works. Offer her a biscuit, and she won’t care if there is an entire bevy of birds outside.”
“Lexi is having so much fun with her. She might even want to stay nearby for college because of Stin.”
“You don’t think her little brother might be enough to keep her nearby?”
“He’s not as much fun as Stin.”
“Tell her not to get too attached. I’ll be out of this apartment in a few months.” She had a plan, and she would stick to it.
Maggie smiled and looked at the clock again. “We might have to get Lexi a dog after you take Stin back.”
A vehicle pulled up outside, its headlights shining into the tiny apartment.
Vera looked out the window.
Ryan emerged from the cruiser. He was still in his uniform, obviously on duty. What on earth was he doing here?
“It’s Ryan.” Vera turned to Maggie.
“Really?” Maggie stayed on the couch, strangely uninterested.
“What does he want?” Vera whispered as she moved towar
d the front door.
The man with the mocha eyes that haunted her dreams stood there.
She couldn’t be expected to remain strong every minute, and her defenses were falling quickly. It was much easier not being around him. Why did he have to show up here tonight?
“I need to talk to you,” Ryan said.
“Is something wrong? Is someone hurt?” Amy had left town on the long drive back hours ago. Lord, please let my sister be safe.
“No. Well, not exactly.”
Vera turned at the sounds of Maggie gathering her purse, and rifling through it for her keys.
“Maggie wait, you don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do.” Maggie practically flew out the door without once looking back.
Great. She wondered how long Maggie and Jack had planned this. Leaving her here alone with Ryan raised the stakes in a way she’d never pictured them doing.
“That’s funny.” She gazed at Ryan. “She told me a few minutes ago she didn’t have to go.”
Ryan came inside.
She kept her distance. Being close to him was dangerous and habit inducing. She’d finally stopped aching enough to get through the day and now this. Surely, this would set her back and she could look forward to more tears tonight. “What is it?” She folded her arms across her chest like a shield over her heart. “I’m feeling ambushed from all sides. I wonder how long Maggie planned this.”
“I don’t know, but I found out tonight.” Ryan’s eyes pierced her, a direct line to her heart.
“Found out what?”
“That you declined the foundation’s help, that you’re selling the house and all its contents. That you’re starting over in this tiny apartment. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to, eventually. I’m sure it would have come up in casual conversation.”
“Why did you do it?” He took a step toward her.
“Before you get started on me, it’s not because I thought I was undeserving.”
“Good.”
“I don’t know if you can understand this, but I didn’t want the house anymore. It was too much. I didn’t need all those things. I have the Lord in my life again and I have peace about the next step in my life.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Sounds like an awakening, all right. But when did you decide this?”
“I think it all happened the day of the concert.” That night remained imprinted on her mind as the best night of her life. Star gazing on the hood of a car like a teenager. Good grief.
He took another step towards her.
She backed up a few steps to make up for the shrinking distance between them.
“Then why?”
“Ryan, do me a favor and stand over there, please.” She pointed to a spot several feet away.
“What?” He looked at her with narrowed eyes. “Why?”
“It’s easier for me if you keep your distance.” And also much better if he’d turn around and walk out that door before she changed her foolish mind.
“I see.” He looked at the ground, and then stared into her eyes. “I’m not going to do that.”
“Please.” She couldn’t be that strong anymore. Now that Ryan was before her, her mind played tricks while she reasoned that their relationship could work. Love would find a way. It might even be OK if they never had any children. But she’d decided not to be selfish anymore.
“Darlin’, you have to tell me what’s going on, because I won’t leave here until you do.”
Anger bubbled up inside her.
Ryan was not playing fair.
“Why do you have to be so stubborn?”
“You’re calling me stubborn? That’s funny.” He shook his head.
“You wouldn’t give up until I told you about my baby.” Her voice rose, and she had to remember that she now lived in a place where her neighbors might hear the slightest decibel increase.
“And that’s what this is about, isn’t it?”
He was forcing her to say it. Fine. “I saw your face when you were holding John. And you told me that’s what you want—a family.”
“So?”
“I can’t give you that. I may never be able to have children. Why are you making me say this out loud? Don’t you know how much it hurts?” Why couldn’t he walk away and let her heal? Opening up the wounds and bleeding out would not help a thing.
He came even closer.
Backed up to the wall, she had nowhere left to go.
“The last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
Now she stared into deep brown eyes so filled with warmth she couldn’t breathe. Someone had taken all the oxygen out of the room.
“If you don’t want to hurt me then why don’t you step back, so I can…” Breathe? Think straight? All of the above.
“So you can do what?” He traced the curve of her face with his thumb.
“I don’t know anymore.” That’s it. She’d lost the last brain cell she owned. Ryan’s warm and simmering eyes probably melted it.
He drew her into his arms as she closed her eyes. Those arms were intoxicating and she breathed again, a deep sigh that reminded her of how much she’d missed being in the safety of his embrace. “Oh Ryan, what’s the point?”
“The point is, I love you.”
“I love you, too, but what if—”
He put his finger on her lips. “I don’t care. Your love is the only love I need.”
A peace surrounded her, a comfort she recognized. “I want to believe that.”
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“You say that now, but maybe someday you might change your mind.”
“Can’t you trust me? I love you.”
“You already said that.” She smiled.
“I’ll keep saying it until you hear me. You’re a stubborn woman.”
“And you’re a stubborn man.”
He kissed her again, the way he’d done that night under the stars, his passion proving he would never give up on her. Somehow, together, and with God’s help, they’d face whatever challenge lay ahead.
EPILOGUE
Six months later
The first annual Bachelor Auction of Harte’s Peak was in full swing when Vera looked for a place among the crowded counter for her red velvet cake. She’d offered her café as the venue.
Ryan would meet her here, and since they both considered him to no longer be single, he’d volunteered to emcee the event.
He walked in dressed in a tuxedo. Surely, that was overkill. He’d managed to outshine the bachelors up for auction. She’d memorized the contours of his face and the way his thick dark hair felt running through her fingers, and her heart still made strange flips when he entered a room.
This time the group of bachelors included Tagg, the paramedic from county who, if the whispers of the women in attendance were any indication, would get the largest bid, and Lonnie Smith, the youngest deputy on the force. Although he still looked like a teenager, she’d been assured time and again he was twenty-five.
“Is that for me?” Ryan asked, seeing his favorite baked good. She’d now baked it three times for him in the six months they’d been dating. It was amazing how the man could eat.
“Tonight, you’ll have to share it with the others.”
He frowned even though he must have known she’d bake it again the next evening if that made him happy.
Without a doubt, she was in love. Take her breath away, can’t live without him, annoy everyone else in the room love. She must love him. She’d agreed to join him at the gym twice a week.
He claimed it was for her health and he wanted her to live a long time.
If nothing else, she hoped that proved her undying devotion to him.
They’d had to re-arrange the tables and chairs and create a small makeshift stage for the bachelors. But on this late September evening, the promise of autumn full in the air, the stringed white lights all along the stage and walls still created a wintry feeling.
She
longed for the first snow fall.
Winter was now her favorite time of the year since a winter sport had brought them together. They’d be enjoying their first Christmas this year, and it was bound to be of special significance with her renewed faith.
Soon the auction would begin, and after that, she’d serve coffee and dessert to everyone, including the new couples who would proceed to plan the details of their date.
The proceeds would go to the Home is Where the Heart Is Foundation, Vera’s new pet cause. She and Ryan devoted most of their spare time to the charity.
Ryan strode to the stage and made the introductions. But instead of beginning with Bachelor #1, Lonnie, eagerly waiting on the sidelines, Ryan asked her to come up and say a few words.
Fine. After all, she was officially the hostess.
She said a few words about the foundation, how many homes it had saved, and how many they planned to save. Then she thanked everyone for coming. As she prepared to leave the stage, Lexi walked up with Stin on a leash. Wrapped around Stin’s middle was a canvas sack.
“Lexi? What’s going on?” Vera asked.
Stin’s tale wagged frantically, and she whined as she spotted Vera, but then the dog walked right past her to Ryan. Stin sat at his feet. Traitor. One nice gorgeous guy comes around and you forget all about me.
Vera glanced from Stin to Lexi, waiting for an explanation. When she turned to look at Ryan, the answer was clear.
Yes, he’d done it. It felt like a milestone achieved, like a victory he had to shout from the rooftops. Except no one else would understand. A few months ago at dinner with Vera’s mother, he’d asked her for the framed photo of Vera, the one where she wore the royal blue gown and the look of innocence and joy. It was that smile he’d been working to put on her face since the day he’d told her he loved her.
He’d already seen it several times—once when he’d surprised her at Starlight Park with an evening picnic and they’d fallen asleep star gazing on the hood of his car in each other’s arms. Tonight, though, was the culmination of all his plans, and as he dropped to his knees, he saw the look again. The look he hoped would never again leave her beautiful face.
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