by S S Bazinet
* * * * *
Annabel approached William cautiously. He was sitting in the library part of the lower level, staring fixedly into space. He looked tired again. No, it was more than that. The person she loved was hurting. She was sure of it.
From the way he was breathing and the way his hands were fisted, he reminded her of when he’d been wounded by Col. When he glanced up at her, he was also letting her know he was in a mood, one that told her he wanted to be alone. When she was an angel, moods were dismissed. Angels were unaffected by people’s emotional tirades. She had to be just as unaffected now.
She sat down on a leather hassock in front of him. “I’ve been thinking about Col, and the threat he poses. Maybe we can discuss what’s going on and find some resolution.”
William stared back for a long moment, his eyes looking hard and fixed. “There’s no resolution to be found.”
“Don’t say that, William, there’s always a solution if we make room for it.”
“How do we make room for something that isn’t there?”
Annabel smiled. “You’re talking in riddles.”
“No, I’m stating a fact. If you lost me, if I died, how would your statement help to change anything?”
Annabel stared down at her lap and noticed how her hands were neatly folded. When she’d sat down, she’d adopted a position of calm. But in the space of a few comments back and forth with William, her heart was racing. Losing William had always been her worst fear. “Please, William, you aren’t thinking about doing something rash, are you?”
William’s eyes turned even harder. “Why are we talking about me, Annabel? I thought you indicated we needed to discuss Col.”
“But that doesn’t mean I want you to do something risky.”
William pushed himself out of his chair and glared down at her. “Sometimes I can’t believe you were ever an angel. All you think about is yourself and what’s important to you.”
Annabel stood up too, suddenly angry that William always found a way to criticize her failings. “And what about you, William? Are you any different? You can’t get over the fact that Arel ruined your precious life. You fancied yourself a hard, calculating man who was in control of everything. Now, you constantly resent having to feel anything or care about someone else, including me.”
“You’re so right, Annabel. I do resent it. I resent that I’m stuck on this wretched world with you always hounding me. Why couldn’t you keep your wings? Why did you have to turn into some frightened little girl who doesn’t do anything but remind me of why I hate this planet!”
“I’m trying!”
“So am I! But what good does it do? Don’t you get it? We’re both failures, Annabel. And at the rate we’re going, we’ll go on living like a couple of losers for a very long time. While Arel is giving himself a way out, we’ll be stuck here, watching ourselves grow old and weak. Years of nothing to look forward to but more failure, and we won’t be able to do a damn thing about it.”
Before Annabel could reply, William walked out of the room. When she started to follow him, he was already on the stairs to the upper level. Standing by the door, she started to tremble. William was in a very bad way. He was giving up on life. He was giving up on her. She wanted to help, but maybe he was right. She did act helpless. And even if she loved William, she didn’t know how to be the person he needed her to be.
She was about to retreat to her room when her phone rang. Peggy called to ask her to attend an outing with the children. Carol and Elise had already agreed. They’d take the toddlers to the mall where they could enjoy a little petting zoo and holiday decorations. It would give Tim and Kevin time to watch a game on TV after a morning of babysitting at the park.
Annabel decided it might be a good idea to see her friends. She was too upset to approach William again. “I’d love to go with you. I’ll be right over.”
She quickly headed for the stairs. When she got to the upper level, Elise was in the foyer putting on her coat. William was nowhere to be seen. Annabel smiled at Elise. “I’m so glad that Peggy is sounding a little more like herself and wanted to do something.”
Elise smiled back. “I’m grateful too. And I like the idea of spending time with the kids. It might help me to clear my head.”
“I’m hoping for the same thing.”
Elise paused. “Is something wrong?”
“I can’t seem to keep up with life or William’s moods. Other than that, everything’s fine.”
* * * * *
When William reached the upper level, he had to pause and hold on to the stair railing. His anger had fueled his steps, but by the time he got to the upper landing, his body was shaking with a consuming weakness. As he paused to regain his strength, his statements to Annabel repeated in his mind. He’d proclaimed himself a failure and a loser. He felt like the labels were accurate.
Physically, he was a wreck. He’d slept eight hours the night before, but it took so little to exhaust him. He put a hand to his chest, trying to ease the pain that wouldn’t let up. He didn’t have to wait to grow old. He already felt like he was some feeble invalid. But before he checked into some retirement home, he had to rein in his feelings about Arel and get a second opinion.
He found himself headed to Rolphe’s room, knocking on his door. Rolphe wasn’t his favorite person, but the man seemed to be doing a decent job with the current situation.
Rolphe answered almost immediately. “William, please, come in. You look upset.”
William resented Rolphe’s remark. He hoped to mask his feelings, but obviously, his attempt wasn’t working. Once inside the room, he closed the door. “Look Rolphe, let me warn you right off, something is happening to me. Whatever I say or do, try to be the sensible one.”
“Yes, of course. What is it?”
“Remember how you said you had these terrible feelings before you came to London? I’m having the same problem. But I don’t understand it. My shields are up. They should be keeping Col out of my head. So what’s going on? I’ve said things to Arel I shouldn’t have.” He paused and rubbed his chest. “I just did the same thing with Annabel. But I can’t stop myself. It’s like something is sapping all my strength, all my ability to curb my tongue.”
“Maybe it’s a good thing.”
“How can telling Arel he’s a selfish monster be a good thing?”
“It’s not, but maybe it’s better to get your feelings out where you can deal with them. Is there any truth to what you told him?”
“I don’t know. We’ve always had a difficult connection. He thinks I need to change who I am.”
“What’s wrong with who you are? You’re courageous and faithful, William.”
“Thank you, it’s nice that someone feels that way.” William made his way to a dresser and leaned on it for support. “But forget me for the moment. Let’s talk about Arel and how he plans on dealing with Col.”
Rolphe frowned. “He’s leaving us, and there’s no way to change that fact.”
“But it’s an absurd thing to do.”
“Arel is trying to put things right. He thinks he’s responsible for Col’s situation.”
“Why would you say that?”
Rolphe gave William a brief glance and looked away. “I was meditating and asked for clarity. When it came, I glimpsed so many lives.”
“So what?”
“I believe Arel was sort of the leader of our group. He never imposed his will, but—”
“So you’re blaming Arel for Col’s actions? I thought you thought of Arel as your hero.”
Rolphe’s hooded eyes went from staring at the floor to glaring back at William. “And nothing’s changed! I’d gladly take his place if it would help.”
William stepped back. Rolphe could transform very quickly from a gentle giant to a battle-hardened, war veteran.
Rolphe seemed to understand William’s reaction. “William, no matter what you think, I’d lay down my life for both Arel and for you.”
William’s anger came out before he could stop it. “Sure, that’s why you tried to kill me repeatedly.”
“You’re right. I’ve been immersed in ignorance, but that’s what Arel is trying to put right.”
“Arel’s not responsible for me or you or Col.”
Rolphe moved closer, locking eyes with William. “And yet you still blame him to this day for all that’s happened over so many lifetimes.”
The words, so many lifetimes, hit home for William. In an instant, Rolphe’s looming presence disappeared. He was staring straight ahead into a vast space. It was populated by images and memories. Countless lifetimes bobbed up and down in the sea of time. So many different faces stared back at him. He could feel their struggle as they tried desperately to survive. But wave after wave of darkness washed over them, overwhelming them, pulling them down into a bottomless sea of pain.
As William continued to look at the faces, a fog began to lift. He hadn’t realized it was there until that moment. As his mind began to clear, he understood why his resentment towards Arel ran so deep.
He wasn’t only angry over Arel’s actions in this life or the lifetime when they were burned at the stake. He knew with complete certainty that something went wrong in a time that had long been forgotten. In some ancient past, Arel had put something in motion, something that brought their group to their knees. Because of Arel’s poor choice, their lives had been in peril ever since.
The idea made sense, but it was unwelcome. William despised himself for thinking Arel was some sort of puppet master. Surely there was a reason for Arel’s actions. Surely William had somehow agreed to what Arel had done.
William struggled like the souls in the drowning waters, but the door to the past closed as suddenly as it had opened. The vision he’d had only added to the painful misery in his chest.
He was too worn to return to his quarters. Bracing against the torture that came with each breath, his legs wanted to buckle as he stumbled over to Rolphe’s bed. He fell across the mattress in a heap. As he closed his eyes and started to slip away from consciousness, he heard a cry of alarm. Rolphe was yelling something. “Arel! Come quick!”
* * * * *
When William collapsed, Col enjoyed a small victory. His secret was hidden deep in William’s heart. Most of Col’s weapon had been dismantled by Arel’s intervention, but some small remnants remained. Much to Col’s delight, these vicious energy chards worked like glass fragments embedded in flesh, constantly delivering their torment. They were so small and were buried so deep they went unnoticed by Arel and Rolphe. Even William was none the wiser about the origin of his pain.
Col laughed at William’s ignorance about another subject. The man prided himself on being his own master. But Col knew the truth. William was loyal to the bone. He’d had some dark lifetimes when he and Arel had been enemies, but neither could escape the truth. Their souls were bonded to each other. And no matter what William thought about going his own way, his path was aligned with Arel’s.
Col knew he could use that information to further his cause. Every time William lost ground, it affected Arel. “All I have to do is take one of them down permanently, and the other will falter too.”
Twenty-Eight
MICHAEL HAD JUST left the bedroom when Arel heard Rolphe’s loud cry for help. Its urgent tone had him rushing for the door. By the time he got to Rolphe’s room, Michael was already there. He was standing next to Rolphe, blocking Arel’s view of the bed.
Arel pushed them both aside to see what was wrong. William lay motionless on the blue comforter. Arel turned him over and instinctively grabbed for William’s out-stretched hand. It was so cold. It was the kind of cold Arel recognized from childhood.
He was only seven when his brother died in a riding accident. Aldwin was too young to be snatched away so suddenly, but death had no respect for age. Their father had brought Aldwin’s body home and laid it out on a table in the entry foyer.
Arel clung to Aldwin’s lifeless hand, wishing with all his small heart that his brother would come back to life. Instead, it felt like death infected him too. Its icy chill invaded his warm flesh. Now, holding William’s hand, the same chill was back. He was still caught up in the memory when Michael stepped forward.
“Arel, listen to what I’m telling you,” Michael insisted. “Leave the past behind you. You’re needed in the here and now.”
His words broke the spell Arel had slipped into, and he immediately chastised himself. Didn’t he know going backwards never helped? But when he looked at Michael, the angel’s eyes had no judgment, only understanding and warmth. “Michael, tell me William is alive.”
“Of course he is, and you can help him,” Michael said.
Arel had to believe it was true. He’d saved William’s life before, and he was determined to do it again. But this time Michael assured him he didn’t have to visit Col. He simply had to place his hand over William’s heart. When he did, he felt Col’s energy embedded in William’s etheric body, but this time it wasn’t connected directly to Col. “No wonder William’s been behaving like he has.”
“We were talking before he collapsed,” Rolphe said. “I don’t think he meant what he said to you.”
Arel thought about the confrontation at the park. “He looked like some wounded animal when he yelled at me.”
Michael moved close to Arel’s side. “William is on the defensive, and the pain he’s been experiencing has reinforced his feelings of being vulnerable and weak. It’s almost like he’s been fighting for his life.”
“Maybe getting Col’s energy out will help,” Arel said as he shut his eyes. Clearing his mind, he let his heart take over. Within seconds, he could feel its energy surging through his hands. Col’s dark energy fragments were no match for the healing power. They were soon dissolved by Arel’s touch. But Michael was right. It was obvious that William was running on empty.
Arel ran his hand across William’s brow, pushing back a lock of hair, letting William’s face brand itself in his memory.
With William still sleeping, it was the perfect time to say a silent goodbye. “Another brother who’ll soon be dead to me,” he whispered under his breath. Only this time, it would be Arel who left the physical world behind. He stood up and turned to Michael. “Could you give Rolphe and me a few minutes?”
“Of course,” Michael said.
Arel closed the door after Michael left the room and turned to Rolphe. “William should be alright. He just needs a nice long sleep. I want you to keep a close eye on him.”
“We’ll both keep watch.”
“No, you’ll be on your own—”
“On my own? What do you mean?”
Arel stared back mutely, not knowing how much to tell Rolphe.
“Please, Arel, I already have a good idea about what you’re planning, but—”
“Again, Rolphe? Sometimes, I can’t believe your nerve,” Arel scolded. “You’re always snooping around, nosing into things that are none of your business.”
Rolphe’s face crumpled. “I’m trying to be helpful like I promised on the plane.”
Arel let out a heavy breath. “Fine, I was going to tell you about everything in my own time, but I can see you can’t wait.”
Rolphe’s eyes filled with concern. “Please, tell me exactly what you’re planning.”
Arel put his hand on Rolphe’s arm. “I have to leave, that’s what I’m planning. But I’m depending on your help.”
Arel’s touch and his announcement seemed too much for Rolphe. His eyes grew misty as he stared back mutely.
Arel smiled. “I know I haven’t always thanked you for your steadfastness, Rolphe, but I appreciate how hard you’ve tried to be there for William and me.”
Rolphe lowered his gaze and his voice. “I have always tried my best.”
Arel tightened his grip on Rolphe’s arm. “I don’t want you to try your best, Rolphe. You have to swear to me you’ll protect our little flock. No matter what, you have
to make sure no harm comes to any of them. Michael will help too.”
“Please, Arel, instead of what you’re planning, we can work together—”
“No, that’s not possible. After I leave, I need you here. William needs you. Promise me you’ll take care of him.”
“I’m not worthy of such a mission,” Rolphe said in a breathless whisper.
Arel returned a stern look. “If I didn’t believe in you, I wouldn’t ask. Is that understood?”
Rolphe nodded. “Yes, I understand.”
Arel released Rolphe’s arm. Talking about what he was planning to do was difficult. He was beginning to feel as worn as William looked. He needed some alone time and started for the door. When Rolphe blocked his path, he felt his patience waning. “What now?”
Rolphe clasped his fists anxiously. “Arel, I don’t want you to do this.”
Arel glanced back at William. “What choice do I have? Col isn’t going to stop what he’s started.”
“What can you do to stop him?”
Arel smiled. “I’m going to give him what he wants.”
“What’s that?”
“He wants me, and that’s exactly what he’s going to get.”
Rolphe weaved back and forth, a giant caught in something too big for even him to handle. “I feel like I’m losing one of my sons again.”
Arel put his hand on Rolphe’s chest. “If you want, before I leave, I can change all that.”
“How?”
“I’ve thought of a way to put up a barrier between me and those who care about me.”
“How does that work?”
“By shielding the emotional connection we have, you’ll be free of any attachment to me. When you think of me, you won’t feel anything more than you’d feel about a stranger.”
Rolphe pushed Arel’s hand away. “No, I always want to remember you and how I feel!”
“Even if your feelings of loss make you sad? Please, Rolphe, it would be so much easier for you.”
Rolphe’s posture steadied. “You don’t know what you’re proposing. I might feel sad when I think about losing my boys, but that’s because of the love I have for them, the love I’ll always have for them. I’d never want anything to come between me and that love. The same goes for how I feel about you.”