by S S Bazinet
Arel backed up. “Fine, I’ll honor your decision. But with the current situation, I think I know what’s best for Elise and my friends. They need to forget everything that binds us emotionally.”
“I hope you’re right.”
* * * * *
Col watched his dark energies, the ones left in William’s heart, as they dissolved. They were replaced with Arel’s healing love. He’d anticipated as much. At least he’d had his fun tormenting William before Arel interfered. What infuriated him was Rolphe’s part in it all.
Arel and William had recently renewed their original connection, but it didn’t stop there. They had also brought Rolphe back to the fold. That was unacceptable. How dare they think they could claim Rolphe as one of theirs? Rolphe belonged to Col.
Col scowled. He’d hoped for more from Rolphe. He’d wanted Rolphe’s allegiance. Sadly, it wasn’t there. When William collapsed on the bed, Rolphe’s only thought was to protect William. He doubled his shields and stood over William like a great bear guarding his honey.
Col looked on with disdain, trying to contain his rising anger. “I’m deeply disappointed in you, my son. After all I’ve done to avenge your death, you repeatedly betray me.”
Pacing back and forth, he was still railing against Rolphe’s lack of gratitude when a sudden blinding light startled him. He was so alarmed he ran into the powerful, energy wall. Losing control was the last thing he wanted, but he hadn’t been ready for an angelic visitor. Having one of the Creator’s messengers so close was a challenge, even for him. He had to shield his eyes when one came near. Angelic energy was light, airy and as bright as the sun.
When he’d had his own foul accommodations, Col was somewhat protected from angelic visitors. They usually remained a good distance, unable to breach such a heavy, dark energy. But the angel sitting only feet away looked very comfortable in the sunny setting. The angel was also accommodating when it came to his brilliance. When he noticed Col’s distress, he toned down his light enough for Col to look at him. Still, nothing could completely shield Col from the pain the light caused. He took a couple of furtive glances and grimaced with disgust.
The angel was the picture of youth with his wavy hair framing his young, fine-featured face. Instead of wings, he wore a blue sweatshirt and faded jeans. Col recognized him as the angel who lived in Arel’s household, an angel named Gabriel, aka Carey.
“What do you want?” Col demanded.
Carey leaned back as if settling in for a relaxed chat. “We need to talk about the one you valued as your son.”
It was the last subject Col wanted to discuss. He moved away as far as possible and crossed his arms. “No, absolutely not.”
“He was a beautiful child,” Carey continued.
It might have sounded like an innocent compliment to most, but for Col, the comment was a blazing arrow that ignited his rage. “Beauty! Easy for you to throw that word around. You have lots of beautiful things in your world, don’t you? You have a whole heaven full of beauty! But my son was the only thing I ever had that was beautiful.”
As he unleashed his fury, Col was immediately sorry. He’d let something surface. Now he couldn’t stop the memories that swirled around him. “I worked in the mud and lived like the swine! That was my world! Unlucky bastard that I was, I had one thing I could love, one thing I could hold that was pure and innocent and perfect!”
He turned and glared at Carey, refusing to acknowledge the pain Carey’s light caused him. He forced himself to move closer to the angel. “I had one thing, a son who was as beautiful as any of you, and I had to watch him wither and die. And it wasn’t a quick, merciful death.” His voice became low and dark like a funeral dirge. “I had to stand by, day in and day out, and see my beautiful boy turn into a living skeleton, too weak to even cry towards the end.”
Carey sat quietly, staring back with eyes that were compassionate, but stern. “Arel tried to help you in that lifetime, Col. He tried to help you save your child. But you wouldn’t let him.”
“He was a witch! A devil in disguise! I couldn’t let him touch my boy!”
“In your heart, you knew that wasn’t true,” Carey replied.
“Shut up! Leave me alone!” Col screamed again. His mind felt like a seething boil that had festered over centuries of time, that had been denied release so that his fury could feed the cold, calculated rage he clung to. Now its pain was so acute, he had to grab his head in his hands.
Carey stood up. “You were responsible for your child. You’ll never move on if you don’t admit what you did.”
Col steadied himself, used every bit of his strength to calm himself. “Never,” he said in a low, barely audible voice. “Do you think I’ve lived in hell all this time for nothing? It’s Arel’s fault, it’s all his fault.”
But Carey wasn’t listening to Col’s excuses. In fact, he continued with a question. “But there’s more to it, isn’t there?”
The inquiry made Col so mad with rage he threw himself against the energy wall. He immediately bounced off and was thrown to the ground. He screamed with indignity. He’d hoped the barrier was electrified. He wanted and needed pain to help him blot out what Carey was saying. In spite of all his efforts, he heard the angel’s final message.
“All the suffering Arel and his group have gone through originated in their desire to help you, Col. Their mission to reclaim you from the darkness began many lifetimes before you were that serf. You know you can never forget that, no matter how hard you try.”
Twenty-Nine
AREL HADN’T HAD much time to make arrangements for his next move. Luckily, in his need to find a place where he could exit the world, he discovered a perfect option. The internet came through with a rental unit that was ready for immediate occupancy. Once he had that detail out of the way, he was ready to go forward. Rolphe was also helping, a fact that was strangely comforting. Everything considered, Arel felt hopeful. There was a good chance no one would be terribly affected when he bowed out of their lives.
In order to take care of everything without any glitch, he’d made a couple of lists. One was for himself, and one was for Rolphe. He went over his own again, making sure he’d thought things through. At the top of the list was the energy work that needed to be done with any people who were emotionally attached to him.
As soon as Elise and his friends were asleep that night, he’d psychically connect to each one. After he’d made that connection, he’d put up shields over any energy that connected his heart to the person he was working on. In short, someone like Elise would remember him, but she wouldn’t remember they loved each other. On a practical front, he’d also leave his phone behind so he couldn’t be located that way.
After that task was done, he’d go to step two. He and Rolphe would drive to the little condo he’d rented. Rolphe would be given strict orders not to tell anyone about his involvement. Once Rolphe was on his way back to Arel’s house, Arel would proceed to step three. He’d lie down on a bed and do some astral traveling. It would be the last trip he’d make. After a certain amount of time, the energy cord that kept him tethered to his body and the Earth plane would snap. He’d help facilitate the process by withdrawing his energy from his physical vessel. His body would die, but his spirit would remain forever on the other side. He’d be Col’s companion for eternity if that’s what it took to keep Col from striking out again.
* * * * *
Elise had a busy but enjoyable time with the children and her friends, and the evening turned out to be a nice surprise. Arel had insisted on making dinner for her and Annabel. It was a lovely affair that included baked eggplant parmesan, a beautiful salad and tiramisu he picked up at Elise’s favorite Italian restaurant. Afterwards, they sat around the living room chatting.
Elise kept checking on Arel whenever she thought he wasn’t looking. She was encouraged by what she saw. After Arel’s insane babblings about being a vampire, he was back to his wonderful, normal self.
In fact, E
lise was amazed at how physically different he was from the day before when he’d been exhausted. Looking handsome and enthusiastic, he tended to the dishes and served coffee as if his return from England was long forgotten.
There was only one tense moment during the evening conversation. Annabel voiced a concern about William, but Arel was quick to comfort her. Even though William was still dozing away the hours in his bed, Arel promised Annabel that he would be restored and back to himself by the next morning. There was such conviction in Arel’s voice that Annabel’s frown vanished. For the rest of the evening, she was more relaxed.
Rolphe was out for most of the evening, but when he returned he sat down for a few minutes. He was quiet, seeming to enjoy Freddie’s company after the pup climbed into his lap. Elise decided Rolphe was as pleasant as he was imposing.
When it was time for bed, Elise was happy. Between the wine at dinner, the yummy meal and Arel’s attitude, a feeling of contentment was back. She was slightly disappointed when Arel fell asleep shortly after climbing into bed, but she was tired too. With a feeling of normalcy returning to her life, she dozed off within minutes.
* * * * *
When evening arrived, Rolphe walked around the neighborhood while Arel was serving dinner to Elise and Annabel. He needed the night air. It helped restore some sense of calm. But feeling a little less anxious didn’t mean he could avoid feeling a deep sadness about Arel’s decision. But perhaps that was selfish. He had to let go of his personal agenda and do what was best for all concerned.
When he got back to the house, he joined a discussion about various subjects that included William, Elise’s newest book and Annabel’s latest sculpting efforts. Rolphe listened as attentively as he could, but he excused himself before it got too late.
Once back in his room, he snatched up the list Arel had left for him. Holding his breath and wondering about its contents, he unfolded the paper. He stared at the carefully detailed instructions.
“Number one, meet me in the garage at 3 a. m. Number two, after we drive to a rental condo and say goodbye, you’ll take the car back home. Number three, park the car in the garage and go back to bed. Number four, when everyone wakes up tomorrow, and they start asking questions, remain calm. Explain that I’ve always been emotionally unstable and my disappearance was the result of that instability. If Elise wants your opinion about my sudden departure, tell her it was bound to happen sooner or later, and it would be better if she never sees me again. Finally, please note I’ve rented a condo where my body will be housed for a week. With any luck, it should be dead within that time period. I put a very hefty deposit down so it should take care of any inconvenience I cause the rental agency when my death is discovered. When Elise learns what happened to me, help her to use the incident to achieve closure. I’m sorry for any difficulties I’ve caused you, Rolphe. It couldn’t be helped.”
Rolphe folded the note, put it in his pocket and stared fixedly into space. He couldn’t believe what he’d read. It all sounded so methodical, too methodical. Didn’t Arel have any feelings about leaving his wife or William or his friends? How could he be so calm and cool about his own death?
As Rolphe continued to consider the situation, a terrible feeling took hold. “Oh my goodness, maybe Elise was right to worry about Arel’s mind. Maybe he is crazy.”
Thirty
AFTER ROLPHE DROPPED him off at the condo, Arel let himself into the rental unit. Standing in the dark inner foyer, he searched for a light switch and flipped it on. He remained motionless in the dimly lit space and observed his mood. He was surprised at how calm he felt.
His plans were progressing smoothly. Even Rolphe behaved himself. They barely spoke in the car. That was a break. Arel had feared some emotional scene, but Rolphe remained stoic during their drive to the condo. When they arrived at their destination, Rolphe didn’t linger. He got behind the wheel of the car and drove off before Arel got the door to the condo open.
Arel couldn’t linger either. He had to keep moving and not think too much about what he was doing. He walked through the living area noting that it was adequately furnished with a mix of modern and traditional furniture. Not that it mattered. He would only be using a bedroom.
He took off his coat, threw it on a sofa and checked out the rest of the condo. After a quick assessment, he decided to stay in the larger of the two bedrooms. It was located in the back of the unit.
The room’s furnishings were plain, but they’d do for what he had planned. There was a queen-sized bed, a dresser, and two upholstered chairs under the large window. Arel walked over and made sure the blinds were completely closed. When he turned, his gaze remained on the bed with its faded, green comforter. “So this is where it ends,” he said, but the words lacked any emotion.
He paused to commend himself on the job he’d completed earlier. He’d come a long way since he’d first met Michael. The angel had been the perfect friend, advisor and the substitute father Arel often needed. Still, it felt good to finally be capable of taking care of things on his own. His energy work with Elise and his friends had been flawless. He was amazed at how clever he was when it came to using energy shields. After what he’d done, no one would suffer over his absence.
He wouldn’t suffer either. After cutting all ties to the people he cared about, he’d gone a step further. He’d found a way to close down his heart. It might have been a cowardly thing to do, but he didn’t want to feel the pain of missing his loved ones. It was also a way of severing his emotional connection to the world. He had to let go of everything if he was going to join Col.
He glanced around the unfamiliar room feeling like he was ready for the task ahead. When he looked at himself in the dresser mirror, there was nothing there that he could care about. He saw a man staring back at him, but the fate of that man was inconsequential. Col had to be stopped, and that meant he’d do what he had to do. Period.
His lack of concern did make him wonder a little. He hoped his decision to close off his feelings didn’t have any bad repercussions. After a lifetime of emotional highs and lows, of wanting to love and be loved, was his numbness a good thing?
As he thought about his detached attitude, he had a sudden insight. He understood what Michael had told him about love and how it held everything together. Love was the element of the Divine that multiplied Itself into countless facets, into infinite numbers of forms. And all those forms expressed the love from which they’d come. If they discovered a way to reject that love, they found themselves adrift in the fabric of creation. Nothing could ultimately tear them from that fabric, but they could feel and believe it was so.
He walked over to the bed and sat down. As he let himself delve a little deeper into the world of an unfeeling heart, he began to understand Col. Col thought of himself as a creature apart. His only connection to others was his hatred and need for revenge. Was it possible that Col also needed his hate and retribution to dull the emptiness inside of him?
Arel couldn’t know for sure. He could only explore his own foray into emptiness. He didn’t want to feel the pain of loss, but he didn’t like feeling vacant and indifferent. So what should he do? It was a tricky situation. As he searched for an answer, another question buzzed his thoughts. If he continued down a path that kept his heart from feeling anything, would he become callous and uncaring about everything? Would he eventually lose his way completely like Col?
Just the idea of such a possibility scared him. Suddenly, he wasn’t so sure he’d done the right thing. And the more he thought about the mistake he might have made, the more he worried. Soon he became so consumed with doubt that he had a brief mental lapse. Unfortunately, in that momentary space of time, he forgot to keep his shields up.
* * * * *
Col shrieked with delight! All his patience had paid off. Arel had made a fatal mistake. The dummy hadn’t only dropped his shields, he had himself in a mixed-up state of mind. Without his heart to lead his way, Arel was a floundering loser. But Col was compl
etely focused and in charge of himself. Once again, he would teach Arel that darkness always won. But before that happened, he invited himself into Arel’s bewildered mind.
“Hello, you dimwitted fool! Remember me?”
Arel blinked back, looking as stunned as William had looked when he faced Col.
The man’s speechless expression sent Col into peals of laughter. He even began to dance! He leapt about and celebrated. All the while he was conjuring up what sweet tortures he could bring to the table. He’d spent so much time planning and thinking about the worst versions of cruelty. Testing them out on Arel would bring him immense pleasure.
* * * * *
Rolphe tried to follow Arel’s orders. He’d met Arel at the appointed time. He’d accompanied Arel to a rented condominium, and he’d driven Arel’s car out of the parking lot afterwards. He’d held his feelings in check through it all. It was a familiar exercise.
Arel didn’t have to school Rolphe in the art of doing what he was told. He’d been drafted into the army as a boy of twelve and grown up following orders on a battlefield. He’d been taught to put the demands of others before his own. When he left the army, he didn’t know what to do or how to think for himself. It was like freeing an animal that only knew life behind bars. It had taken a long time to understand he had choices.
Now, after so many years of being an adult and free of the demands of others, he was right back where he’d started as a boy. He sat behind the wheel of Arel’s Mustang with orders to return home. But he didn’t want to leave Arel. He knew in the deepest part of himself he couldn’t let Arel sacrifice himself. Rolphe wouldn’t just lose a friend, he’d lose the closest thing he had to a son. And not even a soldier’s training could drive that idea from his heart.