by S S Bazinet
“If you had a different past, do you think you’d like to be with Myra?”
Rolphe couldn’t help but smile at the thought. “Oh yes, I’d cherish every day that we had together.”
“Did you ever consider that those feelings of love were a gift from the Creator?”
“No, Blessed One. Are you saying that I should dare to have such a thought?”
Michael smiled. “I’m saying that you can honor what the Creator has given you in this world or any other. But if you choose to do so in this world, your life can be a beacon for others who are seeking redemption.”
Clutching his chest, Rolphe felt his heart swell with a sudden joy. “Thank you, Blessed One. Now, excuse me while I convince Myra to talk to me again.”
* * * * *
Elise knew she’d made a good decision getting out of the house. The restaurant that Carey had suggested was just what she needed. With lots of light streaming through the large, front windows and a friendly staff, the eatery felt like a respite from the turmoil at home.
Sitting with her friends in a booth by one of the windows, she tried to forget how her morning had started, but the sting of waking up all alone was still fresh. She’d automatically reached out for Arel. After so many years alone, a part of her always needed reassurance that Arel was real, that she wasn’t still dreaming.
But that morning, while she was still half-asleep and reached out, she touched cold sheets. It was a heart crushing moment that nearly sent her into a panic. Where was her beautiful husband? Slowly the truth dawned on her. She had flashes of the fight they’d had. She remembered the harsh things that were said, and her statement about Arel censuring himself or he’d be sleeping on the couch.
In the light of day, the whole episode seemed dismal. Yet, as she went over the dialog that had passed between them, she reminded herself that she’d had a right to be angry. She also reminded herself of the advice she’d given Annabel. They didn’t need men. Now, she had to live with that advice. Even if it was true, it wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to be in Arel’s arms again and yet another part couldn’t back down. She had a right to feel hurt.
Looking up from her menu, she noticed that Annabel was preoccupied too. Instead of studying her choices for breakfast, she was staring out the window. It was a sharp reminder that her friend was facing a divorce. “Annabel, are you feeling alright?”
Annabel startled a little. “What did you say?”
Carey sat next to Annabel. He’d been studying his menu like he was cramming for an exam, but he came to life when Annabel sounded hesitant. “I thought you said you were hungry, Annabel.”
Annabel shrugged. “I was, but then I started thinking—”
“Are you feeling sad again?” Elise asked.
Annabel quickly took a sip of her orange juice, pushed her menu aside, and lowered her gaze to her placemat.
Carey’s brows narrowed a bit. “What is it?”
Annabel lifted her eyes long enough to glance at Elise then went back to placemat gazing. “Actually, Elise, I was thinking about a plot for one of your romance books.”
“Really, how interesting,” Elise said as she grabbed her purse. “Let me get out my notebook, and you can tell me all about it.”
Annabel sat back and took an unsteady breath. “Once there was an angel who was trying to help a troubled soul. She was very confident because that’s the way angels are. They always see things from a higher perspective and don’t lose themselves to emotions. The problem was that this angel didn’t stick to that perspective. She fell in love with the person she was trying to help. She was so in love with him that she gave up her wings to be with him. It wasn’t really fair to the man she was supposed to be helping. He was trying to adjust to a very difficult time in his life. Still, he did his best to be the loving person she needed. It’s just that he was often overwhelmed himself.”
Elise stopped writing and looked up at Annabel. “Haven’t I heard this story before?”
“Yes, you heard it from Arel.”
Elise rubbed at her brow. “Are you saying it was only a story he made up? I’m confused.”
“I am too,” Annabel said. “Sometimes when I think about what I just told you, it feels like a story. It’s getting harder and harder to remember what it was like not to be afraid all the time.” Annabel grabbed her napkin and swiped away the tears that made her eyes look all sparkly.
Elise found herself drawn to the beauty of Annabel’s emerald gaze and the presence behind them. For the briefest instant she was aware of a very different Annabel. This version displayed a radiant confidence without the smallest hint of sadness or uncertainty. There was also an otherworldly feeling. At times, she’d had the same feelings around Carey and Michael, like they were too good to be true.
Annabel took the tissue Carey handed her and blew her nose. “There, I’ve said it, and I’m sorry if it makes you think I’m crazy.”
Elise slowly closed her notebook and started to put it back in her purse. She paused when she noticed the design on the notebook’s cover. It was simple, but it had made her smile when Arel gave her the notebook. A pair of golden wings were embossed on the cover, and the letter, E, was boldly printed between them. Arel was happy that Elise seemed pleased with his gift. He’d gone on to tell Elise that she was his angel.
Elise frowned as she zipped up her purse. “No, that’s not what he said to me.”
Annabel looked up. “Elise, what is it?”
Elise grabbed her menu and began to study her options. But she couldn’t stop herself when she voiced Arel’s exact words. “Arel said, ‘William has his angel, and now I have mine.’” After repeating Arel’s statement, she decided to forget the incident. “I’m getting the crepes with salted butter caramel. What about you two?”
Fifty-Four
THE CONDO’S GUEST bedroom had two twin beds. Arel sat on one of them. He felt rested after finally getting some sleep. He was also relieved after talking to Carey. Elise, Annabel and Carey had gone out for breakfast and everyone had had a pleasant morning.
William stood at the window and glanced around at Arel. “How goes it on the home front?”
“As well as can be expected,” Arel said.
“How’s Annabel?”
“Carey says she’s doing okay.”
William closed the blinds enough to keep the sun out of his eyes. “I’m sure she’s going to be fine without me.”
“Is that what you really want? I thought you two loved each other.”
“I don’t have time for love.”
Arel ran his hand over the dark, blue quilt he was sitting on. “I know what you mean. I don’t dare let myself think of Elise. If I did, I’d be useless when it came to dealing with Col or you.”
William swung round. “You’re the one who started this mess back in New York, Arel. You made sure I drank some blasted angel blood. So don’t act like I ever wanted to be ‘dealt’ with.”
“Sorry, it was a poor choice of words. But I have to wonder. If I hadn’t interfered with your life, do you think you’d be happy right now?”
“Of course I’d be happy. I wouldn’t know anything else but how to live a self-reliant, independent life. All this stuff about angels and out of body travels would have never crossed my innocent mind.”
Arel huffed out a breath. “Yes, I guess it was innocent in a way. Like you said, you didn’t know anything else once you assumed certain premises about life were true.” He stared down at the quilt again. The crisp, cotton fabric was anything but soft, and he found the repeating, geometric print annoying. The longer he stared at the little white triangles, the more he felt like his eyes were crossing.
William came over. “What are you doing now?”
Arel looked up. “I’m wishing we could all start over. When I spoke with Rolphe last evening, he said he felt a little better about his past after talking to Michael. But we both know he was involved in a lot of violence. I don’t think a person can ever put all
of it aside.”
“I have. I’m battling to maintain a tiny grasp on sanity. I don’t have time for my past actions.”
“Your perspective is so different. When you thought of yourself as a vampire, you seemed so at peace with the role. From what you’ve said, you never had any sense of guilt about what you did.”
“Most people are basically ignorant savages who have no respect for the Earth or her creatures. They pollute and maim without a second thought. Not to mention the fact that a number of them burned me at the stake in a previous life. Why should I have any remorse?”
“If that’s the case, you’re in agreement with Col.”
“That’s not true. Unlike Col, I don’t have any desire to lash out at anyone. I just want to live in a world that respects life.”
Arel picked at a stray thread on the quilt. “That’s good, but I think we have to go a little further if we want the world to be a better place.”
“And do what? How do we change a world populated with billions of people who haven’t a clue?”
“By doing what you came here to do,” Raphael said as he walked into the bedroom.
William turned to look at him. “And what did we come here to do?”
Raphael’s gaze traveled from William to Arel. “That’s what you need to find out. Are you both ready to do some dreaming?”
Arel lay back on the bed. “For starters, I want to understand why William is having this nightmare.”
William got comfortable on the second bed and turned his attention to Raphael. “Sounds like a good idea. So what do we do?”
Raphael walked over to a bedroom chair and sat down. “I’ll help you to return to the dream you were having, William. Your job is to recall exactly how it started and let yourself drift off with that scene in mind. However, this time visualize that Arel is with you.”
“What should I do?” Arel asked.
“Let yourself drift off to sleep with the intention of joining William. If either of you need me, let me know. I’ll join you too. Oh, and one more thing, in this version of the dream, both of you need to remember that you’re not there to experience anything that’s happening in the dream. You’re only there to observe the events objectively.”
Arel found the directions easy to follow. He assumed William had a similar experience because they both showed up on a path at the same time. Arel was familiar with lucid dreaming and nudged William. “I’m impressed. This is a brilliant setting.” He looked around at the huge, towering trees that lined the path they were on. “I bet these trees are even bigger than the redwoods.”
William looked down and smiled almost shyly. “This setting is literally my dream come true. As a boy, it’s almost like I remembered these trees. The ones on my father’s estate reminded me of them.” He paused and scuffed at the path. “Strange to think about it now, but they were as much my friends as any human could be.”
Arel stopped to stare upwards. “They do have a presence. But when I was a child, I never learned to bond with nature.”
“Of course not. After I met you, and you got drunk enough, all you could talk about were the stars and distant galaxies.”
“I must have been very intoxicated. I don’t remember anything like that.”
“That was your problem. You didn’t remember the good stuff. You just complained about how crappy your life was. I had to be the one who held on to what was worthwhile in you.”
“And what about you? Talk about holding on to the crap, you’re still doing it.”
William glared back. “I thought you were here to help, not spout off about what you think is wrong with me.”
Arel felt his dream face flush. “You’re right. Maybe we should stop talking and observe. Tell me what happened after you arrived here?”
“We go this way,” William said as he continued down the path. It wasn’t long before he stopped and pointed to an area off to the side. “There’s the clearing where I sat down.”
His statement was followed by the sound of someone approaching from behind them.
Arel spun around and saw a familiar creature, the serpent from the garden. “Aki, what are you doing here? This is William’s dream. Why are you in it?”
William glanced at Arel. “You know his name?”
Arel shrugged. “He’s okay once you get to know him.”
The serpent pointed a clawed finger at William. “I tried to warn this one the first time he had this dream, but he paid no attention. From what I could tell about the dream’s progression, he should have listened.”
Arel gave William a quick look and noticed William’s discomfort at Aki’s criticism. “Look, obviously the dream was important, so stop being such a know-it-all.”
The serpent backed up, retracted his outstretched finger and glowered back. “Like it or not, I do have an exceedingly vast amount of knowledge at my disposal. If anyone cared to benefit from my wisdom and experience, I could be very helpful.”
“Very well,” Arel said, “tell us what you know about this place? Is it connected to the garden that you guard?”
Aki snorted with contempt, flaring his wings so quickly that golden sparks of energy flew out in all directions. “This is a dream that can change with the whim of the dreamer. My garden belongs to the Creator!”
William stepped closer. “Then why are you here? And why are you being such a nuisance?”
Aki laughed, sounding a little like a crow’s cackling. “I’m part of your imagination, William, an imagination that recognized our similarities. We’re both guardians of the things we love.”
William’s gaze lingered on the grand trees that stood around them. “I guess you’re right.”
Arel gestured towards a circle of flat stones. “But why did you warn William not to sit down in the clearing over there?”
Aki’s laughter was replaced by a serious, almost mournful look. He pointed at William again. “This man refuses to claim his true power. When he sat down on that dreaming rock, it magnified his fears. I knew he wasn’t ready to face them full on and tried to help. He paid no mind, yet, surprisingly, he did survive.”
Arel smiled. “I showed up before he did himself in.”
Aki inclined his head thoughtfully at William. “Why would you want to have this unfortunate nightmare again? Wasn’t once enough?”
William didn’t hesitate. “If I have fears, I need to face them.”
Aki’s form began to soften until he glowed around the edges. His voice morphed into one that was much softer too. “My foolhardy friend, you’re obviously missing the point.”
William’s hands tightened into fists. “Could you forsake your garden?”
Arel stepped closer. “William, what are you talking about? And what did the serpent mean when he said you’re a guardian too?”
“I don’t know, but I’ve always felt like I’ve had to keep you from self-destructing. Now, let’s keep going.”
Arel agreed. When he looked up, he saw a version of William walking over to sit down on the rock in the clearing. He looked at the observer William who stood by his side. “Is this when the scene changed?”
William barely had time to return a nod when the scenery shifted dramatically. Arel found himself viewing a firestorm. He was surrounded by the same extraordinary trees he’d just seen, but now they were ablaze. Flames shot upward for hundreds of feet. He had to quickly remind himself that it wasn’t real. It stilled his panic enough to shift gears. He often enjoyed being creative in his own lucid dreamscapes. Without thinking, he imagined a tremendous downpour putting out the flames and a cleansing wind blowing the smoke away from where he was standing.
When he looked at William, he realized what he’d done. “Sorry about that. I acted instinctively.”
William’s face contorted into a sneer. “Do you know how rude you are? You’re here to help me interpret my dream. Instead, you took over like a one-man firefighter who has to constantly show off how great he is.”
Arel held up a ha
nd, hoping to reestablish William’s trust. “Wait a minute. Since this is your dream, maybe I didn’t really do anything. Maybe you changed the dream because you wanted to know how helpful I can be.”
“That is so ridiculous.”
“No, it’s not. From what you’ve told me, your nightmare was all about being a victim of some evil force that wants to destroy everything beautiful.”
“Victim? I never said anything about being a victim.”
Arel walked over to a formidable, well-built warrior lying on the ground. “Look at you, Will. You’re dying, right?”
“Fine, I was dying, but just because I couldn’t stand up against a force that was stronger doesn’t mean I was a victim.”
Arel noticed something curious and bent down. After he brushed aside some of the deep deposit of ash, he smiled. “Will, didn’t you say that the person who was next to you had wings?”
“Yes, what about it?”
“Look at this. You have wings, too.”
William crouched down beside Arel. “I did not have wings in my dream.”
Arel’s face brightened. “Don’t you see what this means? You must have subconscious fantasies that you’re an angel, or in this case, a fallen angel.”
“Wait a minute. Something feels all wrong,” William said as he reached out to remove the protective helmet that covered the dying man’s face. “Just as I suspected. This is your dream.”
Arel jumped up when he recognized the fallen warrior. “Oh hell, you must be right.”
“Of course, I’m right. That’s you lying there! You’re the one with angel fantasies!”
“I don’t know what to say except that I never intended this to happen.”
William ignored him, cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted out a name and a few words. “Raphael! Get me out of here!”
Raphael appeared immediately, gave Arel a censuring smile and looked at William. “It’s okay. I can fix this very quickly.”
William backed away. “No, forget it. Just wake me up.”