by S S Bazinet
Arel put a hand against the wall by Rolphe’s chair. He still looked pale and weak after his own recent encounter with Col. “Listen, Rolphe, you’re here now. Forget about Col,” he insisted.
“I can’t do that,” Rolphe said. “In my heart, I know that Col’s salvation is important for all of us.”
William glared at Arel. “Are you happy now? This is more of a mess than ever. And as for salvation, we’re barely hanging in there ourselves.”
Arel came over and grabbed William’s arm. “Help me boost my energy, and I’ll finish what I started.”
“Energy boost?” William let out a curt laugh and pointed to a wall mirror. “Look at yourself, Arel. Any more astral trips, and you’re going to be a ghost too.”
“I agree with William,” Michael said.
William turned to the angel. “So what’s it going to take to resolve this mess?”
“I think that’s up to you. Tell us what you want to happen,” Michael said.
William looked away, trying to prioritize his wishes. “I want Annabel to go back to being confident about her life. I want Arel to get a grip on his life and settle down with Elise. I want Rolphe to marry Myra and paint his pictures. I want to enjoy my life and find some sanity in it all.” He paused with a scolding frown targeted at Michael. “But none of that is going to happen if I don’t find some resolution with Col. So instead of getting what I want, I’m going to have to visit him.”
“Would you like me to come along?” Michael asked.
William crossed his arms. “Whatever it takes, but don’t ask me to like what we’re doing or to forgive Col because I can’t do that.”
“I understand,” Michael said.
Arel smiled at William. “Thank you for doing this.”
“I don’t have a choice,” William said.
“Yes, you do. You could walk out of here right now.”
William slumped down in his chair. “Sure, and if I did, you know what would happen. I’d be sending Rolphe to his grave. And after watching you in action, you’d soon be pushing up daisies alongside him.”
Arel sucked in a breath. “William?”
William glanced up and stared at Arel. In that moment, the man looked like his child self again, innocent as a fledgling bird still in the nest. “Yes, Arel, what is it now?”
“No matter what, I believe in you, and I’ll follow your lead.”
William found the statement incredible. Arel seemed to be relinquishing his iron clad hold on his own beliefs. “Is that a promise? You’ll put aside your own thoughts on the matter?”
Arel shrugged. “Somehow, I know it’s the right thing to do.”
Rolphe gasped out a few words. “I believe in you too, William.”
William scowled back. “Thanks, I’ll remember that when I’m trying to save your compassionate behind.”
Sixty-Two
COL WAS STILL under the bench when William showed up. Earlier, Rolphe had appeared briefly, but his visit was too short to matter. Rolphe was gone before Col could communicate.
All the while, Col continued to try to stop what was happening to him. Or should he say what Arel had done to him. When Arel’s buddy, William, appeared, Col held on to one thought. Arel had unleashed hell on him, but Col wouldn’t let it change who he was.
He focused on his hatred for Arel as he clawed his way out from under the bench, an inch at a time. With every slight advance forward, he was fighting the pain. Even if he’d created the monster inside of him, the repository of the misery he’d caused others, he wouldn’t let it break him.
Getting to his knees, he put a hand on the bench and forced himself into a standing position. He faced William with teeth clenched. He wouldn’t give his visitor the satisfaction of verbally expressing the torment that had hold of him. With a patience practiced over what humans would call centuries, he waited until he could speak without any trace of the affliction he was bearing. He measured his words, making sure that when he spoke he would fully express the wrath he was feeling. “After this latest violation of who I am, I’ll haunt all of you for eternity.”
Instead of replying, William looked past Col and spoke to someone else. “Well, Michael, perhaps you could address this issue.”
Col swung around. He hadn’t expected a second visitor. When he saw who he was, his heart nearly ceased to beat. Col knew angels, but he’d been able to dismiss them up until now. But no one, not even a master of darkness could have dismissed the angel who stood looking at Col. He’d never seen a sight that expressed such grandeur.
Clad in pure golden armor, Michael’s face was the most beautiful, yet masculine face that Col had ever seen. It reminded him of something fashioned from the grandest elements of Creation. With the majesty of eternal realms, the purity of a perfect rose, and the strength of a snowclad mountain, Michael’s expression was so overwhelming that Col fell to his knees again. He wanted to shield his eyes, but he couldn’t bear to look away from such splendor and magnificence. The only thing Col managed to hold on to was his desire to destroy the beautiful being in front of him. Michael represented all that Col hated. “Get away!” he finally hissed.
Michael didn’t move. “I’m here at William’s invitation, and I will stay here with him.”
Col ground his teeth, filled with a fury that nearly dismantled his ability to stay in control. “My rights have been violated! Don’t you understand that?”
“No, I don’t understand that,” Michael replied in a quiet voice.
Col glared up at the angel. “How can you say that? Haven’t you payed attention to what happened to me? I’ve been the victim here!”
“What in the hell are you talking about, Col?” William asked. “Are you so demented that you can’t understand all the horror you’ve inflicted on others?”
Col’s fingers tore at the grassy surface. “Horror? A few minutes in the fire? Is that what you consider horror? You have no idea about the meaning of the word. Do you know how long I’ve been here?”
“It was your choice,” William replied. “I’m sure there have been many times when you were offered the help you need.”
“Help? From the likes of one of you or some damn angel? Never. There’s only one thing that will help and that’s making the bunch of you pay for what I’ve endured!”
William walked over, stood by Michael and lowered his voice. “I guess I was wrong about Col. I thought we were dealing with a person who has the ability to understand responsibility. But he’s a complete lunatic.”
Col couldn’t believe that William was talking about him as if he wasn’t there. It was so infuriating that he began to tear at his hair even more vigorously than the grass. He held out a couple of handfuls of the stuff with a grimace that barely expressed his loathing. “Lunatic? I don’t think so. I’m a soul like you, one who’s freedom has been taken away by Arel. He’s been torturing me!”
William looked at Michael. “Arel never hurt him. I’m sure of it.”
Col got to his feet, still clutching the hair he’d torn out. “I was an ignorant serf. I was content with my lot until he bewitched me! Just like he bewitched me recently.”
William glanced at Michael again. “He’s not making any sense.”
Col balled his fists and beat his chest. “Arel made me feel things, things I shouldn’t have known or felt, you fool! Things I didn’t want to know or feel!” He approached William. “He did the same thing to you! Maybe you’ll understand that!”
William’s blue eyes went wide with dread, but after some brief hesitation, he spoke to Michael. “I have to talk to you.”
A moment later, William threw up a shield around the two of them. Col wasn’t privy to their conversation, but he smiled. He’d hit pay dirt with the arrogant William, the man who thought himself better than Col.
* * * * *
William was speechless. He stared at Michael, trying to put his feelings into words. Finally, he gave up and let a few slip out on their own. “He’s right. That bas
tard Col is right.”
“What are you talking about?” Michael asked.
“I’ve been acting like Arel’s victim ever since we met that first time in New York. I’ve hated him for what he did to me.”
“You mean when he passed on angelic blood.”
“Yes, that’s part of it, but it’s what happened afterwards. Col is right about feeling things I didn’t want to feel. My entire miserable childhood was resurrected. Do you know how painful it was to go through all that? Not just once, but I’m still reliving it.”
“Yes, I know.”
“But why? Why can’t I move on? In the condo, I thought I could, but whenever I’m with Arel, I feel the resentment again.”
“Maybe a better question is why you’re holding on to those painful times.”
“I don’t know.”
“I have a possible answer,” Michael said.
William looked away, evaluating Michael’s offer. Did he really want to hear what the angel had to say? Or was he like Col, needing to feel righteous no matter what. He finally took in a heavy breath. He was in the astral realm, and yet he felt like he couldn’t get enough oxygen. “What’s wrong with me? Why is this so hard?”
“Maybe you’re not ready to come face to face with the facts.”
William turned and let his gaze settle on Col. The man was grinning at him. There was an energy barrier between them. But William knew that he and Col had something in common, a refusal to see further than the darkness they clung to. It was an intolerable thought that made him return his attention to Michael. “More than anything, I have to know how to get beyond the crap Col and I share.”
Michael smiled. “Perhaps, but for now, I think you need to return to your body and rest. You’ll need all your energy when you decide to face what you’ve hidden away.”
“What about Rolphe? Do you think you can help him?”
Michael nodded. “Yes, if he agrees.”
“He better agree if he knows what’s good for him,” William said. Without any hesitation, he exited the astral plane and dropped back into his body. As soon as he opened his eyes in Arel’s bedroom, he saw Arel sitting at the end of the bed, staring back. Arel’s eyes were aglow with anticipation.
William collected himself with a number of restoring breaths. Once he felt comfortable in his physical form, he stood up and started out of the room.
Arel stood up too. “William, aren’t you going to tell us how it went?”
“Ask Michael. As for me, I need to talk to Annabel.”
As William walked past Rolphe, he paused briefly. “Rolphe, whatever you’re doing with the pain, it’s not serving any purpose. So work with Michael and get your health back on track.”
Rolphe shifted uneasily. “If you think I should—”
“Just do it,” William ordered.
* * * * *
Annabel put a mug in the dishwasher as William came walking into the kitchen. She looked up and smiled. “Elise needed a break, something to take her mind off of Arel. I told her to work on her manuscript, and I’d clean up the kitchen. She’s downstairs in Arel’s old office.”
William stopped by the counter. “That was nice of you. I’m sure you’re right about Elise.”
“How’s Arel doing?”
“Arel is alright, but I’m not here to discuss him. I want to talk about something else.”
Annabel dried her hands. “What is it? You look upset.”
“I just took a little trip to see Col.”
Annabel carefully folded the dish cloth over the oven door handle. “At least you came back in one piece this time.”
“Annabel, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I haven’t been more understanding. You’ve been so afraid, and I haven’t been there to help you get through it.”
“I’m sure you’ve tried.”
“Maybe, but sometimes I think I’m more afraid than you.”
“What do you mean? You’re the bravest man I know. Who else would stab themselves to protect me?”
“But I haven’t outrun that monster inside of me. I thought I had, but now I know it’s still there. I think I need it to help get me through life.”
“How would something so dark be helpful?”
“Isn’t that the way you feel about your fear? It blocks your ability to stay happy, but you still cling to it.”
Annabel sat down at the table. “I never thought of fear like that.”
William came over, pulled out a chair and sat down too. “When I was with Col, he was still so convinced that nothing he’d done was his fault. He said that Arel bewitched him.”
Annabel sat back, letting brief snatches of her former, angelic life surface. “When I was an angel, I remember how often people believed they were victims. It was their excuse when they abused others. From my viewpoint, I could see that abuse was handed down from one generation to the next. It’s a very hard cycle to break.”
“Yes, but with Col, he’s given into it so completely that he won’t let himself see anything else.”
“You said it yourself, William. The darkness seems like a great place to hide for those who’ve lost their connection to their true self.”
William reached out for Annabel’s hand. “When you were an angel, you knew my situation. You clearly saw that I was holding on to the darkness, why did you fall in love with me?”
“I also saw how hard you tried to come back to yourself. That’s one of the bravest journeys a soul can take.”
“Why is that?”
“Think about it, William. When you go searching for the real you, you have to push through all the pain that got buried and denied. And I’m not talking about the pain you caused others. I’m talking about the pain that you experienced at the hand of others.”
William let go of Annabel and sat back. “I was in a rage when those memories started coming up. I cursed Arel for making me remember things I couldn’t bear to relive.”
“But Arel was only doing what you asked him to do.”
“What are you talking about? I never asked him to curse me like that.”
“William, you made him promise that he would bring you back if you fell into darkness. And you promised to do the same for him.”
William got to his feet. “I don’t remember anything of the sort.”
Annabel smiled up at William. “But angels remember. It’s part of their job.”
Sixty-Three
ELISE SAT AT her laptop in the downstairs office. She’d been working on a new novel before Arel came back from London. The story hadn’t been moving along as well as she wanted. How could it? She’d been so happy with her personal relationship. It was difficult to switch her emotional gears and write a romance story about two people who were having problems.
Things had changed. She’d only been sitting at her laptop for a short time, and she’d already written a number of pages. Problems? It was easy to invent difficulties in a relationship. She could draw on the many she currently faced. At the rate she was going, she figured the novel would be finished way ahead of schedule.
A quiet knock on the office door made her look up. Arel was standing in the doorway. He looked very tired again. She got up and went over to where he stood and put a hand on his cheek. “What am I going to do with you?”
Arel shrugged. “I thought you said something about loving me.”
Elise kissed his cheek. “Of course I love you. Who could resist those eyes of yours?”
Freddie seemed to be thinking the same thing. The pup was jumping up on Arel’s leg. Arel leaned over, picked him up and began to stroke his head. “It’s interesting.”
Elise stood back. “What’s interesting?”
“Freddie never changes. You and I have all this drama going on, but he’s unaffected. He remains his happy, sweet little dog self.”
“That’s true, but I guess he doesn’t have a mind that’s always processing loads of new input.”
“Michael commented on what we do with that input. He sa
id humans are always making up stories in their minds.”
Elise went back to the desk and sat down. “I guess he’s right. When I thought about being pregnant, I had our life all planned out. How we’d be parents, how we’d have our kids around the table at Thanksgiving. We’d eventually send them off to college. Someday we’d be grandparents.”
Arel handed her Freddie and went over to the couch to sit down. “And what happened when you found out you weren’t pregnant?”
“There was an empty place where all the stories about our future had been.”
“But we still loved each other, that hadn’t changed.”
Elise tried to cuddle Freddie, but he insisted on being put down. As soon as his feet hit the floor, he was running over to where Arel sat and jumped up on the couch. Elise watched the little, white dog settle in next to Arel. However, Arel had his head leaned back on the couch, looking exhausted by their conversation. “Sweetie?”
Arel put his hand on Freddie’s back as if he was drawing on Freddie’s relaxed mood to sooth himself. “Yes, what is it?”
Elise smiled. “Thank you.”
Arel lifted his head and stared back with cautious eyes. “For what?”
“For reminding me that our life isn’t a story. It’s being here with you now. It’s appreciating that I have you in my life and knowing that’s a gift.”
Arel readjusted his posture. “That’s a nice thing to say.”
“Annabel and I have been talking. She told me how much she’s worried about William, how he scares her when he does dangerous things.”
“Elise, I don’t want to scare you.”
Elise stood up. “I know, but sometimes, maybe it’s a good thing. When I think about losing you, I remember how grateful I am to have you in my life. Children could be a wonderful thing too, but I already have more than I ever dreamed possible.”
“I love you, Elise. Nothing will change that.”
“I hope not.”
Arel got up and came over to where she stood. He pulled her into his arms and laid his head on hers. “I’ll do whatever I can to keep what we have. If I could, I’d build one of those castles and put a moat around it to keep our love safe and secure. But I know how life is, how stories can destroy the path to the heart.”