by S S Bazinet
Col jumped to his feet. “Admit it! You’re not here to help me! You’re here to drive me as crazy as you are!”
Arel smiled blissfully. “That’s okay. We’ll stay here ‘til you feel better. Then we’ll talk about it.”
Col felt something grab hold of his mind. It wasn’t panic. He’d been panicked with Rolphe. Now, he was beyond that feeling too. He’d reached a new plateau that didn’t seem to have a feeling he could name. He simply knew he was trapped in that place some referred to as hell. But it wasn’t the hell he’d made for himself. There were no cockroaches or slimy walls or foul smells. Hell was sitting in a bubble floating in space with a nutcase named Arel. And from what Col could tell, he might be in hell forever. He had to find a way out.
Col fell to his knees, glaring at Arel. “No one has ever cared about me! Some angels with their lies? Telling me they care? But they don’t really give a damn! Where were they when I was groveling in the dirt? Where were they when I was starving? Nobody cares!”
Arel turned and looked at him. “And what about you, Col? Did you care about the little boy you burned? The child you threw on the fire? Did you care that you sent that innocent child and an innocent young woman to their death? Did you care when I screamed for mercy?”
Col glared back. “The problem started before that!”
“Really? Did I do something horrible to you?”
“Yes, you did, you bastard! I was like everyone else, just a poor, ignorant slob! But when I looked at you, at those eyes of yours, you bewitched me!”
“I tried to help you, Col, and you had me burned for it. I came back for you. We all came back for you after you lost your way, after you forgot the light.”
“No, you came back for William!”
“That’s what you wanted him to think, but it wasn’t true. You planted those ideas in his head.”
“Even if you’re right, so what? I’m suffering, why shouldn’t all of you suffer too?”
“It’s too bad that you feel that way.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m going to stay here.”
“For how long? How long can you be the hero?”
Arel settled back into a comfortable pose. “Not a hero, Col, but a caring brother who is here for you now.”
“How can you think of me that way after what I’ve done?”
“I don’t dwell on the evil you believe in. I remember who you were before you lost your way.”
Col let out a bitter laugh. “I don’t even remember that far back.”
“How unfortunate for you, but I sat here and explored the times you forgot. I know your origins. You were as beautiful as any angel, Col.”
Col recoiled with a hiss. “Shut up! I don’t want to hear such nonsense.”
“I agree,” Arel said as he stared at Col for a long moment. “You know, I think if you saw and felt who you were, your stony heart would break in two.”
Col didn’t mean to, but his eyes connected with Arel’s. He tried to look away at once, but he couldn’t. Arel’s gaze projected a light so intense it could have come from the missing stars. It wasn’t only mesmerizing, it had the ability to laser its way into Col’s astral body. He fell back in shock.
He knew how to use barriers too and had always thought he was safe from such a violation. How could anyone breach the wall he’d fashioned around him? It was a monument to his skill at making darkness more tangible. Each brick was fashioned by hatred and bitterness. Each was fired in a furnace of revenge and cruelty. In lifetime after lifetime, he’d added layers to the barrier.
But Arel’s eyes penetrated Col’s chest as easily as if they were looking through glass. When their powerful energy hit his heart, he was stunned by what it did to the vessel. His heart responded.
But how could that possibly happen? He thought his heart was dead and useless. Before he had a chance to cry out, Arel looked away.
“I’m sorry, Col,” Arel said. “Sometimes I forget myself. I think that’s what happened in that lifetime when you said I bewitched you. I only wanted to connect with you because you were family. I wanted with all my heart to bring you home. I shouldn’t have been so presumptuous.”
Col couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move. He clutched his chest. He had to stop what was happening. His heart wasn’t breaking in two. It was coming back to life, and he’d never felt anything so painful.
Arel looked back with concern. “What’s wrong, Col?”
Col collapsed on the ground, unable to speak, writhing in agony. As his heart broke free of all the restraints he’d placed on it, all the feelings he had denied were coming to life too. As he thought about all the pain he’d doled out to others, he realized it was returning to its rightful owner, it was coming back to him. He was facing a monster he’d created, one that knew nothing of mercy, and it was going to eat him alive.
* * * * *
WILLIAM WOKE UP with a start. He’d fallen asleep while keeping watch at Arel’s bedside, but the sounds of someone crying out had him jumping up from his chair. “What is it?” he mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.
Rolphe was standing too. He was still holding his hands in a gesture of prayer. “It’s Arel. He just returned, but he’s very upset. Michael is trying to calm him.”
William walked over to the bed where Arel was struggling to get up. The man’s face was very pale and his hand was shaking as he held on to Michael’s shirt. When he spoke, his voice was a raspy whisper.
“I didn’t mean to hurt him, Michael! You have to believe me!”
Michael kept his tone even and low. “Of course you didn’t, but you have to stop thinking about Col for the moment.”
“What’s he talking about Michael?” William asked.
His question got Arel’s attention as he pulled himself up into a sitting position. “William, I don’t know how to fix what I did.”
William frowned. “What now?”
“It’s Col. Somehow I triggered something, something terrible.”
William glared back. “Don’t tell me Col is on the loose again.”
Arel threw himself back on the bed and shut his eyes. “Michael, I’ve got to go back to Col. Give me an energy boost.”
Michael stood up. “You’ve already overextended what your body can do, Arel. I can’t help you harm it further.”
“Excuse me, Michael,” William said as he took the angel’s place by the bedside. He stared down at Arel. “Before you do anything, you’re going to tell me what’s going on.”
Arel rubbed his temples as he mumbled to himself. “I’ve got to find a way to get back.”
Rolphe came over and stood behind William. “I just tuned into Arel’s thoughts. He didn’t mean any harm, but—”
William turned on Rolphe. “Spit it out, Rolphe.”
“Somehow Arel dismantled Col’s shields.”
“So hopefully that’s a good thing.”
“Col wasn’t ready for the power that was directed at him. When it dismantled his shields, Col’s heart was roused from a very, deep slumber. But it didn’t only come back to life, it opened itself to all of the pain that Col has meted out, lifetime after lifetime. The feelings he’d denied for all his victims were all called back to be experienced by him.”
William tried to imagine what that meant, but the thought was too much to contemplate. “Whatever the case, Col brought that pain on himself.” He looked at Arel again, noting his ashen face. When he felt Arel’s forehead, it was icy cold. That was odd, Arel usually got fevers when he was upset. “So why does Arel look like he just came out of the grave?”
Michael spoke up. “Arel’s compassion went out to Col, but his gesture took a lot of energy. He needs to rest.”
Arel pushed himself up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I never meant to be the cause of another suffering like that. William, you and Rolphe have to help Col.”
William backed up. “No way, whatever happened, he deserves whatever he gets.”
Arel for
ced himself into a standing position. “No one deserves that kind of pain.”
William held firm. “If someone has to go, send Michael to help the bastard. Angels are cut out for jobs like that.”
Michael smiled. “I’d be happy to go, but I’m not the one who needs to forgive him, William.”
“Forgive him?” William asked. “After what he did to me, to Peggy and Arel? There’s no way in hell I’m forgiving him.”
“You don’t remember who he is,” Arel insisted. “He wasn’t always the monster you know.”
William crossed his arms and looked away.
Rolphe reached out to Arel. “I’ll go.”
William jerked around. “Of course you will, you weren’t the one he threw on the fire!”
Rolphe gave William a brief glance. “No, I wasn’t, but I was the child he let starve to death because he was too angry and proud to allow Arel or Peggy to help me in that life.”
William went back to the chair he’d been sitting in. He’d felt a wonderful shift in his attitude when he was at the condo. He was even ready to make peace with Arel’s gift of angelic blood, but the idea of forgiving Col was too much to ask. “Do what you want, Rolphe. I’ll stay here and keep an eye on Arel before he tries something else, something that finishes him off.”
Rolphe smiled. “That’s a good idea. We’ve all come a long way because of what Arel did for us. We don’t want to lose him now.”
“I’m so glad you have such a forgiving heart, Rolphe, but personally I’m just recovering from Arel’s wonderful helping hand.”
Rolphe walked over and stood looking down at him. “But you do love Arel, don’t you, William?”
William glanced at Arel. The man was standing upright, barely. His life force was clearly compromised, but nothing could diminish his determination or his passionate nature. “You know the answer, Rolphe, why torment me?”
Rolphe leaned in close and his next statement came out in a quiet whisper. “I’m not trying to torment you, but it’s important that you know that Arel needs you. Otherwise, he might not survive.”
William kept his voice low too. “What do you mean? He always survives. He’s tougher than all of us.”
“No, he’s not. You two swore long ago to work together, and you’ve always been the one who was there when he needed help.”
“Give me a break. I couldn’t even protect a sparrow if my father wanted it dead.”
“That may be the case, but you’re not here to protect sparrows. You’re here to protect what’s good and true in all of us when we lose our way.”
There was a knock at the door before William had a chance to think about Rolphe’s statement.
Arel grabbed Michael’s arm, his voice shaky with panic. “If that’s Elise, tell her I can’t see her now.”
“I can do that,” Rolphe said as he started for the door. When there was a second knock and Elise called out, he opened it a crack. “Elise, can you come back in a little while, Arel needs a few minutes.”
“Can’t I talk to him?” Elise asked.
“Please, he needs some time to recoup. You see, dear lady, astral traveling can be very tiring.”
“Oh, how wonderful,” Elise complained. “First there was jet lag, now I suppose he has astral travel lag.”
Rolphe smiled. “Yes, something like that.”
Sixty-One
DOING AS WILLIAM advised, Annabel had tried to keep Elise busy. When Elise began to fret about Arel’s astral trip, Annabel tried to help. She persuaded Elise to do a little grocery shopping, run a few errands, and then take a brisk walk with Freddie.
When they arrived home after the walk, Elise insisted on checking on Arel. Annabel hoped for the best, but when Elise returned to the living room, she looked very annoyed. “Back already?” Annabel asked. “Is everything okay?”
Elise walked over to where Freddie was napping on the sofa and sat down next to him. “I guess. Rolphe told me Arel couldn’t see me. It seems he’s recovering from his astral trip.”
Annabel smiled. “Welcome to my world.”
Elise’s eyes widened. “Are you saying that this sort of thing goes on with William, too?”
Annabel couldn’t help but laugh. “Those two are worse than having a dozen kids. They’re always up to something. But to be fair, they usually have a good excuse for their antics.”
“What exactly are we talking about?”
Annabel put her magazine aside and resigned herself to telling Elise more of the truth. “Have you ever seen those programs on TV, the ones with ghost hunters? Well, Arel and William are sort of like those guys. The big difference is that they know how to visit ghosts in the astral realms.”
“Are we talking about the ghost I saw in my dream? The one who haunted Peggy?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so.”
“From what little I know, he’s dangerous. Are Arel and William putting themselves at risk?”
“I hope not.”
“Annabel, what aren’t you telling me?”
“I don’t think I’m the person to talk to about it. I’ve always been frightened easily, and I don’t want you to feel the way I do.”
“Annabel, you poor thing, when we first met, you seemed very nervous. Was it because of something William was doing?”
“It’s not William’s fault. I knew what I was getting into.”
“You haven’t said anything since he came back, but how are you two doing now. Are you together again?”
“No, William wanted to reconcile, but I decided against it.”
“Why?”
“Like I said, I’m easily frightened. Plus, I’ve gotten very dependent on William. We both need that to change.”
“I guess I can understand what you mean, but you love each other, don’t you?”
“Yes, of course we do, but William is always going to be William, and I don’t want to keep worrying all the time.”
“Annabel, should I be worried about whatever is going on with Arel?”
Annabel smiled. “Maybe, but you’re tough, Elise.”
“I don’t know how tough I’d be if something happened to him.”
“It wasn’t fair of him not to discuss these things before you got married. But I think he was afraid of how you might react.”
“I’ve tried to be open minded about his abilities, but I didn’t expect this sort of thing.” Elise stared at Annabel. “How am I supposed to feel when I know he’s playing with some dangerous ghost, that he could get himself injured or worse?”
Annabel wanted to offer Elise something helpful. Instead, she shrugged. “Nothing is guaranteed in life. I can live with that. In fact, after talking to you, Carol and Peggy, I’m beginning to understand how to feel good about myself. But with Arel and William, they seem to always find a way to scare the heck out of me.”
Elise ran a hand over Freddie’s fur and frowned. “You’re right, Arel should have said more about this sort of thing once we were serious about each other. But he didn’t, so I have to live with that. Still, I’m with you, Annabel. I don’t want to always be worried about him.”
Annabel sat up a little straighter. “So it’s not just me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought I wasn’t strong enough when I got scared, that the problem was all mine.”
“Well, maybe you have been a little too anxious in general. But it takes time to have faith in oneself.”
“You haven’t known me for very long, but do you think I’m better than I was when we first met.”
Elise giggled. “Remember how afraid you were to try dancing?”
Annabel blushed. “That’s changed. I love to dance now, probably to William’s embarrassment.”
“Arel and William can be so stuffy, but I don’t think they know how to handle spontaneity.”
“Their upbringing didn’t allow for much of that thing. But I have seen William’s toe tapping to some of my music on rare occasion.”
“Arel tries to pr
etend that he loves everything I do, but of course I can see how uncomfortable he gets.”
“Remember how Carol said it took Kevin time to adjust too. When she tried new things, he was quite resistant.”
Elise stroked Freddie’s ear when it twitched. “It must be the male sex. Even Freddie insists on his definite routines. But Annabel, this thing with Arel and William’s risk taking—”
Annabel felt her body tense at the thought. “Yes, what about it?”
“I’m with you on that issue. The two of them arrived from London looking like they’d been in a war.”
“So what can we do about it?”
“I’m not sure. But there has to be something,” Elise insisted.
* * * * *
Rolphe had promised Arel that he’d return to the astral realms and check on Col. That was easy enough. However, once Rolphe found himself standing in the small space, he was confused about what to do next. Col was curled up, fetus style, whimpering under the bench.
Rolphe had to remain clear headed. According to Arel, his job was to help Col, but he didn’t know how to do that. He stepped closer to Col. Perhaps, if he could connect with Col’s pain, he could offer compassion. That was his mistake.
Instead of tuning into Col’s suffering, he tuned into all the pain and misery that Col had inflicted on his victims. The effect was so abhorrent and horrifying that Rolphe immediately found himself back in his physical body, clutching his chest, trying to hold back the excruciating pain in his heart.
When Michael, William and Arel rushed over, he blurted out a warning. “Don’t tune into what’s happening to me!” he wheezed.
“He’s right,” Michael said in a stern voice. “Somehow he’s brought back a version of the pain that Col is in.”
* * * * *
William studied Rolphe with both concern and curiosity. Previously, Rolphe had dealt with Col very successfully. What could have happened to leave him looking like he was two breaths away from death. “Tell us what you did.”
“My fault,” Rolphe gasped. “I was trying to understand what Col was going through.”
“What would possess you to do such a thing?”
Rolphe tried to catch his breath. “I was thinking of you, William, and what he did to you. It was so inhuman, so beyond cruel that my forgiveness began to slip away. I had to find a way to feel compassionate again.”