Losing It All Over Again

by Michelle Graham

  Hank finished tying his tie and then sauntered over to her, sending her heart racing. “I have to say that I’m very interested in seeing you finalize this divorce.” He tried to kiss her again, but Lauren turned away.

  “I don’t want to do my lipstick again,” she said. A lame excuse when she longed to collapse into his embrace.

  With a chuckle, he brushed his lips across her cheek. “Let’s go over the case, then. We’ve already used up most of our time and I want to be sure we’re ready.”

  Chapter Five

  Hank escorted Lauren to the conference room. Her ex-husband and Jason Leonard, a lawyer Hank knew from previous cases, rose from their chairs.

  “Hank, it’s good to see you. I’m sorry that Anne is ill.” Jason offered his hand and Hank shook it.

  “I’m glad to be able to help out.”

  “This is Roger Monroe.” Hank shook the man’s hand, squeezing harder than was necessary. The asshole was a scrawny thing, his handshake limp to begin with, but Hank took secret pleasure in the way he rubbed his hand when he withdrew it. He indicated a chair to Lauren, and then took the one beside her.

  “How’s Angel?” Jason asked.

  “She’s amazing. Busy as ever, and she sure keeps me on my toes, but I’m lucky to have her.” Hank slid his gaze sideways toward Lauren, who had stiffened at the comment. “How are Clare and the kids?”

  “They’re all well, thank you.”

  “Excellent. Shall we get down to business?” Hank shuffled some papers until he came to the agreement that Anne and Jason had worked out. This meeting was just a formality, getting Roger and Lauren to sign off on the terms of the agreement.

  “My client has something to say.” Jason glanced at Roger and nodded.

  Roger attempted to take Lauren’s hand, but she sat back and crossed her arms. “Lauren, I’ve already told you how sorry I am. I love you so much, and I’d like another chance before we go through with this.”

  Lauren opened her mouth, but Hank laid a hand on her arm. He met her eyes and gave his head a small shake. Then he looked down at the papers again. “Mr. Monroe, according to the papers filed by my client, you were unfaithful.” He looked up and stared at Roger until he looked away. “What could you possibly do to make up for that?”

  Roger shifted in his chair and fidgeted with his hands. “It was just the one time, and it was a mistake.”

  “Bullshit.” From the corner of his eye, he saw Lauren turn her head sharply toward him, but Hank maintained his gaze on the cheating prick in front of him. He had only found out about the affair from the file. Bad enough that the jerk couldn’t satisfy his wife in bed, but to turn to someone else? In Hank’s eyes it was unforgivable. “I don’t believe for a second that it was just one time.”

  “Hank—” Jason started, but Hank cut him off.

  “I’ve handled a lot of divorce cases precipitated by infidelity, and it’s never just one time. You committed your life to this woman, but instead of doing everything in your power to ensure her happiness, you let your dick do your thinking. And you have the nerve to ask her for another chance?”

  “It would be different this time,” Roger said. His whiny voice grated on Hank’s nerves.

  “It would, would it? If that’s the case, then here’s my proposal. As the agreement stands right now, everything is being divided equally with no alimony sought, even though as the injured party, my client is entitled to more. She will agree to a one year reunion with the stipulation that if you are caught philandering again, everything goes to her.”

  Lauren leaned forward, but again, Hank put his hand on her arm. The room was silent as the three of them stared at Roger. He squirmed and gazed toward the door. “Everything is a lot.”

  “But your love for her is worth more than that, isn’t it, Roger? If you’ll never cheat again, then there’s no risk at all. Time’s ticking. Either you agree to my proposal or you sign the papers. You’ve got one minute.” Hank collected the file and stood. “Talk to your lawyer.”

  He took Lauren’s arm and led her out of the room, closing the door behind them. She whirled toward him, face tight and eyes flashing.

  “What the hell are you doing?” she hissed. “I don’t want—”

  “Lauren, I’ve dealt with guys like this before. He won’t be able to keep it in his pants, and he knows it or he’d have agreed in a heartbeat.” He stroked her cheek. “It’ll be okay, baby.”

  She jerked away from him. “I guess you’d know all about it wouldn’t you?”

  Hank frowned. What did that mean? Before he could ask, Jason opened the door behind them. “My client will sign the agreement Anne and I already negotiated.”

  “Excellent.” Hank smiled at Lauren, but she still looked unhappy. It seemed to get worse as the papers were all signed. Finally, Jason and Roger left.

  “Congratulations on your divorce,” Hank said. He placed a hand on Lauren’s knee and she sucked in a breath. Her frown deepened and Hank wished he could do something to cheer her up. Being free of that jerk should make her happy. “How about I take you to dinner tonight to celebrate?”

  She jumped up from the chair, slinging her purse over her shoulder. “You’re unbelievable.” She stormed toward the door.

  What had he done? “Lauren, wait.”

  “No, Hank. No dinner, no nothing. I wouldn’t want to keep you from Angel.”

  She was out the door and down the hall before Hank could even move. After their experience in his office, he’d thought things were going well between them, but her hasty exit told a different story. He’d been polite, passionate, and attentive, so her attitude left him puzzled. He wanted to see her again but she obviously didn’t, and disappointment washed over him. Slouching, he tromped back to his office wondering where he’d gone wrong.

  Chapter Six

  Lauren barely made it to the office bathroom before heaving the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Tears squeezed out her eyes as she retched, unable to stop the spasms. When they finally subsided, she leaned against the wall of the bathroom stall trying to catch her breath.

  “Are you okay in there?”

  “Yeah, just give me a minute.”

  She tore of a piece of toilet paper and wiped her chin before emerging. Her colleague Mary stood against the wall. Lauren managed a weak smile and went to the sink. Holding her hair out of the way, she bent to drink from the tap, swishing the water to remove the foul taste in her mouth.

  “You look pale,” Mary said.

  “I haven’t been feeling well.” Lauren washed her hands and examined her reflection. She was pale. “I’ve just been run down so I’m sure I picked up a bug somewhere.”

  Mary patted her shoulder. “If you were still married, I’d ask if it was the nine month flu.”

  “Ha ha. Hopefully this doesn’t last too long.”

  Saying good-bye, Lauren made her way back to her desk, a sick feeling settling in her gut. Picking up the calendar, she counted. Then she counted again.

  “Shit.” Her period was two weeks late. The past month had kept her busy and she’d lost track of how much time had passed. Until Mary had mentioned it, Lauren hadn’t stopped to consider what her fatigue and nausea might indicate.

  “Shit!”

  Resisting the urge to run from the office or put her head down and cry, Lauren managed to keep it together until the end of the day. On her way home, she detoured to the drug store, and stood staring at the variety of pregnancy test kits on the shelf. She decided on the one which would actually display the message “pregnant” or “not pregnant” to avoid ambiguous results.

  When she got home, she dropped her stuff in the front hall and bolted for the bathroom, clutching the small bag from the drug store. Tearing the carton open, she unfolded the directions with trembling hands.

  “Two minutes,” she said after re-capping the test stick and setting it on the counter. She paced as much as the tiny room would allow and counted, resisting the urge to peek. When she
reached one hundred and twenty, she stopped, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

  She checked. Only one word showed in the display window. Dazed, she wandered to her bedroom, collapsed on the bed, and cried.

  ****

  The next day, Lauren stayed home. She didn’t normally use her sick time, so her boss was concerned, but Lauren reassured her that it was temporary before she hung up the phone. She went to the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, but the smell made her nauseous, so she dumped it and sank down on the kitchen chair.

  She had no idea what to do. The thought of abortion made her sick. Telling Hank was out of the question. If his wife didn’t know he was stepping out, the sudden news of a secret baby would destroy his marriage, and Lauren didn’t want that responsibility. But she was realistic enough to know that she couldn’t afford to raise a baby on her own, and her child deserved to have two parents. Could she carry a baby to term and then hand it to strangers? Somehow she didn’t think so.

  It seemed no matter what she did, she was fucked.

  ****

  In the month following the meeting with Lauren, Hank had been going through the motions, struggling to keep his focus at work. The only joy he’d found was in spending time with his daughter, but it didn’t make up for having adult companionship, or stop the constant thoughts of Lauren. A few times he’d visited the Losing It website, toying with the idea of seeking another date, but each time he’d cancelled the request before it could be completed. He’d stare at Lauren’s number in his phone and think about calling her, but he was sure she wouldn’t want to talk to him.

  Now as he stared at another file in front of him, he couldn’t keep his mind from wandering to the passionate encounter he and Lauren had had on his desk. A knock on the door startled him.

  “Come in!”

  The door opened and Anne Johnson entered his office. “Hi, Hank. Got a minute?”

  “Sure. Have a seat.”

  Anne lowered herself into one of the chairs facing the huge desk and leaned forward. “When you handled the meeting with the Monroes, what was your impression of Lauren’s attitude toward her husband?”

  The mention of the object of his thoughts startled Hank. “It seemed clear that she wanted nothing more to do with him. She was furious that I suggested a reunion.”

  Anne frowned. “That’s what I thought. She was always very adamant about going through with it.”

  “Why are you asking?”

  “It turns out she’s pregnant, and she’s worried about having to raise the baby by herself.” Anne shook her head. “I don’t know how he convinced her to sleep with him again.”

  It took Hank a minute to process what Anne was saying, and then he felt as though he’d been kicked in the gut. “Why did you need to come to me?”

  “She told me about the deal you suggested. That was pretty ballsy, by the way.”

  Hank shrugged. “The guy was slime. I knew he wouldn’t go for it.”

  “Anyway, she wondered if they got married again, if she could get a similar agreement. A pre-nup is straightforward, so I could do it, but I told her to take a bit more time to think about it. She was miserable when she came to me the first time. I just wanted to get your take on how serious you think she is.” Anne stood and headed to the door. “I’ll keep you posted.”

  “Thanks,” he said, staring into the corner of his office, but not seeing anything. He barely heard Anne excuse herself and close the door.

  Lauren was pregnant. From what he knew of her, he was pretty sure that her ex wasn’t the father. Unless she’d been with a bunch of other guys in the last couple months, odds were good that it was his baby. He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck. How had he managed to screw up like this? Again!

  It didn’t matter. Lauren and the baby mattered, and she was thinking about getting back together with her ex. Hank couldn’t let that happen.

  Chapter Seven

  Lauren stood in front of the open fridge, hoping something appetizing would pop out at her, but the choices were limited. She’d been so sick that even the thought of grocery shopping made her stomach queasy. She went to the pantry and took out a box of soda crackers, noting with dismay that the pack was almost empty. A trip to the store couldn’t be postponed much longer.

  Sitting down on the couch, she gazed out the window, absent-mindedly popping crackers into her mouth, and wondering how she could have been so stupid. Pregnant. Her parents would have a fit. Whether it was a happy fit or a hissy fit would depend on Roger, but she hadn’t worked up the nerve to talk to him yet.

  The doorbell rang, and with a frown, she went to the peephole.

  “Shit,” she whispered.

  Hank stood in the hall. She definitely didn’t want to talk to him.

  “Lauren, I can see the shadow from your feet under the door. Open up, please.”

  She hesitated, still not wanting to talk to him.

  “I know about the baby, Lauren. Let me in.”

  With a sigh, Lauren unhooked the chain and opened the apartment door. She waved him inside and then closed the door behind them. Hank looked at her and she lowered her gaze, crossing her arms over her chest. He moved toward her, and her traitorous body started to get excited. When he stood directly in front of her, he touched her chin and tilted her face up until she was staring into his eyes.

  His tender look undid her and she started to cry. Hank gathered her in his arms and carried her to the couch, where he sat holding her on his lap. Lauren wanted to hate him, but she couldn’t. Not when he seemed to know exactly what she needed. He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, and eventually the tears slowed.

  “It was the day of the meeting wasn’t it?” he asked.

  “Neither one of us was thinking clearly enough to worry about protection.”

  He squeezed her tight. “We’ll get through this.”

  Lauren snorted and got to her feet, wandering to the window. “I wish I could believe that.”

  “Why don’t you?”

  “Because I’m sure your wife won’t be too thrilled.” She crossed her arms, and turned around to glare at him.

  His brows knit together, creating a wrinkle in his forehead. “I’m not married.”

  “Don’t try and deny it, Hank. I heard you talking to her!”

  “When did you hear that?” The look of confusion on his face seemed genuine, but Lauren reminded herself how well Roger had been able to hide his infidelity.

  “The morning after our date. The phone rang and you answered it. You told your ‘Angel’ that you loved her and would be home soon. Even Roger’s lawyer knew about her! Her fucking name is tattooed on your back!” Though she tried to hold them in, the tears began to stream down her face again.

  To her surprise, Hank smiled. “Is that why you left? You thought I was stepping out on my wife?”

  Lauren could only nod, not understanding why he seemed happy all of a sudden.

  “Angel is my daughter,” he said.

  Lauren froze. “Your what?”

  “My daughter. She’s four years old.” Standing, he withdrew his wallet from his back pocket. He flipped through it for a moment and then handed Lauren a photo of an adorable little girl with Hank’s dark brown hair and eyes that twinkled with mischief.

  “But you’re not married?”

  Hank took her hand. “Come sit down with me and let me explain.” Lauren allowed herself to be led back to the couch, but sat on the opposite end from Hank. “I’ve never been married, and I’ve always been content to play the field. I enjoyed being a bachelor. Unfortunately, one of my companions, who I only saw a few times, got pregnant and never told me. I had no idea Angel even existed until her mother was killed in a car crash last year and Children’s Aid tracked me down. Eva had listed me on the birth certificate.” He glanced down at the picture still in his hand. “I didn’t get a chance to do all the normal dad things with Angel. She came to me like a grown-up in a miniature body.”
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  With sudden clarity, Lauren understood why Hank was there. “You missed out on knowing her as a baby; watching her grow.” She scooted close to him and he curled his arm around her shoulder.

  “After you called Anne, she came to talk to me. She wanted to get a feel for why you’d suddenly decide to get back together with your ex.”

  “I wanted my baby to have a stable family,” Lauren whispered.

  “Did you really think you could have that with Roger?”

  With a sigh, Lauren leaned against Hank’s shoulder. “No, but I didn’t think you were available. Not that I thought that you, I mean that we…”

  Hank kissed her forehead. “I want to be involved. I want to be there for the sonogram, for the delivery, for the first words, and first steps. I want to be there for all of it.”

  Heart pounding, Lauren held his face between her palms and kissed him, the passion increasing with each stroke of their tongues. She straddled his hips, feeling his erection pressing between her legs. He groaned into her mouth, making her stomach clench, but in a good way. Being here with him was better than her memories, which couldn’t do justice to the smell, feel, and taste of him in the flesh. He slid his hand under her t-shirt, grabbed her breast, and squeezed.

  “Ow!” She yelped and pulled back.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “My boobs hurt.”

  “That’s unfortunate. Why don’t you let me kiss them better?” His husky voice made her nipples harden and her pussy spasm with desire. He lifted her shirt over her head and tossed it to the floor, her bra following a second later.

  Hank gazed at her chest, his desire evident on his face. Lauren couldn’t remember Roger ever looking at her with such intensity. Keeping his touch gentle, he cupped her breasts again.

  “They seem bigger than I remember.”

  Lauren looked down. “I’m told that they grow during pregnancy.”

  “Lucky me.” He lowered his head and captured her nipple in his mouth. The light touch of his tongue made her tingle all over.