To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1)

by Donna AnnMarie Smith

  Xander found Dad down the hall and they began their guy talk, home repairs or something. Dad was always happy to see Xander, his surrogate son.

  Four feet plopped down the stairs. Emma was dressed as Rapunzel and Olivia wanted to be Queen Elsa. Bozo zipped around them in his shark costume, which was ironic because the dog couldn’t scare anything.

  Xander and I took the girls around the neighborhood. I had hoped for a cool fall night, but it was warm. The twins tired out faster than last year. They complained of itchy costumes, aching feet, and heavy candy bags. Xander offered to carry them after a few houses. Amongst the scratchy glitter fabric and blonde wigs perched on each shoulder, Xander smiled up at the girls and had them giggling with corny Halloween jokes.

  Xander was so good with my sisters; I thought he would make a great dad. How did that work? He would be human when we had children. Would they be fully human, or would they have angel DNA? Another whine fest about candy necessity pulled me away from my thoughts. Xander and I took the girls back and let my parents sift through the bags. The girls offered me the candy they didn’t like, but my stomach had felt odd since dinner.

  Once parked at Jake’s house, Xander was all smiles, excited for his first Halloween party. It was funny to think of how old he was and there were still “firsts” for him to discover. I smiled knowing I would be there to see them, like tonight. The fast music was loud enough to hear a few houses away, and flickering pumpkins lined the path to the doors. The dark house was full of costumed partygoers and a lot of skin. There was more underwear and fishnet stockings than a lingerie store.

  Five girls passed us dressed as Taco Bell Border Sauce packets with suggestive but clever phrases written on them. Giving Xander credit, he kept his eyes on me.

  Mel and Greg came together. He was a doctor and she was a nurse—a naughty nurse, she couldn’t help herself. Beth came dressed as Wonder Woman. Calista was a hippie, Hannah a referee, and Caleb as Popeye. I thought Caleb was so adorable with his pipe; Calista drew anchors on his forearms because he didn’t need the fake Popeye arms when he had the real ones. Jake appeared as a zombie and I applauded Beth for her excellent makeup job.

  Xander and Caleb danced with their sisters. They were amazing to watch and everyone noticed. Greg asked me to dance, which was awkward and my neck hurt from looking up at him. I danced or shuffled my feet with Beth a few times, and she had skills like mine. Terrible. Jake joined us, integrating with the bad dancers. Beth, Jake, and I had a blast with our own dance competition for worst moves. Xander was never far, and grabbed me for every slow dance and quite a few fast ones.

  Jordan and Sophie waved to me. They were cute together, wearing costume chess pieces. Even Mark and his date were dressed as an Egyptian king and queen. I caught sight of Danielle on the other side of the family room. She opted for an adult version of Alice from Alice in Wonderland.

  Leaving my group for water, I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to Will. He wore a fake muscle man body suit with red shorts, dark sunglasses, and spiked sandy blond hair.

  “Nice, muscle man!” I said.

  He spun once. “You like?”

  “Yes. Very manly, Will.”

  He held up an arm as if he were flexing it, grunting. “I know. I didn’t even dress up.”

  “I knew your everyday look was the façade.”

  A slow song piped through the speakers and he pointed to the ceiling. “Hey, you wanna dance?”

  “Sure.” I put my hands in his that were covered with silly workout gloves. Draping my arm around his neck, I rested on the thick cushion of his costume.

  Will smiled. “I’m geeking out here. Princess Leia!”

  “Thanks. Han’s over there dancing with his sisters. I suck at dancing.”

  Without missing a beat, he said, “You also suck at singing and cooking.”

  “Yes, thank you. I had forgotten.” My tone dripped with sarcasm.

  “How are things going with Xander?” His brows wagged above the sunglasses.

  “Great. He’s really good to me.”

  He leaned closer. “You two say the L-word yet?”

  “Yes. We have said the L-four-letter word. I know it repels most guys.”

  Laughing, Will stood straight. “Not all, just guys who don’t like kittens and flowers. And dress up like muscle men.” He grinned and I slugged his arm. “I didn’t even feel that. Is your hand okay?”

  “Aw, see you do care! There is a heart in there.” I tapped on his chest.

  With a deep voice, unusual for Will, he rumbled, “Yes. Me, muscle man, care for, Abby.” He smiled and looked up. “Ruh-roh. I’d say by that look, your guy wants you back. I’ll let ya go.”

  “Come over and dance with us.” I pulled on his hand.

  He grinned. “Maybe. I’ve had my eye on the Invisible Woman all night.”

  An embarrassingly long moment passed before I got the joke. “Okay. Night, Will. Have fun. Ask more visible girls to dance, please.”

  He shuffled off to his friends. “Will do!”

  Xander’s hand rested on my hip. “Hey, I lost ya there.”

  “Sorry, Will wanted to dance.”

  “He had enough. I’m missing my girlfriend.”

  I loved when he called me that. “I’m sure you aren’t missing my dance moves.”

  Xander’s gaze swept over me. “Mmm, I miss all your moves.” He planted another kiss on my lips.

  After a few more songs, Caleb asked me to dance and Xander handed me over, but not before scowling at Caleb. Caleb remained unaffected. “You make my brother very happy, Abby.”

  “He makes me happy.”

  His voice dropped. “You’ve changed him.”

  “How?” I frowned.

  His smile assured me he meant it as a compliment. “Angels were only given enough understanding of human emotions so that we could assimilate in your world.” He looked to his brother. “He is feeling human emotions as a human would, without the same time and guidance you had to get used to them.”

  “Oh, I never thought of it that way.”

  “It means he has to work harder to control them, to understand them. It’s easy for him to let emotions rule out over rationale, it’s not how angels are. Truth be told, Abby, we’re all more human because of you.”

  My nose scrunched. “I’m sorry?”

  Caleb’s blue eyes twinkled under the colored lights. “Please, don’t be sorry. It’s different. Things get boring after a few millennia anyway.”

  “How much longer will you be here? When will he be called back?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. It could be any moment or it could be a hundred years.”

  I stopped dancing. “You don’t have a say? You have to follow orders?”

  “Yes. In the beginning of humanity, very few of us were needed here. We were your teachers, for you to learn the ways of God. But as your species expands and matures, your faith diminishes, and Hell is seeping through the cracks that are only widening. We are the protectors of His Creations in whatever capacity He asks. For thousands of years, the war has existed between Heaven and Hell and we are God’s soldiers in His army against evil. We were not meant to live the lives we desire. Although we have the ability, we were not meant to love in the sense humans do. While He is benevolent and understanding, we don’t have freewill.”

  My shoulders slumped and Caleb continued our dance. “Abby, he’s already chosen you. Please never doubt him. He wants you. He wants to be human. His greatest desire is to grow old with you, Alexander talks of it often. It’s going to take time for us to figure out how he can fall and be human with you.”

  I looked to Xander laughing with Beth as he twirled her around in circles. “Calista said falling was difficult and painful. I don’t want him to suffer and lose all that he is. Can I go to Heaven?”

  Sadness filled Caleb’s eyes. “You wouldn’t be with each other in that sense, no. Guardian angels don’t interact with souls. They are heavily protected by
extremely powerful angels.”

  “More powerful than Guardians?” I felt my eyes widen.

  A small smile appeared that was filled with pride. “Yes. Much more so.”

  “You wouldn’t tell me. Why can’t you heal my heart?”

  Caleb wouldn’t meet my eyes. “Now isn’t the time for me to tell you, Abby. I’m sorry.”

  I nodded, seeing his discomfort. We finished our dance and he gave me back to Xander.

  Xander spent the rest of the party with me and took me home. Because he would be busy with Caleb this weekend, Xander gave me a long kiss to last me until Monday morning. Once upstairs, my stomach felt even worse and it occurred to me much too late that I should have asked him to heal me. I went straight to bed to sleep it off.

  50

  Abby

  My parents left this morning for a weekend getaway at a Tucson resort. Vaguely, I remembered them saying good-bye. Blinking my eyes open to the twins bouncing on my bed, I groaned. Exhausted, my head pounded and stomach churned. I laid back down and closed my eyes.

  Margaret shook me awake. “Abby, it isn’t like you to sleep in.”

  “I don’t feel good,” I croaked out.

  A cool hand touched my forehead. “Do you want anything?”

  “No, I’m queasy. I want to sleep until my stomach settles.”

  Margaret checked on me at thirty-minute intervals, bringing me juice and broth, and I pushed everything away. Waking up, the sheets stuck to my sweaty body. Another stomach churn and I knew it was coming. I couldn’t hold out any longer.

  I stood and the room spun. My legs disappeared and I fell down hard on my right side. I crawled to my bathroom and barely made it to the toilet. Looking back to my bed, I wanted to lie down on the soft mattress, but I couldn’t make it. I planted my head on the cool tile and let my body sprawl out. The air conditioner blew on my damp clothes and I shivered, too weak to care.

  Margaret shook me awake again. I was warmer and on something soft; she must have dragged me back to bed. I heard her say I had a fever of one hundred and three. She fed me pills, but not long after, I threw up in a trashcan and passed out again.

  She appeared with another cup of broth since the last one got cold. I left it on the nightstand, the smell wafted over, and my stomach roiled. Wanting to get away from the smell, I crawled back to the bathroom, finding relief from the cool tile.

  I woke up in bed to Margaret shaking me and calling my name. I tried to focus on what she was saying, but I couldn’t. She was frantic. Margaret didn’t get frantic.

  Running water came from somewhere and shaky fingers pulled at my clothes. I swatted and hit an arm. “What are you doing?”

  “Baby girl, we have to get you in the tub.”

  I pushed her off. “Let me sleep.”

  “You can sleep later. You need to get in the bath.”

  A breeze blew onto my bare skin and I tried to grab my shirt from her, but there were two Margarets now. “I don’t feel good, Margaret. Let mommy give me a bath later.”

  “No. NOW!”

  What was her obsession with bathing me? I didn’t want a bath. And I was about fifteen years past the point that being given a bath by our nanny was acceptable. I tried to push her off again, but I hit air. Suddenly, I was off the bed and nearing the bathroom. Somehow, she put my feet in the water. The Antarctic would be warmer. When she forced my whole body into the bath, I was too shocked to yell the line of obscenities I had ready for launch at her. Margaret dumped water on my head to get my hair wet. She had lost her mind. And when did she get so freakishly strong?

  Chattering teeth filled my ears. I tried to fight her to get out of the tub, but she kept me in. The girls called Margaret for something.

  With a grumbling of curse words, she pushed me down. “You stay put in that tub, Abigail Miller. I’ll be one minute.”

  Why was I in trouble? I was going to freeze to death while I waited for her. To hell with that. I pulled myself up the side of the tub, but my arms felt boneless, and then a wave of sickness rolled in. Grabbing the trashcan, acid burned from my stomach to my teeth. I was amazed there was anything left. I stayed there, clinging to the side of the tub, shivering, and closed my eyes. My stomach churned again.

  I thought I heard Xander’s voice, but that couldn’t be. He was with Caleb today. I was more out of it than I realized.

  My whole right side ached. Purple bruises stretched up and down my side and back. Did I fall? Did Margaret forget me? How long was this minute going to last? Penguins were going to take up residence in here soon. I waited there, ready to use the trashcan again.

  The bathroom door tore open with a painful moan, and what sounded like one of Xander’s angelisms rumbled above me. My body rose out of the water and I was even colder than before. Another roil in my gut and the one thing in my vision was that can. My stomach was empty, but I continued to lurch, my belly ached as though I had done a hundred sit-ups.

  Warm hands pulled my hair away and someone wiped my face. Turning, I saw hazel eyes. “Xander?” I was dreaming. Hallucinating.

  “Abby, you’re burning up.”

  Lips went to my forehead, hands heated on my bare arm and leg. I could focus now and I definitely saw Xander. He carried me out and put me on the bed. Xander threw a blanket over me, dried my hair with another towel, and he grabbed clean clothes from the dresser.

  Xander knelt, his eyes kind and concerned. “Can you get dressed?”

  It dawned on me that my boyfriend might have seen me naked, but maybe he didn’t look. The events were a little fuzzy. Still, I panicked. “Um, is Margaret around? She can help me.”

  “Sorry, I needed to heal you, so I sent her out. I could help you,” he offered. Margaret left? That didn’t sound like her.

  I groaned. “No, I’ll manage.”

  He handed me the clothes and turned around.

  “No looking in mirrors this time,” I warned.

  His shoulders shook with a laugh. “I make no promises.”

  On top of my clothes were my cutest bra and panties. I was too embarrassed to ask for anything else. After getting my underwear on, I stood to grab the shorts. The room swirled around me and I aimed for the bed but missed. Xander caught me, probably waiting for me to fall over. Now he was holding me up and I was wearing the lacy underwear he picked out. Nice.

  Sitting me down on the bed, Xander helped me with the rest of my clothes. “This is so wrong. I should be undressing you and putting you in the tub.” He peeked up at me through his lashes.

  I hid my face in my hands. “I was naked!”

  “I just looked at the parts above the knees to below your neck if that helps.”

  Keeping my face hidden, I fell back onto my bed and groaned.

  The mattress dipped under his weight and his lips went to my neck. “I can show you mine,” he joked. “Even things out.”

  “Xander, you’re not making me feel better!”

  He laughed and curled around me. “You should have told me you weren’t feeling well. I could’ve helped you. You didn’t answer any of my texts or calls.”

  Cracking open two fingers, I looked at him. “I didn’t know. I fell asleep after the dance. When I woke, I was sick. In between throwing up, I kept passing out. I didn’t hear my phone. Thank you for helping me.”

  “Well, if I came any earlier, I would have missed the nudie-show. Thank goodness for good timing.” Smirking, his eyes filled with mischief.

  I slugged him. “Okay, I want to brush my teeth.”

  “Please, yes, brush your teeth.”

  Another slug to the arm.

  Stepping inside the bathroom, my feet splashed in thin pools of water, but I was too shaky to concern myself with the mess. I threw an extra towel down to sop up some of the water and brushed my teeth.

  To make sure I didn’t go headfirst down the stairs, Xander held my hand. After heating up chicken soup for me, he made the twins a snack.

  Back from the store with a few groceries
, Margaret’s lips went to my forehead in lieu of a thermometer. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

  I said, “Better. Thank you for taking care of me today. I’m sorry if I got you wet, the water was freezing.”

  She unloaded the bags. “Don’t be such a baby. It was lukewarm. You thought it was cold because you had a fever.” Her tone was playful, but her eyes flashed with something I couldn’t identify.

  Xander suggested, “Why don’t you call Mel and have a sleepover tonight?”

  The spoon stopped outside of my mouth and I gaped at Xander. This was code for spending the night at his place and he did it in front of Margaret. She would see through him. There was no way Margaret would be okay with that, especially after how I was thirty minutes before. She smiled and nodded. How weird. Too weird. Xander handed me my cell and they went upstairs to clean my bathroom.

  Missed texts and calls from Xander filled my phone. He must have been beside himself.

  Goodnight, beautiful. I love you.

  Good morning, gorgeous. Did you dream of me?

  Abby, are you sleeping in and getting beauty rest? You don’t need it you know.

  Are you okay? I’m getting worried.

  Call me, please.

  Abby, please.

  Forty-three missed phone calls. Holy crap.

  Mel, Beth, and Greg each called a couple of times, too.

  When I called Mel, she chastised me for making her worry, and then bawled an apology I couldn’t understand. Beth grabbed the phone from her while Greg calmed Mel down. Beth put me on speaker, which didn’t help because they were all talking over each other. I heard “movies,” then, “other side of town,” and finally, “Xander blew up our phones.”

  Poor angel.

  I packed an overnight bag and realized today was the first time Xander had been in my room. He picked up a picture from senior prom of Mel, Beth, me, and their boyfriends at the time. Only I didn’t have a date, but that was my normal pre-Xander life.

  “Abby, you really do like the color pink,” he said, looking around the room.

  I shrugged. “I know it’s a bit much. I can’t explain it. Pink comforts me.”