To Fall (The To Fall Trilogy Book 1)

by Donna AnnMarie Smith

  His eyes anchored to my lips.

  He was going to kiss me and I wasn’t going to stop him.

  69

  Xander

  Abby swallowed. “Xander, this isn’t a good idea.”

  Her gaze shot to my mouth and my eyes drew down to the swell of her breasts that were no longer covered. I inched closer.

  “You should go.” Her voice held no conviction. I felt the pounding of her heart reverberate in the water and her full lips parted.

  My arms encircled her and tugged her silky body against me. Abby’s legs wrapped around my waist and her mouth sealed over mine. Our tongues clashed together and kissed with a burning desperation. My brain and body had disconnected, ignoring all reason.

  My intentions were not to put myself in this situation while she stayed over these twelve days. I fooled myself into thinking I could be here in the tub with her and not touch her. I had promised we would wait. We should wait. Joseph warned us. My intentions were to listen to him.

  So much for good intentions.

  Desire overcame us, taking things much further than we had before and I almost cursed myself for having waited this long. I thought about taking her to bed, but I wouldn’t stop touching her long enough to get there, even at angel speed. I had been dreaming of this for so long, in a thousand different ways, rooms, positions. This by far surpassed any dream I had of her.

  From the moment she touched me, the swelling between my legs turned into throbbing, the need to be inside her all-consuming. Only the thin fabric of my shorts separated us, and there was no hiding every inch straining for her.

  With the bubbles knocked away, I had a full view of her bare body. I was in awe. My eyes met hers. “I love you, Abby. My beautiful Abby.”

  “I love you, my Xander.” I loved hearing the name she had given me on her lips. The moment I first held her, I was hers. She was mine. We had always belonged to each other.

  Using my gift, her heaving breaths calmed, but her legs cinched around me tighter.

  My hands drew up her waist and ribs. Her breasts cupped perfectly in my hands and peaked to my touch. My mouth went right to them, capturing the tips, tasting her, teasing her with soft flicks and swirls of my tongue.

  Abby arched into my mouth and pressed down against my length, her body begging for more. And those moans coming out of her were not nearly loud enough.

  Our hips rocked faster and harder, doing nothing to ease the ache for her, it exploded through each cell and intensified. As my mouth focused on one breast, my hand went to her thigh and her legs fell open to me. My thumb made tiny circles along her inner thigh until my fingers skimmed over her soft folds. Abby shivered and writhed with pleasure that I was happy to give her.

  Concentrating on the bundle of nerves that elicited another moan from her, I had to hear more. “I love that sound,” I rumbled. “I could listen to that all night.”

  She sighed, “All night?”

  “Hell yes, all night.”

  She pulled my mouth up to hers, and my tongue mimicked what I was doing to her. Abby’s head tipped back as my finger slipped inside her, so tight and warm. She grabbed my hair and pleaded, “Xander, don’t stop.”

  I had no intention of stopping.

  Water splashed outside the tub and onto the candles, aware a few doused out. With skillful strokes, I eased another finger inside her, stretching her, building her need for release and feeling my own that was near intolerable.

  I felt her hands at my waist and they dipped under my shorts. Greedy to have her touch me, one arm held her up and my other slammed down onto the rim of the tub. Her hand left a searing path along my skin, and when she wrapped around me, she gasped and I saw stars. I could have lost it then, but I struggled to hang on, desperate to bury myself inside her, feel her all around me, and truly become one with her.

  “Xander.” It was another plea against my mouth.

  She gripped me harder and I thrust into her hand. A strangled groan escaped me; I called out her name, a mere moment away from ripping my shorts off and taking her. Just one more second.

  “Xan…der.” Her body tensed under me. “He…lp.”

  A loud bang echoed against the tub and I felt the vibration in my bones. I froze, holding her. Abby’s eyes didn’t open. “Abby?” Her body slumped within my arms. “Abby?” Something drew my eyes down. Billowing through the water in ripples, I saw red.

  Air left my lungs and my body felt submerged in ice. Pulling her up, red streaked the back of the tub. I threw my hand to her head and sticky warmth oozed over my fingers.

  It stopped.

  I waited.

  “Abby?” She didn’t open her eyes. “Abby!” Emotion clogged my throat, and hot tears flowed out of my eyes and onto her. “ABBY!” I shook her tiny frame, caressed her face, and held her against me. I willed all of my healing into her. “Abby, please wake up. Please. Don’t leave me. Please.” Kissing her lips, I begged, “God forgive me. I’m so sorry. Abby, I’m sorry.”

  There was so much blood. On her, the tub, me. After a few minutes of holding her, I sensed she was physically okay, but that did little to ease my fear. Using fresh water, I cleaned the blood out of her hair, off her body. Then I dried her like a doll. A lifeless doll.

  I carried Abby to my room, dressed her in my shirt, and laid her down while I cleaned up the bathroom. When I was done, I held her tight to me, healed her, and prayed for her to wake. I stayed awake until the morning, watching, waiting. Weakened, I needed to eat, but I kept healing her. I didn’t care how drained I was.

  When her brown eyes finally opened, I couldn’t face her. I let my desires and weakness put her at risk. I was selfish. She had told me no, she told me to leave, but I kept pushing.

  And the worst part? She would blame herself.

  70

  Abby

  Waking up, wrapped in a hot Xander, I stretched against him and realized I didn’t remember coming to bed last night. His face was unreadable. I was wearing his shirt and dry waves of my hair tangled around us.

  “What happened?” Reaching for him, he wrenched away, and my stomach sank.

  “Abby. I’m—” I didn’t realize how much he was trembling until now. Xander released his hold on me and walked out.

  What happened? Wasn’t I taking a bath with him? Didn’t that happen? It could be one of his dreams; it was hard to tell reality from his thoughts. I smelled like vanilla, but why was I wearing his shirt?

  Leaving the room, I shivered. The house was cold in comparison to how hot Xander felt wrapped around me. Calling his name, he didn’t answer. Where did he go? It was morning?

  Looking around Calista’s bathroom, I spotted my necklace on the counter. I had been in here last night. I slipped it back over my head and noticed the candlewicks were black, small pools of water sat on top of the wax, and his Christmas gift lay in the garbage. At first, I felt a pang of hurt, but then I saw the water behind the screen. Oh no. I called his name again.

  Checking each room, I only found Bozo on Caleb’s bed. “Xander? You’re scaring me.”

  Outside, I hopped from foot to foot on the cold stone patio. It was freezing out here, especially in just a T-shirt. I called again for him. Did he go for a fly? In the daytime? No, that would be unusual for him and he wouldn’t leave without telling me. His phone was on the counter—he definitely would never leave without his phone.

  “Xander? Please!” His bedroom door was closed. I tried the handle—locked. “Xander? Are you okay?” No answer. “Xander, please?” Biting my wobbling lip, tears burned my eyes. What happened to make him act like this? “Xander? Please. I’m sorry. I don’t remember what happened. Did I do something? Did I say something wrong?”

  He’d never done this before. Shut me out. What did I do? Sitting by the door, tears spilled.

  The door gave way, and before falling back, two strong arms scooped me up. Still wearing board shorts from last night, Xander wouldn’t look at me as he sat down on the bed. He held me and h
is entire body was shaking. What had happened to him?

  My voice wavered. “Xander, I’m sorry. I don’t remember anything after the bath. I shouldn’t have… I know that was wrong.” Clasping my necklace, the feather tapped against my ring. I looked up to see heavy tears falling down Xander’s face.

  “Abby, no. You should never feel that way and you have nothing to be sorry about. You know what my first thought was when I saw you in the tub? I wished I hadn’t thrown those condoms out. Even before I touched you, I thought I really didn’t care anymore. Even with what we were told the other day. That was so wrong of me.

  “At that moment, I didn’t want thoughts and dreams anymore. I wanted to show you how much I love you. I wanted you to feel it. I was selfish and I put you in danger. I lost focus.” His tears came faster. “You asked me for help.” His hand rubbed my head as though easing an invisible wound. “I failed you.” Xander buried his face in my neck and his tears wet my shirt. “You didn’t wake up. There was blood everywhere. You wouldn’t wake up.”

  My poor Xander, he must have been scared out of his mind. Holding him close, I ran my fingers through his cropped hair until his tears stopped, but his shaking body worsened. He needed to eat. He had expended his energy for me. “Xander?”

  “Hmm?” His lips vibrated against my throat.

  “Did you know I’m a terrible cook? I mean, really awful. I can’t even make a bowl of cereal.”

  I heard him smile. “Yes.”

  “Did you know I’m a terrible dancer? People think I’m having seizures on the dance floor.”

  A low laugh. “Yes.”

  “Did you know I’m the worst singer? Birds fall out of the sky when I sing.”

  He laughed harder. “Yes.”

  “Did you know I think I stopped growing when I was ten? I was considering getting tested for part-Hobbit, but I don’t have the required hairy toes.”

  Still laughing. “Yes.”

  “Did you know when I’m thinking of you, or when I’m near you, kissing you, touching you, my heart beats faster?”

  He whispered, “Yes.”

  “Did you know I’ve been in love with you my entire life?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can you spend your life loving me, knowing all of this?”

  His eyes met mine. “With all of my being, yes.” He let me kiss his pain away.

  We watched movies most of the day and practiced the rest of it. That night, after a fly, I showered and slipped into sexy pink pajamas.

  Once he came to bed, his hazel eyes found mine in the dark. After the clock turned midnight, he said, “Happy nineteen weekiversary, Abby.” Locked in his arms, we kissed until sleep took us.

  71

  Xander

  Before the sun rose, my phone rang. Caleb. Pressing the button, I whispered, “One sec.” Abby slept peacefully in my arms, wearing the sexiest pink lingerie that allowed more skin to show than not. The starlight streamed in, glimpsing over her face and curled hair sprawled over us like a sheet. The most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. Kissing her head, I slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen. “Caleb?”

  Wind whipped in the earpiece. “We’re coming back.”

  I stood straight. “What happened?”

  “We spoke with Uriel, but it was brief. He wants to gather with the four of us. We’ll be there soon. Sorry, Brother, I know you were looking forward to having Abby to yourself. We’ll leave as soon as possible.”

  “It’s fine, Caleb. Especially if it means he will hear us out.”

  “Agreed.”

  I hung up and started breakfast. They would be hungry after their flight. I wanted to speak with Caleb in private, first. I was close with all of my siblings, but Caleb and I had a special connection. I looked up to him, regarded his advice and guidance like a real brother. There was a weight on my heart and I needed him now more than ever.

  My siblings landed in the backyard, all looking pensive and concerned. “How was your flight?”

  “Long,” Hannah muttered, then brightened. “Do I smell pancakes?”

  My chin jutted to the house. “Hot and ready for you.” They advanced to the house and I held my brother’s shoulder back. “Caleb, can I speak with you alone?” He stayed and my sisters closed the glass door. We sat on the outdoor couch and I looked to Caleb. “I hurt Abby.”

  Sitting forward, he asked, “What happened? Is she okay?”

  “She is now. The other night, I let things go too far. I couldn’t…control myself. We were in the bath.” My hands trembled and Caleb gripped my shoulder. “She had an attack and hit her head—” I couldn’t speak; tears crawled in again, remembering the images.

  “Alexander.”

  I couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore, ashamed. “She was out all night. There was a lot of blood, Caleb. She wouldn’t wake up. I did that to her. I hurt her.”

  “No, it was an accident. Brother, these human emotions are strong and new to you. Hell, each of us are dealing with them, but you’re mostly affected. I don’t envy you. You’ll get better at controlling them. We think you’re doing incredibly well.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not. I’m only hurting her—”

  Caleb cut me off. “Alexander. Think about Abby, her limitations. Without you, she would still be leading a half-life. She’s full of kindness, wonder, and love. She embraces life. She has the most beautiful soul. You’re giving her the life Heaven should have given her.”

  Hannah and Calista appeared and hugged me, having heard our conversation.

  Calista wiped my tears. “We are happy you have found love, Brother. You make her weak heart strong. Caleb’s right. We would all struggle in your position. You’ll stumble, but we’ll all be here to pick you up.”

  I nodded. After a long moment, the girls closed the doors.

  Hannah said, “We’re leaving in an hour to speak with Uriel. He wanted all of Abby’s Guardians present. We’re gathering near the South Mountains, the Estrellas. We’re also going to discuss Cresil and the current demon count.”

  We knew possessions were higher than we had ever experienced, but there was something in her tone.

  “Brother, we’ve been casting demons back since we went up there,” Calista said. “The numbers are unreal.” It was happening…Hagath’s warning… Hell is coming. Hell will reign here. You can feel it, can’t you?

  We heard water running—Abby was awake.

  Caleb looked to me. “Let’s keep the information minimal. Just what she needs to know.”

  There was so much she didn’t know. So much we kept from her.

  Once I explained that the Archangels requested a gathering to Abby, I asked her to stay at the house and we wouldn’t be far.

  We flew south, twenty minutes away, and waited on the highest peak for Uriel to arrive. Two blinding lights—even in daylight—shone in front of us. Two Archangels descended with measured movement, Uriel and Gabriel. My siblings and I exchanged a curious look, gazing up at their enormous forms, glowing brightly with wings furled to their backs.

  Why would two Archangels come for a gathering like this? It was highly unorthodox.

  Gabriel greeted us, “Brothers, Sisters, it is good to see you. You have asked to speak with the Second Choir.”

  Caleb stepped forward. “Yes, Brother Gabriel. We are here on behalf of Abigail Miller.”

  He nodded. “The Ordained Soul, yes. Is she the only reason for our summons?” His cold silver eyes examined us, flashing like liquid steel. He knew the answer to his question, more than likely stalling to read our minds. No Guardian’s secret could be kept when faced with an Archangel.

  Hannah stepped next to Caleb. “Brothers, the time has come to act on the demon Cresil. He knows who Abigail is. He aims to kill her, like her mother. The longer he lives, the greater the chances of him telling Lucifer of her existence, if he hasn’t already.”

  “Yes, we are aware of Cresil, as well,” Gabriel said. “Uriel and I convened with the Council of Angels.
Lucifer requested he dispose of Cresil in Hell and bade passage for Prince Astaroth to collect him.”

  What? We looked at each other, alarmed.

  Calista fought to maintain her composure. “No. You have exposed Abby. Demons everywhere will try to kill her now.”

  Uriel’s violet eyes blazed. “Guardian, we are not thoughtless. We have concealed the reason for our demands. Lucifer is unaware of her, the soul remains protected. Lord Cresil belongs to Prince Astaroth’s realm. The demon king retains his right to maintain order, to deliver his own punishments, to set an example to his realm as is stated in the Council of Angels’ decree. We have already granted Lucifer’s request.”

  We shared a horrified look.

  I quaked with rage. “No! You cannot allow a demon prince up here! He will wreak havoc and pollute this dimension with demons. We are overwhelmed as it is. They are increasing at an alarming rate. Lucifer will not destroy Cresil and you know this. They do call him The Great Deceiver!”

  Uriel’s pale face screwed up and long black hair whipped around him like feathers of a raven.

  Gabriel held him back and warned, “Brother Alexander, I will caution you once as a courtesy.”

  “And what of Abby?” I challenged, ignoring Gabriel. “Her heart grows weaker. She needs you to heal her.”

  Uriel closed the distance between us and his bulky form tensed. “Your feelings for the human girl blind you. She is not yet ready for judgment.”

  Caleb allowed control to leave his voice. “I am not blinded. Calista and Hannah are not blinded. We speak on behalf of the girl. She has a pure soul. Her time for judgment is now!”

  Gabriel scowled. “No. You all have feelings for the human girl. You all care for her, I sense it in you.”

  Calista asked, “Brothers Gabriel and Uriel, when will Astaroth be sent here?”

  “He walks the Earth as we speak,” Uriel stated.

  We stood stunned, and then I lost it. “You have damned the humans with this demon filth. You have poisoned the Earth. And you refuse to help one of the most pure souls of our Creator, a soul that could only exist because He wills it to be! Damn you two for what you have done!”