by Teagan Amici
We stepped outside and took our seats on the boundary again, Diane blowing her whistle occasionally when the infractions of the rules were too obvious to ignore. The rest of the game passed in a bit of a blur to me, in between watching Blair I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, obviously sitting still so much lately wasn’t agreeing with me. I was looking forward to the end of the game so I could move around a bit more. I knew the end of the game was approaching, and my heart jumped to my mouth when Blair went up for a mark right near the boundary. He was so agile and athletic, the leap seemed too easy for him, and he landed seemingly without effort. I put my hands to my face as he lined up for goal, and even though the angle seemed impossible, he scored. Blair turned towards us, pumping his fist in the air, that cheeky grin wide on his face, and I couldn’t help smiling in response, then winced as he was enveloped in some very strong looking hugs from team mates. It seemed they were congratulating him, but it didn’t seem a lot better than before. Not long after the final siren blew, and I was about to turn to Diane to ask if we should go inside now, when I noticed both teams crowding towards the dam. As I watched, my eyes widening in surprise, and quite a bit of admiration, clothes began flying everywhere, and naked men began sprinting towards the dam, each jumping in with a splash. Although there was a variety of naked buttocks on display, my eyes zeroed in on Blair, and I took in the view of his rear end before Diane distracted me, laughingly apologising for forgetting to warn me of the traditional method of cooling off after a game. Phew, there was really no need for her to apologise, it had been worth my increasing discomfort to see Blair’s naked behind and strong back. Part of me, a part that hadn’t seen any action for quite a while, had wished that he had turned around so that I could confirm whether he was built as well as I had been guessing from glimpsing the large bulge in his shorts, but I had been disappointed.
In the kitchen afterwards, as I buttered bread rolls, I finally ventured to ask again about the issue of other women and how often they came to games. I knew that Diane had busted me watching Blair, so obviously she would know why I was asking, but I had to know.
Diane put her hand over mine to prevent me continuing to butter rolls, and answered with a smile on her face.
“Blair doesn’t have a girlfriend, if that’s what you were trying to ask”.
“Um, I wasn’t, well, I’m not, um…. Oh, you must think I’m awful, thinking that Blair could be interested in me right now, I mean, look at me. Not only am I the size of a house, but I’m having someone else’s baby. I’m just being silly”.
“Why would you think that? So you slept with someone else and got pregnant, so what? You’re not still with him, it’s not like you’re cheating on him. You’re free to like whoever you want to, to date whoever you want to. As for being the size of a house, you’re hardly that. Look, I don’t know what the final stages of pregnancy are like, I’m not there yet, maybe you don’t feel attractive, but you are. Any man worth his salt will see that, and will wait until you’re ready to start dating again. Just take your time and let things happen when they happen. I’m going to tell you something now, and if you tell anyone, I’ll deny it. Haven’t you thought it odd that Blair keeps popping up whenever you’re around? Have a think about that, and about maybe why that is”.
For a long time I did think about what Diane had said. Blair had been around a lot, and although I knew the house needed some work, he had spent a lot of time on tasks that he probably could have done faster. I had witnessed with my own eyes how fit and athletic he was, and yet somehow it had seemed to take him a long time to do some tasks. He had been quick enough when he had been with Art, but when he had turned up alone, things had been different. I was often interrupted from my musings when one of the men would ask me about myself, I suppose because I was new to their group I was a novelty and they wanted to know about me, but some of the questions were very odd. It seemed to me that many of them were interested to know if my baby’s father was still around, and seemed to be pleased to hear that he wasn’t. I didn’t get a lot of time to ponder what this meant, as Blair always seemed to be near, and quite frequently would interrupt some of what quite often felt like subtle interrogation. Returning from one of my increasingly frequent bathroom breaks, I saw one of the taller man standing from where he must have been sitting next to Blair. I had decided that standing was overrated and had sat down, and Blair had claimed the seat next to me. The large man nodded to me before walking away and I sat next to Blair, but I just knew that the man must have said something to him as he seemed very tense and remote. Shortly after that I decided to leave. It was getting late and I was very tired, and the secret joy of sitting next to Blair had been spoiled, so I declined all offers to drive me home and headed out to my little car.
Blair seemed to have appointed himself as my babysitter, so he insisted on following me to the main road so that I wouldn’t get lost. I tucked the warm feeling I got from his concern down deep, realising that Blair had shown more concern for me than someone who had proclaimed his love for me only a few months ago, and I had been too smitten to see his declaration for what it was - a lie told to keep me happy so I wouldn’t realise what his true feelings for me were. Arriving home, I got into bed grumpily, and didn’t get time to sleep before I felt the first pain ripping through me. Realising that the discomfort I had felt today might have been minor contractions, I grabbed my phone to time the next one. I had made a birth plan, and would have to do this myself, so I needed to take charge. That thought fled out of the window after the pains got closer together and stronger, and I grabbed my pre-packed hospital bag and drove myself to hospital, hoping that I wouldn’t get a strong contraction while I drove. I parked my car in the car park haphazardly and stumbled in to the hospital, where the nursing staff quickly transferred me to the maternity ward. I was asked several times if my partner would be arriving, and when I indicated no, was then asked if I had a support person I would like them to contact. I shook my head no, trying to breathe through the pain, my brain moving in and out of reality each time a pain struck. What I really wanted, was for Blair to be with me, but not as a support person, as a man who had fathered this little girl I was about to deliver, and who I knew would love her. As that wasn’t the way it was, I would just have to do this myself. I knew by now that I had more than a little crush on Blair, and thought maybe he felt something for me, and there was no way I wanted him to see me like this, sweaty and red faced, with another man’s baby about to come out of my vagina. If Blair saw that, he might never want to get acquainted with my vagina himself, and I wasn’t risking that. After telling myself that I was a big girl and I would be fine for a few hours more, I finally caved and grabbed my phone, which I had refused to surrender. I hit the number for the one person I wanted with me at this point, and shortly afterwards heard her sleepy voice.
It seemed like forever afterwards, but probably wasn’t anywhere near that long, when Diane was entering the room after having called me back to make sure she had the right hospital. Diane gently chided me for not calling her sooner, and reassuring me that it wasn’t a problem her being here. After what seemed a lot longer, the nurse was saying that I had finished the first part of labour, and the second stage would begin soon. I groaned in frustration and pain. So there was more? When the nurse finally left to call the doctor, she had barely left the room when she was back, saying something about three men being outside. I waved Diane off to find out what was going on, hoping that if Blair was one of them, he hadn’t heard me moaning in pain. Diane was back after a little while, sponging off my head, and telling me that she had told Blair to wait outside until after the birth, querying whether she was right to say that, or did I want him to come in now? I couldn’t have thought of anything worse, and told her so, when she laughed and said something about Blair seeing me like this sooner or later, but it seemed like nonsense, as did anything that wasn’t directly about the pain I was in, or how to make it stop.
Shortly after the doctor arriv
ed, I began to feel a kind of pain that made me want to push, and everyone said that was the right thing to do, so I did. I pushed and pushed, and finally there was a commotion at the bottom of the table, and the doctor was holding up a red baby, covered in white goo. She was tiny and wrinkly, but she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I held out my arms for her. Diane hugged us both, with tears in her eyes, and congratulated me on how brave I had been. I was still stunned, seeing this tiny little being that I was responsible for, and gave her up with reluctance when the nurse wanted to take her for a short time to clean her and check her measurements and weight. The nurses cleaned me up too and changed my hospital gown, and I experienced a moment of rest before my baby was given back to me, now dressed and squeaky clean. I hadn’t realised that everyone had left the room until I heard a gentle knock at the door, and looking up, saw Blair standing there, looking hesitant.
“The nurses said I could see you for a few minutes before they move you to your room for some rest. Is that ok, Lesley?”
“Yes, Blair, of course it is. Did you want to meet Melody?”
“Is that her name?” he asked, moving closer with his usual quiet grace.
“Yes, I liked the name before, but wanted to meet my baby first to see if it fit. I think she looks like a Melody, what do you think?”
Blair surprised me by hesitantly reaching out a large hand to gently stroke Melody’s cheek, then using the same hand, he brushed a hair off my forehead, smiling at me.
“I think she’s beautiful, just like her mother. Why didn’t you say anything yesterday? I wouldn’t have left you alone if I’d known”.
My heart swelled as I looked into Blair’s face. He really meant it. I ducked my head to rub it against his hand so he couldn’t see the tears forming in my eyes.
“I didn’t realise what the discomfort was until it got painful. But thank you, Blair, your support means a lot”.
“Always, Lesley”, Blair said, stepping slowly towards me and lowering his head. I raised my head, hoping against hope that he really was going to kiss me, but just then a nurse bustled in.
“Time for our new mummy and baby to rest now, but we have extended visiting hours for daddies here. Apart from rest time, you can come by any time you like. But for now, you have to go”, she said, shooing Blair from the room.
As they placed Melody in a clear plastic crib, and wheeled us both to our room, I replayed the events of those few minutes over and over in my head. Blair really did care for me, I thought, he was going to kiss me, and I was going to kiss him back. The nurse thought he was Melody’s father, and I so wished he was.
Chapter 6
Staring at the birth registration form, I wondered what to do. Darren fit within the definitions of presumption of parentage, as we were living together when Melody was conceived. I could list him as her father, but should I? She should be entitled to know her father, but he didn’t want to know her. Would I be cruel to list him on the birth certificate, or cruel to leave him off? In the end I just put it in the drawer, thinking it was too hard for today, and I would deal with it another day. The nurse had shown me how to feed Melody, and although I was still hesitant, Melody seemed to know what to do. I knew from the reading that I had done, that I would not have milk straight away, but that the fluid I was producing was full of antibodies and nutrients that Melody needed. I had called Dad when I woke up, and he said he would be in this evening, but I didn’t expect to see anyone else. So it was with no small surprise, and a huge amount of pleasure, that I looked up to see Blair watching us from the doorway.
“Do you want me to go? I can until you’re finished if you want”, he softly asked, looking at Melody who was firmly attached to my breast.
Colouring at the idea of Blair seeing my breast, I stiffened my spine at the silliness of it. Melody’s head was obstructing the view of my nipple, and what Blair must be able to see was no different to what he could see if I had been wearing a low cut shirt. I waved him over, noticing belatedly that he had a balloon string in his hand, and the other was behind his back. As I watched, he produced an arrangement of flowers, and placed it on a shelf before tying the balloon to the foot of my bed. I started to cry as I looked at it. It was a big silver and pink balloon, proclaiming “It’s a girl!” and I couldn’t hold back the tears.
“Lesley? Are you in pain? Should I call the nurse?”
“No, I think it’s just hormones, and it was so nice of you to bring me a present-“ I began howling and Melody detached from my breast and began crying too.
Blair tsked and gently took Melody from my arms, in the same motion pulling my dressing gown across so that it covered me up, and then passed me the tissue box. As I snuffled and blew my nose, I saw him holding Melody, supporting her little head and distracting her from her cries with silly faces and voices. As I calmed myself, I looked at him, registering how good he was with the baby. I experienced a sharp pang of jealousy as I thought that maybe there was something I didn’t know about him. Just because he currently didn’t have a girlfriend didn’t mean there hadn’t been anyone in his past, and that he hadn’t fathered children. I just had to know.
“You’re very good at that, Blair, you must have had a lot of practice”.
“I’m the second oldest of a whole bunch of boys, Diane. I’ve had lots of experience with babies and young children, although usually boys. I suppose baby girls aren’t any different though, are they?”
“Not that I’m aware of. So, just your brothers then? No-one else?”
Blair looked up at me then from where he was sitting at my bedside.
“What are you asking me, Lesley? Do I have any children of my own? “ At my nod he continued, his mouth turning down, “To put your mind at rest, I don’t. I would never do to someone what your ex did to you, I would never abandon my woman and our child. It’s fair that you asked though, you’ve had a tough time lately, but I would have hoped you would know me better than that by now”.
I started crying again, thinking that now I had offended someone who had been nothing but kind to me up to now, and soon found myself taken into a pair of strong arms, Blair rocking me backwards and forwards gently, holding me as he let me cry myself out. I heard him talk to someone, but couldn’t stop crying for ages, finally slowing down with great gasping hiccups. Blair passed me the tissue box and the bin, and I blew my nose and tossed the soggy tissues into the bin, only then looking around for Melody. The little mite was lying fast asleep in her plastic crib, Blair must have put her there without me noticing. I righted myself and Blair edged away, standing up from the bed where he had been sitting, and taking his seat beside the bed again after moving the chair so that he was directly facing me. He drew a deep breath before speaking.
“I’m sorry, Lesley, I forget how a woman’s hormones can be all over the place after giving birth. I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sure you didn’t mean anything by it”.
“Were you speaking to someone before?”
“Yes, the nurse came in to see what was going on and said she would come back later to check on you. I said I thought it was only your crash after giving birth, was I right?”
“Yes, I suppose so, although I’ve never done this before”, I said, with a feeble attempt at a joke.
“Well, you did a good job for a beginner. Look at your precious little girl, sleeping like an angel. Enjoy this time while it lasts, because from memory, it doesn’t last long”.
Blair turned out to be some sort of baby behaviour predictor. That night, and every night after, Melody woke me several times. I knew that babies behaved like that, but knowing in theory, and living it in reality, were two different things, and before long, I felt like a zombie. My new friends had turned out to be marvellous, not only sorting out my car that I’d left poorly parked in the hospital car park, but then they picked me up from hospital, and drove me home where I found a fridge full of ready cooked food, and a clean house. Although Blair came around a lot, but the nights were just
for Melody and I. Perhaps also for neighbours who had good hearing. A few days after coming home from the hospital, I woke up one morning with full, tingling breasts. I realised that it had been hours since I had fed Melody, and with terrible thoughts racing through my head, I reached into her crib to see if she was still breathing. I let out a low howl as I realised she wasn’t there. Jumping out of bed, I stood over the crib, staring into the emptiness, when I heard the bedroom door open, and whirled to face it, expecting to see some sort of intruder. Instead I saw Blair, jiggling Melody in his arms while staring at me in confusion. All my fears came to a head and I yelled at him as I reached over and grabbed Melody.
“How dare you? You came into my house while I was sleeping and took Melody without saying anything. Do you know how scared I was when I realised she wasn’t here?”
My shouting woke up Melody and she began crying, and I tried to soothe her, but I was too upset myself. Blair swooped in and picked up the both of us and sat on the bed, with me sitting on his lap, holding Melody tight, perhaps a little too tight.
“Lesley, calm down a little, I just got Melody settled. Do you know how late it is? It’s nine o’clock, I’ve been here for two hours. Melody was just beginning to fuss when I came in, so I crept in and picked her up, and changed her in the nursery. We’ve been cuddling on the couch, trying to let you sleep for as long as you could, because you obviously needed it. You can’t keep doing this all on your own, accept a little help when it’s offered, this is a huge job you’ve taken on by yourself”.
“I know”, I wailed as I sat perched on Blair’s lap, his arms around me with a big hand cupping my arm where I held Melody, to make sure I didn’t drop her. Blair rocked us as I cried, and blubbered through my tears.
“I don’t know why you keep coming around Blair, I’m an ungrateful bitch and I don’t deserve a friend like you. I yell at you when you’re only trying to help, and I keep crying all over you. I must look like shit right now, and I haven’t even brushed my teeth, and I wouldn’t blame you if you disappeared after today”.