by Teagan Amici
In response, Blair squeezed me really tight and buried his head in my hair. His words when they came, were muffled.
“Lesley, you don’t have to have perfect make up to look beautiful. You’ll always be beautiful to me, even when you do have your hair all over the place and you’ve just woken up. I think you know why I keep coming around, one day we need to talk about it, but not today. Not until you start feeling like yourself again”. Blair lifted his head and stared at me, and I found myself drowning in his beautiful green eyes. He loosened my hands around Melody a little, indicating that I should pass her over.
“Now, give me Melody and go brush your teeth. I’ll make some breakfast, and you can give her a feed when you’ve had one yourself. Hurry up, she won’t wait forever”, he said as he pushed me up and gently swatted my backside before striding out of the room with Melody.
When I joined him in the kitchen, there was a plate of toast and scrambled eggs waiting, and some hot tea. Blair sat at the other end of the table rocking Melody, who was sucking on her fists and starting to grumble. He ruffled the fluff on top of her head and kissed her nose while I ate.
“This little lady is changing every day, isn’t she? I’m so grateful you’re letting me be a part of your lives right now, otherwise I would be missing all of this”, said Blair as he held Melody so she was staring into his face, and made raspberry noises at her, slowing down her grumbling which was winding up to a cry. When I finished eating, I took Melody into the lounge room to settle into a comfortable chair to feed her, while Blair cleaned up in the kitchen. As Melody fed, with the little snuffling sounds she often made, I ran a finger down her cheek, smiling at her. I looked up as Blair entered the room, and the smile faded as I saw what he was holding. It was the birth registration form that I must have left on the table, but still hadn’t filled out.
“Haven’t you done this yet, Lesley? Isn’t there a time limit or something?”
“Um, yes, I probably should have, but I didn’t know what to do about Darren”.
“What do you mean what to do? There’s some information here about child support, is that what you meant?”
“No, I didn’t know whether to list him as the father or not. You probably think I’m awful. Hear me out, I’d like a man’s perspective on this. He didn’t want the baby, I’m sure Diane told you he wanted me to terminate the pregnancy?” At his angry nod, I continued. “Well, since he didn’t want the baby, I didn’t know whether I should put his name down as father. But if I don’t, am I doing the wrong thing by Melody? What if she wants to know him when she gets older? What if he changes his mind, do I have the right to deny his paternity?”
As I was speaking, Blair had been looking down at the form, and I could have sworn I could hear a low growl coming from his direction, but then I hadn’t been getting a lot of sleep lately. When I finished talking, Blair looked up after a pause. He hesitated a few times before speaking.
“Lesley, I know the correct thing to say would be that of course you should list Darren as the father. He should be forced to take responsibility, you didn’t create Melody on your own. But there is another part of me, a far more primal part that says that any man who denies his child as he did, and who throws away a woman like you, doesn’t deserve either of you. If you can manage without child support from him, then don’t put his name on the form. If he changes his mind later, let him explain why he wasn’t around when she was born like he should have been”.
“I thought of that too, I could always tell Melody who her father was without making it official. But then my only other option is to put ‘father unknown’ on the form, and that implies that I was sleeping around, and I wasn’t”.
“There is another option, Lesley. You could always list me as the father”.
Chapter 7
Gaping at Blair in shock, I struggled to come up with some words. Blair just looked at me while my mouth opened and closed like that of a goldfish.
“Blair, you can’t mean that. Why would you do that? You do understand if I did that and you agreed to it, then you assume financial liability? That’s just crazy! Why would you do that? What would we tell Melody?”
“We can tell Melody the truth if you want, that I’m not her biological father, but that’s not a question she’d ask for a while. I don’t have a problem about financial responsibility, I know you wouldn’t ask unless you needed help, and I’d be only too happy to give it. As to why I would do it - why do you think?”
I stared at Blair for a while, and I realised that I knew why, that I had suspected it for a while, but hadn’t dared to hope.
“Do you, um, like me, Blair?”
Blair laughed.
“This isn’t high school Lesley. Yes of course I like you, but it would have to be more than that, wouldn’t it? Do you remember the first day we met? I knew then that you were the woman for me, but you were pregnant and that really worried me”.
I dropped my head at those words, looking at Melody as she fed peacefully. I felt miserable as I spoke next.
“Yes, I understand. I was pregnant with another man’s baby, and that must have been a real turn off”.
I didn’t hear Blair move, but suddenly he was at my feet, looking up at me from where he knelt.
“You’re wrong, Lesley. You didn’t turn me off at all, but yes, your pregnancy presented a problem. First, it meant that you were too delicate for what I wanted to do with you, and to you, and second, it meant that there was another man in your life. When I heard that there wasn’t, I both wanted to kill him for treating you so badly, and thank him for being such an arsehole so that it was still possible you could fall for me some day. I’ve been waiting since that day to know how you feel, and although I’m a patient man, I need to know. Is there a chance for me?”
I leaned forward in my chair, supporting Melody with one arm while reaching for Blair with the other.
“Are you kidding? I’ve been having fanciful thoughts about you since that day too, but I thought that no way would you want either a big pregnant woman or a single mother with a baby. I was hoping I wasn’t too obvious, because it would have been too embarrassing if everyone knew I liked you when you were only being friendly to me, but Diane kept dropping really broad hints and keeping my hopes up that maybe you thought of me as more than a friend”.
My arm curled around Blair’s neck as he leaned in for a kiss. As soon as our lips touched I felt an electric current run through me, and I momentarily pulled back from the kiss before leaning forward again. Blair didn’t rush the kiss, gently moving his lips across mine, giving me the sensation of his lips almost massaging mine, before I felt the tip of his tongue run around my lips. I leaned closer, meaning to open my lips wide to admit his questing tongue, but we must have crushed Melody, as she pulled off my breast with an angry squawk, flailing her little arms and legs around. Blair pulled back with a chuckle, and patted her little bottom as I tucked my breast away, turning Melody around so that she could feast on the other one, while watching Blair shyly. He was looking at my breast hungrily, although his look was completely different to the one that Melody got when she wanted food. He looked up and saw that I had caught him looking, and sat back on his haunches.
“Sorry, is that too creepy? I know you should be able to feed your baby without men ogling you, but it’s the first time I’ve seen your breasts properly, and I couldn’t help myself”.
As soon as Melody had latched on properly, I looked at Blair, wondering how to tackle the sensitive issue of my post baby body.
“Look, Blair, there’s things you should know. You know I gave birth just over a week ago, and my body has been in better shape than it is now. My tummy is still flabby, my boobs are really sensitive, and bigger than they are normally, and I’m, um, well I just have to come out and say it - I’m still bleeding and will be for a while. I can’t, you know-“
Blair shushed me by raising himself to his knees again and placing a hand over my lips before straightening and going to
sit on the couch facing me.
“Lesley, I’m not going to rush you. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want sex, because I really, really, do, but I’ve been waiting for weeks now, I can wait longer until the time is right for us. I don’t care if your tummy is flabby, or what size your boobs normally are, but I do care that you’re still bleeding because you’re probably also still tender. Although I will be as gentle as I can with you, I can’t guarantee that there won’t be some urgency, because I’ve wanted you for so long already. But it’s too soon for that. There’s a few things you need to know about me first, and one of them is that I don’t want to get into a casual relationship with you. I’m playing the long game here, I want you for keeps, and I want to raise your daughter as my daughter, whether as her father or stepfather. So I want you to get to know me better before we take this to that step, because there won’t be any going back for me.”
I stared at Blair so long, that I didn’t realise that Melody had finished eating. Looking down at her, I tucked myself in again, and carefully placed her over my shoulder, gently rubbing her back to burp her. Blair was still looking at me, waiting for a response. I was still stunned. While he hadn’t actually proposed marriage, he had said he wanted me for keeps, and I was unable to take in how he could have made such a decision in such a short time. I also wanted to know what else Blair thought I should know, because that little gem was a beauty all of its own, what else was there?
A loud knock at the door interrupted us, and my head swivelled around in fright. It was bad enough that Blair could see me first thing in the morning, I had seen myself in the mirror when I brushed my teeth, and I wasn’t impressed with how I looked, so didn’t want to meet anyone else. Blair stood up, took Melody and pulled me up with his other hand.
“Go and shower. I’ll get rid of whoever it is then I’ll change Melody and put her down. We can finish our discussion once she’s asleep”.
I spent a lot longer in the shower than I normally did, secure in the knowledge that Blair would attend to Melody if she needed anything. Instead of rushing, I took my time to rub lotion in all over my skin, lightly perfuming myself and imagining Blair’s mouth all over my skin. Surely he didn’t mean he wouldn’t sleep with me unless I agreed to a permanent relationship with him though? I reassured myself that he must have meant he didn’t want just casual, he wanted something more long term, and then I quickly dressed and walked out of the bathroom intending to ask him. I crept into my room to drop my nightie and dressing gown on the bed, and to check on Melody. Reassured by seeing her looking angelic in sleep, softly breathing, I turned to walk down the hallway, heading for the lounge room where I hoped to find Blair. I was brought up short in surprise when I stepped through the doorway, seeing Blair sitting stiffly in the chair I had been sitting in, my father and stepmother sitting side by side on the couch. As soon as he saw me, Blair shot to his feet and said:
“Oh good, you’re here. I’ll just leave you to visit with your family while I get on with that work I wanted to do outside”.
As Blair walked past me, I whispered so softly that only he could hear it: “Coward”.
Blair winked at me, flashing me that cheeky smile that made my knees go wobbly, and walked out of the front door, closing it softly behind him, always considerate of Melody. I took a breath and moved towards the chair he had just vacated, about to offer something to drink but seeing the empty cups on the coffee table. Damn! So Blair had stolen that little diversion from me. I plastered a smile on my face and tried to appear welcoming.
“Dad, Stephanie, what brings you here?”
“Lesley dear, you know we couldn’t come to see you in the hospital because I had a cold, so we wanted to pop in and see if there was anything we could do for you, as well as see our little granddaughter. But that man - Blair? - put her down as soon as we arrived and she’s been asleep ever since. Wasn’t he one of the men who came to move your things out when you left home? Is he your new boyfriend?”
While my dad asked all this, Stephanie just sat at his side looking bored. I was therefore quite surprised when she spoke.
“This is a charming house, even if a little dated. Who did you say owns it? Is it Blair’s? Is that why you’re getting rent so cheap?”
Bitch I thought, narrowing my eyes before speaking.
“No, it isn’t Blair’s house. It belongs to a friend of mine, I met Blair through her, he’s her brother in law. You met his brother Cole too, he’s my landlord’s partner. To answer your question Dad, Blair is not my boyfriend, he is a very good friend and maybe something might develop between us eventually, but at the moment he’s just doing some odd jobs around the house for Diane”.
“If you say so, dear, but he seemed really comfortable with the baby. What does Darren think?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose between my eyes. A headache was starting to develop.
“Blair is really good with Melody because his parents had a big family and he and Cole are the oldest. He’s been around a lot since she was born, so she’s comfortable with him too. Why would I care what Darren thinks? If I cared what Darren thought, I would have aborted Melody, but I didn’t, did I? As far as I know, he doesn’t even know she’s been born yet, and since he can count, he would know it’s about time. If he hasn’t even bothered to enquire, then why would I contact him? Even if he knew she had been born, he’s hardly in a position to criticise my choice of friends is he?”
“If you say so, but surely you’re going to tell him about Melody? He’s probably calmed down a bit from the shock of the pregnancy, and he might want to meet his daughter. Have you thought about her?”
“Yes, Dad, I have. I think about Melody all the time. Everything I do is for her, and to make the best life I can for the both of us. I haven’t made a decision about Darren yet, so don’t nag me about it. I’ll work it out eventually”.
After staying a little while longer, and leaving reluctantly when it became apparent that Melody wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon, and that I had no intention of waking her, Dad and Stephanie left. I closed the door behind them and was just leaning against it with my eyes closed when Blair’s voice spoke from in front of me, the unexpectedness of it making me jump.
“That bad, eh?”
“Ah! Blair, stop sneaking up on me. How do you do that? I’m going to have to put a bell on you if you keep doing that!”
With peals of Blair’s laughter following me up the hallway, I headed to my room as I had heard Melody grumbling. I must have shut the front door a little too loudly I thought, as I took her to the nursery for a nappy change and settled into the lounge room to feed her again. I hadn’t been sitting there long before Blair stepped quietly into the room and sat down opposite me, sitting there with a silly smirk on his face.
“What is it Blair? What’s so funny, and where were you hiding?”
“A bell - you have no idea how funny that is. Maybe one day I’ll tell you. Anyway, I was hiding in the back yard, and came in through the back door when I heard your Dad and his wife leave. I was uncomfortable enough trying to make small talk while you were in the shower for such a long time that I thought I’d keep a low profile until they left. To make up for my cowardice, how about I take you out to lunch? There’s a nice cafe up the road a bit, where I get the pastries from. They do lunches as well as their lovely treats, so as soon as Melody is ready, how about we bundle her up in her pram and go for a brisk walk?”
I readily agreed, feeling as if I had been cooped up in the house forever, and as Melody had recently had a big feed, she was quickly fed, changed and in her pram. I pulled on a coat, happy to realise that I could do it up again, and dropped my keys into my bag after locking up the front door. Blair pushed the pram, walking slowly for my benefit, and before long we were entering the warm cafe, the smells of cooking food and fresh coffee making my mouth water.
“Oh, it’s been so long since I’ve had a proper coffee. I’ve been drinking tea or that decaf stuff at home so
that I don’t pass too much caffeine through to Melody, or she’ll have trouble sleeping. This place is just torture!”
Blair laughed before pushing the pram to an out of the way table in the corner and pulling out a chair for me.
“Perhaps you can have a treat. You can always ask for extra milk, surely one coffee a day won’t be a problem?”
I smiled at him as I took a seat and picked up a menu from the holder on the table. Blair moved around to his seat and did likewise. Before long the waitress approached us, and Blair indicated that I should order first. I asked if the pumpkin soup was housemade, and ordered it after being told that it was, then my eyes opened wide in wonder at the amount of food Blair ordered, and I could hardly wait until after the waitress left.
“Surely you aren’t planning to eat all of that? Where do you put it all? How is it you’re not the size of a house?”
“Lesley, I’m willing to share”, Blair laughed while he spoke. “I noticed you only ordered the soup, but you need to eat a little more, Melody must take a bit out of you. I do have a big appetite, but you can have some of mine if you want. I have to admit to having a big appetite, but fortunately I must have good metabolism too”.
Blair wasn’t kidding. Although I thought my bowl of creamy hot pumpkin soup served with crusty bread would be enough, I found I was still hungry and snatched one of Blair’s pastries while he powered through his focaccia sandwich and followed it with the rest of the plate of pastries, and then a bowl of hot chips. As I had ordered my coffee extra milky, it was cooler than I usually had coffee, so I had finished it by the time Melody started fidgeting and I could pick her up and rock her gently while Blair was still finishing his lunch. The waitress came over to clear the plates, and smiled to see Melody.
“Oh, she’s so tiny, she must be very new. How old is she?”