The Sea Within

by Missouri Vaun

  “Hey, if you guys are bringing firearms onboard they have to be cleared by the engineers and stowed in special casing. Do that tonight. We don’t want any departure delays tomorrow.” She stood in the doorway with her arms across her chest.

  “We’ll walk them over tonight before lights out.” Nunez spoke without looking up from his task.

  When she pivoted, she saw that Harris was standing in the doorway behind her with his shoulder braced against the doorframe.

  “Is there anything we need to discuss, gentlemen?” She took a step back and addressed them both, looking from one to the other as she posed the question.

  “Meaning?” Harris asked. His tone was as neutral as his stance.

  “I’m just making sure there aren’t any side agendas I should be aware of.” These guys were on board to provide additional security for the science team, so she’d assumed they’d bring their own weapons, but during the entire training they’d really kept to themselves. There was something about these two guys that Jackson didn’t like. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she’d done enough tours to be able to read people in all sorts of situations, good and bad. The fact that she couldn’t read these two bothered her.

  “We’re just along for the ride.” Nunez spoke from his bunk.

  “Okay, well, get some rest. Tomorrow is a big day.”

  Jackson only had one more stop to make. Her last stop. To find out how Elle was doing. She was disappointed to discover her quarters empty. She really wanted to see Elle once more before liftoff.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Elle was packed and ready but couldn’t relax. It was too early to try to sleep anyway. She strolled leisurely to the cafeteria hoping for a decaf coffee, or hot tea, or something. She was on edge and restless, like the way you felt the night before a big exam. Except this was going to be the test of a lifetime.

  The large room was sparsely inhabited when she arrived. She was at the coffee station, filling a cup with hot water for tea, when she saw a familiar face. Nikki West, the woman who’d escorted her the day she’d first arrived. They’d bumped into each other a couple of times since that first day. Nikki always said hello. Elle liked Nikki’s straightforward manner. Under different circumstances, given more of an opportunity, she felt sure they’d have been friends.

  “Dr. Graham, nice to see you.” Nikki added sugar to the coffee she’d just poured.

  “Please, call me Elle.” She was genuinely happy to see her.

  “And call me Nikki.” Nikki smiled as she sampled her drink. “Be careful, mine is really hot.”

  “Thanks for the warning.” Elle scanned the room trying to decide if she wanted to sit or take the tea back to her depressingly bare sleeping quarters.

  “Tomorrow’s the day, right?” Nikki asked.

  “Yes, tomorrow morning.” Elle took a breath. “Is it normal to be this nervous?”

  “Absolutely.” Nikki motioned toward the nearest table. “Do you want to sit?”

  “You know what I’d really like? I’d like to see the sky or the ocean. I’ve literally been in this building for days. Is there any way to get outside for a little while?”

  “There is.” Nikki smiled. “There’s an insulated rooftop deck. Come on, I’ll join you.”

  Elle was almost giddy. Breaking free from this windowless underground facility with a hot cup of tea and someone with friend potential—this felt almost normal. She’d been dying to talk to Jasmine and fill her in on everything, but she couldn’t. Maybe she and Nikki could have a real conversation.

  They rode the elevator to the top level, an area of the building Elle hadn’t visited, and then she followed Nikki through a series of doors that finally opened onto a rooftop deck, enclosed under a glass dome. Not a deck in the proper sense. It wasn’t as if there were lounge chairs or anything. It all felt very military with a short buffer of concrete block along the edge of a large space. The glass dome was dingy from pollution in spots, but someone had made an effort to clean a ring of windows at eye level to offer a view of the surrounding area. When she leaned her elbows on the short wall she could see the Pacific Ocean in the distance and the sun dipping very close to the horizon. If she’d known this was available she’d have been up here every night.

  “Thank you. This is perfect.” A large venting fan kicked on pulling AC into the domed room. The chilled air cut through her thin T-shirt. She hugged herself, cradling the tea in one hand.

  “Here, take this.” Nikki began to remove the burnt orange micro-fleece vest she was wearing.

  “No, I’m fine…you’ll be cold without it.”

  “I have on more layers than you. Seriously, take it.” Nikki was wearing a tan uniform shirt with a white T-shirt underneath. She held the vest out to Elle.

  “Okay, if you insist.” Elle set down her tea to slip it on. “Thank you.”

  “It looks good on you.”

  “I’m happy to have a little splash of color to offset these camouflage pants.” Elle looked down at her clothing. “I don’t know how anyone looks good in these.”

  “Trust me, you wear them well.” The edge of Nikki’s mouth tweaked up into a half smile.

  “I don’t believe you, but thanks.” She appreciated the compliment even if it wasn’t true.

  They were quiet, enjoying the view. The sun dipped farther, painting the sky in hues of pink and orange. Elle zipped the vest up partway. Her arms were cool, but at least her core was warm.

  “I know it’s not easy and involves a whole mind-over-matter sort of thing, but don’t be nervous.” Nikki watched the horizon as she sipped her tea. “Jackson is the mission commander. She’s sharp. She knows what she’s doing. She’s very good at what she does.”

  “Do you know her well?” Elle couldn’t help asking.

  “Yeah, she and I have run ops together and I’ve done jumps with her too.”

  “Jumps?”

  “That’s what we call the Slingshot missions…jumps.”

  “Oh, yes, right. Is it as bad as they say?” Elle wondered if Jackson had exaggerated in an attempt to scare her off.

  “Yeah, it’ll kick your ass for sure. But you’ve got a good team, you’ll be fine.” Nikki sounded so confident that the tension in Elle’s shoulders began to ease a little.

  Elle was dying to ask more about Jackson. She didn’t want to take advantage of Nikki’s friendship with Jackson, but she was at a loss. And it wasn’t as if Jackson was sharing anything on her own. They were stiff and formal with each other when anyone else was around, punctuated with moments of—something—when they were alone. Elle just wasn’t sure if the something she was feeling was completely one-sided.

  As it turned out, she didn’t have to ask. Nikki just started talking.

  “Jackson is a great person. She’s just had a rough few years.” Nikki looked over at Elle. “She didn’t used to be this way.”

  Elle hung on every word committing the words to memory so she could return to them later and examine each one.

  “What happened?”

  “Her wife died about five years ago.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.” They had never talked about personal history, and since they’d ended up here, there’d been no time to talk about anything except the mission.

  “Camille was a doctor. Do you remember the outbreak in the tent city on the outskirts of Los Angeles?”

  Elle nodded. She remembered it well. Thousands of people died.

  “Camille was part of the CDC team that went in to try and stop the spread of the virus, but also to search for patient zero. Unfortunately, she got sick and…” She trailed off. “Jackson never even got the chance to say good-bye.”

  “That’s heartbreaking.” She began to see Jackson differently. This new information helped make sense of some of Jackson’s behaviors. Now even some of what she’d said to Elle the first day she’d arrived on base made much more sense. “Nikki, thank you for telling me. I really appreciate it.”

  “
I wish you knew her the way I did, before all this happened.”

  Me too, thought Elle. But maybe there was still hope.

  * * *

  As usual, before a mission, Jackson was all wound up. She’d done a half hour on the treadmill after making the rounds. Then she’d taken a hot shower, but she was still restless. Maybe a little time on the roof would improve her mood. The sun would be just about to set and the view would be great. It was good to savor the little things when you didn’t know if you’d get to come back. There was always the chance with any mission that it would be your last. If that was the case, would she regret the way she’d handled things with Elle?

  Maybe.

  Probably.

  Jackson pushed through the door to the roof and abruptly stopped when she saw Nikki talking to Elle. A surge of jealously came from nowhere. That was ridiculous. Where did that come from? It wasn’t as if she and Elle were a couple. She considered leaving before they saw her.

  “Hi, Jackson.” Elle gave a little wave.

  Too late. Elle spotted her before she could escape. It was just as well, since she’d wanted to see Elle anyway.

  “Hi.” Jackson took a swig from her water bottle. She was glad she had something to hold on to, something to do with her hands.

  “Hey, your timing is good.” Nikki smiled broadly. “I was just leaving.”

  “You were?” Jackson was suspicious. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

  “No, you’re good. You two stay and enjoy the sunset. I’ve got things…lots of things…to do.” She was totally making that up. She grinned and Jackson knew she’d just been set up.

  “Oh, here, take your vest.” Elle unzipped the front, to reveal the form hugging T-shirt underneath.

  “No, you keep it.” Nikki waved her off. “You might need it. Besides, that color looks better on you anyway.”

  “Thanks, Nikki.” Elle followed Nikki’s retreat with her eyes. “Have a good night.”

  “You too,” Nikki called back just before she stepped through the door.

  Jackson took another swig of water. She stood beside Elle with her elbows braced on the barrier, watching the sun set. The air between them sort of crackled, but Jackson wasn’t sure just yet what to do about it. She’d made it pretty clear that she wasn’t interested in anything, hadn’t she? Was that what she really wanted?

  After a moment or two, Elle spoke.

  “Well, here we are.” She sipped her tea without looking at Jackson.

  “Yes, here we are.”

  “Should we declare a truce and agree to be friends?” There was resignation in Elle’s question and Jackson knew it was her fault.

  “Why a truce?”

  “Because…well, I don’t really know what’s going on with us and I think there are bigger challenges ahead. I just thought if we agreed to be friends that possibly we could move forward.” She turned toward Jackson. She seemed sincere. “You know, for the sake of the mission. For the sake of the greater good and all that.”

  “Sure.” Why was the thought of Elle as a friend so disappointing?

  The intensity of Elle’s gaze made Jackson all warm inside.

  “I like Nikki.”

  Jackson sputtered as she tried to swallow a gulp of water.

  “Yeah, Nikki’s great.” Her words came out raspy. What exactly did she mean by like?

  “It’s obvious she thinks very highly of you.”

  “Don’t believe everything she says.” Jackson watched the horizon and tried to sound like she didn’t care, like she wasn’t dying to know what Elle and Nikki had been talking about. All chummy and alone on the roof together at sunset.

  Elle couldn’t decide if Jackson was annoyed with her, or stressed about the mission, or what. Jackson was clearly on edge. And even though at first she’d seemed happy to see Elle, now she was thinking that might not have been the case. Jackson was incredibly hard to read. And now that she knew Jackson had lost her wife, the shadow she occasionally saw in Jackson’s eyes made sense. It was the shadow of loss and heartbreak.

  “Do you think we can save the ocean?” Elle sipped the last of her tea and watched the sun fall below the Pacific horizon.

  “I think there are things we can do to improve the situation. But the end is probably inevitable.” Jackson was somber. “I don’t believe that science and technology will necessarily create a better world.”

  “You know you’re talking to a scientist right now, right?” Elle turned toward Jackson, who continued to study the horizon.

  “Science and technology guarantee only one thing.” Jackson ignored Elle’s attempt at levity. “That humanity will become more powerful. If history has taught us anything it’s that humans don’t use power wisely.”

  “Not in every instance.” Elle was searching her memory to think of an example to counter Jackson’s dark interpretation of civilization but coming up blank.

  “In almost every instance. Layer on top of that one of the most powerful forces in human history—stupidity. Never underestimate human stupidity. When you combine the limitless resource of human stupidity with new technological powers, then you’ve got a recipe for disaster for sure.”

  “Whoa, that’s a dark thought.” Elle arched her eyebrows. “Aren’t you like the champion of the cause here?”

  “I’m a janitor…I clean up other people’s messes.” Jackson took a swig from her water bottle. “Humans have buried the Earth with a shitstorm of greed and selfishness and…” Jackson swallowed and looked away. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be saying these things to you.”

  “If that’s the way you feel then why are you here?” Elle sincerely wanted to know. She believed they could make a difference and she wanted—needed—Jackson to believe it too.

  “I’m not doing it for myself.” Jackson looked at her. Even in the waning light, Elle could see tears gathering along Jackson’s lashes. “I’m doing it for someone else.”

  “Who?” Elle thought she already knew, but she wanted to hear Jackson say it.

  “My wife, Camille.” Jackson rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands and straightened. She clearly wasn’t comfortable with emotional displays. Elle had known that after their very first encounter at the Green Club.

  Elle waited for Jackson to continue.

  “She was a doctor…and she died. Camille thought she could save the world, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t even save herself.” Jackson sniffed and looked down at her feet, then back up at Elle.

  They locked gazes and Elle sensed the churning sea of emotion in Jackson’s eyes, just under the surface, fighting to break free.

  “Then let’s do this mission for Camille.” Elle touched Jackson’s arm.

  Jackson looked down at Elle’s fingers. A tear trailed down her cheek. She squeezed her eyes shut. Elle gently wrapped her arms around Jackson and held her.

  “It’s okay to feel this,” Elle whispered. She kissed Jackson’s cheek, damp with tears.

  “I’m sick of feeling it.” Jackson’s words were muffled.

  Elle squeezed a little tighter. Jackson’s breathing sounded more normal. She wiped at the tears with the hem of her T-shirt, exposing her muscled midriff.

  “I’m sorry.” Jackson sniffed. She looked away.

  “Jackson, It’s okay, really.” Elle touched her shoulder. “Look at me.”

  Jackson turned in her direction.

  “You’re going to be okay.”

  “Maybe…someday.” Jackson didn’t sound as if she believed it.

  They faced the Pacific, standing side by side until the last tendril of pink was swallowed by purple darkness. Jackson seemed calmer, almost lighter somehow. Elle sensed it, even though there was no physical contact between them.

  “I think I’m going to turn in and at least try to get some sleep.”

  Jackson nodded. Elle started toward the door. She sensed Jackson was following her. She reached for the door, but Jackson got there first. She held the door for Elle.

  “Thank y
ou.” Elle lightly brushed against Jackson as she slipped past.

  She didn’t actually see sparks in the air, but she felt them.

  She stood facing Jackson, looking up into her piercing gaze. The door whooshed quietly closed and neither of them moved. The entry was dark except for the moon’s glow seeping through the small rectangular window in the metal door.

  She had the strongest urge to kiss Jackson. But hadn’t she just suggested they only be friends?

  They rode the elevator in silence down to the dormitory level. The hallway was empty when the doors opened. They stood and looked at each other. It almost seemed as if they were seeing each other for the first time.

  “Good night, Jackson.”

  “Good night.” Jackson’s words had warmth and just the slightest hint of invitation.

  Jackson smiled, a genuine smile. Something was different between them. Elle could sense the possibility of it, and it was going to make it hard for her to sleep. Jackson had shared something of herself, something real. Jackson had taken the first step of letting her in. She turned and walked toward her room, her steps cushioned by a spring of optimism.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Mission launch was less than a half hour away. Chills ran up Elle’s arms. She wasn’t cold; the flight suit was warm. It was just nerves. And she hoped the nerves didn’t make her toss what little breakfast she’d choked down. The six-member team had assembled on the platform attached to the SLST craft and Jackson was talking. Elle tried to focus on Jackson and calm her churning stomach.

  “The technicians will close the gravity tube from the outside and the latch will automatically release once the landing sequence has been initiated.” She paused. “Nothing we’ve done during training can fully prepare you for the entry experience. But I promise you, you will survive it. Try to remain calm until your system resets itself.”

  Jackson was in serious command mode. She’d said good morning to Elle, but that was all. Since arriving on the flight deck, everyone had been distracted with a flurry of readiness tasks. Just getting the flight suit on had been a challenge with her shaking hands. Jackson paced in front of the team. Technicians in white coveralls ringed the small group waiting for the final word. Saro, the engineer she’d spoken with about the transport tanks, stood a few feet away from Jackson.