Resisting Fate

by Kylie Gilmore

  The man’s tone immediately changed to sweet and coaxing. “Missy, honey, I just need a little to tide me over. You do owe me for putting a roof over your head. Three years of rent ought to cover it.” Ben would bet everything he had that this was Louis, her ex-husband. Three years of rent, three years of marriage, it fit.

  Missy slid the chain open so fast, Ben didn’t have time to react. The door opened to a tall, thin man with long greasy black hair hanging in his haggard face. He wore an army jacket and dirty black pants. He looked strung out, needing his next hit, and smelled like he hadn’t showered in a month.

  The bastard held out his palm to Missy. “I’ll settle for a grand. Hurry up and I’ll get out of here.”

  Ben moved forward. “Leave now.”

  Unbelievably, Missy shushed Ben and then turned to Louis. “I don’t have any money. Leave.”

  “Liar!” Louis yelled, rushing at Missy.

  Ben reached for the guy’s shoulder to haul him back, but Missy was faster, moving toward Louis, grabbing his shoulders and sending her knee up into the man’s groin with such force he dropped like a stone, curling on the floor and moaning.

  Ben was ready to drag Louis out the door, but Missy stopped him with a hand on his arm. Her eyes were red fury.

  She jerked Louis to his back, dropped a knee into his chest that made him groan, and then slapped him. Hard. “You ever come near me again,” she shouted in his face, “I will castrate you! Do you understand?”

  Louis said nothing, looking like he was about to lose consciousness, probably from pain and drug withdrawal.

  Missy slapped him again. “Answer me.”

  Louis muttered something unintelligible.

  Missy’s hand went to his throat and squeezed. Louis flushed bright red, veins popping out in his neck and face. Fuck.

  “Missy—” Ben started.

  “No,” she said, never wavering, her sights locked on the man she was about to strangle. “He needs to say the words. Say it, Louis! You will never come near me again.”

  Louis was wheezing, his lips moving, no sound coming out.

  “He’s not worth it,” Ben said gently, trying to reach his soft Missy. “Let’s just get him out of here, okay? He got the message.”

  She looked down at Louis and finally released her hold. The man gasped for air.

  Missy got off him. “Get out.”

  Louis scrambled to his feet, nearly tripping in his hurry to get out the door.

  Missy slammed the door behind him, locked it, and put the chain on, breathing heavily.

  Ben stared at the door for a moment, trying to understand how Missy could have been with someone like that. She deserved so much better.

  He turned to her. “You married that piece of shit?”

  Her eyes flashed, but her voice was deadly calm. “I never told you I was married. Who told you?”

  He didn’t respond right away, unsure how to answer without outing himself. On the other hand, he didn’t want to lie.

  She leveled accusing eyes on him. “Omigod, I’m so stupid. You looked me up on Checkin, didn’t you? Invaded my privacy!”

  He held up a palm. “Okay, let’s just take a minute. You’re worked up right now.”

  “Just tell me if you looked me up on Checkin without my consent.”

  “Missy, that was standard procedure.”

  “Go to hell!” She whirled, grabbed her coat and purse, and marched out the door.

  He couldn’t let her go out alone. What if Louis was lurking around the corner?

  He shoved his feet into his boots and grabbed his jacket, his gut churning into full-out dread. He knew it had been too perfect. Nothing good ever lasted.

  He followed her out the door anyway.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Missy raced downstairs, berating herself for ever trusting Ben. How many times did it take for her to really understand no man was trustworthy? The sick feeling in her gut told her she’d let herself be fooled again. Fooled by Louis, fooled by the married Matt, and now Ben. All of those women she’d counseled so they wouldn’t be victims, all her years of being a victim had taught her, rightly so, never to trust a man. And she’d stupidly let Ben in close, to her home, her bed, her heart.

  She dashed at the stinging tears in her eyes and scanned the parking lot for signs of Louis. In the distance his old blue Toyota sped out of the apartment complex. She was shaking, sweating, her entire nervous system crashing hard after the adrenaline rush of finally facing Louis after all these years and fighting back. She never would’ve confronted him. All of the self-defense she’d learned was only if someone struck out at her. He’d rushed at her, she’d defended.

  She’d prevailed.

  She took a deep breath, still too worked up to drive anywhere. She slipped into her car, turning it on and blasting the heat. She quickly locked the doors. She’d wait for Ben to leave, and then she’d go back inside. Why should she be the one to leave her own apartment? She’d fled the scene, not able to handle Ben’s betrayal on top of seeing Louis. She’d nearly killed Louis, had felt that power in her hands, her vision a red haze. Ben’s voice had reached through that haze, bringing her back to herself. She’d thank him for that if she wasn’t so furious with him. He’d spied on her without her consent, learning personal information she never shared with anyone.

  Ben appeared at the bottom of the stairs and immediately zoned in on her, striding toward her car. Dammit. She didn’t want to talk to him. He’d seen way too much today, knew way too much. This was why she never had relationships. They always hurt her.

  He knocked on the passenger’s side window, gesturing for her to open the door.

  She looked at him and all she saw was a man who knew more than anyone had a right to. She rubbed her temples. Why couldn’t she ever leave the past behind and be a new person? A smarter, stronger Missy. Now it was too late. Ben would always see that other Missy—a victim.

  “I’m freezing out here!” Ben shouted through the closed window. “Come on, Missy. Please unlock the door.”

  She glared at him.

  “I’m not going away until I know you’re okay!” he shouted.

  All his noise was going to attract the attention of her neighbors. She gritted her teeth and unlocked the door.

  He got in, shut the door, and turned to her, speaking in a rush. “I looked into you when you first started working for us. It’s standard procedure for all employees. That’s what we do.”

  She reached for calm, still shaky and sweating. “I didn’t sign anything saying it was okay to look that deeply into my background. Checking references, yes. My personal history, no. And you ne-never—” She clamped her mouth shut, hating that she was stammering. Her throat was thick, tears welling in her eyes, but she would not break down.

  “Can we go back inside to talk?” he asked gently. “Maybe give you some time to recover. I know Louis—”

  “No-o!” Her breath hitched, a sob trying to break through that she ruthlessly pushed down. “You never told me that was standard procedure.”

  He stared at her for a long moment. “I’ll admit I was driven by curiosity, and I didn’t follow any of our standard procedure when it came to you. I was hooked, Missy. From the very beginning, I couldn’t think straight when it came to you. There was never any bad intention, I swear. I just wanted to get to know you.”

  “Then you should’ve let it happen naturally over time. When I was ready.”

  “You’re right. I see that now and I’m sorry.”

  She pursed her lips, fighting tears.

  He let out a long breath. “If you would’ve just talked to me, I wouldn’t have been so curious. You were so mysterious.”

  Her hackles rose. “So this is my fault?”

  “Look, here’s what we need to do. I’m going to apologize again, you’re going to be mad for a while, and then everything will go back to normal. Okay? I’m really, really sorry. I won’t ever do anything like that again.”

  She
said nothing.

  “I told you I never had a serious relationship. Can you cut me a little slack? I fucked up and I’m sorry.”

  Her lower lip wobbled. She had to end this. She couldn’t trust him.

  His tone became more forceful. “Missy, you should’ve told me about Louis. That he hurt you. You kept me in the dark about your life. Without all the information, I can’t fix it.”

  She pressed her lips together. “I’m not something for you to fix.”

  “Not you, just the problem. That’s who I am. I see problems and find solutions. Just give me all the information. You’ve barely shared anything about yourself. The only things I know are you grew up in California and love snow.”

  She crossed her arms, her chin jutting out. “You know a lot more than that, stuff I’ve never told anyone besides my sister.”

  “I still feel in the dark,” he said quietly. “Like you’re hiding something.”

  Fuck it. He wanted the grisly details, she’d give them to him. Maybe then he’d realize exactly how fucked up she was. She was sure he’d be sprinting out the door.

  “What do you want to know, Ben? That my mom had me at sixteen and gave me up? How about the story of my adoptive parents dying in a car crash when I was ten? My dad dead on arrival, my mom in a coma, me looking at her full of tubes and wires, terrified, and then she died overnight while I was sleeping and I never got to say goodbye? That’s a real winner. Or that I married that bastard Louis at eighteen and endured three years of abuse? That he held my wrists and slapped me so hard my ears rang, yanked my hair out, hurled emotional abuse at me, and I let him? How about that he nearly killed me when I mentioned divorce? Is that what you’re so damn eager to find out?”

  “Missy.” He reached for her hand, but she resisted, keeping her arms crossed.

  Her mouth kept going with no thought beyond driving him away. “Add this to your Missy file. I was a fifteen-year-old runaway after my aunt’s sleazy husband made a pass at me. Six months on the streets, then a series of foster homes. Isn’t it great how much you can learn about someone even without the magic of the internet?”

  “No, Missy, I’m sorry. Baby—”

  Tears choked her voice. “Fuck you.”

  His voice remained calm and steady. “I’m really sorry for what you’ve been through.”

  She stared straight ahead, tears flowing freely. “I didn’t want you to know. He abused me and I stayed.”

  “That wasn’t your fault.”

  She wiped her tears and sniffled. “I know, but it feels like it. I came here to start fresh. I didn’t want you to see me like this.” She crossed her arms again, hugging herself. “I’m so embarrassed,” she whispered.

  “Embarrassed? Hell, I’m impressed. You kicked his ass and he fucking deserved it.”

  She met his eyes, seeing only appreciation. “It felt good,” she admitted. “I’ve been training for that confrontation ever since I left him.”

  “You did good, Missy. You really did.”

  She nodded, still feeling shaky but also a little proud.

  “How long has he been begging you for money?”

  “He showed up a few weeks ago. I thought after he stole the money from the church bazaar, I wouldn’t see him again. That’s why I was working a second job. I didn’t want anyone to know I brought the devil to their door.”

  “Again, not your fault.”

  “It is.” Without her, Louis never would’ve come around.

  “No, not your fault,” Ben insisted. “Tell me everything that’s happened with him, and then I’ll figure out a plan to permanently get him out of your life. And then we’ll help out the Harpers together.”

  “That is my job. I don’t need you to rescue me.”

  “I’m not. I’m helping.”

  “I’ve got this,” she said evenly. She fixed her own problems. Always.

  “Why won’t you let me help?” he barked, his voice too loud in the confined space.

  She glared at him. “Don’t yell at me. I don’t need or want your help.”

  He blew out a breath. “Look, I don’t want to fight.”

  “Then you should go because I’m in no mood to get it through your thick head. I fix my own problems.”

  “You can’t do everything by yourself,” he snapped, sounding really pissed that she wasn’t immediately falling in line with his fix-Missy plan. “I want to help. I want to keep you safe.”

  “I am safe. You say you’re impressed with how I kicked ass, but you don’t think I can handle any further confrontation. I can. I don’t think there will be a next time with Louis, but if there is, I will be prepared.”

  “What does that mean?” he demanded.

  She closed her eyes, trying to keep from screaming. She didn’t like answering to Ben. He wanted to take over, be her Mr. Fix-It, and that was just not her. “Ben, I’m done.”

  “Done?”

  She met his eyes and spoke over the lump in her throat. “Yes.”

  “Okay, we can talk later, but don’t think I’m letting it drop.”

  She shook her head.

  Understanding dawned, his expression going slack. “Are we…breaking up?”

  “Yes,” she whispered and stepped out of the car, gently shutting the door behind her.

  A moment later, the car door slammed behind him.

  He didn’t come after her.

  She walked on shaking legs by sheer force of will, nausea rolling around her stomach, and made it into her apartment before collapsing.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ben dragged himself into work on Monday morning, a mess of tangled emotions—angry, sad, and hurt all at the same time. It astounded him how much he hurt. One weekend of perfection and then it all fell apart. All along, he’d known the happiness he felt with Missy couldn’t last, yet he’d been blindsided. It was like a severed limb. She’d felt like an essential part of his life and now she was gone. He still couldn’t believe how quickly everything turned to shit.

  Logan took one look at him and stopped pouring his coffee. “You look like hell. Pull an all-nighter?”

  He’d probably managed three hours of sleep after turning the Missy problem over in his mind for hours. “I slept.” He trudged to his office, guilt weighing him down. He should’ve told Missy he’d looked into her background. No, he should’ve had her sign the standard form they gave everyone, but he’d gotten ahead of himself, eager to know more about her.

  He slumped at his desk. Was it really so bad what he did? Or was Missy extra sensitive because of that asshole Louis? If she’d only shared more about herself, he wouldn’t have been so curious.

  He leaned his elbows on his desk and covered his face with his hands.

  A soft knock on the door had him jackknifing upright. Had Missy shown up? Was she willing to talk to him again?

  Logan.

  Ben scowled. “Go away. I’ve got a lot to wrap up before Christmas.” The office would be closed starting tomorrow, Christmas Eve, through the New Year.

  “Wrap up?” Logan grinned and took a seat in the chair across from Ben’s desk. He never could take a hint. “What’d ya get me?”

  “I’m not in the mood to talk. Just please leave.”

  Logan studied him. “You and Missy break up?”

  “How did you know?”

  Logan shook his head. “You’re a moron.”

  “Thanks, idiot.” He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Would you please just leave me alone?”

  “Nope,” Logan said cheerfully.

  Ben narrowed his eyes. “I really don’t want to kick your ass. Not good for the business.”

  Logan snorted. “Like you could.” They were pretty evenly matched and both knew it after years of wrestling each other and all of the guys. It was both sport and how they resolved problems. At least back when they were kids. Teenaged years had seen their share of bloody noses too. Now they were adults and liked to think they were past that. Though the way Ben wa
s feeling right now…he wasn’t so sure.

  Logan shook his head. “Ya know, I cleared the way for your cranky ass, letting her go early so you could finally be with her, and then you fuck it up.”

  Ben stood, placed his palms on the desk and got in Logan’s face. “Last chance,” he growled in warning.

  Logan slowly stood, forcing Ben to straighten so he wouldn’t have to look up at him. “Whatever it was, just apologize.”

  “I did! Many times.”

  “Do it again. With flowers or some shit like that.”

  Missy wasn’t the kind of woman easily swayed by an obvious token of apology like that. Her trust level was low as it was, and what little trust she’d had in him, he’d managed to shut down completely. His chest ached, sadness pushing out all the anger and hurt. He slumped back to his seat. This sucked so bad.

  “Damn, Ben, just looking at you is making me tear up.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “If she’s that important to you, don’t give up. It’s not as hopeless as it feels right now.” Logan turned and left.

  “What do you know?” Ben shouted after him. Logan hadn’t given up on his college girlfriend, still holding out hope for a reconciliation when “the time was right,” whatever that meant. Ben didn’t see that ever working out for Logan. The man knew nothing about fixing relationships.

  Logan shot him the bird over his shoulder.

  Ben clicked over to his email inbox, figuring at least he could clear that out. He certainly couldn’t focus on any real work.

  Delete. Delete. Delete.

  Missy at the church bazaar, selling him a sweater, all smart-mouthed fun. That mouth, those sexy plump lips.

  Delete. Delete. Delete.

  Missy in a clingy black dress at the Fierce Loving wrap party, casually asking if he wanted to get laid. “An itch you need to scratch once in a while, right?” His finger hovered over the delete key, remembering the warm inviting look in her brown eyes. He’d thought the casual-sex thing was perfect, but then it turned into something more, and now it was over.

  Delete! Delete! Delete!

  He slammed the laptop closed, memories of Missy flashing through his brain—elf Missy, naked and primal Missy, buttoned-up professional Missy, soft Missy. He missed that Missy most of all, soft and tender. Undone by him.