Very Important Corpses

by Simon R. Green

  ‘I know,’ I said. ‘That’s the point.’

  We shared a quick grin, and Penny nodded.

  ‘Go for it, space boy.’

  ‘You got it, spy girl.’

  I stepped over the rim and started down the stone steps, flashing the penlight’s narrow beam ahead of me. There wasn’t room for two of us on the stairs, so Penny followed behind me, sticking so close I could feel her breath on the back of my neck. The steps were roughly fashioned, with only an uneven stone wall on one side and an unknown drop on the other. I kept one shoulder pressed firmly against the wall as I descended. I could just make out signs of recent disturbance in the thick dust on the steps below. Someone, or something, had been this way before us. I couldn’t make out any actual footprints or animal tracks, but that unfamiliar scent was still hanging on the air. Growing stronger, and more pungent, the deeper into the dark we went. It was unlike anything I’d ever encountered before. And I’ve come up against some pretty strange things in my time …

  The stairs fell away into the darkness, going down long past the point where the House’s foundations should have ended. We soon left the lights from the House behind, descending steadily in our own small pool of light. The air grew steadily colder, as though we were leaving the warmth of the living world behind.

  The bottom of the stairs came as something of a surprise. I just suddenly ran out of steps and found myself walking forward across an uneven stone floor. I stopped, and Penny ran into me from behind. She said a few baby swear words, then broke off as the sound echoed on and on, suggesting we were in a much larger space than we’d anticipated. I swept the penlight’s beam back and forth, until it illuminated part of the rough stone wall beside us, rising high above our heads. And on that wall was an antique iron bracket containing an old-fashioned torch; a mass of oil-impregnated wadding wrapped around the head of a wooden haft.

  ‘This doesn’t feel like a cellar,’ Penny said quietly. ‘It’s bigger than any cellar has a right to be.’

  ‘I don’t think this was ever a cellar,’ I said.

  I moved over to the wall bracket, and produced a lighter from my pocket.

  ‘You don’t smoke!’ said Penny.

  ‘Another gift that came with the suit,’ I said.

  ‘You don’t really think that old torch will light, do you?’ said Penny. ‘God alone knows how long it’s been down here.’

  ‘Someone soaked the wadding with oil recently,’ I said. ‘I can smell it.’

  I pressed the lighter’s flame against the head of the torch, and it burst into life. Yellow flames burned smokily, spreading a surprising amount of light. I turned off the penlight and put it away, before removing the torch from its bracket. The flickering glow revealed another wall torch, some distance away. I lit that one too, and the one after that. Warm yellow light spread out from the wall, revealing more of the great open space around us. I put the lighter away and held my torch higher, but I still couldn’t see the ceiling. It was just too far above us.

  ‘Someone else must have been down here before us,’ said Penny. ‘If only to prepare those torches.’

  ‘I’m not getting any human scents,’ I said.

  ‘OK!’ said Penny. ‘Getting seriously spooked now …’

  I moved slowly forward across the open space, holding the torch as high as I could. Penny stuck close beside me. The combined light from the three torches made it clear we were in a massive stone cavern deep under Coronach House. And from the rough nature of the walls and the uneven surface of the floor, it had not been made by human hands. This was just a hole in the ground, with a House built over it.

  ‘If there’s a secret exit with a tunnel leading out into the grounds,’ I said, ‘it could be that it was originally an emergency escape route for the family in case the House was ever invaded.’

  ‘But who’d know about that now?’ said Penny.

  ‘The Major Domo,’ I said. ‘Maybe she mentioned it to someone else … Or maybe someone just found it.’

  I kept moving forward, torch held high, and the cavern kept opening up around us. I got the feeling it was bigger than the ground floor of the House above. Shadows jumped menacingly every time I raised or lowered the torch. Damp ran down the dark stone walls, but there were no clumps of fungi or patches of moss. No trace of anything living, except that smell. We finally reached the opposite wall, and found an opening in the stone. Not a door; more like a wide crack, big enough for two people to pass through. I leaned in and extended my torch into the gap, revealing a rough tunnel stretching away. The light couldn’t travel far enough to give any idea of how far the stone passage might go. I checked the tunnel floor for footprints or tracks, but there were just more scuff marks in the dust. I stepped back, turned away, and looked round the great open cavern again.

  ‘There’s no one else here,’ said Penny, but something in her voice suggested she wasn’t entirely convinced.

  ‘Not now,’ I said. ‘But something was here before us. Can’t you smell it?’

  ‘No,’ said Penny. ‘Are we talking about the Coronach creature? Or Baphomet? Or what?’

  ‘Beats the hell out of me,’ I said. ‘Whatever it is, it’s left no tangible trace of itself behind. No droppings, no shed hair or scales, not even a claw mark on the stone floor … Which suggests to me that if some kind of beast has been kept down here, it has a human master to clean up after it.’

  ‘Is there anything you can be sure of?’ said Penny.

  ‘I can feel fresh air gusting out of the tunnel mouth,’ I said. ‘And from the smell of it, I’d say it’s coming from outside. That tunnel definitely leads out into the grounds.’

  ‘So now we know how the creature gets in and out of the House!’ said Penny.

  ‘Not necessarily,’ I said. ‘Look at the size of that opening. Two men could pass through shoulder to shoulder, but that’s about it. Whatever tore October to pieces has to be big, as well as powerful.’

  ‘The Coronach creature is supposed to have been born of a human family,’ Penny said doubtfully. ‘So it could be … roughly human in size.’

  ‘I’ve been thinking about the creature,’ I said. ‘Or at least the one in the story. I wonder … Why did the family place their newborn child in the waters of the loch? To drown it? Or because that was the only place the child could survive? And if so, have we been misunderstanding the story all this time?’

  Penny frowned. ‘But if that’s the case … why would it keep coming back for revenge?’

  ‘Good question,’ I said. ‘I think there’s a lot more to the original story than we’ve been told.’

  Penny looked around the cavern. ‘It’s all very … clean, isn’t it? As if it’s been looked after. Maybe the family preserved this place so the creature could come here from the loch. To visit its family … A long-lost child coming home … Perhaps the entrance upstairs was only sealed off when the creature stopped coming, and they assumed it had died.’

  ‘Hush!’ I said, quickly looking round. ‘Did you hear something? I heard something … Some living thing, coming our way.’

  ‘Is it coming down the tunnel?’ said Penny.

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s coming down the steps, from the House. I think we’ve been led into a trap.’

  ‘Baron!’ said Penny. ‘That bastard!’

  ‘Could be,’ I said. ‘Or it could be the Major Domo. She knew about this place all along and never said anything about it till now.’

  I moved back towards the stairs, holding my torch high. The yellow glare from the torches on the walls barely touched the bottom steps. Penny strode along beside me, scowling at the stairs.

  ‘Whoever that is, I am going to give them a kicking you wouldn’t believe,’ she said quietly. ‘I have had enough of being led around by the nose. I want some answers, and I’m way past the point of being fussy about how I get them.’

  ‘You’re assuming our steadily descending visitor is a man,’ I said, just as quietly. ‘But those footsteps sou
nd … wrong. Too heavy and too widely spaced to be anything human.’

  ‘Oh shit!’ said Penny, succinctly. ‘You know, this would be a really good time for you to tell me you’ve changed your mind about weapons and that you have something really horribly destructive in one of your suit pockets.’

  ‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘No weapons. Of course, I could always hit it really hard.’

  ‘Sounds like a plan to me,’ said Penny.

  The footsteps were descending steadily now, a heavy deliberate tread that wanted us to know it was coming. From the sheer weight behind each impact, whatever made those echoing footsteps would have to be at least ten feet tall and maybe half as wide. And that weird scent was getting stronger, sharper. I strained my eyes against the gloom higher up the stairs, struggling for some glimpse of what we were up against. But it seemed to be deliberately holding back, just out of range. Playing with us. Taunting us.

  Its scent made no sense at all. There were traces of creatures I recognized and something that was almost human, all of it wrapped up in something else. I laughed suddenly, letting the sound echo; because whatever it was wanted us to be scared, and I wasn’t. I’ve gone head to head with all kinds of unnatural creatures from the darkest corners of the hidden world, some so unnatural they didn’t even have heads. I’m still here, and mostly they aren’t.

  ‘Don’t hold back!’ I said loudly. ‘I’ve come a long way to meet you, whatever you are. Come down into the light and let’s get this show on the road!’

  ‘You heard what he said!’ Penny shouted defiantly. ‘You have no idea who you’re messing with!’

  The footsteps stopped. It was suddenly very quiet in the cavern, apart from the faint crackling of the torches. Then I heard a great intake of breath, of massive lungs filling themselves; and a blast of stinking hot air rushed down the steps and blew out the nearest wall torch. It was suddenly that much darker in the cavern.

  ‘Oh no!’ said Penny. ‘No, don’t do that! Ishmael, don’t let it do that!’

  ‘Easy,’ I murmured in her ear. ‘Don’t let it know it’s getting to you.’

  ‘But if it blows out the other torch …’

  ‘I still have mine,’ I said. ‘And it’ll have to come over here to get it.’

  Penny laughed shakily. ‘You say that like it’s a good thing.’

  ‘If it comes within reach,’ I said. ‘I will teach it the error of its ways.’

  ‘What if it’s bigger than us?’ said Penny. ‘What if it’s as big as it sounds?’

  ‘Then I shall just have to hit it really hard,’ I said. ‘I’ll knock it down, you kick it in the head.’

  ‘Good plan,’ said Penny.

  There was another great blast of breath, and the second torch on the wall went out. Darkness swept in, swallowing up all of the cavern outside the small pool of light Penny and I were standing in. I could hear her heavy breathing and the pounding of her heart; but she stood her ground because I did. I couldn’t see past the bottom of the steps; everything else was lost in the dark. The footsteps started down the stairs again, solid and heavy and worryingly far apart. I concentrated, because suddenly I wasn’t sure whether I was hearing something that went on two feet or four. It was coming down faster now, with an almost eager haste, its weight enough to crack some of the stone steps it landed on. I could hear the slow grating of claws on stone, the rasp of its hide scraping against the stone wall. And lungs that worked like massive bellows. How big was this thing? Its scent was strong now, wild and feral.

  Another blast of its awful breath hit me in the face like a slap, and my torch went out. The creature sprang down the last few steps and landed with a crash at the bottom. I threw the useless torch away and scrabbled for the penlight in my pocket. The darkness was complete. I couldn’t see a thing. The creature growled, like a long, slow roll of thunder. I felt the reverberations of its heavy tread through the floor as it started forward, along with the sound of claws gouging deep into the stone. I grabbed Penny by the arm, and turned her round to face the opening in the wall.

  ‘Run!’ I said.

  ‘Run?’ said Penny. ‘What happened to hitting it really hard?’

  ‘We don’t know what we’re facing, and I don’t like the odds,’ I said. ‘Go!’

  ‘I’m gone!’ said Penny.

  I flashed the penlight’s beam on the gap in the wall, and she plunged into it. I was right behind her. Sometimes the better part of valour is running for your life and praying that you’re faster than whatever’s coming after you. The tunnel was just big enough to hold the two of us, its jagged stone walls full of nasty protrusions more than ready to bruise unwary arms. Penny stumbled over the uneven floor, but kept going. I yelled at her to run faster. Something was pounding across the stone floor of the cavern. Something so big I could feel the disturbance it made in the air behind me. I didn’t look back.

  The creature roared deafeningly, as though it sensed it was being cheated of its prey. It was almost at the tunnel opening. I was running beside Penny now, the penlight’s narrow beam leaping ahead of us. I could have run faster; but I wouldn’t leave Penny behind. I could smell fresh air up ahead, feel the night air gusting down the tunnel from the loch. And then the heavy footsteps behind us crashed to a halt, at the opening to the tunnel. It can’t get in, I told myself. It can’t come in after us, because it’s too big to fit through the opening.

  I braced myself for another of its deafening roars or the stench of its disgusting breath, but there was nothing. Not a sound. Penny kept running, and I ran with her. The tunnel stretched away before us, until suddenly it began to rise up and we were scrambling up a steep slope. We burst through a thick covering of bracken and out into the cool night air, right on the bank of Loch Ness.

  Penny and I stood together, leaning on each other, looking out over the dark waters of the loch. We’d come out so close to them we could have jumped in if we hadn’t stopped ourselves in time. Penny was shuddering, breathing raggedly as she struggled to get air back into her heaving lungs. I patted her shoulder absently, concentrating my gaze on the dark opening to the tunnel. I wasn’t breathing hard, but I could feel my heart racing. I don’t normally like to run from anything; but when you’re caught in a trap with a creature you can’t even see, only a fool hangs around to show how brave he is. There wasn’t a sound from back in the tunnel, and the rank smell that had been filling my head was gone. Penny finally straightened up, took a deep breath, and pushed herself away from me.

  ‘Look at you, you’re not even sweating!’ she said disgustedly. ‘Don’t you ever get out of breath?’

  ‘Sometimes,’ I said, diplomatically.

  She shot me a suspicious glance. ‘Did you run away to protect me? If I hadn’t been there … If it had just been you, would you have stayed and fought that thing?’

  ‘Hell, no!’ I said. ‘The best way to beat a trap is not to be in it.’

  Penny didn’t look like she was sure she believed me, but she nodded stiffly. The tunnel was still quiet, so I turned my back on it and looked around. The moon shone brightly, shimmering here and there on the thickening mists. Bright lights illuminated patches of the grounds around Coronach House, but most of the exterior was lost in the dark. There wasn’t a breath of moving air anywhere, and the night was quiet. Not even a note of birdsong. The whole setting was oddly still, as though listening for something.

  ‘Did you get even a glimpse of what that thing was?’ said Penny. Most of her composure had returned.

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘It kept to the dark, right to the end. But it sounded big and powerful, and very dangerous. I can’t help feeling it was using the dark to hide from us. Why else would it deliberately blow out the lights? It went out of its way to make enough noise to let us know it was coming. As though it wanted to scare us …’

  ‘Trust me,’ said Penny, ‘it succeeded!’

  ‘But why would it need to?’ I said. ‘Something so big and powerful and dangerous?’

  ‘Could
it have been scared of us?’ said Penny.

  ‘Unlikely,’ I said.

  ‘Could it have known about you? What you are?’

  ‘Even less likely.’

  ‘At least now we know the creature is real,’ said Penny.

  ‘But was that the Coronach creature? Or Baphomet? Or something else entirely?’ I said.

  ‘And was that what killed Jennifer Rifkin and October?’ said Penny.

  ‘Seems likely,’ I said. ‘What are the chances of there being more than one horribly dangerous creature on the loose?’

  ‘Don’t even go there!’ said Penny.

  ‘But … was that thing the killer?’ I said. ‘Or just the killer’s trained attack dog? The murderer or the murder weapon?’

  ‘Baron sent us down into the cellar,’ said Penny. ‘Maybe it belongs to him.’

  ‘Baron only knew about the cellar because the Major Domo told him about it,’ I said. ‘And I have to wonder … what made her suddenly think of it?’

  Penny made a loud exasperated sound. ‘Enough complications! My head hurts. Is there anything about this case we can be sure of?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘That things are a lot more complicated than we thought.’

  ‘I will slap you,’ said Penny.

  I flashed the penlight’s beam down the tunnel mouth, but I couldn’t see anything. Or hear or smell anything.

  ‘It’s not coming after us,’ I said. ‘Let’s get back to the House. The mist’s getting heavy, and it’s cold out here.’

  Lights burned fiercely from Coronach House, even through the thickening grey haze, but most of the building was lost in the gloom. I thought briefly of will-o’-the-wisps, that only exist to lure travellers to their doom, though it wasn’t like we had anywhere else to go. We struck out across the open ground, leaning on each other for support. It was further than I thought; and the uneven earth was full of sudden potholes, and unexpected vegetation that snagged viciously at our clothes. With the loch quickly hidden in the mists behind us, and just vague lights ahead, I felt worryingly lost. I even began to wonder if we had emerged where I thought; if that really was Coronach House ahead of us. And then two armed guards suddenly appeared out of the mists, blocking our way. They took one look at us, screamed, spun round, and ran away; disappearing back into the mists and the dark. Leaving behind nothing but the wailing sounds of their retreat. I looked at Penny.