“Come here.” She scooted to the edge of the cot.
He raised his eyebrows.
“Don’t get any ideas, mister. That’s one regret you’ll just have to deal with.”
Xan chuckled and stretched out next to her. Her hands massaged his back, and tension drained from his body as he forgot about his cares and worries.
Almost, anyway.
“What’s wrong?” she said. “You tensed up again.”
“For a moment, I felt happy. Really happy.”
“That’s a good thing,” she said.
“Why should I experience joy after bringing Hosea and Ada such misery? Why should I spend my afternoon kissing the woman I love when Marco will never get to experience that?”
“Is that what he’d want? For you to be miserable the rest of your life?”
“Maybe,” Xan said.
Her hands stopped.
“Fine,” he said. “Probably not. But it doesn’t seem right. I should be in a jail somewhere or something. Dying on a battlefield, at least. Not enjoying life.”
She sighed. “I understand the feelings you’re having. I do. It’s natural to feel a certain amount of … guilt … about what happened, and you haven’t mourned properly. It’s okay for you to be sad, but there’s also nothing wrong with being happy.”
“Isn’t there?”
“No. Xan …”
He wiped at his eyes.
“If there’s anything I can do,” she said. “Anything at all …”
A few minutes ago, he would have teased her, taking that offer in a direction a lot different than the one she intended, but his heart wasn’t in it. Instead, he forced a smile. “I’m fine. Really. See you tonight?”
“You’re sure?”
He kissed her again, a short peck, and eventually got her to leave. With a groan, he turned to his desk where a stack of reports waited for him, detailing everything from the amount of food they had remaining to the results of their ongoing recruitment to analysis of training techniques.
Oh well. Better to be productive than to wallow in misery.
He’d made it about halfway through when Brant barged in.
Xan shot to his feet. “What’s wrong?”
“We’ve got to work together.”
“I thought we were working together.”
“Not you and me, dummy,” Brant said, “Our forces. Coordinating attacks isn’t enough. We need them to be a single unit if we’re to have any chance.”
“Good idea,” Xan said, mocking enthusiasm. “We’re saved!”
“What?”
“How the blast will anything we do help? Barius will destroy us to a man without losing one blasted mage.”
“No.”
“Okay, maybe I was being too pessimistic. If we get really lucky, maybe we’ll kill one of his.”
“We can win.”
Xan rolled his eyes.
“I’m serious,” Brant said. “Last time Dastanar attacked, they only came at us with thirty mages. They can’t know how many we’ve recruited since then. They’ll be counting on us having, what, maybe a hundred or so? They’ll surely only bring a small force again, right? We’ll whittle them down.”
“And if they attack with everything they have?”
“Well, I guess … you’ll have to think of something,” Brant said. “Like you always do.”
Xan shook his head. “I just need to make better decisions, huh?”
“What does that mean?”
“I have no idea.” Xan sighed. “Sorry, rough day. What was your proposal?”
“Combine our two forces into a single army.”
The ends of Xan’s mouth curled upward. “With a supreme commander, right?”
“Well … having two people try to lead is a bad idea.”
Xan’s grin widened. “Let me guess … you should be the one in charge.”
Brant flashed a smile in return, and for a moment, it was like old times. “Who else?”
“Okay.”
“That’s it?” Brant said. “ ‘Okay?’ Your general won’t have a problem taking orders from me?”
“Gregg will be relieved to have an actual officer in charge. Besides, from the moment I founded Eye Lake, I knew I’d need lots of help. You being my general is a great start. If I can somehow get Dylan and Lainey, too, and assuming any of us survive the next few weeks, I might have a chance.”
“I figured you’d love being the all-powerful leader, everybody jumping when you told them to.”
“In my dreams,” Xan said. “The responsibilities …”
Brant nodded, his face losing its good humor. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Some of the choices I’ve had to made … being an officer isn’t what I thought it was.”
Xan sank into his chair. “Your dad always says to choose the ground and choose the battle. Instead, I’m being pushed into doing exactly what Barius wants.”
“What’s our choice? We have to do whatever the duke and queen order.”
“Do we?”
“I do,” Brant said, “and you probably should.”
“Let’s pretend for a second that I’m able to pull out a miracle plan that leads us to victory. That win won’t come without a price. Some of your people will die.”
“It’s war. Soldiers accept that there will be causalities.”
“You’re right,” Xan said. “They knew what they were signing up for, but what about their spouses? Kids? Because you follow orders, some little boy or girl somewhere will grow up without a mother or father. Doesn’t that bother you?”
“Of course it does! But I have faith that the people who gave me those orders had a good reason.”
“One worth dying for?”
Brant shrugged.
Xan ran his hand through his hair. His life would be so simple if he could just do what he was told without question, let the queen take responsibility for the lives that were lost. But he couldn’t. The people of Eye Lake were his obligation.
“Look man,” Brant said, “I know you’ve got a lot on your mind, but you’ve got to play nice with the queen. Promise me.”
“I’ll behave myself,” Xan said.
“Like you did with the ambassador?”
“I swear I’ll be as humble and accommodating as I can possibly be.”
To the north, trumpets sounded.
Brant let out a breath. “I guess that will have to do.
“Why?” Xan said. “What was that?”
“The queen’s vanguard.”
87.
Xan frantically pulled on his boots.
Two blasted days since the queen arrived at Aingfief. With an overwhelming enemy looming over them, she’d made him wait two blasted days. Then, she had the unmitigated gall to have him hauled out of bed in the middle of the night for an immediate meeting.
Ridiculous.
All that just to show how important she was in relation to Xan. Playing stupid games. The only reason he even bothered hurrying was because he had made promises to so many of his friends, and oh yeah, the crushing burden of responsibility to the people whose lives depended on him.
That, too.
And of course, being patient with the game playing was what Tasia would want him to do. For her, his people, and his friends, he would bear a little condescension.
The only bright side was that her delay had provided him ample opportunity to observe her mages and make plans with Gregg and Robyn should the queen pull anything. Surely, though, she was too smart for that. A fight between them would doom both.
Not that they weren’t already both doomed, so he was probably right to worry.
Xan sighed and trudged toward the queen’s tent. Despite the urgency of the message, he drew the line at running. He would not arrive out of breath. Instead, he was calm, cool, and collected when the royal guards escorted him inside.
They’d erected an actual dais, albeit only a two-foot high one, and a throne rested on it. She sat on the throne, of course, with adv
isors and guards scattered about the space. Xan recognized only Poole and Ashley.
She smiled at him. Weird, considering he hadn’t seen her since their confrontation. He figured she hated his guts. Then again, she was the type to grin while she shoved a knife in your gut.
Xan pulled his eyes from her to focus on the queen. He nodded. “Your majesty.”
He quickly scanned the occupants. Fifteen were mages, more than enough to block his magic. An ominous sign, but hopefully, it was simply a precaution.
An old fat noble standing behind the queen’s right shoulder drew his attention. “One should bow before one’s queen.”
Subjects bowed. Visiting monarchs on equal footing did not bow. Xan needed to be seen as an equal.
But securing the best result meant going out of his way to be polite.
Still … bowing to her? The thought irked him.
Tasia. His people. His friends.
Ugh!
Fine.
Xan quickly bent at the waist and bobbed back up. “Your majesty.”
Queen Anna frowned at him before addressing the noble. “Not much of a bow. What are they teaching commoners these days about showing proper respect?”
“I know, your majesty,” the man said. “Back in my father’s day, we would have hung a peasant for such a slight.”
Xan sighed. More games. Didn’t they have more important things to worry about than one-upmanship? He certainly did. “If you two are finished with the posturing, can we get on with this?”
Man, he’d promised to play nice and behave himself. That was anything but playing nice and behaving himself.
“Duke Macias, please express our displeasure at the commoner’s rudeness,” Queen Anna said.
Xan tensed. Here he was trying to make peace, and she couldn’t even bother to speak to him directly? She wouldn’t even look at him. He clenched his fists.
“Young man,” Macias said, “we demand you display the proper decorum—”
“I heard her, you—” Xan choked off his voice before he called the man a fat fool.
Macias’ face turned red. “Commoners do not interrupt their betters.”
“I am the Gryphon, lord wizard of Eye Lake, the most powerful man in the three kingdoms!”
“You are a filthy mage,” the duke said. “A tool. Nothing more. And certainly not an equal.”
It was all Xan could do not to charge to the front of the room and punch him.
“Duke Macias,” Ashley said, “While I understand your viewpoint, I’m not sure how it helps my father. Without an alliance, there’s nothing to stop King Barius from taking Asherton and moving on Escon next.”
Neither the queen nor Macias looked pleased at her statements.
“Perhaps,” Ashley said, “each side could find a way to compromise?”
Poole snorted. “With this bullheaded pea … uh, young man? Doubtful.”
Xan flexed his hands. So much depended on him. He needed to regain his calm. “Your majesty, my force outnumbers anything you and Duke Asher can field, and our only chance against King Barius is for us to stand together.” He shrugged. “If you don’t want my help, though, I don’t see what I can do about it. If you change your mind, I’ll be at Eye Lake.”
The queen nodded at Macias.
“We shall have you arrested,” the duke said. “Even now, our mages are blocking your powers.”
Xan rolled his eyes. “Do you think I’m an idiot?”
No one spoke.
“No, really,” Xan said. “Do you think me feeble-minded?”
“I’m sure none of us think that,” Ashley said.
“Then, why the blast would you think me unprepared for treachery? You don’t think my mages are monitoring this situation? Do you understand how magic battles work? How outnumbered you are? I have close to two hundred mages. Even if you’ve coordinated with Brant, that’s forty-six more than the two of you combined, and that’s not even counting me. Make a move, and you’re all dead!”
They stared at him like he’d lost his mind.
Xan held his hands wide apart. “Just to be clear—my force.” He held his hands almost touching. “Your force.”
“Why not take command, then?” Ashley said. “Kill the queen, the duke, everyone?”
“Because two hundred mages won’t do me much good against a thousand. Three-fifty probably won’t either, but …”
The queen’s mages were mostly culled from her army. There was no way they’d follow him if he usurped her throne, even if he kept her on as a puppet. Besides, he was already responsible for enough people. He shuddered to think about having to care for the whole of Bermau.
Macias and the queen exchanged a glance.
“Let me guess,” Xan said, “you’ll have me killed in my sleep.”
Their eyes went wide, and Xan laughed.
“That’s a grand idea. Simply brilliant. Because it’s not like assassins have already tried. Do you know how hard it is to kill a death mage?”
Macias shot a look at Poole. “Apparently not as easy as we were led to believe.”
“Well,” Xan said, “you’re welcome to try. Keep in mind, though, that any attempt to kill me or mine will result in war between us, so you better get it right the first time.”
“Perhaps we should adjourn to consider this information, your majesty,” Macias said.
The queen glared at him. “I will not be cowed by an ignorant peasant.”
Xan’s hands shook with his effort to restrain himself. He needed the queen’s army and her mages, but there was no way she would ever treat with him. The meeting was a waste of time.
“You know what,” he said, “I’m done. I tried. I failed. Good luck with Dastanar.”
He turned and stormed from the tent.
88.
Xan rushed from the queen’s tent.
Tasia waited just outside, and he barely avoided colliding with her.
“What happened?” she said.
“Uh …” Xan looked at the ground.
“Tell me!”
“She started it!”
“Alexander Conley, what are you, five?”
“No.” That had come out sullen.
Tasia met his eyes. “What is most important to you right now—your pride or the fate of the three kingdoms? Your pride or the lives of the people depending on you?”
Xan lifted his face to look at her. “My pride?” He couldn’t help but grin, and though she tried to hide it, neither could she.
“If that’s the way you’re going to be,” she said, “I’ll have to issue an ultimatum. Until you apologize to the queen, no more kisses.”
“You wouldn’t …”
She sighed. “No. I wouldn’t.”
Xan drew her to him and kissed her. He marveled that he’d found someone so incredible who actually felt the same way about him that he felt about her. How had that happened?
“But I would like for you to apologize,” she said once their lips had parted. “It’s the right thing to do.”
A united force stood a better chance against Barius than isolated factions, and if the queen wouldn’t step up to be the better person, someone sure needed to. But apologizing? Could he force those words from his mouth?
He looked at Tasia, staring at him like he was her hero. Like she expected only the best from him.
“Fine,” Xan said. “For you.”
89.
Xan marched back into the queen’s tent.
Tasia followed him to offer moral support.
Right.
She was really there to make sure he didn’t renege on his promise to apologize, which was smart as he probably would have tried to escape otherwise.
He glanced back at her, pleading. She shook her head.
Worth a shot.
The same group was still gathered around the dais at the front of the tent. They stared at him with self-satisfied, smug expressions.
“I must apologize,” Xan said through clenched teeth.
There. That was close enough to an actual apology. It had, after all, contained the word “apologize.” He didn’t dare look back at Tasia, though.
Before anyone could respond, he continued. “I should not have stormed out. We’re facing an overwhelming force, and our only small chance is that we unite our forces. Letting my … personal feelings … impede our alliance was not … productive.”
The queen nodded.
He could work with that. “You are the ruler of Bermau, and I have not shown you the proper deference. For that, I sincerely apologize.”
She nodded again.
Okay. Good.
He risked a glance back at Tasia. She gave him a warm smile. Better.
Xan met the queen’s eyes. “I must note, however, that I also saved Asherton from defeat. Without me, Dastanar would have a foothold in the kingdom, and you wouldn’t even know the true nature of the threat. And I single-handedly killed one hundred of Barius’ mages.” He paused. “I humbly submit that I, too, deserve respect.”
The queen pursed her lips, but she didn’t outright object.
“Things are changing,” Xan said. “Magic has returned. That you’ve recruited your own mages shows you recognize that fact.”
Again, she nodded.
“We stand at the precipice of a new age, and I guarantee that you and I will both be in the history books,” Xan said. “What I don’t know is if we’ll be remembered as the villains who started the second Wizards War, or if we’ll be the heroes who set the three kingdoms on the path to peace.”
“And to embark upon this marvelous journey to becoming legendary rulers,” the queen said, “you suggest …”
Xan took a deep breath. She’d acknowledged his existence, addressing him directly. He had a chance if he didn’t screw it up. “You repeal the law prohibiting magic, recognize Eye Lake as a sovereign nation with me as its ruler, and allow mages freedom from onerous regulations.”
The queen’s expression hardened. “That’s all, is it?”
“I do ask a lot, but I give a lot in return.”
Gryphon (Rise of the Mages Book 2) Page 47