“What happened?”
“His condition got worse, and when I cut him off financially, he started selling my shit. He was now a drug addict too. I tried getting him help, even put him into a rehab program. He got himself out. And finally, I had enough. I gave him an ultimatum to clean up or get out. He didn’t get out. I left, but by then, I’d lost everything. I swore to myself that I’d never do this again.”
“And I’m making you relive it.”
I glanced over at him. His eyes were closed, his face pinched as though in pain. He was heartbreakingly beautiful.
“The truth is, Ashton, you’re not the only one broken in this relationship.” I smoothed the furrows between his brows with my thumb. “I’m terrified of watching another boy I love spiral out of control. I’m not sure if I have the strength to do it again. And yet, once more, I find I can’t leave. I can’t let you go through this alone.”
“You love me?”
“More than you could ever know.” I leaned forward and kissed his lips. “You’re the light in my world, baby, but there’s still so much darkness in you, and I don’t have a light of my own. I’m afraid my own darkness won’t be of much use to you.”
“I wish I could be better for you.” He cupped my cheek and kissed me back softly. “I’ll do the AA program. I swear I’ll stick through it. We’ll get through this, won’t we, Daddy?”
“We will, my boy.”
I was lying through my teeth, but the last thing Ashton needed to hear was the truth. About the rocky days ahead. It took little effort to be an alcoholic and the very opposite to regain sobriety.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ashton
“The mayor’s nephew and heir to the Keyes billion-dollar fortune crashes car into family restaurant while drunk.” Mother lowered the newspaper and glared at me from across the table. “Do you have any idea the damage you’ve done, Ashton? When will you stop being so selfish? Think of your poor uncle and how this will affect his campaign going forward with all your bad publicity.”
I cringed at the anger in Mother’s voice, but this time I didn’t get offended. I didn’t get defensive about what had happened. She was right. For so long, I’d blamed her for the way I behaved and how our relationship unfolded, but I had a part in this as well.
I was at fault for what had happened two nights ago. It still haunted me how irresponsible I’d been. It was a wonder Daddy Callum hadn’t pushed me out of his life already, but I could sense how on edge he was. Our relationship wasn’t the same anymore; I’d ruined it.
He walked on eggshells around me, always asking me if I was okay. Yesterday, when he’d been at work in the café, he’d called me every so often to check up on me. It was sweet of him, but I hated the reason he felt compelled to do it.
I didn’t want to be the drunk boyfriend he had to check up on to find out if he was wasted.
“I’m at the end of my patience with you, Ashton,” Mother continued, her shrill voice ringing out loudly, even though we were the only ones having breakfast in the room.
For once, when she’d demanded my presence at the table for breakfast, I hadn’t disobeyed. I deserved everything that was coming to me right now. I’d lied, and it was now catching up to me. I needed to tell Callum everything. Everything.
Maybe then he’d understand more and wouldn’t get that look of uncertainty in his eyes. The look of betrayal. I’d broken his trust, and I needed it back. Our dynamic was broken if he couldn’t trust me, and I was already beginning to feel it.
I needed to make it right.
“I’m not going to sit here and watch while you make us all suffer!” Mother cried. “Did you even read the paper? Do you know some people are speculating that you were trying to kill yourself?”
My head flew up at that. “You must know that’s ridiculous.”
“Do I, Ashton? I don’t know you anymore and what you’re capable of.” She rose to her feet and stopped by my chair, where she placed a brochure.
“Safe Haven Treatment Center,” I read and glanced up at Mother. “What is this?”
“I’ve signed you up for one of the best alcohol and drug rehab programs in the country. Of course this means you’ll have to stay at the facility for forty-five days, but at this point, you don’t have another option.”
I sucked in a deep breath and dropped the brochure to the table. “I won’t go.”
“You will go.” She tapped me on the shoulder. “I’ll cut you off. Don’t think I can’t get you to be signed off as unfit to manage anything to do with your inheritance. Go to Texas.”
She walked away, the heels of her shoes clicking onto the tiles. Alone, I picked up the brochure and skimmed through it.
The facilities were great and not at all what I would’ve imagined it to be. It looked more like a country club with a tennis court, private gym, swimming pool, and sauna.
Their recovery program was touted as holistic, focusing on the body and the mind. Music was a big part of their program and used in conjunction with trained clinical psychologists for wellness.
Everything looked good. The testimonials were great. Of course they wouldn’t show any bad reviews about the place, but there was one major drawback. Austin was over a thousand miles away from Battersea. Austin didn’t have Coffee Crave. It didn’t have Daddy Callum.
It didn’t have the bad experiences and memories either. My past indiscretions and sins weren’t steeped in Austin. There I’d be just another face. Nobody would expect anything from me except to sober up.
But I needed Daddy Callum. I needed to talk to him.
First things first. I left my breakfast mostly untouched and went to the home office, where I knew I could find Mother. The door was ajar, and I walked in without knocking. She wasn’t sitting at her desk as I thought she’d be but stood at the side table, a framed photo of her and my father in hand.
“Mother.”
Startled, she turned, and I was stunned at the wetness of her cheeks.
“Yes?” She replaced the frame on the table and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “What is it, Ashton? I have business to take care of.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. Sorry for way more than she’d ever know. Sorry for taking away her husband and favorite son. Sorry I hadn’t died along with them. Maybe it would’ve been easier for her.
“Are you going to the treatment facility?”
“I don’t know,” I replied honestly. “There’s someone here I care about deeply. I don’t want to leave him.”
“If he cares about you just as much, he’ll realize this is the best for you.”
“He’s supposed to go with me to AA meetings. We found a meetup that allows family.”
“The treatment facility in Austin is the best you’ll find, Ashton.”
“I know, but I don’t think I can do it alone. Callum—”
“For god’s sake, Ashton! Are you really going to throw your sobriety away for a man?”
“Not just any man, Mother. The one I love. The man who believes in me.”
She took up a file from her desk and glanced away from me. “You know, when you started with that apology, I seriously thought we were getting somewhere, but now I see that you haven’t changed, even with all that’s happened.”
“You mean the apology you haven’t even accepted?” I asked bitterly. “You may not believe I can do this, but I will, and I’ll show you too.”
“Please do. That would make me the happiest mother alive.”
Without acknowledging her statement, I left the office, closing the door behind me. She made me feel so small, even after all my attempts to make up for my wrongs. Why couldn’t she believe in me? Not that I’d given her a reason to, but Callum hadn’t just thrown in the towel. He was willing to give me a chance.
I needed to talk to Callum about the facility. Surely he wouldn’t want to send me away to the rehab program all the way in Austin. It was just forty-five days, but I could feel my anxiety being triggered of
f by the very thought of being away for so long.
I called Rue to drive me to the café. There was something different about him somehow. He seemed more somber. He didn’t smile as easily, and I was afraid I might’ve also broken his trust.
“Rue, I owe you an apology,” I said when he parked at the café.
“You don’t owe me anything, Master Ashton,” he returned as he opened the car door for me.
“Of course I do. You’ve put up with me all these years. I’ve thrown up on you, yelled at you when I was drunk, and you’ve always been here.”
“It’s what I’m paid to do, sir.”
“But you’re not paid to care, are you? For that, thank you.”
He nodded at me and smiled briefly. It was a start at least. “Should I wait for you, sir?”
“Just give me a minute while I check if Callum is busy.”
I was so eager to see Callum and talk to him about the rehabilitation program, but I understood the café might be busy. It wasn’t overly so, but I didn’t see him any at all. Just Phil and Brayden manning the station.
“Hey, Phil, Callum around?” Sometimes Callum was in the back.
“He took the day off,” Phil said. The look he gave me was icy. “Something he’s never done before since we’ve been in business.”
And it was my fault. He didn’t need to say it for me to hear the words.
“I’ll just check in with him upstairs, then.”
“Don’t bother. He’s not there either.”
“Oh.” Since he made no attempt to explain, I just nodded at him. “Okay, thanks. I guess I’ll call him to find out where he is.”
I hurried from the café, feeling unwelcomed for the first time since setting foot inside all these months ago. I was halfway to the car when someone called my name.
“Ashton!”
I turned to face Phil, who caught up with me. “Yes?”
“We need to talk. It’s about Callum.”
My stomach felt like lead was poured into it. “Look, I know you think I’m not good enough for him, and I can’t say I blame you, but I’m trying, okay? That’s why I want to talk to him.”
“It’s not about you trying.” His brows furrowed. “It’s about how seeing you trying and failing will affect him. He’s been through this already, and it broke Cal. He’s still feeling the effects of that relationship, and finally he’s in a good place in his life. He doesn’t need you to mess up his head.”
“He told me about that.”
“Then you should understand that because of what happened to Mario, he’d never willingly break off your relationship. He’d only blame himself if it pushed you over the edge like it did Mario.”
I frowned at him. “What happened to Mario?”
“I see he didn’t tell you everything.” He took a pen out of his pocket and held out his hand. “Give me your arm.”
I extended my arm out to him, and he scribbled on my skin. “That’s an address. If you really want to know what happened to Mario Webber. For a long time, Cal blamed himself for what happened. He thinks he’s stopped blaming himself, but he hasn’t. The burden he’s placed on himself caring for that boy, even though they’re no longer together, goes to show he’s still living with the guilt of ending that relationship. He couldn’t handle the breakup and is barely alive to show for it.”
“Are you sure it’s okay for me to go there?”
“They’re open to visitors. Just give them his name and tell them you’re a friend of Callum’s.”
I nodded. “Thank you.”
He shook his head. “Don’t thank me. Cal’s gonna kill me when he finds out I sent you there, but I won’t let him be hurt like that again. If you really love him, you’ll save him the heartache and let him go because he won’t do it, even if he knows it’s the right thing for him. He’ll suffer through it.”
He jogged back to the café while I glanced at the address on my arm.
“Everything okay, Master Ashton?” Rue asked when I returned to the car.
“Everything is fine. Can you take me to the following address?”
Rue studied my arm, then pulled out onto the road while I sat uneasily in the back seat, my legs restless. This seemed wrong somehow. Like I shouldn’t be going to this place without talking to Callum first.
If he’d wanted me to know Mario was right here in Battersea with him, he would’ve said so when he told me about their relationship. I felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of Callum having another boy around. One who he gave his attention to. Now I was pretty certain that was the place where he visited on Wednesdays.
“It’s a nursing home,” Rue said when we finally got there, and he drove up the driveway. His announcement wasn’t really necessary, since I could read the sign at the front of the property.
“Are you sure you’re supposed to be here, sir?”
“I doubt it, but I have to know.”
Phil had seemed so earnest when he’d begged me to leave Callum alone. Whatever had happened to Mario and Callum had shaken him up. He had to be concerned for him to risk Callum’s wrath for directing me here.
“I’ll be right back, Rue.”
I entered the nursing home. The place looked clean, and the lady standing behind the desk smiled at me.
“Welcome to Battersea Nursing Home. I’m Candace. How may I help you?”
“I’m Ashton Keyes.” I ignored the way her eyes widened when I said my name. “I’m here to visit with Mario Webber.”
“How nice!” She pushed a clipboard in my direction. “Mario has only had one visitor since he’s been here. If you could just sign this for me, please, I’ll ring a porter to take you to him.”
While I signed the standard form, she picked up the phone and called for a porter. I filled in my name and signature and scribbled some nonsense about visiting with a friend where they required a reason for the visit. By the time I finished and handed her back the pen and the clipboard, a middle-aged gentleman arrived.
“This is Stanley,” Candace introduced the newcomer. “He’ll take you to see Mario.”
“Thank you.”
I was so nervous I could only follow Stanley’s back instead of trying to make my usual small talk. We went down a hall and passed an open living space where a few people were chattering. They were mostly elderly.
“Once a day, we take him out of his room,” Stanley said. “He likes the garden best, and he doesn’t require much assistance, since he’s not likely to wander off on his own.”
I swallowed at the bit of information, still not at all sure what to expect. We stopped at a door that he opened, then gestured me inside.
“Now you stay as long as you want,” Stanley told me. “There’s a phone inside. You hit one zero, and it will connect you with the front desk if you need anything.”
“All right, thanks, Stanley.”
“The pleasure is mine.”
The staff was friendly, and the place seemed nice, but I couldn’t imagine spending my time somewhere like this. The room was small and minimal. My attention was focused on the wheelchair beside the bed and the small figure sitting in it. He didn’t even acknowledge my presence, even though his eyes flittered dully across the room. I didn’t get the impression that he saw much of anything.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, in that moment finally understanding Callum more than I ever had. He’d loved this boy who now looked through me as if I wasn’t in this room. I couldn’t reconcile the pale face and gaunt bones with the boy Callum had spoken of. The tantrums. The arguments. How could those have come out of someone who now seemed lifeless?
I forced myself to step farther into the room until I was in front of him. Then I crouched, touching his hand and feeling the frail bones beneath. I didn’t know him, but my eyes pricked with tears seeing him and knowing he had once been a vibrant boy.
We had the same Daddy, and now I was putting him through the same thing Mario had. I didn’t know their full story, but Callum must’v
e moved Mario from New York to Battersea. You didn’t just do that for someone you didn’t care for.
And I got it. I did. Knowing Callum and his sense of responsibility toward his boys, he wouldn’t have washed his hands of Mario when he needed him the most. The way he didn’t wash his hands of me.
Now I was doing the same thing to him that Mario had done. Phil was right. I couldn’t put Callum through this again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Callum
“You’ve reached the queen of England. Hah, got ya! It’s Ash, but I can’t take your call right now. You know what to do after the beep!”
I gritted my teeth as I ended the call. At first, I’d found Ashton’s voicemail greeting to be cute. It was so him, but after listening to the recording for the past five days, I was sick of it. All I wanted him to do was to pick up the damn phone already. To let me know he was okay, even if he didn’t want to talk to me.
Dammit, he owed me that much. I was worried sick about him. I punched the redial button again, taking note of the number of times I’d called him. Sixty-two times in five days. And how many times had he tried to get in touch with me? None.
Last night, when I was in bed tossing and turning, I received a strange call from an unknown number, but I got no reply from the other end of the line, no matter how many times I’d asked who it was. A part of me wanted to believe it had been Ashton, but why wouldn’t he speak to me?
“Ash, it’s Daddy,” I said after the greeting played again. I cleared my throat and continued. “I’m worried about you. I don’t know if you’re okay. I need you to answer the phone and give me some sign that you’re okay, baby. I deserve to know that at least, right?”
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