I broke the kiss, breathless and extracted my fingers from his grip. “I’ll text you after dinner.”
Brett nodded and then pushed open his door, hopping out of the car. He came around the front then opened my door for me. After one last hug, I waved goodbye and then walked up to my front door. He remained, watching until I stepped inside. Once I walked into my house, he hopped back in his mom’s Volvo and pulled out.
Shutting the front door behind me, I realized the inside of my house was completely dark. “Mom? Dad?” I called out and flipped the light on.
“In here,” my dad’s voice called out from the living room but the words sounded slurred.
With great trepidation, I dropped my overnight bag by the door and walked towards the living room. The closer I got, the more I could smell the liquor. The place smelled like a brewery and I knew I would find my father drunk, even though the man usually only drank on New Year’s Eve.
“Daddy?” I called out, stepping into the living room. It was dusk and all the curtains were drawn. The lamps were all switched off but the TV was on and its eerie blue glow was enough to see by. I found my father slumped on the couch, gripping a bottle that was only half full.
“Where’s Mom?” I asked. I knew that one question would answer all the others.
“Gone,” my father answered, and took a swig from the bottle. He was still wearing the clothes he had on when I left. He must have been drinking the entire time I was gone. I instantly felt guilty for leaving him.
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask if they were still going to divorce, but my father looked a mess and it seemed cruel to even bring it up. So I bit my lip and hesitated. Should I stay with him and try to take care of him? Or did he need to be by himself?
“Have you eaten?” I asked. “Are you hungry? I could make dinner.”
My father slowly shook his head. “I’m not hungry.” Then he dug around in his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He held out his wallet for me. “Here. Get something for yourself.”
I sighed and shook my head. “No, that’s alright. I’ll just cook something.”
My father nodded and just opened his fingers, dropping the wallet to the floor.
“Daddy,” I squeaked. The look of anguish and defeat on his face, my heart was breaking. He looked as if the world had literally chewed him up and spit him out. But no, the world didn’t do it, I realized. It was my mother.
“Just go, Amanda. I’ll be okay. I just need… to be alone.”
I took a step toward him. I wanted to fix this, or at least help somehow. “I can order a pizza.”
My father shook his head.
“We could watch a movie together…”
“Please, just go,” my father said, but I still wanted to help him.
“I’ll cook something. We can just hang out…”
“No, Amanda. Go,” my father growled and his face flushed red with irritation. He tipped the bottle back and took an angry swig.
“Okay,” I said softly and took a step back. “If you need anything, I’ll be upstairs.”
My father nodded and glared at me some more. Suddenly, I just had to get out of the room. I knew it was the alcohol, and I knew it was because of the stress and all the shit with my mother, but my father was usually so nice to me it hurt to be on the end of such a glare.
“Go,” he growled again, and I spun on my heel, taking off.
I ran all the up to my room, leaving my bag by the door. I still had my phone in my pocket though. I whipped it out as I threw myself across my bed. It was still too soon to text Brett, and I really didn’t want to talk about what was going on so I sent a text to Grace, asking her casually what was up with her.
I probably should have texted Brett though because the text Grace sent me back nearly gave me a heart attack.
Grace: My period is late and I’m fucking freaking out! Can I come over?
Brett
I was excited, anxious, and full of nerves at that moment. I felt like I did before a tournament. I didn’t sleep much last night, I kept thinking of Mandy all night. Her smile, her breasts, and the way she moaned. The way she laughed and the very simple smell of her skin, it was a very faint sweet smell. The moments continued running through my mind, like a wave of happiness and love swirling around inside a bottle.
I thought about masturbating to the memories of our time together but I couldn’t for some reason. It felt like those were sacred for some reason I couldn’t really think of, and that I should use other times with her, not us losing our virginity together. God, I didn’t think I could tell her about that though, she would have thought I was turning into a huge mushy pussy.
My parents returned home about a half hour after I got back from dropping off my girl, and I think they knew something was up.
Dad said I had a swagger about me and Mom said we should air the house out.
I think I might have turned a couple shades of red. Thankfully, Dad winked at me then patted me on the shoulder asking, “What do you want for dinner?”
“Up to you guys, pizza sounds good though,” I said.
“You didn’t get enough pizza this weekend?” my dad asked, laughing.
“Um,” was my very brilliant response. I was not the cooking type exactly, most of my cooking ends up in the trash bin.
“I doubt it. I bet Mandy is a really good cook,” Mom said with a laugh.
“Uh.” I knew I was bright red and caught.
Dad wrapped his arm around me and smiled. “Were you protected?”
Nodding my head, I looked both of them in the eye. Embarrassed or not my parents expect me to be responsible. “Yes, we were.”
* * *
Standing in front of the school building, I waited to see her. I didn’t sleep well at all and I may have gotten there even earlier than normal. But I needed to see Mandy again. Her texts weren’t all that talkative last night, but being home with her parents I could understand it.
I kept thinking of what Mom and Dad talked about to me the night before– were we being careful and were we in love? And had we talked about the future and what we wanted?
I was pretty sure about the first two, but the last one was the most interesting to them and me. Because the truth of the matter was that I was pretty sure we weren’t exactly on the same page, but we were close.
I had applied to quite a few colleges all over the country. I wanted to give in to what my father said and give myself as many options as I could. It never hurts to have backups of backups. So, as far as I was concerned I was going to go to one of the ones that offered me full ride with academic scholarships, which was about five schools. Two were in the northeast part of the country, one in Florida, one out west at USC, and my very own UNLV. I liked the idea of going to one here. I could continue training and fighting as well as get my Master’s in Education. I really wanted to be a history teacher if the fighting stuff didn’t professionally work out.
Mandy had her applications out there too, but she hadn’t told me much about it. I knew she wanted pursue Theatre, but where? Surely UNLV had a good theatre department, at least I heard then it did.
Did I want to be with her for the rest of my life? Right then, if I was given the choice? I would have raced to the nearest jeweler and bought her a ring. We just fit right, together it felt like we were whole. I knew it was young love and often times it ended badly, but I could dream and hope.
* * *
She smiled at me as she and Grace walked up the stairs together. It was one of those special smiles she saved for me, but it didn’t hold for long. She tilted her head to a very distracted Grace before coming up and giving me a brief but fierce hug.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”
I nodded my head and smiled to her, all the while in my head I was thinking what the fuck? But if her friend was in need I’d do what I could to help and support her.
Chapter Thirteen
Mandy
Things te
nd to come in threes, don’t they? First it was my parents splitting. Then it was my weekend with Brett, losing my virginity. And finally it was Grace and her missed period.
I felt like a shitty friend. Grace needed me last night but I couldn’t invite her over. I just couldn’t do that to my dad. What was happening between my parents was still very private, and he deserved to handle it however he wished without anyone else seeing. Even if that other person was my best friend. So I did my best to console her through text messages and on the phone.
I don’t think I did a very good job of it though.
The next day Grace and I met early before school. We hit the pharmacy and bought a few pregnancy tests, but decided it would be best if she waited until after school to take them. That probably wasn’t the best decision, either. Grace was seriously a wreck. And Brett, he was there early to meet me, and I couldn’t even explain it to him.
School felt like it lasted forever, and when it was finally over I gave Brett just a quick kiss on the cheek and promised to tell him later. Well, what I was allowed to tell him, anyway. He didn’t seem happy, and I knew I was giving him some serious mixed signals but it couldn’t be helped. My best friend needed me, and I needed to be there for her.
Grace and I retreated to my house to take the tests. After checking, I found my dad snoring loudly in his own bed. Grace was too wrapped up in herself or just polite enough not to comment on the state of the house. The place had that very distinct, very noticeable stale liquor smell to it.
In my bathroom connected to my bedroom we had all the privacy needed and the comfort of knowing we wouldn’t be interrupted.
“What does two lines mean?” Grace asked.
I hesitated to take the stick she held out in offering to me. I knew she just peed on the thing and seriously didn’t want to touch it.
“Um,” I said and bit my lip while reading the box the test came out of. We had five different brands and every single one of them used different symbols to show the results. We should have splurged on the ones that told you straight up pregnant or not pregnant. It seemed cruel of the companies who manufactured the tests to have them read like hieroglyphics. Seriously, what the fuck?
“Two lines you’re pregnant. One line you’re not.”
Grace’s bottom lip trembled. “Shit.” She looked down at the stick, her eyes watering and I just knew she was on the verge of bursting into tears. I threw the box to the side and stepped forward, meaning to give her a hug.
Suddenly her lip stopped trembling and she said hopefully, “Maybe this one is broke.”
I dropped my arms and gave her a quick nod. “Let’s try a different one.”
Five different tests peed on and all came back with the same result: Grace was pregnant.
And she was beside herself.
I felt inadequate and ill equipped to comfort her. So I just held her and hugged her, and told her I would be there for her no matter what. Grace cried and sobbed, asking what she was supposed to do now. And I didn’t have an answer for her. My personal situation being what it was, I felt like perhaps I was the last person who should give her advice. But still I was there for her, even if all I could give were soothing words and hugs.
Grace left after crying herself out. She wanted her mom, understandably, and knowing her mom myself, I knew she would be there for her. I shuddered to think what my own mother would do if the situation was reversed.
Remembering my mom, it struck me how I hadn’t heard from her all weekend. She didn’t even have the decency to tell me where she was. But then again, it felt like her. Selfish and only thinking about herself. And then I felt bad for thinking like that. Though it was true, it felt wrong to think like that because she was my mom. I’d just have to wait and see how everything played out. Hopefully, maybe, after some time my parents could work everything out. I’d never seen my dad so low. It was like he was broken without her.
Feeling entirely too melancholy about everything, and after such a fantastic weekend to boot, I stretched out across the bed and gave Brett a call, knowing just hearing his voice would cheer me up.
“Hey?” he answered with hesitation, as if he didn’t know what to expect.
“Hey, you,” I said back. “I’m sorry about today. Grace had some personal stuff going on and I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone. She just left… and I miss you…”
“It’s okay,” he said and the way he said it, I knew he understood. “I miss you, too.”
My heart did a little pitter-patter hearing he missed me back.
“You do?” I asked, and I rolled over onto my back.
“Yes. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re all I think about.”
I squeezed by thighs together, thinking about him and remembering our weekend together.
“Are you busy? Do you wanna grab a burger?”
“I’ll be over in ten,” he said then hung up.
Chapter Fourteen
Mandy
Senior year of high school was flying by so fast. It felt like I blinked my eyes and it was already Christmas Break. Grace ended up deciding to keep her baby, with the support of her parents, and thankfully wasn’t due until after the school year was over. It was even more important then that we spent as much time with each other and enjoyed our last couple of months as teenagers. Adulthood was looming ever closer, like a dark cloud over my head. There were important decisions I needed to make, like what I planned on doing with my life, but I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do so I just kept putting the decisions off.
My father was still struggling with his split from my mother, apparently she ran off to New York to finally pursue her dream of modeling or acting or something. At least that’s what she said in the Merry Christmas email I received from her.
And Brett and I were growing closer than ever. When I wasn’t spending time with Grace, I was spending my time with him.
We spent most of Christmas Break together, mostly at his house with his parents. My father was still drowning his sorrows in the bottom of the bottle, and I didn’t know how to help him because he wouldn’t let me. He all but practically kicked me out of the house anytime I tried to cheer him up.
But Brett’s parents seemed more than happy to have me around.
Brett’s house became a sanctuary for me, a place I could go to and forget the shit going on with my own broken family. They accepted me and cared for me simply because their son did. And I couldn’t help but grow to care for them in return. They set a place for me at the table every night before dinner, just in case I showed up.
The closer I grew to Brett, and the more my heart ached and swelled for him, the more I just longed to spend my time in his arms. We christened just about all of the corners in every hallway in the school with our make out sessions, and even a couple of broom closets without getting caught.
When we weren’t able to use his bedroom while his parents were out, we were giving the backseat of his mom’s Volvo quite the workout. There was just something about watching Brett fight, watching him get all pumped up and sweaty that really did it for me. I was usually climbing into his lap, shoving my hands down his shorts before he could put the car in park. And he was always happy to let me start by having my way with him before he pinned me down and showed me who belonged on top.
Falling completely and utterly in love with Brett was both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. How could someone make me feel so beautiful, so strong? Like I could conquer the world with their love… Yet just the fear of losing him, losing his affections or his attentions made me feel like I would break and fall apart.
I could understand my father’s devastation over my mother. They were together for a little over eighteen years. I was with Brett for only a few months and I couldn’t imagine ever losing him. And once I realized it, once I realized how much Brett was devastating me, I started to pull back. I had to protect myself.
The fucking irony in that, huh?
I don’t even know if Brett eve
n realized what I was doing, I don’t think even I was aware of it at first. But Brett was becoming a little frustrated with my unwillingness to commit to the future. He wanted to stay in town, attend the local college and continue training with his gym. I still felt like for me, I needed to head out to California to prove myself. That for some time at least, our relationship would have to be long distance. I was determined not to make the same mistake that my parents did by trying to settle down too soon. Brett and I both needed the chance to pursue our dreams before we committed to each other forever.
I didn’t want to become my mother. I was only teasing when I told him I would break him.
Unfortunately, due to a great deal of carelessness on my part, history felt like it was about to repeat itself.
Just before Spring Break my period was late.
And I was freaking the fuck out.
I stared down hard at my empty pack of birth control pills then double checked the calendar on my phone. I had forgotten to take my pill a couple of times over the past month, but always immediately made up for it by doubling up.
Because I was on the pill, I always knew what day my period would start. My period was supposed to begin two days ago but it never happened. I tried to relax, I tried to have a fun day with Grace picking out baby girl clothes of all things, hoping if I didn’t stress myself out too much it would happen.
But each minute, each hour that passed, my anxiety increased greatly. It was Saturday and eight o’clock in the evening. I had left Grace’s house over an hour ago. The enormous gravity of my situation pressed so hard against my chest, it felt like I could barely breathe by the time I decided to call Brett.
“Hey, beautiful. Did you have fun?” Brett asked, completely unsuspecting when he picked up. He knew I was spending the day with Grace so he told me he was going to put in some extra time at the gym training. He was starting to practically live there those days.
Slamming Demon: A Pounding Hearts Novel Page 11