Love by Degree

by Debbie Macomber

  “I think I’ll go to bed,” Darlene said, holding her hand to her stomach. “I’m not feeling so great.”

  “Me neither.” But Ellen’s churning stomach had little to do with the wine. “Night.”

  “See you in the morning.”

  Ellen nodded. She was fortunate to have found Darlene. The other woman, who had recently broken up with her fiancé after a two-year engagement, understood how Ellen felt. It seemed natural to drown their sorrows together. But … she missed the boys and—Reed.

  One thing she’d learned from this experience was that men and school didn’t mix. Darlene might not have been serious about swearing off men, but Ellen was. She was through with them for good—or at least until she obtained her degree. For now, she was determined to bury herself in her books, get her teaching credentials and then become the best first-grade teacher around.

  Only she couldn’t close her eyes without remembering Reed’s touch or how he’d slip up behind her and hold her in his arms. Something as simple as a passing glance from him had been enough to thrill her. Well, that relationship was over. And just in the nick of time. She could have been hurt. Really hurt. She could be feeling terrible. Really terrible.

  Just like she did right now.

  * * *

  Signs of Christmas were everywhere. Huge decorations adorned the streetlights down University Way. Store windows displayed a variety of Christmas themes, and the streets were jammed with holiday traffic. Ellen tried to absorb some of the good cheer that surrounded her, with little success.

  She’d gone to the university library to return some books and was headed back to Darlene’s place. Her place, too, even though it didn’t feel that way.

  She planned to leave for Yakima the next morning. But instead of feeling the pull toward home and family, Ellen’s thoughts drifted to Reed and the boys. They’d been her surrogate family since September and she couldn’t erase them from her mind as easily as she’d hoped.

  As she walked across campus, sharp gusts of wind tousled her hair. Her face felt numb with cold. All day she’d been debating what to do with the Christmas gifts she’d bought for the boys. Her first inclination had been to bring them over herself—when Reed wasn’t home, of course. But just the idea of returning to the lovely old house had proved so painful that Ellen abandoned it. Instead, Darlene had promised to deliver them the next day, after Ellen had left for Yakima.

  Hugging her purse, Ellen trudged toward the bus stop. According to her watch, she had about ten minutes to wait. Now her feet felt as numb as her face. She frowned at her pumps, cursing the decrees of fashion and her insane willingness to wear elegant shoes at this time of year. It wasn’t as though a handsome prince was likely to come galloping by only to be overwhelmed by her attractive shoes. Even if one did swoop Ellen and her frozen toes onto his silver steed, she’d be highly suspicious of his character.

  Smiling, she took a shortcut across the lawn in the Quad.

  “Is something funny?”

  A pair of men’s leather loafers had joined her fashionable gray pumps, matching her stride. Stunned, Ellen glanced up. Reed.

  “Well?” he asked again in an achingly gentle voice. “Something seems to amuse you.”

  “My … shoes. I was thinking about attracting a prince … a man.” Oh heavens, why had she said that? “I mean,” she mumbled on, trying to cover her embarrassment, “my feet are numb.”

  “You need to get out of the cold.” His hands were thrust into his pockets and he was so compellingly handsome that Ellen forced her eyes away. She was afraid that if she stared at him long enough, she’d give him whatever he asked. She remembered the way his face had looked the last time she’d seen him, how cold and steely his eyes had been the day she’d announced she was moving out. One word from him and she would’ve stayed. But the “might-have-beens” didn’t matter anymore. He hadn’t asked her to stay, so she’d gone. Pure and simple. Or so it had seemed at the time.

  Determination strengthened her trembling voice as she finally spoke. “The bus will be at the corner in seven minutes.”

  Her statement was met with silence. Together they reached the pavement and strolled toward the sheltered bus area.

  Much as she wished to appear cool and composed, Ellen’s gaze was riveted on the man at her side. She noticed how straight and dark Reed’s brows were and how his chin jutted out with stubborn pride. Every line of his beloved face emanated strength and unflinching resolve.

  Abruptly, she looked away. Pride was no stranger to her, either. Her methods might have been wrong, she told herself, but she’d been right to let Reed know he’d hurt her. She wasn’t willing to be a victim of her love for him.

  “Ellen,” he said softly, “I was hoping we could talk.”

  She made a show of glancing at her watch. “Go ahead. You’ve got six and a half minutes.”

  “Here?”

  “As you so recently said, I need to get out of the cold.”

  “I’ll take you to lunch.”

  “I’m not hungry.” To further her embarrassment, her stomach growled and she pressed a firm hand over it, commanding it to be quiet.

  “When was the last time you ate a decent meal?”

  “Yesterday. No,” she corrected, “today.”

  “Come on, we’re getting out of here.”

  “No way.”

  “I’m not arguing with you, Ellen. I’ve given you a week to come to your senses. I still haven’t figured out what went wrong. And I’m not waiting any longer for the answers. Got that?”

  She ignored him, looking instead in the direction of the traffic. She could see the bus approaching, though it was still several blocks away. “I believe everything that needed to be said—” she motioned dramatically with her hand “—was already said.”

  “And what’s this I hear about you succumbing to the demon rum?”

  “I was only a little drunk,” she spat out, furious at Monte’s loose tongue. “Darlene and I were celebrating. We’ve sworn off men for life.” Or at least until Reed freely admitted he loved her and needed her. At the moment that didn’t appear likely.

  “I see.” His eyes seemed to be looking all the way into her soul. “If that’s how you want it, fine. Just answer a couple of questions and I’ll leave you alone. Agreed?”

  “All right.”

  “First, what were you talking about when you flew off the handle about me driving the Porsche?”

  “Oh, that.” Now it just seemed silly.

  “Yes, that.”

  “Well, you only drove the Porsche when you were seeing Danielle.”

  “But I wasn’t! It’s been completely over between us since the night of the Christmas party.”

  “It has?” The words came out in a squeak.

  Reed dragged his fingers through his hair. “I haven’t seen Danielle in weeks.”

  Ellen stared at the sidewalk. “But the cleaners phoned about your suit. You were attending some fancy party.”

  “So? I wasn’t taking another woman.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she insisted. “You weren’t taking me, either.”

  “Of course not!” he shouted, his raised voice attracting the attention of several passersby. “You were studying for your exams. I couldn’t very well ask you to attend an extremely boring business dinner with me. Not when you were spending every available minute hitting the books.” He lowered his voice to a calm, even pitch.

  The least he could do was be more unreasonable, Ellen thought irritably. She simply wasn’t in the mood for logic.

  “Did you hear what I said?”

  She nodded.

  “There is only one woman in my life. You. To be honest, Ellen, I can’t understand any of this. You may be many things, but I know you’re not the jealous type. I wanted to talk about Danielle with you. Any other woman would’ve loved hearing all the details. But not you.” His voice was slightly raised. “Then you make these ridiculous accusations about the truck and the Porsc
he, and I’m at a loss to understand.”

  Now she felt even more foolish. “Then why were you driving the Porsche?” Her arms tightened around her purse. “Forget I asked that.”

  “You really have a thing for that sports car, don’t you?”

  “It’s not the car.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  Squaring her shoulders, Ellen decided it was time to be forthright, time to face things squarely rather than skirt around them. “My feelings are that you would rather not be seen with me,” she said bluntly.

  “What?” he exploded.

  “You kept taking me to these out-of-the-way restaurants.”

  “I did it for privacy.”

  “You didn’t want to be seen with me,” she countered.

  “I can’t believe this.” He took three steps away from her, then turned around sharply.

  “Don’t you think the Des Moines Marina is a bit far to go for a meal?”

  “I was afraid we’d run into one of the boys.”

  More logic, and she was in no mood for it. “You didn’t introduce me to your friend the night we went to that French film.”

  His eyes narrowed. “You can bet I wasn’t going to introduce you to Tom Dailey. He’s a lecher. I was protecting you.”

  “What about the night of the Christmas party? You only introduced me to a handful of people.”

  “Of course. Every man in the place was looking for an excuse to take you away from me. If you’d wanted to flirt with them, you should’ve said something.”

  “I only wanted to be with you.”

  “Then why bring up that evening now?”

  “I was offended.”

  “I apologize,” he shouted.

  “Fine. But I didn’t even meet your assistant. …”

  “You left so fast, I didn’t exactly have a chance to introduce you, did I?”

  He was being logical again, and she couldn’t really argue.

  The bus arrived then, its doors parting with a swish. But Ellen didn’t move. Reed’s gaze commanded her to stay with him, and she was torn. Her strongest impulse, though, was not to board the bus. It didn’t matter that she was cold and the wind was cutting through her thin coat or that she could barely feel her toes. Her heart was telling her one thing and her head another.

  “You coming or not?” the driver called out to her.

  “She won’t be taking the bus,” Reed answered, slipping his hand under her elbow. “She’s coming with me.”

  “Whatever.” The doors swished shut and the bus roared away, leaving a trail of black diesel smoke in its wake.

  “You are coming with me, aren’t you?” he coaxed.

  “I suppose.”

  His hand was at the small of her back, directing her across the busy street to a coffee shop, festooned with tinsel and tired-looking decorations. “I wasn’t kidding about lunch.”

  “When was the last time you had a decent meal?” she couldn’t resist asking.

  “About a week ago,” he grumbled. “Derek’s cooking is a poor substitute for real food.”

  They found a table at the back of the café. The waitress handed them each a menu and filled their water glasses.

  “I heard about the fire.”

  Reed groaned. “That was a comedy of errors.”

  “Is there much damage?”

  “Enough.” The look he gave her was mildly accusing.

  The guilt returned. Trying to disguise it, Ellen made a show of glancing through the menu. The last thing on her mind at the moment was food. When the waitress returned, Ellen ordered the daily special without knowing what it was. The day was destined to be full of surprises.

  “Ellen,” Reed began, then cleared his throat. “Come back.”

  Her heart melted at the hint of anguish in his low voice. Her gaze was magnetically drawn to his. She wanted to tell him how much she longed to be … home. She wanted to say that the house on Capitol Hill was the only real home she had now, that she longed to walk through its front door again. With him.

  “Nothing’s been the same since you left.”

  The knot in her stomach pushed its way up to her throat, choking her.

  “The boys are miserable.”

  Resolutely she shook her head. If she went back, it had to be for Reed.

  “Why not?”

  Tears blurred her vision. “Because.”

  “That makes about as much sense as you being angry because I drove the Porsche.”

  Taking several deep, measured breaths, Ellen said, “If all you need is a cook, I can suggest several who—”

  “I couldn’t care less about the cooking.”

  The café went silent as every head turned curiously in their direction. “I wasn’t talking about the cooking here,” Reed explained to the roomful of shocked faces.

  The normal noise of the café resumed.

  “Good grief, Ellen, you’ve got me so tied up in knots I’m about to get kicked out of here.”

  “Me, tie you in knots?” She was astonished that Reed felt she had so much power over him.

  “If you won’t come back for the boys, will you consider doing it for me?” The intense green eyes demanded a response.

  “I want to know why you want me back. So I can cook your meals and—”

  “I told you I don’t care about that. I don’t care if you never do another thing around the house. I want you there because I love you, damn it.”

  Her eyes widened. “You love me, damn it?”

  “You’re not making this any easier.” He ripped the napkin from around the silverware and slammed it down on his lap. “You must have known. I didn’t bother keeping it secret.”

  “You didn’t bother keeping it secret … from anyone but me,” she repeated hotly.

  “Come on. Don’t tell me you didn’t know.”

  “I didn’t know.”

  “Well, you do now,” he yelled back.

  The waitress cautiously approached their table, standing back until Reed glanced in her direction. Hurriedly the girl set their plates in front of them and promptly moved away.

  “You frightened her,” Ellen accused him.

  “I’m the one in a panic here. Do you or do you not love me?”

  Again, it seemed as though every customer there had fallen silent, awaiting her reply.

  “You’d better answer him, miss,” the elderly gentleman sitting at the table next to theirs suggested. “Fact is, we’re all curious.”

  “Yes, I love him.”

  Reed cast her a look of utter disbelief. “You’ll tell a stranger but not me?”

  “I love you, Reed Morgan. There, are you happy?”

  “Overjoyed.”

  “I can tell.” Ellen had thought that when she admitted her feelings, Reed would jump up from the table and throw his arms around her. Instead, he looked as angry as she’d ever seen him.

  “I think you’d better ask her to marry you while she’s in a friendly mood,” the older man suggested next.

  “Well?” Reed looked at her. “What do you think?”

  “You want to get married?”

  “It’s the time of year to be generous,” the waitress said shyly. “He’s handsome enough.”

  “He is, isn’t he?” Ellen agreed, her sense of humor restored by this unexpected turn of events. “But he can be a little hard to understand.”

  “All men are, believe me,” a woman across the room shouted. “But he looks like a decent guy. Go ahead and give him another chance.”

  The anger washed from Reed’s dark eyes as he reached for Ellen’s hand. “I love you. I want to marry you. Won’t you put me out of my misery?”

  Tears dampened her eyes as she nodded wildly.

  “Let’s go home.” Standing, Reed took out his wallet and threw a couple of twenties on the table.

  Ellen quickly buttoned her jacket and picked up her purse. “Goodbye, everyone,” she called with a cheerful wave. “Thank you—and Merry Christmas!”
>
  The amused customers broke into a round of applause as Reed took Ellen’s hand and pulled her outside.

  She was no sooner out the door when Reed hauled her into his arms. “Oh, Ellen, I’ve missed you.”

  Reveling in the warmth of his arms, she nuzzled closer. “I’ve missed you, too. I’ve even missed the boys.”

  “As far as I’m concerned, they’re on their own. I want you back for myself. That house was full of people, yet it’s never felt so empty.” Suddenly he looked around, as though he’d only now realized that their private moment was taking place in the middle of a busy street. “Let’s get out of here.” He slipped an arm about her waist, steering her toward the campus car park. “But I think I’d better tell you something important.”

  “What?”

  “I didn’t bring the truck.”

  “Oh?” She swallowed her disappointment. She could try, but she doubted she’d ever be the Porsche type.

  “I traded in the truck last week.”

  “For what?”

  “Maybe it was presumptuous of me, but I was hoping you’d accept my marriage proposal.”

  “What’s the truck got to do with whether I marry you or not?”

  “You’re asking me that? The woman who left me—”

  “All right, all right, I get the picture.”

  “Okay, I don’t have the truck or the Porsche. I gave it to Derek.”

  “I’m sure he’s thrilled.”

  “He is. And …”

  “And?”

  “I traded the truck for an SUV. More of a family-friendly vehicle, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Oh, Reed.” With a small cry of joy, she flung her arms around this man she knew she’d love for a lifetime. No matter what kind of car he drove.

  * * * * *

  “Prolific Macomber is known for her portrayals of ordinary women in small-town America. [She is] an icon of the genre.”

  —Publishers Weekly

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