by Ana Mardoll
Lavender's green eyes flash with fresh anger. "Rose, don't you dare get all martyr on me!" she hisses, genuinely upset. "What happened over there was not your fault. You don't have to live like a pharmaceutical factory as an act of atonement."
I bite my lip. "Lavs, I... no, it wasn't my choice," I argue quietly, knowing she can't really understand what it was like. "But I did it anyway. I didn't refuse—"
"You couldn't!" she explodes quietly, her scent turning sour. "I saw a Nightshade refuse, Rose. The May Queen thought it was hilarious. She sat with him—it was the second Hyacinth, I remember—and made him watch while they tortured the poor girl who was to have been his victim. She was begging for death, pleading to be kissed. The Queen took bets on how long it would be before Hyacinth broke down. He lasted a whole damn hour." Lavender is almost spitting with fury. "You knew what would happen if you refused."
"I knew," I agree quietly.
"Well then!" If we were alone, I realize, she'd stamp her foot.
"Rose," Clarent breaks in, his voice low, "I was used to hurt people, too."
My hand grips his tightly. "That was different," I whisper, blinking back tears. "That wasn't the same, Clarent. I could have refused. Yes, I could have, Lavs," I insist softly, wiping at my eyes. "I could have killed myself, somehow. I didn't; I played along to save my own life."
"I was made to forge swords which others were forced to use on each other," he says softly. "I didn't throw myself into the forge fires. Rose, if self-preservation is a crime, then we're both equally guilty." His cool thumb strokes the back of my hand gently. "Please. I'd like to give you some peace after so much pain." He smiles warmly and adds, "Maybe even a little pleasure."
I snort softly, my emotions ragged. "You want to give me kisses?" I ask, confused by the offer. Hadn't he just heard the monstrous things I've done?
"I was afraid you'd never ask," he breathes and then his lips are touching mine. His flesh is solid and cool, warming and softening at the contact of my own body, turning pliable and firm, like the illusory flesh draped in disguise around him.
I freeze instantly, a thousand concerns charging through my mind. But he doesn't reel away in pain, and Lavender doesn't draw back in shock. Instead his lips move gently against mine, enjoying the touch of me, all the evidence indicating that he is perfectly safe. And then Lavender is bending over us, pressing quick kisses into my forehead, my hair, and along my cheek and I am melting with sudden heat.
I reach up my hands to touch them: a cool face here, a warm neck there; broad shoulders and soft curls. My fingers trail heat across cool skin; my nails draw soft shivers as I trace over her raised veins. Clarent's fingers tighten gently in my hair, pulling me closer into his kiss and sending a thrill of excitement through me.
Above us, a throat is softly cleared. "Ah, I don't mean to interrupt...?"
Lavender jerks away in surprise and I quickly pull back from Clarent, my hands flying up to cover my lips, cheeks burning furiously. Joel's bright blue eyes peer down at us, looking equal turns amused and apologetic. Worse, Elric hasn't stopped existing despite our best effort to ignore him; he sits in his chair openly watching us with the tilted head and pleased smile of a discriminating connoisseur.
Clarent subtly shifts his position on the floor, moving between me and Joel. "Yes?" he asks in a cordial tone.
Joel manages to contain his eagerness long enough to give him an apologetic look. "Sorry," he rasps in his papery voice. "I need to draw another sample from Rose. Kieran used the last of what I drew this morning, and I have to run more tests. There's a magical binding agent to isolate, and several more experiments to run..." His voice trails off in happy anticipation.
I stare at him numbly, one hand flying up to touch the cut that still lingers from when he took the sample this morning. It stings at my touch, and yet I hadn't noticed the pain when Clarent's cool lips had pressed against it. "Okay."
He hunches over me and produces an empty syringe. "Easier than the knife," he mumbles by way of explanation. He runs numbing fingers around the corners of my mouth before puncturing my lip with the sharp needle. He pulls the plunger back but quickly stops, shaking his head with a deep frown. "Too much blood, not enough poison." I look down at the needle and indeed the sample is almost entirely red blood, with hardly any of the milky white fluid.
"Rose, how long did your faery make you rest between sessions?" Worth's cool voice intrudes gently, and I look up to see ner watching us from around the curtain.
"Um, I don't—" I look at Lavender, faced with the impossibility of trying to measure time in the otherworld. "Maybe a week? It was hard to tell over there."
"A week!" Joel looks crestfallen. "Worth, that's only fifty-two harvests a year."
"That's fifty-two more than we had yesterday," Worth points out sensibly. "Did you get anything from the child?"
"Nothing," he says bitterly. "They're almost completely mundane; some basic immunity left boiled into their biology, but not a drop of poison left to experiment with."
Worth regards me carefully. "Well, we can set up a recurring appointment," nee suggests. "She can come in to give samples, and we can measure the rate of regeneration."
Elric's amused voice breaks in. "You two are planning to check more than just her lips, right?" he asks. "Blood? Saliva? Sweat?"
Joel glances at him, confusion clouding his wrinkled face. "She said only her lips were lethal, Elric. If her touch were poisonous, we'd have noticed that."
Elric rolls his eyes at him. "They're both honey-pots like Mina," he observes. "You only have to look at them to want them, and that means seduction-magic." He levels a knowing look at Clarent, unfazed by the sharp glare he receives in return. "And the floral perfume fucks with your head something fierce. Haven't you noticed?"
Joel gives him a long look, measuring and unreadable. "You seem to be universalizing your experiences again," he remarks, sniffing primly. "But the underlying suggestion of multiple loci is sound." His eager blue eyes swivel back to me. "A full examination, then?"
I shake my head at him, drawing back into my cot. "No, I. No. The only magic I have is in my lips." I need to believe that. I don't think I can cope with more of my anatomy being damaged and subhuman.
Worth's expression softens and nee steps closer, patting my shoulder with ner warm thin hands. "A private exam, you and I," nee offers softly, ignoring the huffy sigh that is Joel's response. "Nothing invasive," nee promises."A sample from those green veins, a scraping under your nails. Your touch is clearly benign, but possibly not your scratches." Nee gives me a gentle smile. "We won't know until we test, and after that you can rest easy."
Lavender strokes my cheek tenderly, her touch soothing my troubled thoughts. "Rose, are you sure you want to do this? You don't have to." She doesn't bother to whisper this time and there's a hint of challenge in her voice; I sense she's waiting for someone to object so that she can round on them.
I reach up to touch her fingers. "It's okay," I say softly, trying to convince myself, my breathing unsteady. "It's just a few samples. It might save someone's life, Lavs. I can do this."
"No exams for today, though." Celia appears from around the curtain, brushing her dark hair back from her eyes and looking tired. She levels a long look at us. "I've reserved the church community center for tomorrow night. Told them our bingo caller was going into hospital for a minor surgery and we needed to wish her well and have a big hurrah beforehand. We're lucky they didn't have a basketball game scheduled. I can't really enforce mandatory attendance of course, but I want everyone there." She raises her hand before Kieran can get out more than a guttural exclamation from his side of the curtain.
"I know it's short notice," she says curtly. "But this is close to a state of emergency. Something is opening portals to let through dangerous altereds who aren't trying to escape. Tox was on regular patrol, walking the borders to speed up decomposition on anything that had died trying to get in or out. They didn't even know what was happening until suddenly they
were earthside. They're certain they walked that patrol dozens of times without any incident, and that this time was no different. And, Kieran, your bear-woman was just as puzzled to be out here."
"Didn't stop her from jumping me," he growls.
She nods easily. "She was confused, yes. Her portal didn't close properly. We'll have to discuss that, too. Somehow the portals are becoming easier to open. That shouldn't be possible."
Worth looks thoughtful. "The emergency meeting is to convey all this to everyone?"
Celia nods. "And to open the floor for ideas, yes," she says. "We've got a few experts besides me and Athena, and I want to get everyone in the same room for a town hall meeting. Until we can sort this out, we're in danger. Confused altereds need to be approached with care; and if they can slip over here without trying, we have to face the real possibility that we might inadvertently be pulled over there."
The room is deathly silent while we each process the terrifying specter of recapture, then Celia claps her hands and changes the mood. "So it's a buddy-system for everyone, and call it in if you see so much as a lick of fog. Joel, you stick with Worth while you show ner your research notes. Clarent, we were going to put you up with Mina anyway, so I'll take you and Lavender over there. Rose, you're staying with Elric for the night—"
"What? No, she's not!" Elric doesn't budge from his chair, but he looks profoundly shocked at the order. Clarent and Lavender don't look much happier; I note with tired amusement that I had not expected the three of them to find rapport on the subject of my sleeping arrangements. "If I have to babysit someone, why not Kieran or metal-man?"
"Because of the three of those, my money is on Rose being the least likely to murder you," Celia says dryly. "Which really does say something about your interpersonal skills, Elric. Kieran, you're crashing with me and Tox tonight."
"You'd better have something decent to eat in your fridge," Kieran grumbles but doesn't argue.
Celia shrugs. "We'll order in. I have high hopes that we can help Tox remember pizza."
Clarent clears his throat then and Celia turns her head to focus on him. "I'd like to stay with Rose," he says firmly, not flinching from her gaze. Beside him, Lavender nods firmly, the air around her hot with spiced pepper and irritation.
Celia's expression softens. "I know you do," she says gently, "both of you. If it helps, I'm pretty sure she wants to stay with you, too." Her eyes flick to me. "But she's got a lot to think about, and she can't do that if she's surrounded by people pressuring her. If you two care about her, you'll give her a few hours to sort out her shit."
Clarent drops his eyes from her gaze at this speech, and even Lavs can't hold out long. "Oh, for fuck's sake," Elric snaps into the silence. "No one cares what I want! Rose, I'll be in my damn car."
I give him a wan smile and manage to sit up with Worth's help. Now that the soft haze of the medicine has passed through my system and the warm glow of Clarent's and Lavender's kisses has faded away, I can feel the old depression washing over me.
They both need space from me. Clarent will meet Mina soon, and he'll spend the night with Lavender. They'll see that they don't need me. They can get everything they could ever need from each other. Clarent shouldn't be with me just because I'm the first girl he kissed out here, and Lavender shouldn't be with me merely because I'm her friend. They'll be happier and better off without me. And I will do the right thing by giving them up, letting them be together, so that I can live a life of chaste healing.
Maybe then the nightmares might stop.
"I'll be fine," I reassure them softly. "You two have a good night, okay? I'll get some rest and I'll see you in the morning, I promise." I squeeze Lavender's hand gently, wishing I could do more. I lean forward and kiss Clarent's forehead, regretting that I can't be with them both tonight. With a smile that's warm and carefree and perfectly faked, I allow Celia to help me out of the room and down to the car.
Chapter 15
Elric's duplex is as sumptuously posed as he is. Though the enormous effort and expense that has gone into staging his bachelor pad is obvious at a glance, the effect is undiminished: both the man and his home are meticulously gorgeous. The downstairs is open and clean, sparse but not spartan. The carpet has been pulled up and replaced with dark hardwood laminate that is far too expensive for the neighborhood, then decorated in thick shag rugs that look recently dry-cleaned. A black leather couch dominates the main room, facing a sleek entertainment system. Surround-sound speakers that are probably quite expensive peer down at visitors from the corners of the ceiling.
I know I'm supposed to be impressed, even seduced, by the setting but the place feels cold and antiseptic in comparison to the warmth of Mina's apartment. I wish I were there now with Lavender and Clarent, calling dibs on the colorful pillows that decorate her couch and settling in to watch one of her favorite movies. I know I made the right decision in letting them go, just as Celia made the right decision in pushing them together, but that doesn't mean I don't get to be miserable now that it's done.
The company I'm keeping is not helping to alleviate my mood. Elric pushes past me at the doorway, still in a furious sulk, and tromps heavily up to the second floor. His stomping is muffled by the thick carpet on the stairs. "Stay there," he orders, not bothering to glance over his shoulder at me. I scowl at his retreating back and head to the kitchen, determined to find something to scavenge. He hasn't exactly begged that I make myself at home, but I'm not going to bed on an empty stomach.
The kitchen looks out onto the living room via an open counter-top that doubles as a bar. The cooking equipment, such as it is, is noticeably sparse compared to the expensive gadgetry in the living room. Evidently Elric is not in the habit of cooking. Both the fridge and the pantry confirm that impression; save for a handful of sodas, potato chips, and dry cereal, the apartment is apparently devoid of food.
I make a face and dig through the available options. There's a ginger ale brand that I'm partial to, and he has the Kettle chips I like, the ones that feel so familiar on my tongue. I'd rather have a solid meal to settle my stomach, especially after sleeping through lunch, but I've been hungry before. I'll survive.
I'm sitting on the couch with my gleanings, working the sandals off my feet and staring at the blank television screen, when Elric stomps back down the stairs. He's found a cotton shirt to cover his bare chest, which seems strange given that he spent the entire day in ostentatious display at Worth's house. He carries a pillow under one arm, and a blanket tossed over his shoulder.
"You're sleeping on the couch down here," he announces, then does a double-take at the chips in my hands. "What, you raided my kitchen?"
"I haven't eaten all day," I point out, trying to sound reasonable; I don't mention the donut holes, which weren't very filling anyway. I choose not to remind him that I'm no happier about my being here than he is. "I could cook something, if you prefer," I suggest dryly. "Do you have anything that can be cooked?"
He curls his lip at me in an expression of personal offense. "No. When one of my lovers wants to cook for me, they bring their own ingredients. How would they know what I have on hand?"
I stare at him. "You're kidding me. What were you going to eat tonight? You can't live on dry cereal and chips! Elric, there's not even any milk!"
He rolls his eyes at me, and tosses the pillow and blanket onto the couch. "Tonight I was going out on a date, same as almost every night. I eat very well, when I'm not having to cancel because I have a wilting flower crashing on my couch who'd rather be orgying it up with her roommate."
I wince at his pointed remark and munch deliberately on another chip, considering silence and destructive gluttony my best options for revenge at the moment.
With a frustrated sigh at my lack of response, he throws himself onto the couch. For all his flirting earlier, he's sitting as far away from me as the furniture will allow. The bedding he's brought downstairs squats between us like a protective barrier. "Gimme a chip," he demands, sou
nding resigned to his dinnerless fate.
I shake my head in exasperation, but pass over a single chip as requested, my fingers brushing against his in the exchange. "We could order food," I point out. "Pizza, Chinese, maybe sandwiches? There must be places around here that deliver."
He gives me a sidelong glance, looking a touch mollified. "Mmph. That's not a bad idea. I have a phone book in the kitchen with delivery places circled," he admits grudgingly.
I give him a wry look. "I thought you ate out on expensive dates every night."
Elric shakes his head and holds out his hand in demand for another chip. "Delivery is for nights when we're too occupied to leave the apartment. Jeezus, Rose, don't you know anything?" He peers at me with grudging curiosity. "Have you and Lavender really not been getting it on since you got out?"
I can feel the instant burn in my cheeks. "None of your business," I mutter, slapping another chip hard into his palm.
He turns his head to me then, and I'm surprised to see his expression soften. I'd expected a teasing retort but instead he gives me a tolerant smile, something approaching sympathy in his eyes. "I forget you're not like me," he says. It's not an apology, but it comes close.
I blink and look away, staring at the bag of chips in my lap. It's easier when Elric is a brat, I realize, because then we can forget everything he does for us. Even if he likes his work, he's still at it more hours a week than I ever am. Although I suppose that might change soon, if I stick to my plan of becoming a pharmaceutical factory, as Lavender put it. If that happens, will I envy Elric his sumptuous dinners while I'm being drained of bodily fluids for Worth and Joel?
"Hey," he says quietly, reaching over to snatch another chip from my fingers. "C'mon, don't sulk. That's my job."
"I-Is it difficult?" I blurt out, my voice catching with embarrassment. "All those dates, all those people, and so many of them normal humans who don't understand."
He raises an eyebrow at this, looking a touch puzzled. "What, the mundies?"