by Ana Mardoll
"You get us identification, and used cars, and cellphones and computers. You find places for us to live and— and— and just everything." I look up at him, feeling guilty; his sandy-brown eyebrow is raised in amusement now, the puzzlement gone. "None of the stuff you get for us is free, is it?" I reach out without thinking, wanting to give him reassurance or an acknowledgement or perhaps both, my fingers closing around his cool hand.
He smirks and leans forward, closing the distance between us. With his free hand he wraps a strand of my pink hair around his index finger, tugging in a teasing manner. I nearly jerk back from his closeness, instinct telling me to draw my lethal face away from him, but it's just Elric being Elric and I don't want to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. He's flirty and provocative, but not foolish or suicidal.
"My friends do favors for me, Rose," he murmurs, his voice a throaty whisper. "And I do favors for my friends. You seem to think I don't enjoy their friendship."
"Just friends having fun? I'm sorry I misunderstood." I manage to keep my voice casual and bored, but the nearness of him is causing my heart to pound with fear and desire, each sharply intertwined.
I don't want Elric, not really; but Clarent and Lavender aren't here and I've lived such a long time alone—long enough to make even a bratty vampire desirable. He's beautiful and he's confident and I know he would never deliberately hurt me, not when he had been so worried for me earlier. Despite his constant stream of lovers, I think he understands loneliness.
We could make love without kissing, if we were careful. Would that be nice? A fling without any strings attached, just pleasure and a fond parting afterwards? Yet I wouldn't be able to relax, not with the constant fear that my lips might touch him. I know he's not going to do anything stupid, when Joel said less than an hour ago how lethal I would be to him, yet even still his hovering proximity and the arousal in his eyes summon bad memories.
He leans in closer, his breath sweet on my face. His eyes are full of teasing laughter. "Don't you like to do favors for your friends, Rose?" he presses softly, his eyes eating me up with seductive hunger. "Aren't I one of your friends?"
I shiver at how close he is to me, how much trust he's placing in me. If I wished, I could lean forward and kill him in an instant. I don't want this kind of power, and the memories pushing to the surface now far outweigh the pleasant rush of heat. I reach up to push his hand away from my face, but he catches my fingers and twines his into mine.
"Elric," I say firmly, my voice not as stern as I'd hoped, "you already know I like you, and you also know I can't."
"What, because of the dynamic duo?" He chuckles warmly, beautiful and incorrigible. "Don't you know they both just want you to be happy? You should have heard them while you were passed out, nattering on all afternoon like old friends. Rose, you're so deliciously innocent not to realize these things." He leans forward into me, his lips gently parted.
Clarent had taken me by surprise because I'd not been expecting his kiss. Elric, in contrast, has been telegraphing his arousal for a full minute and a half. This time my mind doesn't need to catch up; my body reacts perfectly well on its own. My hand flies up to cover my mouth, smacking him in the face in the rush to squeeze between our bodies; at the same time I lunge backwards, scrambling over the edge of the couch and landing hard on the floor.
"Elric, what are you doing?" I demand, the sharp fear and anger in my voice partially muffled by the hand I've clamped over my mouth.
He doesn't try to pursue me, staying perched on the couch, amused at my reaction. "I was trying to kiss you, Rose," he says with a shrug equal parts apologetic and defensive. "I want to kiss you. I thought you wanted to kiss me." His apologetic eyes slip back into the hint of a smolder. "Do you want me to talk you into it? We have all night, and I can be as convincing as you want me to be, sweetheart."
I stare at him in shock. He can't possibly be serious, but he's carrying this game way too far. "Of course I don't want you to kiss me, Elric! You don't want to kiss me!"
"I don't want to kiss you?" he repeats, looking thoroughly amused by the idea. "Why on earth would you think I don't—"
He pauses, a noticeable hesitation in his voice, and his seductive smirk morphs into a confused frown. "No, I don't want to kiss you," he says slowly. "That would be incredibly stupid. Rose, why the hell did I try to kiss you?"
Of all the implausible events that have occurred today, this is the moment that is most causing me to doubt my senses. Elric is brash and arrogant and sexualized from head to toe, but he can read people like a book. He is endlessly infuriating, throwing my desires in my face, but he's good at being annoying precisely because he knows what people want. For him to misread me so badly, to pick up only my arousal and not my fear, is wildly out of character. The fact that he's misread himself as well sends the entire night into the realm of the surreal.
"You don't want to kiss me," I repeat very slowly, enunciating each word carefully, "because my kiss would kill you." I feel like a broken record but apparently this needs repeating.
"That, too," he agrees, sounding a little dazed. He peers at me as if I'm a riddle he can't solve. "There's a good half-dozen reasons why I don't want to kiss you, Rose; so why I have wanted you since I came downstairs? You're no closer to me than you were in the car on the drive over. Oh, dammit, Rose!"
He leaps to his feet in a fluid blur of graceful motion. I tense in readiness to scramble away from him, but he's not trying to approach me; he paces the living room until there are several steps between us. Then his eyes clench shut in irritation and he pinches the bridge of his nose. "Rose. At what point were you going to tell us that those green fingers of yours cause arousal?"
I blink up at him, then stare at my hands. My fingertips are the same vibrant green as always, the color tapering down to the brown skin of my knuckles. My nails, strong and sharp as thorns, are stained deeper green. "I-I didn't know," I stammer, feeling my stomach twist into knots. Then I rally slightly. "I don't think they do! My hands are just decoration, like our hair colors and the green eyes. Lavender's hands are the same; you've seen them!"
He glares at me. "Oh, yes; clearly the pretty little flower who has emotion-altering perfume-magic couldn't also have seductive fingers! How silly of me not to realize." He shakes his head in exasperation. "Rose, I think I know desire better than any of us, and I sure as hell know my own! I didn't want you until after you touched my hand, and then I wanted you badly enough to forget how deadly you are. That's epic levels of stupid." He shoots a look at the bag of kettle chips lying on the sofa, now badly crushed. "Jeezus, and you were touching the food, too. Who knows how it's transferred? Rose, who have you touched since you escaped?"
My thoughts are colliding at high speed, my breath short and ragged. If he's right, then every man who ever kissed me, even the few I tried to warn, must have felt the pull of my magic. They're still just as dead as before, but the idea that I'm even more culpable than I'd thought is horrifying. I shudder, wracked with fresh waves of guilt.
"Rose!" Elric's sharp voice cuts through my thoughts. "Who else have you touched? Concentrate. This is important. You can fall apart later."
I stare numbly up at him. My chest feels tight, every breath hurting my ribs. "Um. Lavender, Celia, Mina, Athena. Never Jing, she doesn't like to be touched. Almost everyone at the gatherings; there was a lot of handshaking. Worth and Joel. Kieran! Oh, Clarent!"
Elric snorts. "Well, at least he already wanted you, from the look of it."
"But he— he kissed me after I touched him and now he—"
"Rose." He rolls his eyes at me. "He was celibate over there for god knows how long, and you're ridiculously pretty. We don't need to haul in boner-magic to explain that just yet. Now shut up for a minute and let me think." He throws himself against the nearest wall, tucking his foot up behind him and crossing his arms over his chest. A minute ticks by and then another, while I struggle to force my breathing into an even pattern.
"Mina wo
uldn't even notice," he eventually says, his exasperated voice turning thoughtful. "That girl is on all the time for almost everyone. Celia and Athena I've known for years and never seen them hook up with anyone. Joel and Worth both prefer men, though Worth doesn't jump at the chance much and Joel can't, on account of his touch draining people. Can't really say one way or the other with Lavender; you're both eye-fucking each other all the time, but you say you're living like two chaste little nuns, so either you're immune to each other's magic or it's not compulsive."
I stare at him. "You think I'm attracted to Lavs," I say, rounding the words slowly, "just because of her fingers." The words feel absurd in my mouth. I'm attracted to Lavender because she's brave and good, and full of bright hope and fierce protectiveness. She trusted me, confided in me, in the May Queen's manor when I was one of the scary Nightshades and she just another lowly Fragrant instructed to braid my hair.
She'd touched me then, I realize, and I liked her—yet it hadn't been like Elric's description. I've never forgotten myself around her, never tried to kiss her. Though I suppose I've been very careful not to allow the situation to arise. We live together, yes, but how many times have I listened to her crying through the shared wall between our bedrooms and chosen not to comfort her for fear that I might hurt her instead?
Elric is watching me closely, his expression unreadable. "Even if it's true," I argue defensively, "I'd have loved her anyway. She's worth loving; it doesn't matter if there's magic behind it or not. And that's if it's true. You're the only one who's felt anything."
"Kieran felt it," he says slowly, his voice low and even. "He was definitely thinking about it. At the time I thought he was just impressed by the healing and maybe a little giddy from the speed of it. But I noticed, and that wasn't like him." He smirks at me. "I won't say you're not his type, little flower, but on any other day you'd have to contend with me being in the room."
I stare at him. "You?" I'm not shocked to hear that Kieran likes boys as well as girls, but more than a little stunned at the mental image of him with Elric in spite of their bickering. "And you really think he wanted me more?"
"Mmm." The sound is a blend of irritation and lingering arousal. "He definitely wanted you and didn't look too thrilled about it; so it's powerful enough to be noticeable, but not overpowering." His expression turns thoughtful. "Easier to deny, maybe, in a hospital bed with your on-again off-again lover watching you than, say, in a living room on a come-hither fuck-me couch."
Despite the gravity of the situation, I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes at his description of the furniture. "Well, you're resisting me now," I point out, hoping this remains the case.
He runs a hand over his eyes, looking suddenly very tired. "I am. It's not pleasant. If I had my druthers I'd call Celia, trade you in for Kieran and fuck him silly, but she's got the orphan to deal with."
"I could just go home," I point out, hoping he'll agree. A mist portal in my bedroom would be preferable to this entire conversation.
"Celia'd have my teeth," he mutters darkly. "And as much as you're a real kick in the dick right now, Rose, I don't want you dead. I'm going upstairs to get some sleep. You stay down here. Got it?"
"Elric, I'm not going to—"
"I mean it, Rose! I don't care if the place is on fucking fire, you don't come up those stairs."
"I won't," I say, raising my hands in surrender. "I promise."
He doesn't look entirely satisfied, but nods and stomps up the stairs.
"Don't you want any more food?" I call up to him.
"No."
"Can I at least borrow some nightclothes?" I add, dreading the prospect of trying to sleep in my skirt.
"Go to sleep, Rose," he snaps curtly. There's the slam of a door above me and then silence.
I pick myself up off the floor and realize I'm shaking. Perching on the edge of the couch, the back of the stairwell behind me, I feel belated tears running down my cheeks. He'd been so close. He'd nearly died. I'm angry with him for trying to kiss me, and I'm angry with myself for not stopping him sooner. Most of all, I'm angry with the May Queen for doing this to me.
If Elric is right, my fingers have magic. I don't know what to do with this fact. The faces of dead men swim before my eyes, my culpability for their deaths greater than I knew. They're joined by the living, everyone I've touched since coming over earthside. Have I been infecting them with desire all this time?
Athena never mentioned it and she surely would have; tact is not counted among her virtues. Celia, too, would have warned me; she is the soul of discretion about my past, but she's not careless. Kieran desired me but he didn't do more than look. Mina has always wanted to kiss me and has offered to do so many times, but she's never forgotten what that might do to her. Did Elric forget tonight because of something I did, or is this level of attraction unique to him? I've never asked him about his time in the otherworld, being a vampire; maybe I should have.
If my fingers cause desire, what should I do? Wear gloves, maybe? But if it can pass into food or water, what then? Joel and Worth can test me; maybe Clarent can undo all my alteration, not just my poison. I'd have to give up any thoughts of healing others, any chance for redemption, but at least I wouldn't be causing more harm.
How can I look him and Lavender in the eye tomorrow and tell them they only care about me because of fae magic?
There's a noise on the stairs behind me. I turn quickly, still on edge, only to be hit in the face with a pile of thrown clothes wadded together in a bundle. "What the—?"
"Sleep well, Rose."
Elric's voice is punctuated by a slammed door. I'm alone again, wrestling with what turns out to be a baggy cotton shirt, knit terrycloth shorts that tie at the waist, and a pair of thick men's socks, balled up and tucked into the pockets of the shorts.
I stroke my fingers over the clothes for a long moment, relishing the comfortable feel of their well-worn softness. Even when he's being nice, he still pretends to be a jerk. I brush my tears away and head to the hall bathroom to change. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight, but this is a good start.
Chapter 16
I wake from a dream of Lavender and Clarent and kissing and no death whatsoever. I swim reluctantly towards watery dawn light, wishing I could stay in the dream world a little longer. When I open my eyes, I'm disoriented to find myself on a leather couch in a living room I don't recognize, but then the events of the previous evening slam into place.
I hurriedly scan the room, dreading the sight of Elric's lifeless body on the floor. What if he'd kissed me while I was asleep? But the living room is empty and I am alone. My cellphone lies nearby on the pillow, vibrating noisily as texts pile in. I pull up my messages to see that I've missed three texts from Celia—no, make that four, with more coming in.
Rose, let me know when you get this. Drop by your place to shower and change if you need, then meet me at Dakota's. No need to call Athena; I'll talk to her.
I want Clarent and Lavender there, too. Let me know if you're willing to swing by Mina's to pick them up, or if you need me to. It's your choice.
Rose, Elric isn't picking up his phone and I'm not in the mood for his shit this morning. Tell him to roll out of bed and call me.
Tell him I need paperwork for three new members. Don't let him beg off; he's had plenty time off since doing you and Lavs.
Prioritize Tox and Clarent. I want drafts for both today. The bear-woman is still laid up from yesterday and won't or can't talk yet. Joel is with her.
Lily is here and swears Tox's accent is Iraqi-American. Need full adoption workup. List Dakota as parent. Check with me if it turns out the paperwork is gendered.
And Rose, if you killed him, tell me sooner rather than later. I'll be in a better mood if you're honest. If I have to come over to find out, I'll be annoyed.
I blink at the last text, but nothing follows it. I'm reasonably certain I've never seen Celia annoyed, and I'd like to keep it that way. I sweep my fingers
over the screen in a quick response.
I'm awake. As far as I know, Elric is alive. I'll wake him up and then head out. I don't mind going to Mina's. Be there soon.
I sit up on the couch, stretching experimentally. Despite my run-in with Tox yesterday, I don't feel too sore. My throat is a little scratchy but I'll survive. I hop up and make my way to the bottom of the stairs, peering up as I consider my options. Elric had said I wasn't to come upstairs under any circumstances, so shouting seems the best way to go.
"Elric!" My voice seems far too loud in the early morning silence, and I belatedly hope his neighbors are already awake. "Celia says to answer your phone. Elric?" There's not a breath of movement from up there, or none that I can hear. "Elric, if you don't answer me, I'm coming up to check on you!"
His sleep-muffled response filters through the closed bedroom door. "Dammit, Rose, you'd better not! Tell Celia you have succeeded in getting me both up and awake. Now leave me alone!"
"All right. Fine! But she wants to talk to you," I holler back. "She needs paperwork for three. She said she wants to see drafts for Tox and Clarent today. Dakota is adopting them. The little one, I mean, not Clarent."
"Yeah, yeah," he calls back, sounding bored. "Undocumented kids are a bigger risk than grown men. I'm not a fucking amateur, Rose. Wait, what?" There's the sound of muffled thumping and his bedroom door flies open. Elric storms out to the landing, looking down at me with exhausted irritation in his face; there isn't a stitch of clothing on him.
"Elric!" I turn my face away but I've already had an eyeful.
He ignores my reaction. "Rose, I can't work up two people in one day, that's entirely unreasonable!"
I shrug helplessly, shielding my eyes with one hand. "She said you've had plenty of time off since you did mine and Lav's."
"Oh, sure," he snaps angrily. "That might be relevant if I could prepare birth certificates and licenses in advance, but I can't. Celia should know that! She's just getting back at me for calling the kid an orphan to their face."