by Shey Stahl
I don’t focus on Ben. I can’t because seeing Red on the concrete is more than I can take. Hatred and sadness rush through me. I brought this here to him. A scream dies inside my throat as I cry next to him, not just any cry, it’s the kind of cry that might never stop. It’s the cry of someone who is undeserving, but dared to take anyway. It’s the cry of someone witnessing the worst possible pain and knowing I’ve put this family in this position.
It hurts to look at him, burns even worse when I look at Nova kneeling beside him, Tyler’s arms wrapped around her. I ache so badly that tears sting my eyes, burning like drops of acid. My chest tightens with each breath as I watch him dying in front of us.
“Daddy… no. Please no!” Nova shakes her head, screams bursting from deep within. “You can’t leave me!”
Red’s eyes flutter open at the sound of her voice, his breathing short and ragged. Looking at me with so much pain and fear, he tries to lift his head, but it’s clear he has some broken ribs from the bullet and by his rattled breathing. His left hands grasps mine on the floor beside him. “Keep her with you, please.” His voice wheezes as he coughs up blood. He turns his head to look at Nova. His hand shaking as he tries to reach for her, his eyes brim with tears, red and puffy. “I love you… Nova…. Don’t… l-l-let her… go,” he whispers, his eyes closing.
“Red! Red, please don’t close your eyes. Stay with us, please. Help will be here soon and then everything will be okay. Just please don’t close your eyes.”
He doesn’t respond. His body’s still except for the sound of his labored breathing, the only evidence that his body is fighting to stay alive. I press harder on his wound hoping that the pain will cause him to open his eyes. But he doesn’t react.
My tears fall uncontrollably as I lean down and whisper in his ear, “I won’t leave her,” I vow. “I promise. I’ll take care of her until you come back to us.” I’m fading, my tears constricting my vision.
Suddenly the world comes back into focus, and I can hear the sirens out in front of the shop. Before I know it, the paramedics rush inside and I’m told to move so they have room to work.
It’s the last thing I want to do. To let go. I don’t want this to be the last time I ever feel his warm skin under my hand. I stay there knowing I need to get out of the way, but afraid to leave. Tyler comes up behind me and reminds me of what I have to do. “Lenny, let them do their job. You have to let go. Nova needs you.”
THEY AIRLIFT RED to Portland on a life flight, and he’ll be heading immediately into surgery as the bullet punctured his right lung.
The moment they load Red in the helicopter, Tyler and I take Nova and begin the hour drive to the hospital. The last thing I want is to bring Nova with us, but the most important thing is getting to Red. And because I’m too scared, Tyler calls Mia on the way there to let her know.
When we finally get to the hospital, Tyler runs to the emergency room registration to find out where we need to go. They inform us that Red was brought directly into surgery and directed us to the family waiting room. So we do as we’re told and begin the long wait, hoping every time the door opens it will be someone who can give us information as to what’s going on.
When we’re seated, Tyler looks at me. “Do you want some ice for your face?”
I had completely forgotten about my eye where the gun hit me. It’s numb and swollen, but it’s the last of my worries. “No, I’m fine.”
I wish my heart were as numb as my face.
As I wait for Red’s family to arrive, cradling Nova in my lap, fear takes a firm grip of my heart and squeezes. I could lose everything. Not only the man and child who have found a space in my bruised heart, but his loving family too. While logic tells me Ben is responsible, I still brought him here. He chased me to Red’s shop. That’s on me.
When the door swings open and Mia and Raven rush into the waiting room, I think for those briefest moments, they will hate me. Finally see me for what I am. Cursed. Trouble. Underserving. I’m afraid they’ll take Nova from my arms and hate me forever.
As they rush over to where Tyler and I are sitting, Nova stirs slightly in my lap. She fell into a fitful sleep about a half hour ago, her wild curls draped over my bloody jeans as I stare at Red’s mother.
“Oh my God, Lenny! What happened?” she asks, her voice a low whisper, careful not to wake Nova.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell her, swiping away tears that won’t stop. My face burns with the action.
“Lenny, look at me.” She kneels down, tears flooding her eyes at the sight of the blood on me. “What happened? Where’s Red?
“I’m so sorry!” It’s all I can say as the shock of the situation begins to take over.
“Was it Ben?” Raven asks, looking at Tyler.
Tyler nods and puts his hand on my back in attempt to comfort me. “He showed up… waving his gun around making threats. He shot Red in the chest.”
“No! Is he okay?” Raven gasps, drawing in several calming breaths and sits next to Tyler. He reaches for her hand and holds it tightly. “We don’t know anything yet. They rushed him into surgery as soon as he got here, and no one has come out to talk to us yet.”
Mia falls to her knees and Nova wakes up, pushing her curls from her face as she looks around.
I wait for it, the reality to come crashing around her. And when it does, she stares at me, her arms around my neck. “Lenny, where’s daddy?”
I kiss her temple, never wanting to let go of her. “He’s with the doctors, darlin’.” I use Red’s nickname for her, wanting to comfort her.
Tyler clears his throat and looks at Mia. “Ben is here somewhere too. Red nailed him with a torque wrench to the side of the head. Sheriff Barns said he’s under arrest, if he makes it.”
Rawley storms through the doors with Jude and Hendrix close behind him. His eyes dart around the room and land on mine. “What happened? Where’s Red?”
Mia immediately reaches for Rawley, pulling him to her side, her sobs captured by his chest.
“I don’t even know how it happened,” I say to them when Raven takes Nova to the bathroom. “They were arguing and Ben shoved Nova and Red lost it. He lunged for Ben and they began fighting. Ben had a gun and shot Red in the chest. The only thing anyone will tell me is that he was taken into surgery. They said any personal information is only given to family. I don’t know if he’s okay.”
Mia stands from her chair, suddenly calm, or attempting to be. “Okay, well I’m going to see if I can find out anything.” She walks out to the nurses’ station and speaks with one of women behind the desk.
When she gets back to our seats, her expression tells me she wasn’t able to find out anything more than we already know, which is nothing. So we do the only thing we can. We wait.
Raven comes back from the bathroom with Nova, and she immediately climbs onto my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. I grasp her tightly, trying to give her as much love and protection as I can. I know I should get her out of here. That this is no place for a little girl, but I can’t leave until I know that Red is going to be okay.
IT TAKES FIVE hours before someone comes out to talk to us. Both Rawley and Nova are asleep by this point, but not once did I close my eyes. I couldn’t.
A doctor walks in wearing scrubs and carrying a clipboard. “Family of Reddington Walker?”
“Yes.” Mia jumps up from her seat. “I’m Mia Walker, Red’s mother.” The doctor approaches and motions for Mia to have a seat. He then kneels next to us and removes his scrub cap. “Reddington is stable now and in the ICU. As I’m sure you know, he was brought in with a GSW to the chest. He’s very fortunate the bullet hit more on the right side then the left. We took him into surgery immediately as the bullet pierced his right lung and it collapsed. We had to crack his chest because his ribs splintered and wanted to make sure none of the fragments damaged his organs. You can see him in a couple hours when we get him settled in the ICU.” The doctor reaches out and touches Mia’s shoulder. �
��Be prepared when you do see him. There’s a tube in his mouth helping him breathe along with a chest tube. It’s a flexible tube we inserted into the space between his chest wall and the lung. It’s attached to a suction device and used to evacuate air and any residual blood or body fluids from the chest cavity to help keep the lung inflated. Once his lung heals and can stay inflated on its own, we’ll take the tube out. It could be a couple days. He’s going to be here for a couple weeks at least and total recovery time depends on him. Anywhere from a month to two. He needs to take it easy. It will time for him to heal.”
“Do you have any questions for me?”
We stare at him.
“How long will it take for him to be awake?” Mia asks.
The doctor draws in a deep breath. “Once he shows us signs of being able to breathe on his own, we’ll remove the breathing tube and ease him off the medications. It could be a few days. He’s strong though, so it could be within the next twenty-four hours. He has a long road ahead of him, and there are still some risks of complication and infection. He’s in good hands, though.”
I didn’t want to hear that. I know Red’s a strong man but can he pull through this?
WITH RED IN the ICU, there’s nothing we can do at the hospital, so I leave with Nova, Raven, Rawley and Tyler, and head to Red’s house so Nova can sleep in her own bed. Mai stays with her son.
It’s around three in the morning by the time we get to the house and I put Nova in bed. Rawley, Raven, and Tyler sleep in the living room, but I imagine there won’t be much sleeping tonight.
Just as I’m in Red’s bed, there’s a soft knock on the bedroom door and it creeks open. Nova stands in the doorway with tear-filled eyes. “I’m scared. Can I sleep with you?”
I can imagine she’s horrified.
“Of course you can, honey.” I nod, patting the side of the bed. I knew she wouldn’t stay asleep and I’m kinda glad she didn’t. The thought of sleeping alone after all of this scares me, mostly for her.
“I’m so sorry for what you saw today.” I tuck the blankets up around her and pull her into my chest.
She worms herself closer and sighs a shaking breath. “I’m scared. What if he comes back here and takes me?”
“He’s not going to hurt you. I promise. He’s going to jail for a long time.”
I hate that I just promised her something I can’t guarantee.
Lying here in his bed, beside his daughter, my tears spill over. All my life I’ve only dreamed of a world where I would have the kind of love and acceptance I’ve gotten from Red, Nova, and the Walker family, and now, as I lay here holding onto Nova with every shred of love I have in me, all I can do is sob. For the first time, I have everything to lose. Not knowing if Red will make it, not knowing what tomorrow will truly bring, I’m sobbing so hard I can barely breathe.
If and when he wakes up, there’s little chance he’ll forgive me for endangering his daughter.
I cry for my stupidity.
I cry for Nova.
I cry for Red.
And I cry for what he told me the day before this happened.
“I won’t let anything happen to you. He’ll have to go through me to do it.”
Because of me, Red’s words came true.
Pain radiates through my body in waves. The intensity of it comes and it goes, a constant aching in my bones, my chest, pretty much everywhere, but it’s distinctly centered in my chest. Every time it gets to where I think I can’t handle the pain any more, a moan coming from deep in my throat I can’t control, warmth travels up my arm followed by periods of nothingness.
I sleep, for long periods of time, but at least the pain is gone.
Then I awake again, the dim lights of the room comforting. Movements and sounds around me are unfamiliar.
Something stirs me from my sleep, dim lights filtering through the blinds in the room. I might be in my room, but as I lay here staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, I allow myself to take in my surroundings. Searching for something familiar, something I recognize to assure myself of where I am, all I find is disappointment. This isn’t my room.
Where the hell am I?
There’s a machine beside me, a low whoosh sound that flattens every few seconds and three additional monitors surrounding me. It’s then it hits me.
It’s a hospital room.
Swallowing, afraid to move, I notice my throat burns, like hot lava was poured down it. The simplest of motions from blinking to moving my head come back slowly, as though I’m waking from a deep sleep.
My head feels like it’s full of cotton balls as I try to recall why I’m here. I continue to stare at the white ceiling, blinking several times. Everything begins to come back to me in waves, unclear and clouded waves, but I remember what I need to.
Ben showing up, him grabbing Nova, the fight…. I was shot in the chest.
Looking to the nurse beside me messing with my IV, a wave of panic invades my thoughts immediately. Nova. If I’m in the hospital, where is she? The last thing I remember is being in the shop and Lenny holding her.
I swallow, again, struggling to speak. “Where the fuck is my daughter?” I barely recognize my voice, gruff with sleep and aggravation.
“Oh, you’re awake.” She smiles at me, like I should be happy to see her. “I’m your nu—”
I don’t have time for her fucking introductions. I need to know where Nova is, that she’s safe. I try to sit up, but I’m immediately reminded of why I’m here. Pain shoots through every nerve, causing my body to spasm like it’s on fire “I don’t care who the fuck you are. I just want to know where my daughter is.”
The nurse is trying to calm me, telling me to I need to relax and not move because I could cause more damage to my already battered body, but she doesn’t understand that I don’t give a damn about myself. I have to know where my daughter is.
Quickly rushing to the door, the nurse calls for help, but my struggle doesn’t last long. Whatever my injuries are, they root me in place. “Mr. Walker, we need you to stay calm and not move. You’ve suffered a severe gunshot wound and sudden movement could cause more damage to your chest.”
Suddenly, my door bursts open and my mom is the first person to rush in that I recognize, her hand clamps over her mouth and tears roll down her cheeks. “Oh my God, Red….” She breathes in relief. “You’re awake.”
Looking at her, I can see a mix of relief and exhaustion in her face. I don’t know how long I’ve been out or how badly I’m hurt, but I’m guessing things were bad. Our eyes locked on one another. Hers looking for reassurance that I’m okay and mine taking in the reality of my situation. I don’t say anything to her. I’m not sure what to say and then the nurse asks me if I know where I’m at.
“Hell?” I ask, glaring at her. “Where’s Nova?”
“Can you tell me what you remember?” The nurse presses, like I should be answering her and not concerned with my daughter.
“Enough.” I grunt at the onset of pain moving through me, my eyes follow my mother as she sits next to the bed taking my hand. “I don’t want to talk about it right now, but that motherfucker better be in jail or dead. Now where the hell is my daughter?”
“He’s gonna pay, Red. Don’t you worry about that,” Mom assures me. “As soon as he’s released from the hospital, he’s going straight to jail.”
I blink, my focus fading as my eyes drift closed momentarily. “Released from the hospital? Why?” I try to recall if he was injured during our fight, but I can’t. It all seems so foggy and pieced together.
“From what we can tell, after you were shot, you managed to hit him in the head with a torque wrench and cracked his skull.”
I don’t say anything as I begin to try and process that night. It comes back to me in flashes of memories, mostly of my daughter crying. A flood of emotions overtakes me. My heart pounds erratically in my chest. The monitor next to me begins to beep faster and it’s all I can do to not hyperventilate.
I look at m
y mom, careful not to move by body in any way. “Where’s Nova? Is she okay?” There’s panic in my voice as fear threatens to swallow me whole.
Mom moves from her chair beside me to sit carefully on the edge of my bed. Gently, she places her hand on my face, cupping my cheek. “Oh, Red. She’s fine. A little scared but fine.” Tears well up in her eyes. “You did good. You protected them and kept them safe.”
“Where is she, Mom? Who’s been taking care of her? I need to see her.”
She smiles reassuringly. “She’s with Lenny. We thought it best that Nova be back home sleeping in her own bed. Lenny didn’t want to leave you, but Nova was clinging to her so hard that she didn’t have much of a choice. She hasn’t left her side since you were brought in. They should be here any minute.”
The idea of Lenny taking care of her brings me relief. I remember asking her to watch over her but maybe I was thinking it and didn’t say it before I passed out.
“How is Lenny? Is she okay?” I suddenly remember Ben hitting her with the butt of his gun. “That bastard hit her pretty hard.”
“Relax. She’s fine. There’s a bruise under her left eye, a small cut near it where Ben hit her. But she’s okay.” She draws in a deep breath, her fingers moving slowly over my torn-up hands. “Lenny…. She’s worried about you, Red. She kept apologizing over and over saying it was her fault all this happened.”
I’m careful, but I shake my head, my eyes squeezing shut at the onset of pain. “She can’t think that way. It’s not her fault. I knew he could show up. I knew and we still had our guard down. She had no way of knowing things would get this bad.”
Mom nods and then reaches up to brush tears away. “I know, but I don’t think she’s going to believe us until she hears it from you.”