Butt Baby From Santa: An Alpha Omega Mpreg Christmas Romance Satire

by Lita Hawkward Bates

  “He’ll be fine. He has to get used to being alone sometimes. We have to go to work, ya know.” I raise an eyebrow at my omega.

  “What about the baby?” A frown forms on his lips and his brows furrow. “I can’t go back to work with a newborn.”

  “Oh, you’re right.” I guess having a one week gestation period doesn’t give us much time for planning. We’d always talked about JD taking a few years away from the bakery once we started a family, but it’s all happening so suddenly. “Maybe we can find a nanny in the beginning so you can find and train a replacement.”

  “A nanny!” Austin and JD both shout at the same time, startling me with their anger. “No way.”

  I plant my hands on my hips and turn to Austin. “Well, what do you propose? You come here, spring this on us with zero notice, and then you’re going to disappear on us in a few hours. But you want to have a say on how we raise our child?”

  He bows his head sheepishly and sighs. “Well, I have some leave coming up...and I’ve always wanted to start my own company.”

  “What are you saying?” JD leans forward and I sit on the coffee table between then, huddling into their triumvirate so I don’t miss a word.

  Austin looks into JD’s eyes and then into mine. “Well, if you guys want me to stick around, I can. I can take care of the baby until JD is ready to be home full-time, and then I’ll start my company here. It doesn’t have to be at the North Pole.” He clears his throat and looks down at his fingers. “But only if you both want me.”

  “We do!” JD says at the same time I say, “Yes.”

  Of course we want him. In just a few hours, he’s become an integral part of our family. He’s the reason we’re going to have a family at all. I reach for Austin’s hand and then place JD’s on top of it. “Please stay with us, Austin. Forever.”

  Austin smiles and leans forward to kiss JD.

  I close the distance between them and work my tongue into their mouths, darting and dashing between the wet tango of their muscular organs. “So, who’s hungry?”

  We break apart, chuckling at the crazy turn of events.

  “I’m starving.” JD pats his small belly. “We both are.”

  “Well, load up the van and let’s get going. I’ll put Chris in the room with his toys so he doesn’t notice we’re gone.”

  JD’s eyes go wide and his smile drops. “Oh, about that.”

  Austin slides his arm behind JD’s back. “About what?”

  “The van.” JD gives me a half smile and reaches for both of my hands. “Since I didn’t think we were gonna need it anymore, I traded in the van for...your present. It’s in the garage.”

  “What?” I turn and head straight to the garage. I’m not sure what to expect but when I open the door and see a red Corvette Stingray where the minivan is usually parked, my heart feels like it’s about to pound out of my chest.

  “Merry Christmas, babe.” JD snuggles up to my back and holds me while I take in the beautiful car before me. “Do you like it?”

  “I love it.” My dick is hard and probably leaking because I love it so much. “How did you afford this?”

  “The bakery is doing well so we call voted for nice bonuses.” JD rests his head on my shoulder. “And you deserve to have the car you love.”

  My arm closes around his back and I pull him into my chest. “Thank you, my little omega. But what are we going to do with the baby? We can’t put a car seat in that thing.”

  Austin clears his throat behind us. “Maybe I can be of help there. I have an SUV I use at the Pole. We transport toys all day long, so once I bring it here, it’ll be perfect for our growing family.”

  I open my other arm and Austin walks into it. “Long term problem solved. Now we just have to figure out how to get to dinner.”

  Cramming into the back of a Prius with another large alpha and our omega isn’t exactly what I’d call the most comfortable Uber ride I’ve ever taken. But having my men beside me fills my heart with joy.

  By the time we get home with our bellies full of plant-based protein, we all just want to veg out on the sofa. But Austin has other plans for us. He opens up that bag of toys and pulls out an anatomically correct gingerbread doll that self-inflates when you pull it out of the box.

  “Holy shit!” I drop my feet to the ground and lean closer. “That cock is huge.”

  “Mmm hmmm….” JD’s eyes are wide and I can already smell the slick oozing out of him. “It is.”

  “Did you bring all those for us? You were only planning to stay one day. You thought we’d use everything in there in one day?”

  Austin shrugs. “I always carry them with me. These are my latest designs. I never know when I’ll get a chance to do some real-life testing. And I had a feeling you two would be up for some fun.”

  “I am.” JD turns on the sofa and yanks his pants down as he braces himself against the back of the couch. “Fuck me with him.”

  Austin’s ears wiggle as he rams the inflatable cock into JD’s ass and attaches a strap around his waist. “Just relax, baby. It’ll do all the work for you. If you want it harder or faster, just push the up arrow on the strap.”

  “It’s electronic?” I can’t believe my eyes when the doll’s hips back away from JD’s smooth skin and then pound into him again. His head is resting between his elbows and he’s shaking from head to toe. He obviously loves it.

  “And for you, my big alpha.” He reaches into the bag again. “How about some jingle bells for your dangling balls?”

  “Wha--” I can’t even form the words to stop him as Austin drops to his knees and yanks my sweats down with him. He sucks my balls into his mouth to coat them with a moist film then he attaches the bells to them.

  Nothing happens.

  I roll my hips in a figure eight, trying to determine what’s different. “What do they do?”

  Austin’s eyes glimmer with mischief as he holds out a small remote device in his hands. Without breaking eye contact, he pushes a silver button and the bells start ringing to the tune of “Twelve Days of Christmas.”

  My body buckles and I fall back, spreading my legs as the most electrifying sensations flow through my nuts. When Austin reaches between JD’s legs and scoops up a handful of his lube then coats my dick with it, my eyes roll back and I stop thinking. I stop feeling shock or lust or surprise as Austin lowers himself onto my dick and begins riding my cock as the bells introduce the turtle doves.

  9

  JD

  Thank god Austin’s eggnog come is magical because I wouldn’t be able to stand if it weren’t for the thick coating he deposited into me after the round with Ginger. All the aches and pains I was expecting are gone and all I feel is joy and excitement for the next chapter in our lives. The lives we’re all spending together.

  “I think you missed a few presents.” Austin waggles his eyebrows and nods toward the tree.

  “Oh, you’re right.” I drag both men to the tree and distribute the few remaining packages amongst myself and Phoenix. “Austin, I’m sorry we didn’t…”

  He silences me with a kiss. “Don’t apologize. I didn’t expect to be here during the gift unwrapping either. But I’m excited to see what you got for each other.”

  Phoenix and I each unwrap a set of pajamas. I can’t imagine wearing them ever again but they match so it’s nice to have. I make a mental note to pick up a third pair for Austin. Now that he’s agreed to stay as part of our family, I don’t want him to be excluded from any of our silly traditions. Phoenix also got me a new baking coat with my name stitched on the pocket. And I got him a set of five scratch-off lottery tickets.

  “I think I’ve already won the lottery!” Phoenix leans toward Austin and gives him a soft kiss. “My family has doubled in one day. Even more if you count Chris.” The puppy lifts his head at the mention of his name but doesn’t move from his warm spot in front of the fire. “But these are always fun. Thank you, little omega.”

  I get a kiss too then we watc
h as Phoenix scratches off the tickets. The first four don’t have any winners, but when he scratches off the first box on the last ticket, it’s a picture of an elf. Same with the second, third and fourth boxes. He looks at us with disbelieving eyes. “Five elves in a row wins twenty-five million dollars.”

  “Go! Do it.” I’m bouncing in my seat, anxious to know what he’s won. Four elves means twenty-five hundred dollars. Even that would be a nice start toward our child’s college fund, but twenty-five million would change our lives.

  Phoenix takes a deep breath and slowly scratches off the box, revealing the fifth elf. “Holy fuck, we won!”

  We stand up and cheer, hugging each other until we’re laughing so hard we crumple to the ground and celebrate our new fortune in the only way we know how.

  With naked bodies and cocks that...bow.

  “Finally, he’s home.” I grab Phoenix’s hand and we both walk outside to greet Austin.

  He went to pick up the SUV and his belongings from the North Pole. His helpers are packing up his workshop and will send his designs and prototypes to us after the new year, but for now, I’m just happy to have him back. He was only away from us for two days, but it felt like years.

  And in those two days, I went from looking adorably pregnant with a cantaloupe to being about to pop with a watermelon.

  Austin comes to me first, reaching for my belly and admiring the massive changes before leaning forward and kissing me. “You look beautiful, baby.”

  Then he turns to Phoenix and wraps his palm behind his neck, pulling him roughly to his lips. “And you’re fucking hot, alpha.”

  He reaches for Austin’s dick right there on our front porch, not at all surprised to find it hard and ready. “You’re a sight for sore eyes too, elfa.”

  We barely make it inside before clothes are off and cocks are being inserted in all possible holes. It’s a homecoming reunion like no other. Especially when our elf gets kinky and decides to put his pointy ears to use. Me and Phoenix are lying with our backs pressed together when Austin kneels on the floor and licks our holes. He spreads my lube all around both of us and then inserts his ear tips into our asses. They’re small but seem radiate heat and energy, almost vibrating inside me until all three of us are coming in puddles on the bed.

  “Don’t ever leave us again…” I reach for Austin’s head and run my fingers through his soft hair. “But if you do, you have to do that when you get back.”

  He chuckles and places a kiss on the inside of my thigh. “I don’t plan to ever leave, but that’s something I’d be happy to do every day for…forever.”

  Epilogue

  Phoenix

  The week passes quickly and none of us are prepared when JD bolts up in the middle of the night, holding his stomach and screaming out in pain. “Get it out!”

  “Are you in labor?” I turn on the lamp and see a dirty puddle of blood and...other stuff...on the bed between JD’s legs. “Okay, let’s go.”

  Austin helps us all into clothes then grabs the keys to his SUV. It’s got a huge cargo area, so instead of trying to get JD into the captain’s seats of the first or second row, we load him into the back so he can lie on his side for the short trip to the hospital.

  I stay beside him, holding his hand and trying to comfort him as he seems to morph from the sweet omega I fell in love with to this possessed monster trying to crush all the bones in my hand. “Okay, easy there. We’re almost at the hospital.”

  “Thirty seconds and we’ll be at the emergency entrance.”

  “Hurry!” JD curls into himself. “I feel movement.”

  Austin has the audacity to chuckle. “Yeah, I’ve heard that’s what it feels like. Just hold it for one more minute. Elf babies drop out quite suddenly.”

  Before I get into full panic mode, Austin squeals to a stop at the curb and opens the hatchback. He lifts JD into his arms and carries him toward the glass doors.

  A nurse with a gurney walks out and holds the bed still so Austin can place JD on it.

  “Hurry! It’s happening.” JD reaches for my hand as Austin is about to put him down. But before he even lets go of JD, the baby slides right out in a rush of muddy liquid and lands in the center of the gurney.

  “Well, that part is over.” Austin holds JD just above the bed while a second nurse rushes in and wraps the baby in a receiving blanket while the pad is cleaned up so JD can rest on it. Within seconds, Austin and I are following as JD and our new baby girl are wheeled into the hospital.

  Watching JD rock our baby Elsa as he feeds her from his swollen chest is something I’ve waited years for. Austin leans in the doorway at my side, also enthralled by how quickly our family as grown and how our love is now infinitely stronger since welcoming our daughter into the world.

  “I found a warehouse big enough for what we need.” Austin’s hand is splayed across my back and he’s gently kneading my muscles. “If all goes well, we can be up and running by the end of the month.

  When Austin said he designed toys, he didn’t explain that he was the premier designer for all sex toys in the world. All the technological advancements used in sexual devices came from his workshop and have been used by manufacturers across the globe. With our lottery money, he’s able to relocate and focus on a project he’s been interested in for a long time. A line of multi-alpha devices that will allow impregnation of an omega by two alphas at once. I love the idea of being a part of the conception process for our next child, even though I know my seed won’t be the one fertilizing my sweet omega’s egg.

  But that’s okay.

  Little Elsa is as much my daughter as she is Austin’s and JD’s. And no matter what kind of magic is required to grow our family, I’ll always be grateful to Santa for sending us the elf that gave us the butt baby we’ve always dreamed of.

  ...And to all a good night.

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