10 Things Aliens Hate About You (Alienn, Arkansas Book 4)

by Fiona Roarke

  Even though she wanted him in the worst way. Even if she were willing to move to a planet two galaxies away—and she wasn’t—Wyatt would never go for it. He was part of a large, close-knit family. He’d have to leave the planet without a trace and no one in his big family could ever know where he’d gone or why. He’d simply disappear.

  A totally unfair scenario.

  Sheriff Wyatt Campbell was flawless in every single way, except for the part about being a human. Not that being human was a problem in general, but Valene couldn’t marry a human and remain on Earth. She had to choose—leave her family and move to another galaxy or give up Wyatt. Stupid rules. And in Valene’s albeit biased judgment, they were really, truly the stupidest rules every conceived by, well, aliens.

  Humans were never to know aliens lived in plain sight in Alienn, Arkansas or in the offshoot colony in Nocturne Falls, a small town in Georgia. Never!

  Valene had even secretly checked to see if she and Wyatt could move to Georgia and live in peace. Nova, her brother Diesel’s office assistant, had helped her send the inquiry to Alpha-Prime’s Headquarters of Extra-terrestrial Affairs. HETA replied unequivocally a week ago: Denied, never, big-fat-no, don’t even think about it.

  Valene was out of ideas. For now.

  But how long would Wyatt wait? He’d been pretty patient with what he assumed to be a commitment-phobic girlfriend, but she knew he wanted to marry her. He’d even spoken to her eldest brother about dating her, since their parents were out of town more often than not in recent years. Wyatt thought he was talking to the de facto head of her family, when really he was addressing the Arkansas colony’s Fearless Leader.

  Diesel told Valene that while he liked Wyatt, no exception to the rules would be made if they married. He left it to her to determine what to do next. But that was the problem. Valene didn’t know what to do.

  Given the extent of Wyatt’s family in Arkansas, it would be a very difficult choice for him to leave. Even if he were willing to move off-world, he’d likely balk at the prospect of leaving them to mourn his mysterious disappearance forever.

  Wyatt was second eldest of five children and the only boy. She didn’t want to move away from her family, either, but at least they’d know where she was and could visit her on occasion.

  She and Wyatt both understood big, loud families. It was one of the many things they had in common. Her favorite thing they had in common was kissing. She wanted to kiss him now. The visual of ramming Daphne Charlene out of the way so Valene could kiss his perfect mouth circled in her mind once more.

  The only workaround she’d thought of was moving in with him and living in what some humans called sin. What could anyone on Alpha-Prime do if she didn’t officially marry her human? She didn’t know, and until she understood the potential fallout of such a bold, unconventional move, she didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize any possible future with Wyatt.

  Daphne Charlene finally released Wyatt. He moved away with a distracted pat on her shoulder, and walked straight to Valene.

  “Would you care to explain what happened here?”

  “Nope.”

  Wyatt’s mouth quirked into a quick smile and then it went away. He put a hand on his gun, leaned in close and whispered in her ear, “You have a piece of chili bean on your upper lip and I’d really like to kiss it off. What do you say?”

  Chapter Two

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  Wyatt Campbell likely should not have said what he had to Valene Grey, even though he meant every word. The woman made him crazy in all the best ways, but she was also gun-shy about their relationship and he hadn’t been able to figure out why.

  “Better not,” Valene said in a rush, color coming into her lovely cheeks as she wiped her mouth and mostly brushed away the errant lucky chili bean off her beautiful face. He would have rather kissed it off, but wasn’t supposed to acknowledge their feelings in public.

  She moved half a step away, perhaps to stay out of range of the kiss he knew they both wanted. He understood. He didn’t doubt her love for him, even though he knew she often held herself back. It was as if she feared if she let herself go, she wouldn’t be able to retreat to her neutral corner.

  Valene did have six older brothers. Wyatt knew them all and they seemed to like him well enough. He’d even spoken to her eldest brother about dating her. When pressed, Diesel told him he didn’t have a problem with Wyatt dating his little sister, though he’d have to speak to their father if things got serious. Wyatt understood that, and was ready and willing.

  He and Valene were completely serious as far as Wyatt was concerned. The elder Greys were tough ones to pin down, though. First, they’d been rambling around on an RV road trip across the country, return date unknown. Zebulon and Xenia Grey returned briefly to attend the wedding of Valene’s brother, Axel, then skedaddled faster than a rocket-propelled rabbit the day after the nuptials.

  Wyatt had attended, too, but hadn’t been able to sit with Valene, as she was one of the wedding coordinators or something. She sought him out at the extravagant reception for a private dance in the woods, just the two of them, within earshot of the band playing some eighties love song. He didn’t care what they played. He enjoyed dancing with the love of his life—correction, the super-secret love of his life.

  They’d kissed. And kissed. And kissed. Valene pushed him against a tree and kissed him until he wasn’t certain he could let her go.

  The shout wrenched her out of their passionate and involved embrace.

  “Valvoline Ethyl Grey! Where are you?” The female voice called out twice more before Valene broke away, put shaky fingers to her lips and stared at him with wide blue eyes.

  “Please don’t go, Vee,” he’d whispered and reached for her. She shook her head and said softly, “I have to go, Wyatt. I’m so sorry.” She scurried away as if fearful of being seen with him.

  Story of their relationship. Passionate, crazy, incredible kisses followed by stark and lengthy distances. Valene dictated their together time. Always had and likely always would.

  He wanted to put his foot down. He wanted to shout how much he loved her from every rooftop in the nearest three towns. He divided most of his time between Skeeter Bite, Old Coot and Alienn, Arkansas. If he had his way, he would have already put a ring on her finger and married her. They could even have a baby on the way by now, if only she would settle down and let him in.

  An elusive something, one he couldn’t quite put his finger on, was in the way of their permanent happiness. One day he’d figure out what it was, fix it and move on to enjoy the life with Valene he’d only dreamed of thus far. Until then, he waited with growing exasperation for the love of his life to stop running and let him catch her for good.

  There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do to make Valene Grey happy. Which he’d told her, repeatedly. She would get a wistful look in her eye and mumble something along the lines of, “I wish that could be true.”

  Recently, he’d gone to his father, the town’s former sheriff, for advice. Before he could say anything about the trouble he was having nailing down a permanent relationship with Valene, his father asked if he was dating anyone special. At first, Wyatt was relieved to have the opening. Clearly his parents had noticed something was off with their son and his mother had delegated his father to suss out whatever it was. His father wondered out loud if his only son ever planned to settle down. Wyatt said there might be someone he was interested in, but he hadn’t taken it to the next level yet for a variety of reasons. All of them had to do with Valene and her skittishness. He’d promised Valene he’d be discreet about their relationship, even with his family, so he couldn’t bring himself to name her to his father outright.

  Wyatt figured his father knew about Valene anyway, and was fishing for confirmation. He hoped maybe the ex-sheriff, who was on good terms with Valene’s parents, might speak up to them on Wyatt’s behalf. But he’d been wrong.

  Shortly after their man-to-man talk, his parent
s invited Daphne Charlene Dumont to their house for a family dinner and seated her next to Wyatt. The father-son conversation came immediately to Wyatt’s mind. Either his father hadn’t known about Valene or his parents wanted to dissuade Wyatt from pursuing her by setting him up with a local woman they already approved of.

  Wyatt endured a very long dinner with Daphne Charlene and his family, where it was obvious why she was there and everyone, including three out of his four sisters in attendance, gushed over what a great couple they made. It was all Wyatt could do not to roll his eyes at the setup.

  Daphne Charlene was an attractive girl. One of the most unappealing things about her was she seemed very aware of that fact. But since Wyatt was generally a positive kind of guy, he allowed she might have many fine qualities that some other man might appreciate. She was accomplished in her career, owning and operating Skeeter Bite’s newest and most popular restaurant, Critters Café. That interesting name always made him think of roadkill, but he’d never be so rude as to say that out loud and no one else seemed to feel that way.

  Her restaurant was in a grand refurbished historical building on a small hill nestled at the edge of dense woods. The onetime dry goods store supposedly had a speakeasy hidden in the basement during Prohibition. Daphne Charlene had turned the place into a relaxed eating establishment where any and all, from prom attendees dressed to the nines to simple farm folk, could come in and be comfortable.

  Wyatt tried to like Daphne Charlene for his parents’ sake, but certainly not in a romantic way. Yes, she was beautiful. Yes, she was smart. Yes, she was successful. Yes, he was still in love with Valene, no matter how many fabulous attributes his father mentioned about Daphne Charlene on any given day.

  Unfortunately, Daphne Charlene liked Wyatt way too much for his comfort. Lately, she’d been finding ways to corner him, trying to kiss him or get him to kiss her, even in public. His polite deflection tactics were running low. He wasn’t sure what he’d do when he ran out completely. Physically pushing her away was not something he felt comfortable doing.

  Another patrol cruiser pulled into the nearly empty parking lot. Sheriff Hunter Valero, Wyatt’s counterpart in nearby Old Coot and his best friend, got out of his car and approached.

  Hunter had lived in Arkansas all his life, whereas Wyatt had moved down from up north, in Minnesota, when he was a kid. But that didn’t matter. Everyone in Arkansas treated him like he’d always been here.

  His friend took a look around at the chili-splattered folks, eyed Daphne Charlene standing way too close to Wyatt, and then Valene a few steps away. A mischievous smile shaped his mouth.

  Hunter was of the opinion that when you fell in love, that was it. Didn’t matter who it was, no one else would do. Several months back, Wyatt figured he’d lean on his buddy for a little moral support. Without naming Valene, he hemmed and hawed and finally confided he had a secret girlfriend. Hunter laughed. “It’s not a secret, dude.”

  Taken aback, Wyatt said, “Sure it is. You don’t know who it is.”

  “I do so. You’re in love with Valene Grey.”

  He’d been shocked into momentary silence. After several quiet seconds, he asked, “How do you know that?”

  “Last month I saw you two making googly eyes at each other.”

  “Where?”

  “Baseball game.”

  Wyatt shook his head. “We didn’t sit together.”

  “No. But you spent the entire game gawking at each other and sending longing looks across the field.”

  “Who else knows?”

  Hunter shrugged. “Don’t know. Maybe no one noticed but me.”

  “Why did you notice?”

  “Maybe I did because you’re like a brother to me.” Wyatt knew the admission was nothing but the truth. Hunter’s father was a military hero who died when his son was a baby. Hunter’s mother never remarried, so he appreciated the value of family, blood or not.

  Since Wyatt had four sisters, Hunter was the brother he’d never had.

  “Don’t say anything to anyone. Valene is skittish about anyone knowing our secret.”

  “No skin off my butt. I will say that you two look good together.”

  “Thanks.”

  Valene sometimes tried to distance herself from Wyatt, but if he persisted, she couldn’t seem to help herself. Before long she’d be back in his arms where she belonged, if he had any say. Most days it was clear that he did not have any say.

  Hunter joined the loose circle of Wyatt, Daphne and Valene. He asked Valene, “Did you win?”

  “No. Not at all.”

  “Wyatt,” Daphne Charlene said. He winced at her cloying tone. Good thing she couldn’t see his expression, but Valene noticed and smiled. So did Hunter.

  “Wyatt!” Daphne Charlene said in a tenser tone.

  He cleared his throat, schooled his features and looked at Daphne Charlene.

  She put an extra simpering expression in place. His back molars ground tightly together, luckily not making a noise. “What can I do for you, Daphne Charlene?”

  “I need help with something.” She crooked her finger at him. He did not want to go.

  “Are you going to tell me what went on here?” he asked in as stern a voice as he dared. Daphne Charlene was a woman used to getting what she wanted, and she could be difficult. He pitied the few who didn’t understand that about her.

  She straightened. “I won the contest this year.”

  Behind him, someone said, “Boo. Hiss.” It sounded like Valene’s wily aunt, Dixie Lou Grey. That woman could be quite a handful.

  “Congratulations. Why does this place look like a chili bomb went off?”

  “There were several people who didn’t think I deserved the award. Can you believe it?”

  Valene muttered, “And they started a food fight in revolt.”

  “Evidently.” Wyatt glanced around the chili sodden area. “Who started it?”

  “I’m sure I don’t know,” Valene said with an exaggerated shrug, though her tone suggested she did.

  Wyatt looked down at her, fighting the urge to sling his arm around her shoulders and hug her to his side. Forevermore. He didn’t even care that doing so would make his uniform chili-stained forever.

  “Oh, yeah? Not one single little clue?”

  Valene looked up at the sky, then to the left at the treetops at the edge of the park area. If she knew who started it, it was clear she wasn’t going to tell him. That likely meant she was related to the instigator, but Dixie Lou Grey would never admit to anything even if cornered. If undeniable proof of a misdeed was provided, she’d either shrug and express an outlandish reason for her actions or clam up and refuse to discuss it further. As if anyone with two wits to rub together would buy her forgetful old lady act.

  “What do you need my help with?” Wyatt finally asked Daphne Charlene.

  She straightened, crossed her arms and said, “I need police protection and I want you to do it.”

  Valene snorted. Wyatt silently agreed. “Protection from what?”

  “The angry mob.”

  “What angry mob?” He looked around them. Granted, the area looked like an angry mob had recently run through it, but there was currently no action here.

  “The one that started this whole mess because I won fair and square.” Her face screwed up in an expression of almost convincing misery and she started to cry.

  Hunter, the coward, grimaced and quick-stepped away to check out some of the demolished booths.

  “Okay. Don’t cry.” Wyatt moved closer to Daphne Charlene. “You’ll be fine.”

  She flung her arms around his neck again. He wanted to sigh and push her away, but he couldn’t. He turned his head and caught the eye of the lead judge.

  “You’re going to clean this all up, right?”

  The man looked like he was being asked to be the sacrificial lamb staked to the ground to catch a dangerous predator.

  The man surveyed the chili chaos and shook his head, a dis
gusted look on his face. “Well, I didn’t do it.”

  “But you’re in charge of this whole contest, isn’t that right?”

  The man sighed deeply. “I guess.”

  “That was a yes or no question.”

  The second deep sigh came with an eye roll. “Yes.”

  Wyatt looked at the vast chili-splashed zone. “I know for a fact a permit has been issued for a wedding reception here tomorrow afternoon. Therefore, when you do the cleanup you will have to ensure there is no chili anywhere. Not on the pavilion or the benches or the picnic tables or the grounds.” Given the amount of chili on the grass, that last point seemed like a herculean task.

  The judge lifted his arms in disbelief. “How? How do you expect me to accomplish that?”

  “I don’t know. Call back the contestants who made the mess. Whatever. I’m sure you’ll think of something or else I tell the bride who is to blame.”

  “No.” The man’s eyes widened at the thought of dealing with an angry bridezilla. “You wouldn’t dare.”

  “Try me.”

  “But it’s not fair, Sheriff.”

  “Not many things in life are. Suck it up, buttercup.”

  Daphne Charlene at long last removed her arms from his person. He shifted a few steps away to keep her from reattaching herself.

  Turning to Valene, he bent to ask, “Did Dixie Lou Grey have anything to do with starting this mess?”

  Valene choked out a fake cough, probably to buy time. When she finished, she asked, “I’m sorry. What was the question again?”

  “Never mind. I believe I have my answer.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  He stared deeply into her eyes, since no one was looking. “I don’t know yet.” He lowered his voice and said, “Meet me later. We can discuss it.”

  “Where?” Valene mouthed.

  “Smokin’ Hog. At eight.” The biker bar would be crowded with folks they didn’t know and was perfect for another clandestine meeting. He would have to dress down. If he went in there wearing his sheriff’s uniform, the place would clear out faster than a public pool with a giant Tootsie Roll floating in it and they’d be left all alone. He’d love the time all alone with her, but she wouldn’t.