Yearning Absolution (Yearning Series)

by Rachael Orman

  “Our first time was after you asked me out to dinner. By that time you had been pretty much living with me. You’d been working some side jobs, getting paid cash under the table and had saved up enough to take me out to dinner.” McKayla closed her eyes and smiled as she recalled the memory. “It was so sweet. It wasn’t anything fancy. Just a little restaurant that was quiet and romantic. When we came back here after dinner, we both changed into our pajamas and were lying in bed just talking and kissing. Then you looked into my eyes and asked me to make love to you.”

  Gwen was embarrassed that she couldn’t remember such an intimate moment when it obviously was something McKayla hadn’t forgotten very much about. Gwen licked her lips and took a step towards McKayla. Pushing McKayla’s hair back over her shoulders, Gwen leaned close and gently pressed her lips to McKayla’s. She pulled back and looked into McKayla’s eyes. “Is this okay?”

  “If it is for you.” McKayla chucked a little. It wasn’t her with the memory problems.

  Gwen placed another soft kiss on McKayla’s mouth before shifting to land a kiss at the base of McKayla’s neck. McKayla bent her head so Gwen had better access to her neck. Gwen slowly kissed of McKayla’s neck, breathing McKayla’s scent deep.

  There as Gwen kissed up McKayla’s neck, all her memories fell back into place. She gently sucked on McKayla’s earlobe and nipped the bottom.

  “Standing here with your scent filling my brain, I remember. I remember how gentle and careful you were the first time we were together. I remember the first time your soft breasts brushed against mine. The first time you held my hand. I remember the first time I saw the beautiful blonde with blue eyes that saw right through the façade I had been living behind. And I remember all the times you slowly broke down my walls until I couldn’t live without you in my world. The first time in my whole life the words ‘I love you’ slipped past my lips were to you.” Gwen leaned back as she spoke and watched as understanding passed over McKayla’s face. Gwen’s eyes were filled with tears as she continued. “I remember all the times we bickered over nothing. All the times we made up after stupid fights. I hope I can count this as one of our makeup times because now I remember our last horrible breakup.”

  At those words, McKayla broke down into sobs. She was split between being so happy to have the full Gwen back and now having to now have to tell her part of the missing story.

  “I hope so.” McKayla said once she could finally push her emotions down to a manageable level. “I have something to say and it’s not easy for me to share.”

  “Okay.” Gwen sniffed.

  “Can we go sit in the living room?” McKayla was trying to delay as long as she could. Plus, they had been standing in the kitchen for long enough. Gwen nodded before following behind McKayla. They sat next to each other on the couch.

  “Just say it.” Gwen finally sighed after watching McKayla fiddle with her nails for a minute. “I can take it. Just tell me so we can move past it, whatever it is.”

  “I slept with someone else.” McKayla’s voice was quite as she continued to stare at her nails. “When we were together. It wasn’t long after we moved into Cole’s apartment. I was feeling left out and un needed and it just sort of happened. Then I felt so guilty I started to take it out on you. I was wrong. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. You always tried to make sure you were there for me and always gave me tons of attention. I just didn’t know how to handle my jealousy. I thought I’d be ok with it. But I wasn’t.

  “At first, it was so sexy to see you with him. Then when I realized that it was way more than just sex to you. That it was love and that I wouldn’t just have to share you with him sometimes, but all the time. Even when he wasn’t around, he would be on your mind. It drove me crazy. I was used to being the only one on your mind.” McKayla kept looking at her hands as she picked at the skin around her nails. “I thought he had replaced me. You were still in my bed and still supporting me, but I couldn’t see it. And then one day one of the other models hit on me when I was at a shoot. We went out for drinks and ended up in a hotel room. I started to see her regularly after that. I felt guilty as hell, but I couldn’t tell you and I couldn’t stop seeing her. Every time I’d try to come talk to you about it, you and Cole would be laughing and having a good time while I was angry with you and our situation.

  “I was so angry. Angry with you for being happy while I wasn’t. Angry with myself for sleeping with someone else. Angry that this other person was making me happy. I’ve only ever wanted to be with you. I just didn’t know how to make it happen. When I moved out I hoped it would help me gain my whole center back, but it didn’t I just kept spinning out of control. I had just stopped seeing this woman and was getting myself back together when I got the call for the meeting at the coffee shop. Then when I saw you walk in with your little belly and that pregnant glow, it broke my heart. I realized just how far apart we had grown. Your life was continuing in the right direction, while I was still angry and hurt. I hadn’t planned on even seeing you but you just appeared and were more beautiful than ever and blooming with life in a way I never thought I’d see. I just kind of lost it. I didn’t listen to a word that you said in the coffee shop. I was so hurt that you seemed so happy and things were looking so wonderful for you. I didn’t ever want to see you again when I walked away from the coffee shop.

  “Which is why I’ll never be able to tell you what getting that phone call from Cole was like. When you had been found and were in the hospital. It was Cole who called me. He knew that you would’ve wanted me there, would’ve wanted me to know what happened. I owe him for that. Without him, I would’ve never known. But I can’t say I haven’t felt an immense amount of guilt every single second of every single day since it happened. If I hadn’t reacted the way I had, you would’ve never been crying, you would’ve never gone down to the subway or been alone on the street.”

  “McKayla. It was gonna happen. Richard was determined to get me. Out of everything you have said, that is one thing I can say for sure. It is NOT your fault that he got me.” Gwen had been sitting there taking it all in but now she was ready to talk. “I can’t say that I’m okay with the fact that you cheated on me. However, we both knew that bringing another person into our lives, our relationship was going to cause turbulence. I wish you would’ve talked to me before it got to that point. I wish you would’ve told me what was going on so that I could have at least attempted to help settle your concerns, but I didn’t know what was going on with you. I never meant to make one or the other of you feel more important to me because in the end, I love you both the same for totally different reasons. This whole memory loss situation has made things become a lot more clear in my mind… oddly.

  “I don’t want to live with one or the other of you. I want both of you. I want a happy family. I want a baby. I want to go back to work and design. I want to move on from this horrible time in our lives and find the happy times again. I’m done letting those bastards have anything of mine. So, McKayla, even though you aren’t perfect and I’m not perfect, I have one very serious question for you.”

  “Okay.” McKayla wiped away the tears that were still rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t know what the question was, but she had a feeling it was going to be the turning point in their relationship.

  Gwen slipped off the couch and took one of McKayla’s hands into both of her own. She knelt on one of her knees and looked into McKayla’s eyes. “Would you be my wife? For good. For bad. For rich. For poor. Will you promise to always try to love me as much as I love you?”

  McKayla just sobbed harder and nodded her head rapidly. Gwen pulled her into her arms. “I love you. We have had enough bad. It’s time to make our happy ever after happen. But when the bad does come around, because it always does, promise me you’ll fight to make us work.”

  “I promise.” McKayla sniffed into the crook of Gwen’s neck.

  Chapter 30

  Gwen and McKayla spent the rest of the weekend lounging
about the apartment, cuddling and rekindling their love for one another. Before Gwen knew it, it was time to head back to Cole’s. She had only gotten a few text messages from him the entire weekend so she was excited to see him. She couldn’t wait to tell him the quick changes that were happening with McKayla and she just hoped that he was just as excited as her. Then again, she had been here before. Her solid relationship with McKayla had fallen apart when Gwen though it would be better with Cole. She hoped her relationship with Cole would truly be as strong as she felt it was when she reintroduced McKayla back into it.

  Gwen sat in the lobby of McKayla’s apartment tapping her foot as she waited for Cole. Eventually the car pulled up at the curb. Gwen grabbed her bag and headed out of the lobby. McKayla had left a few minutes before because she had a shoot she couldn’t get out of. Doug, the driver, opened the car door for her before putting her bag in the trunk. As she slid into the back, Gwen was startled to see the car was empty. She had expected Cole to pick her up.

  “Sorry, Ms. Gwen. He wanted to be here, but he got held up at the house. He asked me to not delay any longer and just come pick you up.” Doug spoke when he got in the driver seat. Without waiting for a response, he pulled out into traffic.

  “It’s ok. Thank you.” Gwen smiled slightly. She couldn’t help but feel a bit let down that it seemed he wasn’t as eager to see her as she was him. She leaned back into the seat and closed her eyes, replaying the speech she was planning on saying to Cole about what had happened over the weekend.

  Before she knew it, Doug was pulling into the parking garage of Cole’s apartment building. He helped her to the elevator with her bag, but didn’t ride up with her. Gwen exited the elevator when the doors slid open on Cole’s level. The apartment was empty. Cole nowhere in sight.

  Frowning, Gwen went to Cole’s rooms. She set her bag down by the door and walked to his office. It too was empty. She heard a rustling sound in the bathroom so she moved towards it. There standing in the middle of the bathroom with a towel slung low around his lean hips was Cole.

  “Hi, beautiful.” Cole instantly smiled when he saw her. “I didn’t think you’d make it back so quickly. Sorry I wasn’t there to get you.”

  “It’s okay.” Gwen smiled at him as she leaned her head against the door frame. His hair was wet and there was still droplets of water over his torso and arms. Her eyes followed the line of his body down to his hands. His knuckles were all red and swollen. “What happened to your hands?”

  “Huh? Oh nothing.” Cole shrugged and moved towards her. He pulled her into his arms, smashing her face against his still wet chest. “Mmm. I missed you.”

  “Hey! You are still all wet.” Gwen cried out feeling her own shirt stick to her body from the water that had been on his body.

  “I like when you get all wet.” Cole wiggled his eyebrows at her as he looked down at her. Gwen just laughed and rolled her eyes.

  “I just got back. You aren’t getting it that quick.” Gwen slapped at his chest playfully before pushing back from him. “And you aren’t getting out of answering. What happened to your knuckles?”

  “And I said nothing. Gwen, don’t push this, please. I’m not going telling you. It’s nothing you need to worry about.” Cole rubbed his fingers over her cheek, sinking them into the hair behind her ear. “Baby, I need you to just trust me on this. If it was something you needed to know, I’d fill you in on all the details. But right now, it’s best to just try to forget it and when the time comes, if you still want to know, I’ll tell you everything.”

  “Okay.” Gwen leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips again. She didn’t like it but she knew she could try to convince him later on. “So, did you get everything that you needed to get done taken care of while I was gone?”

  “I did. It went especially well.” Something in the twinkle in his eye told Gwen that whatever matter he’d been needing to take care of had to do with his abused knuckles. “In fact, I’m hoping that now with a lot of things tied up… at work and your recovery going so well, that we might be able to escape down to my vacation home for a few days. Just to relax for a bit.”

  “Sounds wonderful. I would like to return to work once again. Hopefully, I still have a job.” Gwen smiled at him and he tapped the tip of her nose with his finger. He shook his head with a small laugh as he turned to move into the closet.

  “Oh, I suppose the boss man might be able to be convinced to allow you to keep your job.” Cole’s voice came out of the closet. Gwen moved to stand in the door way. She watched as his perfect bare ass was covered as he pulled on a pair of boxer briefs. He bent and pick up the towel from the floor where he had dropped it and threw it in the laundry basket.

  “Hmmm. I will have to think about how bad I want my job and see if it would be worth the torture.” Gwen tapped her chin and looked towards the ceiling. Cole laughed again at her.

  “I see someone is in a very good mood after her weekend away from her boyfriend. Here I thought you would have missed me.” Cole pulled on a pair of jeans before grabbing a plain dark green t-shirt from a hanger.

  “Well, speaking of that. There is a matter or two or a handful, I suppose, that I’d like to talk to you about.” Gwen leaned her shoulder against the door frame, crossing her arms over her chest as he pushed his arms through the shirt.

  “Okay.” Cole replied after getting the shirt over his head. He yanked down on the bottom to cover his stomach. It was tight and showed off his broad chest and defined arms.

  “I like that shirt.” Gwen couldn’t help but comment on it. It looked mouth wateringly good on him.

  “Yea? Maybe this is all I’ll wear when you are around from now on. I like the way you are drooling.” Cole moved closer to her, putting his hands around her hips.

  “I doubt it. I can count on two hands how many times you’ve worn jeans in front of me. So do tell, what is the special occasion?” Gwen wrapped her arms around his neck then thought twice about it and instead dragged her hands down to rest against the chest muscles that were so finely being emphasized by the shirt.

  “Absolutely nothing. I was hoping to take you for a little stroll through central park. I know the doctor said the more you walk the better you’ll be.” Cole planted a firm kiss on her forehead before grabbing her ass with both his hands and hauling her up against him. “And I can’t wait for you to get your stamina back because I have a lot of things in mind for you.”

  “Is that so? Guess you better get your shoes on then.” Gwen smiled up at him.

  “Plus, you can talk to me as we walk and get some fresh air.” Cole released her and stepped back to grab a pair of tennis shoes that looked brand new to Gwen. Once he had them on, they walked to the elevator together.

  It was only a block to an entrance of Central Park. As they strolled through the park, Gwen watched all the other people milling about. After they had walked a bit in the green trees and grass, Cole finally broke the comfortable silence.

  “So, you wanted to talk about this weekend? How did it go?” Cole started the conversation for her.

  “It went well. After talking with McKayla, my first night there, all the missing memories of our time together came rushing back. It’s the oddest thing to try to explain. To go from not being able to remember things to them being all there again. But I suppose I remember as much as I am going to.” Cole had his arm around her shoulders as they walked. Gwen knew he was still afraid she would collapse on him. But she was feeling much stronger. Walking didn’t exhaust her like it once had.

  “That’s really good. I’m sure the doctor will be thrilled by this news too. Well, I mean I am too, of course.” Cole squeezed her shoulder lightly.

  “Yes, McKayla and I talked a lot very in depth about our relationship and the last few mishaps that we’ve had.” Gwen took a deep breath before continuing. “She confessed that she cheated. That was why she became so moody and argumentative. But it’s okay. We are okay. We all make mistakes and learn from them. I hope you would
be okay with her moving back into your apartment with us.”

  “Gwen, it’s our apartment. I’ve told you before. It’s not just mine anymore.” Cole tsked her.

  “I don’t pay for any of the bills. I don’t pay for anything so it’s hard for me to consider it mine.” Gwen shrugged.

  “Well, either way, McKayla is welcome to move back in whenever she wants.” Cole guided her closer to the side of the path when a bicyclist headed straight towards them. “Tell her I’ll have a moving company over today, if that’s what she wants.”

  “I don’t know if it’ll be that quick.” Gwen laughed lightly. They hadn’t talked about that specific of details. “But, I did something else besides ask her to move back in.”

  “Oh yea? What was that?” Cole moved them to a bench on the side of the path and sat down with her.

  “I asked her to marry me. Or to at least make the promise to be in my life forever. To fight to make us work. To not give up on us again. She agreed.” Gwen looked up from where her hand was clasped in his. She knew she probably should have taken time to talk through this with Cole beforehand, but she hadn’t because she hadn’t been planning on things going quite the way they had. She hoped that this wouldn’t change things with her and Cole’s relationship, but it was a chance she had to take.

  “I think that’s fantastic. I knew from day one that there was someone else in your life who would always be just as important as or more important than I would be in your life.” Cole squeezed her hand in his. “I love you. I love McKayla in her own way too. Mostly, I love that she loves you. I never wanted that to change. In my mind, you are sort of a package deal.”

  Gwen just smiled at him as she almost jumped onto his lap as she threw her arms around his neck.