For Her Pleasure

by Maya Banks

  Ryder took a step back. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing would come out. Of all the things she could have said, this wasn’t something he ever would have dreamed.

  “Mine?” he finally croaked. “What?”

  Kit looked away, and her shoulders trembled. He knew she was crying again. Fuck on a stick, what a goddamn disaster.

  He stepped forward, reaching out his hand to Kit. “I don’t understand. Darlin’, talk to me.”

  She turned her head back to him, her green eyes swamped with so much pain he sucked in his breath.

  “I’m pregnant,” she said baldly.

  “Yes, I heard that much. Go back to the part about it being mine.”

  She took in a wavering breath, her lips shaky. Ryder snuck a look at Mac, and he looked as shell-shocked as Ryder felt. God, what a bomb to drop. For all of them.

  “I went to the doctor. He thinks I’m about six weeks along.”

  “The beach weekend,” Ryder said, all the wind knocked right out of him.

  She nodded. “I think so. I don’t know.” Tears flooded her eyes, and sobs welled from her throat.

  Ryder looked again at Mac. Saw answering grief in his expression. Christ. He’d royally fucked things up now.

  “Kit, darlin’, I’m sorry. I’m so goddamn sorry.”

  She closed her eyes and pulled further away from Mac. Then she turned and fled from the room, leaving Ryder standing there feeling like the biggest piece of pond scum ever dredged from the mud.

  Slowly, he looked over at Mac. The two men stood staring at each other in silence for a long moment. It had been a long time since Ryder had seen such torment in Mac’s eyes. Not since the night Kit had disappeared and they’d thought for sure they’d lost her.

  “Mac, you have to know. I never meant for this to happen,” Ryder said in a low voice.

  “I know, man. I know you didn’t.”

  “I wouldn’t come between you two like this.” He paused for a moment then looked Mac straight in the eye. “But you have to know, I can’t walk away if she’s pregnant with my baby.”

  Mac nodded his head. He ran a hand through his hair then back down over his face. He looked tired. Like a man fighting a no-win battle.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Ryder.” He broke off, walked around Ryder and sank down on the couch.

  Ryder turned around to face him, his arms crossed over his chest.

  “I’ve been thinking about how I’d feel and what I would have done if you had acted first with Kit. I won’t lie. When you told me about your feelings for Kit, I wanted to kick your teeth in. But I don’t think I could have stepped back like you did. I couldn’t have been the better man. I would have fought like hell for her even if it meant ruining our friendship.”

  “I considered it,” Ryder said honestly.

  Mac leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “She needs us both, man. We both love her and we both need to be there for her.”

  “What exactly are you saying?” Ryder asked calmly though his pulse was about to beat right out of his head.

  “Just what I did,” Mac said evenly. “We both need to be here for her. This isn’t going to be easy. It’s like you said. She isn’t ready for children. Hell, she probably isn’t ready for marriage either.”

  He looked guilty as he made the proclamation.

  “Are you saying you want me around?”

  “This isn’t about what I want. It’s about what’s best for Kit. You and I, we go back, man. We understand each other, and we understand Kit. This won’t hurt us. I’m cool with it.”

  “Really?” Ryder asked doubtfully.

  “Yeah. Really. It’s not the same when you aren’t around. We had good times.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” Ryder said with a shake of his head.

  “Say you’ll be here for her. She’s going to need us both to come to terms with this.” Mac looked up at him then held out his fist. “We okay now?”

  Ryder slowly brought his fist up to meet Mac’s. “Yeah. We’re cool.”

  “Then let’s go find Kit. If I know her, she’s tearing herself apart as we speak.”

  Ryder followed Mac to the bedroom, and when he saw Kit huddled on the bed, his heart fell. Not bothering to give Mac space, he shoved around him and settled on the bed beside Kit.

  “Darlin’, look at me please,” Ryder pleaded.

  He put his hand out and threaded it through her hair, stroking gently. She turned her tearstained face up to him, and his breath caught in his throat.

  “I’m so sorry, Kit girl.”

  “No, I’m sorry,” she whispered as more tears coursed down her cheeks.

  He blinked in surprise. “What on earth do you have to be sorry about?”

  She sat up in the bed and hunched her knees to her chest. She looked so damned fragile, like she’d break into a million pieces. He’d thought those days were behind them.

  Mac settled on the other side of her and curled his fingers over hers. “Tell us what you mean, baby.”

  “It was my fault. I—I forgot to take my pill the night . . . the last night we were there,” she choked out.

  She looked frantically up at Ryder. “It wasn’t intentional, Ryder. I wouldn’t do this to you or Mac, I swear.”

  Ryder sat there stunned. He exchanged incredulous looks with Mac.

  “Kit, look at me,” Ryder demanded.

  She turned sad eyes up to him.

  “This is not your fault. Goddamn it, stop blaming yourself.”

  “He’s right, baby,” Mac interjected. “It’s our fault. We took chances with your body. Chances we should have never taken. Birth control isn’t just your responsibility.”

  “But I never wanted you to wear condoms,” she muttered.

  Ryder glanced again at Mac, wanting to know how he was taking it so far. It had to be hard after all he’d done to tie Kit to him. Now he was faced with sharing her, possibly forever if the baby turned out to be Ryder’s.

  The pain he saw there made him uncomfortable. If he’d only listened to his first instinct and never gone on that beach trip. This would never have happened and the two people he loved most in the world wouldn’t be hurting.

  He dropped his face to his hand and rubbed wearily.

  “Ryder,” Mac spoke up.

  He looked over at Mac again.

  “I don’t blame you, man. Neither does Kit.”

  “Thanks for that,” Ryder said honestly. “But it doesn’t make me feel any better.” He turned his attention back to Kit. He hesitated, feeling unsure of himself, not something he was used to.

  “Kit, I understand if you’re angry with me. In your position I would be.”

  “But—” she began.

  He held up a hand. “Let me finish.”

  She closed her mouth and looked down at her hands. He tucked a finger under her chin and forced her to look back up at him.

  “I’d never do anything to hurt you, Kit girl. You have to know that. I know you aren’t ready for children, and I’m so damn sorry this happened to you. Mac’s right. We took chances with your body we shouldn’t have, and you’re left to pay the price. But you won’t be alone, darlin’. This I swear. Mac and I are going to be here every step of the way for you.”

  He looked over to Mac for confirmation of what they’d already discussed and Mac nodded in agreement.

  “You’re not angry?” she asked hesitantly.

  He slid his hand around to the back of her neck and pulled her up against his chest. “Never with you, darlin, never with you. I’m angry at myself for putting you in this position, but I have nothing to be angry with you about. You put your trust in our hands. You allowed us freedoms most people would never dream of giving. You can’t know what that feels like, to be trusted that way, and I feel like I’ve betrayed it.”

  She shook her head. “No, Ryder. I don’t blame you, I swear. I was so stupid. If I’d just remembered the damn pill.”

  “Don’t tortur
e yourself, darlin’. Who’s to say you wouldn’t still be pregnant if you’d taken the pill? Nothing’s foolproof.”

  She pulled away from him and sat up in the bed. She reached over to take Mac’s hand and looked at him with so much anguish and guilt, it nearly tore Ryder’s insides out.

  “What are we going to do, Mac?”

  The question, so agonizingly phrased, lay heavy over the room.

  Mac’s expression softened, and he tucked Kit into his arms, wrapped himself around her and held on tight.

  “We’ll work it out, baby. I don’t want you to worry. I’m not going anywhere and neither is Ryder. I promise. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she whispered.

  Ryder ached with the need to let her know he loved her as well, but this wasn’t the time. She needed his support, not to be weighed down with more baggage.

  “What’s important now is you,” Mac continued. “Ryder and I are going to be with you every step of the way. You and me, this changes nothing, baby. Even if turns out the baby is Ryder’s.”

  But it changed everything for Ryder. There was no way he could pretend differently. If Kit was pregnant with his child, how could he stand to step back and let Mac take over? God, what a mess.

  He closed his eyes and rubbed his hand across his brow.

  “I’m sorry, man. I know this is hard for you too,” Mac said quietly.

  A look of understanding passed between the two men. Ryder held out his fist, and Mac slowly raised his to bump it.

  “We can do this for Kit,” Ryder said evenly.

  CHAPTER 11

  “Oh man, what a cluster fuck,” Mia said.

  “You’re telling me,” Ryder muttered as he downed the last of his beer.

  Mia looked tired tonight, and Ryder felt guilty for unloading his woes on her shoulders.

  “You okay, little girl?” he asked.

  She smiled tightly. “Oh yeah, couldn’t be better.”

  Ryder shook his head. “I came by because . . .”

  “Because you won’t be around much anymore,” Mia finished with a smile.

  “Yeah, something like that,” Ryder said softly.

  “Are you happy, Ryder? Is she happy?”

  He sucked in a deep breath and plunked his empty beer bottle on the bar. “If I’m completely honest, a part of me is not sad this happened. It makes me a complete and total bastard, but there you have it anyway. She’s not ready for kids and marriage. Mac and I both know this, and yet, we’ve fucked things up royally for her.”

  “But you’re not terribly upset it happened,” she said dryly.

  “No. I’m not.” He looked back up at the pretty blond. “Go on, you know you’re dying to call me an asshole.”

  “Asshole,” she said with a laugh.

  He sighed. “It’s twisted, I know. I tore Mac a new asshole when he pressured Kit into marriage. And then I basically do the same by knocking her up.”

  Mia arched a brow. “You seem so sure it’s yours.”

  Panic curled and twisted in his gut. It had to be his. Otherwise he’d lose Kit forever.

  “Let’s just say the percentages are in my favor.”

  “Oh? Do tell.”

  “We did a lot of fucking that weekend. It had been awhile and I wanted her so badly. I came inside her twice as much as Mac did.”

  Mia colored slightly. Ryder raised a brow. Mia blushing? How on earth did a stripper blush?

  “So you’re going to be hanging around her a lot more now, which means you’ll be spending less time here,” she pointed out.

  “Yeah. You okay with that?” he asked.

  She gave him a strange look. “Why wouldn’t I be okay with it? You’ve moped around for God knows how long because you couldn’t be as close to Kit as you’d like, and now you’re going to be spending a lot of time with her.”

  “I care about you, Mia. You’ve been a good friend. I just want you to know you can call me if you ever need me.”

  She smiled. “I’m a big girl, Ryder. I can take care of myself.”

  “Then what are you doing in a place like this?” he pointed out.

  He could swear he saw fear in her eyes. Eyes that pretty didn’t need to be shadowed by fear.

  “Is there something you need to tell me, little girl?”

  “I wish you’d stop calling me ‘little girl’,” she muttered. “Makes me feel all silly and immature. Like a fourteen-year-old with her first crush or something.”

  He laughed. “You’re young and a little slip of a thing.”

  “But I don’t feel young,” she said quietly. “Sometimes . . . ” A far away look entered her eyes. “Sometimes I feel so damn old, you know?”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean.” He reached out to cup her cheek. “If you ever need me, little girl, you just holler, okay?”

  She smiled at him. “I will. Now get on home to your woman. I can see you itching to get up.”

  Ryder chuckled and stood up. He reached for her and grabbed her up in a hug. “Thanks for the shoulder, Mia.”

  “Anytime, badass. Anytime.”

  Ryder entered Mac’s house and found it quiet. Mac’s truck was gone, but Kit’s Bronco was there. Strange since she was supposed to be working tonight. He’d gone over to the Two Step to see her, but he was told she hadn’t come into work. Not like Kit at all. He heard a peculiar sound from the kitchen and went to investigate.

  He found Kit leaning over the sink, her body convulsing with her retches.

  “Ah hell, darlin’.”

  He gathered her hair in his hands and held it away as she heaved again. He smoothed a hand up and down her back, murmuring soothing words to her as she shook.

  Finally she seemed to calm down. He waited until she’d washed her mouth out then pulled her into his arms.

  “Are you okay now?” he asked.

  She nodded weakly. “I’m sorry you had to come in on that.”

  “Hush. I’m glad I was here. That can’t be any fun.”

  “No,” she said wryly. “It isn’t.”

  He led her over to the table where she’d been chopping vegetables for supper. When he’d settled her into a chair, he took the one next to her and sat down.

  “You been sick much? I haven’t noticed you doing much puking. But I went over to the Two Step and they said you’d called in sick.”

  She grimaced. “I don’t have morning sickness as much as I have evening sickness.”

  “You look tired, darlin’. Too tired. And if you’re sick you need to be getting even more rest.”

  She made a face and blew out a weary breath. “Problem is I’m sick when I need to be at work. If this would just go like a normal pregnancy, I’d be sick in the mornings, and then I’d have the rest of the day to feel better before work.”

  Ryder frowned, then he leaned forward and took her hand. “I want you to quit, Kit. You don’t need to be working in a bar in your condition. All that smoke, being on your feet the entire time. It can’t be good for the baby.”

  She looked at him in shock. “I can’t quit, Ryder.”