Reaper's Girl (Rockin' Country #5)

by Laramie Briscoe

  “Oh I do.” He formed a fist with his one hand and punched at the wall. “I’m so fucking pissed off.” He shook his head. “We had this all planned out, had it all worked out—” He broke off, inhaling deeply. He finally turned around, his green eyes meeting her dark ones. “I’m so damn sorry.”

  “Garrett.” She pushed her arms around his waist, holding on tightly. “This isn’t your fault, not at all. Like you told him, we’ll make it work.” What she didn’t add is they would never be in this situation again. After the tour, and save for the record that would finish out her contract with the record company, she wouldn’t be putting them in this situation again. It was a no-brainer for her. Black Friday had a ton of people on their payroll. She had herself and Shell.

  “I told you when you came to me and wanted to do this that I would support you and I would make it happen for you.” He stopped again, not able to put what he was feeling into words.

  “And you have.” She reached up, mapping his face with her fingers.

  He wore his glasses today, and he looked distinguished, but it also allowed her to see his eyes. They were tormented and unsure. She knew it killed him to disappoint her, and truth be told, it hurt for her too, but she also understood he had a contract to fulfill. The band had a contract to fulfill. No matter what, they were always at the mercy of the company holding that contract. Until it was over.

  “When do you have to leave?”

  The way his mouth twisted in a grimace, she knew she wasn’t going to like the answer. “Rick’s calling everyone else. They want us there in two days. We’ll be recording in three.”

  Okay, that made her start to panic a little. How were they going to cram memories into two days? The rest of the tour was stacked and packed.

  “Don’t freak out on me,” he begged her, holding onto her with his strong hands. “I know this isn’t what either one of us had planned.”

  “Not in a million years,” she admitted. “How are we going to make it without you?” She finally let her fear shine through. EJ loved his daddy, she loved her husband, and the fact of the matter was—they were strong as a family unit.

  “You’ll visit when you can, I’ll visit when I can, and we’ll make this work. Remember the early days when we were together?”

  She did remember those early days. They were some of her favorite memories, but at the same time, she’d hoped they’d never have to rely on FaceTime to see each other on a normal basis again. “We’ll make it work,” she decided, leaning in to give him a kiss.

  “Please tell me we will,” he whispered. “Please tell me you aren’t mad at me.”

  “I’ll never be mad at you for doing something you have to do, Garrett,” she assured him. “Neither one of us can predict what the record companies are going to do until we’ve completely fulfilled our contracts with them, and looking back, we were naïve to think we could.”

  He crushed her to his chest, holding tightly as they were both quiet in their own thoughts. Hannah held on for dear life, more scared than she’d ever been. How in the world was she was going to make this work without him and with EJ? Obviously their son couldn’t be around while they were recording an album. There was too much work to be done. He’d have to stay with her. Not to mention if she lost both of them? God, they might as well take a limb and her heart at the same time.

  This tour had just gotten a lot more complicated, and it’d definitely made her vision much clearer about her future. For now she’d keep those decisions to herself and hope to God they could make it through the next six months.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  * * *

  “Promise me you’ll be good for your mom,” Garrett spoke quietly to EJ while Hannah did her best to hold back tears.

  It wasn’t like their almost-two-year-old understood what his dad was saying to him. He just knew his dad was being serious. She watched as EJ nodded solemnly, taking very much to heart what was being said to him.

  The tears almost came gushing forth as Garrett hugged his son fiercely. He wasn’t going to war, he wasn’t leaving and never coming back, but knowing he wouldn’t be there when she went to bed tonight was killing her. He let go of EJ, who ran over to be with Shell, and turned to face Hannah.

  Seeing the despair on his face was all it took for her to sob. She hated this, hated the loneliness she already felt, the coldness his not being there would leave behind. Garrett held his arms out to her, folding her into his body, but that only made her cry harder.

  “This is bad,” she whispered as she twined her arms around his waist, burying her face in his neck. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you. I’m gonna call your mom and see if maybe she’d be willing to come out for a few dates, just so I don’t leave EJ with Shell all the time.” She was truly at a loss.

  He hugged her so hard she worried he might crack her ribs, but at the same time she welcomed the show of emotion from him. Since they’d found out he would be leaving, he’d been stoic and unwilling to talk to her about it. They’d not argued, but they’d also not been their same fun-loving selves.

  His voice was strained as he spoke. “You know I’m only a phone call, a FaceTime, a plane ride away. I fuckin’ hate this.” He threaded his fingers through her hair as he palmed the back of her skull.

  “I do too.” She grasped the back of his shirt in her hands as she hugged him tighter. Maybe if she held on, he wouldn’t be able to go, she could force him to stay.

  “Guys, it’s time to go.” Rick’s voice was like a bomb in the quiet room. He’d come to make sure they were actually going to get on the plane.

  Hannah pulled away, wiping at the tears on her face. “C-call me when you get there,” she choked out.

  Garrett rolled his eyes skyward, seeming to try and compose himself. “You know you’re the first person I worry about.”

  She nodded, rising on her tiptoes to meet him as he dipped his head down. Their kiss was sweet, not holding the passion that usually gripped them as soon as their lips touched. This taste of each other held the tinge of sadness and the wish of not having to leave. She tasted salt and wondered if she were the only one crying or not.

  Pulling back, she buried her head in his chest again. “You better go.”

  “I love you.” He said the words fiercely, anger slightly on the edge, but she knew it wasn’t directed at her, it was more at the situation.

  “I love you too.” She did, so much more than she ever thought she would. Watching him walk away would hurt more than she imagined. She knew without a doubt it would feel like a piece of her soul was missing until he came back. They weren’t whole unless they were together.

  Finally he released her and it caused her to stumble, but she caught herself against a chair sitting in the lounge.

  “C’mere and give me a hug.” He bent down to eye-level with EJ who, not knowing what was happening, ran to his dad full speed. “Remember what we talked about. We won’t see each other for a while.”

  EJ babbled breaking Hannah’s heart in the process because her son didn’t understand, wouldn’t understand until he wanted his daddy.

  All too soon the guys were gone, leaving Shell, EJ, and Hannah standing alone. Shell reached over, grasping her friend by the shoulders as she sniffled herself. “This sucks.” She blew out a long breath. “Just when I get really used to having him around.”

  “They up and have to leave again,” Hannah finished for her.

  “We’re a pair—feeling sorry for ourselves like this.” Shell tried to laugh, but it came out as a sob.

  “It’s okay; we’re allowed to be sad. They weren’t supposed to be doing this for almost another year. Life isn’t fair, and I understand that, but I want a normal life sometimes.”

  “You had it, remember? And then you decided you wanted to record again.”

  Hannah couldn’t fault Shell for telling the truth, but now she wondered why she’d been so ready to get back on tour. Granted, she’d been bored, but being bored was way
better than this gnawing emptiness she felt without Garrett.

  * * *

  “Tell Daddy good night.” Hannah held EJ in her lap as the three of them FaceTimed together.

  EJ babbled, not able to say those words yet. All he knew was he was excited to see his dad. Since they’d started the session, he kept reaching out, trying to touch him.

  “Are you being good?” he asked EJ, who nodded. Even though he’d been in trouble twice that day.

  “He’s trying.” Hannah kissed him on the cheek. “But right now I think he’s tired. Shell’s staying with us tonight, so I’m gonna go give him to her, and I’ll be right back.”

  “Love you, EJ.” Garrett waved sadly to his son.

  “Love you!” EJ blew a kiss, and it tore Hannah’s heart apart further.

  When she came back, Garrett was waiting patiently.

  “You look tired.”

  Hannah smiled. “I am tired. You know I don’t sleep well without you, and EJ was okay the first two days, because I think he was assuming you’d be right back. It’s a week now, Garrett, and I haven’t slept good in almost five days.”

  He could feel the pressure tight in his shoulders and he hated it. He hated letting down his family. “Babe, I’m so damn sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault,” she cooed. “You have to do what you have to do, but I think it’s time we have a talk about something.”

  Judging by the circles under her normally bright eyes, something more than EJ had been keeping her awake, and he wasn’t exactly sure right now was the best time to be having any kind of conversation. Not when she was obviously fatigued and stressed. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to say something you might regret later because you’re tired.”

  “No I’ve thought about this—actually nothing but this for the past seven days, Garrett. First I need to tell you the record label asked me to extend the tour.”

  If it were possible for his stomach to evacuate his body through his feet, he was pretty sure it did just that. Her extending the tour would mean a myriad of complications for their lives, and for their son. “What did you say?” He was scared to death to hear the answer. A selfish part of him hoped she said no, the other part knew extending was a major accomplishment for her.

  “I thought about it, along with everything I’ve been thinking about since you left.” She gave him a gentle smile. “As much as we wanted to convince ourselves we could do this—be in different genres and make a life as parents to a toddler work—I don’t think we can.”

  “We can do anything we want,” he argued.

  “No you’re right about that, we can, but at what cost? EJ not knowing one of us? Our marriage suffering?”

  Frustrated, he set his phone down and took a deep breath. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting? It’s been a week.”

  “A very long week,” she whispered. “One I don’t want to ever live again if we don’t have to. The answer to our situation is simple.”

  He smirked. “Nothing with us is ever simple, babe.”

  She smiled at his affectionate tone. “This, in my mind, is very simple. You have a whole group of people to worry about. I have Shell and me. We’ve talked about it, the two of us, because this affects her as much as it affects me. We’re pulling the plug after the final album is done. The record company agreed it could be a greatest hits, and after that I’m a stay-at-home mom and wife until EJ and any other children we have are of age.”

  He opened his mouth to cut her off, to ask questions.

  “Wait, let me finish. That’s not to say I won’t record again, because I think I’ll want to, but I’ll record under my own label, and I won’t tour. I may decide to do some festivals and private shows, but Garrett, we can’t raise a family like this. Not with both of us on opposite sides of the country. You have to know I’m right.”

  He did know she was right, but it didn’t mean he agreed with it. When she’d married him, he’d wanted her to have the same life she’d always had, he’d wanted her to have the world at her fingertips, and now he felt like he was holding her back. “I don’t want you to wake up regretting it one day.”

  “Right now what I wake up regretting is that you aren’t in bed next to me. EJ’s looking for you every morning.” She swallowed hard. “It’s not like you’re part of the military or you’re away working because our family needs the money. If I can give up my career for a while to make things easier on our family it’s a no-brainer, Garrett. I promise I know what I’m doing.”

  He hoped with everything he had she was right, because if the day ever came she resented him; he wasn’t sure how he’d survive.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  * * *

  Two weeks. Hannah checked off the dates on her calendar. It had been two full weeks since they’d seen the guys from Black Friday.

  “Hey.” Shell stuck her head into the room of the backstage area.

  “Yeah?”

  “I need to get out of here and get some sunshine and fresh air. If not, I’m gonna cry again. There’s a park half a mile up the road. Do you care if I take EJ?”

  This was another thing that bothered her immensely. Without Garrett around, she couldn’t spend as much time with EJ as she wanted to, as much time as he needed. She’d tried telling herself she wasn’t a failure, but she was beginning to feel like one.

  “Yeah, make sure he wears his jacket though.” They’d rolled into the northeast, and being October, it was starting to get colder. The last thing she needed was for EJ to get sick.

  “Will do. We’ll be back in about an hour and a half. Try and get some rest.”

  Hannah wished she could, but she hadn’t rested well since Garrett had left. There was something uneasy tingling at the back of her mind. She wasn’t sure what the feeling was, but she didn’t like it at all. In the years since she’d been with Garrett, she’d started to be more confident in herself, so the doubts she was having right now were very foreign to her. Blowing out a breath, she picked up a piece of paper, wadded it up, and threw it. Frustration ate at her.

  Grabbing her phone, she started to check her email when a headline caught her attention.

  Black Friday at SiriusXM studios today. Are Reaper and Harmony Over?

  Hannah sighed, fuming as she opened the page. Her hands were shaking as she saw the picture with the article. He stood with his arm around Vanessa, a smile on his face. The sinking feeling in her stomach made her angry. She’d never doubted him before. Not once. Not even when those pictures had come out of him and that girl when he’d gotten drunk with the band. These pictures, though, they stung a lot, and the words written in the article? They struck a nerve.

  Has Reaper left his wife and son to rekindle and old flame while she’s out on the road and he’s left at home to play?

  Before she could talk herself out of it, she screenshot the pictures and sent them over to him with a message. Her fingers flew furiously over the keyboard on her phone.

  Thought you couldn’t stand being around her. You seem pretty chummy right now.

  Knowing the time difference where he was at, she didn’t expect a quick answer, but as she sat her phone down, she had a message from Garrett.

  Wtf? Are you kidding me right now? This is business.

  She was feeling meaner than she had in a while; her exhaustion and frustration got the better of her when she fired off the next text.

  The same way Bryson and I were business? I seem to remember you reacting badly to that whole situation.

  A FaceTime request came in, and she ignored it. The rational part of her brain told her this was stupid. They hardly ever argued, and when they did, they didn’t get nasty with one another. She had no idea what was happening right now. The only thing she knew for sure was she wanted him as angry as she was.

  Really? You’re gonna fucking play like that, Han? You won’t answer my fucking FaceTime? What in the fucking hell is going on with you right now? We’re married – she’s a worker at a place where I was
doing my job – I can’t even fucking deal with you.

  She took exception to the number of times he used the F-word in the text message. Tears pricked the edges of her eyes because she hated fighting with him, but she was angry and jealous, and she wanted to be the person he stood with his arm around. Her fingers shaking, she went about composing another message to him, throwing in her own F-word for the sake of argument.

  Ya know what? I can’t even fucking deal with you either and do you know what it makes me feel like to see a woman who’s slept with you that close to you when I haven’t seen you in weeks? You had a smile on your face, Garrett, and the last time you saw her, when I was with you I might add, you looked like you wanted to maim her. It doesn’t feel good. Don’t you think she knows what she gave up? Don’t you think she realizes the kind of man you are now?

  Minutes passed, and she’d almost given up on him texting her back.

  Babe, don’t you realize how much I love you?

  The tears started, and they wouldn’t stop. Who was she to be going off like this? What was this fit of jealousy? It wasn’t like her. As she thought about what she wanted to say, another message came through.

  You have nothing to be jealous of. I miss you as much as you miss me.

  She sniffled, holding her breath before her shaking fingers began to compose another message.

  This is so hard. I miss you, EJ misses you, Havock misses you, and I don’t understand why we keep doing this to ourselves.

  She waited a long time for his next text, and she wondered if he had to get control of himself too. Setting the phone down beside her, she shoved her face in her hands and sobbed, loud, wracking sobs. The stress of everything was getting to her, and the one person she counted on to help her through it all wasn’t there. Finally, her phone dinged a text from him.

  You have three days off in a row after this concert. Come see me, even if it’s only for a few hours.