by Cari Z
“And these must be Zach’s people!” Jeanette looked them over briskly and smiled. “It’s so lovely to meet you both.” They shook hands, and Tyler mouthed Zach’s people over Jeanette’s head when it was Aaron’s turn. “Becky has been singing your praises ever since you arrived,” she continued as they shook her husband’s hand—in total silence. Apparently Carl was a man of few words.
“She’s great,” Aaron said when it seemed like some sort of response was required.
“I was so pleased when I learned that you’re both professionals, like Becky is going to be. It will be good for her to have more of that kind of influence in her life.”
Aaron could practically feel Chrissy start to bridle. “We’re on seating duty,” he said, and it seemed to flip a switch in Jeanette’s head from conversation to giving orders.
“You two stand here and meet people as they come in, match them to the seating chart and direct them to their chairs. And don’t let them dawdle,” she added as she handed over a creased piece of paper with names and places on it. “We’ve got a schedule to keep tonight if we all want to get home early enough to be fresh tomorrow.”
“I’ll show you fresh!”
Jeanette sighed and turned to her husband. “She’s your mother. Can’t you find some way to control her?”
“Honey, don’t ask the impossible.” They left the front door and Aaron turned to look at Chrissy, who appeared very unimpressed.
“Think we can split the holidays?” she muttered. “Because if I’ve got to ring in the new year with them, I’ll have to spike the champagne just to get through the night.”
Tyler patted her on the arm. “Be strong, darlin’. You got this. It’s not for long.”
“True.” She took a deep breath and plastered on another smile. “So! Where am I sitting?”
Aaron looked at the chart. “Left side of the table, on Zach’s left. You’ve got Simon next to you.”
“Thank heavens.” She went into the room, and Tyler sidled in close to Aaron with the pretense of looking at the list.
“Hey, we look professional. How’s that for a dubious honor?”
“I’m okay with looking professional. I just don’t want that to translate to ‘snooty bitch-approved’ for the wedding,” Aaron murmured. A vaguely familiar-looking girl came up to them, and Aaron turned back to the list. “Welcome to the rehearsal dinner. May I have your name?”
They got fifteen people seated in the next ten minutes, almost the entire list. Jeanette was making clucking noises about shutting the doors when a thin, platinum-blonde woman walked up. She had on a navy pantsuit that complemented her bright blue eyes, but her face was heavily lined.
Aaron saw her coming and smiled. “Hi. May I have your name?”
She stopped a few feet away from him and lifted her fingertips to her pale pink lips. “Aaron?” she said unsteadily.
He frowned. “Do we know each other?”
“Aaron… it’s… it’s me. Lia.” She smiled like she wasn’t at all sure such an expression belonged on her face. “Your mother.”
Aaron’s mind just—blanked. Her name wasn’t on the list, and when she’d walked up, he hadn’t even recognized her. There was so little of the dark-haired, empty-eyed woman who had been his reluctant parent for twelve years in this waifish, diffident blonde standing in front of him. Seventeen years later, and he didn’t—he didn’t know her. He didn’t—why was she—
“Excuse me,” he whispered, pressing the paper at Tyler before taking off for the nearest side door. He didn’t turn around when Tyler called out, or when Lia—his mother—that woman spoke up. He couldn’t stop to talk, couldn’t stop to explain himself.
How could he explain what he didn’t understand?
Chapter Eleven
“AARON!”
Somebody was saying his name, but he couldn’t turn around. He didn’t want to talk—fuck, he didn’t want to think at all. He just wanted to put as much distance as he could between himself and someone he’d put so far from his mind that he’d forgotten what she looked like. How could he forget his own mother’s face? But then, why should he try to remember it, when she’d caused him nothing but grief?
“Aaron, hang on!” A hand grabbed his shoulder but didn’t spin him around, just paused him long enough for his pursuer to get in front of him. It was—Zach. Huh. Unexpected, but since he was there….
“What the hell is she doing here?” Aaron demanded, his voice coming back to him in a sudden rush. “Why didn’t you tell me you invited her, of all people? I wouldn’t have come if I knew I was going to—”
“Wait, hang on.” Zach’s voice was firm but his eyes were pleading. “I didn’t think she was going to come. I really didn’t. I invited her to dinner and the wedding, yeah—she’s got an apartment in Wichita. She’s been clean for five years. I see her maybe twice a year. I invited her because it was the nice thing to do, right? But she didn’t RSVP, and I didn’t think she was really going to come! I didn’t know you were going to come until earlier this week! I never thought the two of you would end up face-to-face. I know you don’t like her.”
“Don’t like her? Don’t like—Zach, that woman ruined our childhood. Do you get that?” Aaron felt so frustrated he could have pulled out his hair. “Do you remember any of that at all? The drugs, the boyfriends, the nights where we had to sleep in the car, that month where we didn’t have a car and had to camp while she was busy getting her next fix? And now you’re buddies? You invited her to your wedding?”
“She’s changed,” Zach insisted, and his voice sounded like it was on the verge of breaking. “She got in touch with me after she got clean, asked if we could talk, and I said yes because—look, she’s not perfect, I know that. I know it was so hard for you when we were little, and you had to do all kinds of things for me that you shouldn’t have and you’re resentful and I get that. I do. But I can’t hold on to that hatred forever. It’s just not in me. And I wish you wouldn’t either.” He let Aaron go and put both hands on his face. “I was so excited when you told me you were coming, but all I’ve done is fuck everything up for you ever since you arrived. Story of our fucking life, right?”
Seeing his brother so upset pulled Aaron out of his defensive posture. He was shit at comforting people, so much better at laying down the law or wriggling out of conflict, but there was no chance for either of those at the moment. He could either get didactic—tell his brother it was him or her, make him pick which family to let in close for his wedding—or he could try to be understanding. He could let it go, for once. He could be the big brother he’d stopped being when they were so young.
“You’re not fucking up. Hey.” He tugged gently at Zach’s hands until they slowly fell. Distantly he was aware of Becky and Tyler coming close, but he ignored them. “Look at me. You’re not fucking up. It’s your wedding. You’re allowed to have whoever you want here.”
“But I—”
“And yeah, I was—surprised, and I’m not taking it all that well, but I’m really fine. I’ll be fine.” It might even be the truth in a few more minutes. Seeing his mother was a shock, but—it had been so long. He didn’t have to care about her the same way anymore. He didn’t have to hold the memory of her, and all the hurt he’d always associated with her, quite so tight. “You didn’t seat us next to each other, right?”
Zach chuckled wetly. “No.”
“Then it’s fine. We can both be here for you and be adults about it, and everything will be okay.”
“Really?” Zach’s eyes were shining, and Aaron hated how uncertain he looked. He pulled his brother into a hug and Zach almost fell into his arms, holding on harder than Aaron had expected.
“Yeah, really,” he said. “We’re okay, got it? We’re good.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you—”
“It’s fine.” It wasn’t, not even close, but the only thing being obstinate would accomplish was making Zach feel awful. Despite every instinct in his body telling hi
m to stay away from her, run, hit the road and don’t look back, Aaron knew he couldn’t. This wasn’t about him.
“Baby?” Becky called out. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah.” Zach’s voice was muffled against Aaron’s shoulder. He raised his head. “Yeah, it’s all right. It’s just… Lia.”
“Yeah, I saw she arrived.” Becky closed in and frowned apologetically. “We honest-to-God weren’t expecting her, Aaron. We just thought—why even bring it up if she wasn’t going to show?”
“I get it.” He put a little distance between himself and Zach and smiled. It was surprisingly easy to do it. “Come on. We should get back before Becky’s mom has a coronary.”
“She can wait,” Becky snapped. “This is important.”
Tyler came up on Aaron’s right side, and he didn’t even have to look at him to feel himself relax some. “We’re fine. Let’s head back in.”
“You sure you don’t want to take another minute?” Tyler asked.
Aaron shook his head. Another minute wouldn’t help. He’d either be able to handle it, or he wouldn’t. “Nah, not right now. I don’t want to keep people waiting.”
“What Becky said—they can wait.”
“But they don’t have to. It’ll keep.” He projected as much earnestness as he could at Tyler and was relieved when he nodded.
“If you say so.”
Re-entering the dining room and finding their seats felt easier than it should have. Lia was being chatted at by someone on Becky’s side of the family and very carefully didn’t make eye contact as they walked in, and Jeanette hadn’t quite gotten to the “busting a gasket” stage in her anger over the delay. As soon as the four of them sat, the meal began.
Aaron couldn’t have said what the catered dinner consisted of five minutes after he ate it. His mind zipped from place to place, skittering over memories and into potential problems and solutions and, finally, settling into a vague state of being overwhelmed enough that he could barely think at all. He was going to be fine, he was sure of it, but first he needed to get through the dinner and the speeches and the—
“Aaron?”
His head snapped up as Tyler discreetly poked him in the thigh. He turned and saw Jeanette looking at him expectantly. “Yes?” Was that the right answer? Had she even asked a question? What had he missed?
“Do you have a little toast to give for your brother tonight?” she prompted.
Oh fuck, wait, he was supposed to speak? Tonight? First time he’d heard about it. There was no way Aaron could pull off a coherent speech at the moment, much less one that was supposed to be flattering to Zach. He wanted to. He had nice things to say, but his brain wasn’t cooperating.
All he could do was gape like a fish.
Owen muttered, “Dumbass,” and Becky’s face got red and he knew he needed to do something, but he was still too fuzzy.
“He’d like to save his for tomorrow, actually, if you don’t mind me speakin’ tonight,” Tyler said smoothly.
Jeanette frowned. “I don’t know if we’ll have time for another speech at the reception tomorrow.”
“It’ll be short.” Aaron could at least promise that. It would have to be short if he were going to get it out.
“Well then, I suppose it’s all right. Tyler, go ahead.”
Tyler started to stand up, then sat down again with a smile. “I don’t want to loom and make anyone else—” He glanced pointedly at Owen. “—feel inadequate, so I’ll just talk from here. I know that the pair of us showing up for this was a surprise. It’s been a long time since Zach and Aaron have really talked, and I’m sure there was some talk about why. Why now? Why like this? Why not do this sooner or not bother at all?”
“The thing is, I know Aaron. He’s been a friend and more to me for years, since he first came to Tennessee and moved into one of my sisters’ old bedrooms. I was the baby, the only boy, the one who had it easy. I didn’t have to think about things like how to live through hardship or how to be strong when it seemed like nothing was going my way, because those things never happened to me. I didn’t have to imagine a world where I’d be sent to live in a stranger’s home and hope for the best, and I’m grateful for that.”
Aaron didn’t let himself look around, not at Zach, especially not at Lia. He focused on Tyler like he was a lighthouse in a storm. “He didn’t even talk to me for the first week,” Tyler continued. “Wouldn’t say more than a sentence at a time for the first month. It wasn’t until my car broke down and I needed a ride home from football practice that I reached out to him. I didn’t call, just texted. I didn’t really expect him to answer, either. But he did. He came and got me, and even though he still didn’t say much, I knew I had him. I could call him for any reason, and he’d be there. He’d help me with anything, through anything, and that’s true to this day. It’s what makes him a good CPS agent, a good friend, and a good brother.”
“You reached out first, Zach, but you’re never gonna have to reach out again, because now you’ve got both of us. Thanks for making the first move. We can’t wait to get to know you and Becky better.” Tyler lifted his glass, and everyone drank. Aaron did so mechanically, still staring at Tyler, who gave him a wink like he hadn’t just said one of the most meaningful things in Aaron’s entire life.
As soon as people got up and started moving around, Aaron stood and pulled Tyler with him. “Let’s go outside.” He had things he wanted to say, and he didn’t want an audience for it.
“Sure.” They managed to get outside without any problems, but once they were on the grass, the sun setting over the golf course and turning the sky the color of a Georgia peach, Aaron had lost his momentum. He opened his mouth, then sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets.
“What?” Tyler asked with a grin. “I got you buffaloed?”
Aaron shook his head. “Not exactly. Just… what did you—” Tyler’s phone rang, and he grimaced and reached for it.
“It might be work—hey, no, it’s Mom!”
“Answer her, then.”
Tyler looked conflicted. “But you were just about to—”
“I’m not going anywhere. Answer the phone before Diana starts calling me, asking where you are.” He stood back a little bit as Tyler chatted with his mom, his face lighting up like it always did when he talked to her. It was hard, being separated from so much of his family now. Aaron did what he could, but he knew he was no match for family. Although… it was possible he was wrong.
“Yeah, he’s here. Hang on, lemme get him close and I’ll put you on speaker.” Tyler extended a hand and Aaron took it without question, letting Tyler reel him in until their chests almost touched. He put the phone between them, and Aaron smiled as soon as he heard Diana’s voice.
“Honey? Are you there?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, we’re both here.”
“Oh, good! It’s no good talking to just one of my boys when I could be talking to both of you. Tell me all about Leavenworth. Don’t leave anything out. Are you having fun with your little brother? How’s his fiancée?”
“It’s been interesting,” Aaron observed, and Tyler laughed as his mother groaned.
“Tyler Lawson Howards, what did you do?”
Tyler made a wounded noise. “Why do you think I did anything?”
“Because Aaron never uses that tone of voice when you’re bein’ good. Only when you’re bein’ bad and he doesn’t want to let on because he’s too good to you, mister. Now come on, tell me about it.”
“Well… he may have had to drag me out of a fight in the middle of a strip club at Zach’s bachelor party, but I was winning, Mom!”
It was Aaron’s turn to laugh as Diana scolded Tyler, their easy repartee flowing back and forth like the familiar, comforting soundtrack of his favorite movie. He listened and smiled and added his own voice occasionally, until the sky was almost dark and Tyler frowned as his phone beeped.
“Mom, I’m about out of battery here, sorry.”
<
br /> “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m sorry for taking you both away from the rehearsal dinner. I’ll call again tomorrow when Daddy’s home and you can tell us all about the wedding. Good night, boys, I love you!”
“Love you too, Mom.”
“Yeah, love you,” Aaron said, and saying it was the easiest it had ever been. His fingers were still tangled with Tyler’s, and as Tyler turned the phone off and put it back in his pocket, Aaron let himself take a risk—just a small risk, compared to the ones Tyler had already braved—and leaned in until there was nothing separating them but the clothes they wore. Tyler let him in like he was expecting him, wanting him there, and the reality of their situation hit Aaron like a fist between the eyes.
“I could have had this sooner, couldn’t I?” he asked, squeezing Tyler’s hand as he hooked his chin over his shoulder.
Tyler exhaled, a little shudder rocking him at the end of it, and nodded. “Practically from the day you arrived, yeah.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Would you even have believed me?” Tyler asked, his voice rough. “I didn’t think so. I didn’t want to shove the way I feel at you, in case it made you run. I’d do anything to keep you close, even if it means being your friend for the rest of my life, no matter what else I want.”
“You want… family.”
Tyler chuckled. “We’re already family, man. Didn’t you hear Mom? We’re her boys.”
“I know, but that’s not all that you want.”
“Is it all that you want?” Tyler nudged Aaron’s temple with his nose. “Really, is it? Because I’ll give you whatever you want, Aaron. You just have to ask me for it and it’s yours.” Tyler’s voice shook with tension, and Aaron was desperately relieved to be able to respond the way both of them wanted him to.
He drew back just far enough to look Tyler in the eyes. “I want you.” He knew he did, he had for years, wanted everything he could have of Tyler and then some. He just hadn’t believed he’d ever get it. “All of you.”